Sakura
Yuusuke.
I like you since I was 8.
It was the time we first held
hands, your little tanned fingers encircling my own.
You were trying to take the
lead while I tried to follow every small dance step you did. God knows that you
are such a dim-witted brat when it comes to dancing but you kept on insisting
that you would lead. I would laugh at you but when you got so irritated you
would always step on my foot.
You're such a hot-tempered boy.
Do you remember? The time when I was trying to teach you how to play chess when
we were still kids. I know how that checkmate thing works in just 4 moves or 5
so you always end up being a loser and I would tease you about it until we
would end up throwing those pawns at each other.
We would always share our lunch
together, even though you would make me cry most of the time. Chicken ramen is
our favorite.
We would play in the grass
fields near the river after school and we would always try to catch some
dragonflies. When we got so tired of playing, we would lie against the grass
and watch the clouds shape into boