Did you miss me? ;D
I want this to be clear: This is /NOT/ a squeal to 'Pimp My Sasuke One More Time!'. This is simply a side-story to fulfill any desire for silly Naruto and Sasuke good-ness.
Now, this is going to be really short. I'm thinking two to four chapters, max.
Thanks to Katen for giving me the idea! :D
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I /wouldn't/ keep KILLING OFF THE FRIGGIN AKATSUKI! -bitter/not happy-
Hope you enjoy.
"Run away!" screamed a newly-teen, blond boy, dragging his companion with him into a near-by supplies closet.
The companion, also a newly-teen boy with black hair, sighed deeply and moved a 64-count box of crayons out of his butt's way to sit down. "Now what, dobe?"
The blond shrugged, plopping down on a pack of construction paper at the bottom of the closet. "To hell if I know, teme, but at least we've gotten away from those monsters."
The raven-headed boy sighed again. "Maybe we just should've done Tae Kwan Do with Neji…"
/A FEW DAYS EARLIER…/
"I am not going to say this again!' a man with naturally-silver hair roared to the two kids he was talking to. The man's face was mostly covered with a dark blue mask, his right eye, black in color, the only visible one. His Konoha headband concealed his left eye. However, if one knew this man, then one would know that this eye was an implanted Sharingan eye; making said man the one, the only, Hatake Kakashi. "If you two don't get rid of this ridiculous pimp idea out of your heads, I'll KILL you! Got it?"
"But, Kakashi-sensei -"
"NO BUTS!" The angry jounin grabbed his precious orange book. "Find something else to do while you're not doing missions. I mean it." With that being said, he poofed off to his porn-reading hammock in the park, leaving the two boys disappointed and unhappy.
"Stupid old perv," one of the boys grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the ground.
The other boy sighed and grabbed his friend's arm. "C'mon, Sasuke. Let's go get some ramen."
/Ichiraku's/
"Maybe Kakashi-sensei is right," the boy known as Sasuke finally allotted, sipping his green tea thoughtfully. "Maybe we should just find something else to do."
"Sounds good to me," the blond kid agreed, slurping ramen from his fifth bowl. "Do you already have something in mind?"
"Not yet, but gimme a minute to think…" Sasuke stared ahead, sipping a little more tea as he thought. After a few minutes, he snapped his fingers as an idea came to him. "Got it. We'll be exterminators."
"Exterminators? Of what, other ninja? We're gonna be, like, assassins or something?"
"No, Naruto! BUGS! We'll kill bugs for money."
The blond, Naruto, pondered that thought over while he finished up the remains of his tenth ramen bowl. "What if Shino finds out?"
Sasuke shrugged. "Then we can be assassins," he replied with a flat voice.
Naruto gasped in horror. "SASUKE! You can't be serious!"
The Uchiha prodigy chuckled and waved a hand at Naruto. "I'm not, chill out. If Shino finds out, we make something up. It'll be a piece of cake. What do you say?"
"What if this exterminator thing doesn't work out? Then what are we gonna do?"
"Cross that bridge when we get there. Are you going to do it or not?"
Naruto bounded up from his seat, smiling brightly at his best friend. "You bet, Sasuke! Let's get started!"
"Okay, let's go." Sasuke began walking away from the little ramen stand, but his buddy had other plans.
"Umm…Sasuke…?"
"You don't have any money again, do you?"
"It's not my fault Ero-sennin keeps stealing it to spend on booze and floozies!"
The little Uchiha shook his head in disgust, placed the proper amount on the counter, then walked away again; this time with the hyperactive blond next to him.
"Thanks a bunch, teme," Naruto said, patting Sasuke on the back. "I'll pay you back."
"Yeah, yeah. Don't make me any promises."
Then, the two lads trekked off to do their exterminator duties.
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"I don't think this is the right way to be doing this, Sasuke…"
"Shut-up. It's quick, easy, and painless. They won't feel a thing."
Sasuke was currently in the process of 'exterminating' ants with a magnifying glass. Quick, easy, and painless. Yeah right.
"Are you sure they're not feeling anything?" Naruto questioned, observing the little withering ants over Sasuke's shoulder. "Cuz they look like they're in a lot of pain…"
"Well, they're not," Sasuke retorted, moving on to the next little victim.
"Then why are they-"
"Naruto," Sasuke disrupted, still burning the little, red vermin to death. "Why do you always have to question everything I do or say? Look, I came up with this idea, so I know what I'm doing, okay? The ants are fine, there's no problem."
"If you say so…" Naruto consented, still regarding the scene with a wary expression as another ant bit the dust. Or, became dust in this case.
"What the hell are you two doing?" a mysterious voice from the trees demanded, startling the murderers.
They exchanged quick looks, already knowing who the voice belonged to, and cast their eyes to the, now-visible, owner of the voice.
He was the same age as Naruto and Sasuke, with curly, almost afro-like, brown hair, big coat, and sunglasses. Yes, he was none other than the bug-loving Aburame Shino!
Naruto and Sasuke shot up, Sasuke hiding the magnifying glass behind his back quickly, and they waved nervously. "Hi, Shino…"
Unfortunately, Mr. Shino was NOT in a happy mood. He jumped down from his perch and glared at the teammates through his dark glasses. "I'll ask again: what the hell are you two doing killing those poor, defenseless ants!"
Their eyes widened and they exchanged freaked-out looks. Shino was not one to get angry, but when he did, look out.
"Ants? What ants?" Naruto responded, clearly scared out of his little mind.
"I don't see any ants here," Sasuke added, trying to hide the murder weapon even further behind his back. "And we definitely weren't burning them with a magnifying glass."
Shino's eye twitched and he pointed into the hubbub of the village. "Go. Now."
The boys said nothing, but took off in the ordered direction, dropping the magnifying glass on the ground while Shino began to hold a funeral for all the dead ants.
The boys stopped running in the middle of the village, doubling over and panting loudly.
"I guess…that we should…find something else to do…" Sasuke stated, trying to catch his breath.
"Yeah, I guess so," Naruto agreed, also trying to catch his breath. "I'll think of something this time, teme."
The black-haired child nodded and walked off to sit under a big tree, followed by the golden-haired one.
Naruto thought and thought, attempting to come up with something fun the two could do…"GOT IT!" he exclaimed, grasping the Uchiha's arm and whisking him away to the now-largest clan compound in all of the Hidden Leaf Village.
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"I-I'm sorry, Naruto-kun…Neji-nii-sama is off training with his team right now."
"Okay! Thanks, Hinata!" Naruto called, towing Sasuke to the Team Gai training grounds.
Sasuke, however, was not having that. "STOP!" he commanded, tugging his teammate back toward. "I am not taking another step until I know why we are going to see Neji?"
Naruto sighed in exasperation. "Because Neji can teach us how to do Tae Kwan Do. Now, come on!" the knuckle-headed ninja resumed his quest to go see the shining star of the most youthful team ever: Hyuuga Neji.
Meanwhile, with Team Gai, Rock Lee and Tenten trained vigorously with one another; the weapons mistress barraging the jumpsuit-clad, taijutsu expert with wave after wave of projectiles. The leader, Maito Gai, was nowhere to be found, but it could be assumed that he was training elsewhere. Or, hanging out/bothering Kakashi. And, as for Neji…
The Hyuuga prodigy was relaxing after a tough training session with Tenten under a tree. He didn't need his Byakugan to tell him that two other ninja were on their way to, more than likely, pester him. Sometimes he wondered why Uzumaki and Uchiha didn't have lives.
Neji exhaled softly as he stood to meet the year-younger brats before they made it to the training grounds. No need to have them interrupt his teammates' training when they were just looking for him.
"Oh, hey! There he is!" he heard Naruto proclaim, trailed by the sound of feet hitting the ground forcefully.
"Oi, Neji!"
"Neji."
The white-eyed ninja nodded his greetings to both boys and crossed his arms over his chest. "Can I help you two with something?"
"Neji," Naruto began, his big, blue eyes wide and hopeful. "Can you teach me and Sasuke how to do Tae Kwan Do?"
Neji blinked then a smile spread across his face. "You're willing to learn?"
"Yeah!"
"Then I'm happy to teach!" Neji motioned for his fellow genin to follow him as he lead them off to a little meadow. Once they got there, Neji placed himself in the exact middle, turning to face the best of Team 7. "Ready?"
Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other, shrugged, and nodded to their instructor.
"Alright. Just do what I do." Neji crouched slightly, his hands bared out in front of him. The boys copied the movement. "Crouching Tiger." He explained, moving again to form a new stance. He then stood straight, his feet shoulder length apart. "Riding the Horse." He changed positions again, this time turning sideways, both arms held out, making him look like he was hugging a humungo teddy-bear, and his feet a little further than shoulder length apart. "My personal favorite: Golden Neji stands on two legs."
Sasuke shook his head. "Okay. I'm done. Thanks, Neji, but this is lame. Naruto and I are gonna go now. See ya later," he grabbed Naruto's arm and dove off into the trees, ignoring the blond's protests. Neji simply shrugged and continued doing his strange Tae Kwan Do moves.
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The boys had retreated back to Ichiraku's.
"I don't see why we had to leave," Naruto complained, sucking down his third bowl of the chef's famous ramen. "Especially so rudely."
"Because it was weird," Sasuke expounded, eating a little out of his own ramen bowl. Running from angry Shinos and freaky Nejis really made you work up an appetite.
Naruto sighed as he finished his fourth bowl. "Well, what do we do now?"
"Hmm…" our favorite avenger hummed, staring intently ahead as he contemplated what the two could do with their free time now. After a minute or so, he snapped his fingers and jumped off the stool. "Got it! We have to go get some supplies!" And, with that, the two were off again.
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The door opened without hesitation.
Wild brown hair, big gray jacket, red face-markings, overgrown canines and a little white dog; this was obviously the home of one, Inuzuka Kiba.
"Umm…" he began, staring at the two boys before him. "Hey, Naruto. Sasuke. What are you guys doing here?" Akamaru barked in agreement to the question.
The teammates exchanged glances, silently urging the other to begin the well-rehearsed pitch. The past few houses they visited had barely allowed them to begin before doors were promptly slammed in their faces; neither wanted to be the one that screwed up and made Kiba do the same.
Meanwhile, Kiba flicked his gaze between his former classmates, raising his eyebrows in confusion. Why weren't they saying anything? What the heck was going on?
Finally tired of arguing, it was Sasuke who took a deep breath. "Good morning, sir," he began.
"It's…definitely afternoon," Kiba pointed out, still utterly confused. Akamaru cocked his head in bewilderment.
The Uchiha, however, ignored him and continued on. "How would you like to be the envy of every ninja in the village? Well, we have the perfect way for you to do it." The angsty teen nodded to his partner-in-crime, who held up a sleeve of fabric covered in kunai. "THESE are the most finely crafted kunai in all of the Fire country!"
"But, I don't need any-," Kiba tried to explain, but was out-voiced by the blond ninja.
"And they could be yours today," Naruto continued enthusiastically with a bright smile, "For the low, low, low price of $39.99!" He held the sleeve out more for better showcasing.
"BUT," Sasuke said, reaching into his pocket. "Buy within the next ten minutes and we'll throw in these titanium, impossible to break, shuriken for FREE!" He held the stars out and they glinted in the mid-day sun.
Kiba's eyes, once again, flicked confoundingly between the insane, smiling people on his doorstep. He glanced up at his faithful dog, who whined in uncertainty, before looking back at his visitors. "I'm…just gonna go back inside now…Bye." He stepped back inside and slowly closed the door, totally unsure of what to make of what just happened.
As yet another door closed, the genin sighed heavily and replaced the weapons upon their persons. They left the Inuzuka house and headed in the direct of (where else?) Ichiraku.
"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Naruto grumbled, kicking a stray pebble in his path.
"Yeah," Sasuke agreed, glaring at the ground. "Travelling salesmen; what were we thinking?"
They say ramen is good for the soul, right?
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Placing another bowl on top of the growing pile and signaling for another, Naruto sighed. "What now?"
Sasuke sighed, too. "I don't know."
"We could go and hang out with Iruka-sensei," Naruto suggested, finishing off his glass of milk and rubbing his full belly. "Maybe he can give us some ideas. Classes should be done by now."
At the word 'classes', the broody avenger had a sudden flashback that made all the difference.
It was months ago, during their man-whore search, in the Kazekage office in Suna…
"I'll get to that in a moment. Anyway, a month ago, Naruto and I decided to actually go through with my idea. And…well….it didn't work out so well. We kept almost getting killed."
"Ah. So, you wanted to try and be a kindergarten teacher?"
Try and be a Kindergarten teacher…
Kindergarten teacher…
"Naruto! I got it! I know what we can do to waste time!"
"What, Sasuke? What?"
"We can be Kindergarten teachers!"
There was a short pause between the boys, broken by Naruto's confusion-laced, "What?"
"When we were in Suna, and I was trying to recruit Gaara into our male pimp circle, he thought I was talking about us becoming Kindergarten teachers. So I thought about it. I mean, maybe Gaara had the right idea. Who says you and I couldn't be kick ass Kindergarten teachers?"
As Naruto considered the idea, his grin grew more and more until it covered his entire face. "You're right, teme. We would be the most awesome Kindergarten teachers ever!"
The boys high-fived one another, paid for their meal, and dashed off to the academy to offer their services in the Kindergarten class.
And, so, the trouble begins…
Okay, so, chapter 1.
I know it's not very interesting, but you have to have the back story before the fun can actually begin.
BTB, those Tae Kwan Do moves…made them up. So, please don't go to a Tae Kwan Do class and try to do Neji-moves. It's not gonna turn out well.
They're gonna start teaching in the next chapter, so if you want the boys to do anything...funny with the class, I'm open to ideas. Just tell me in your review or PM me.
Next chapter out…soon, hopefully. I have to go back to school tomorrow, so no promises. Read and Review, but no flames; they're lame and I ignore them. :D
-LGF ;)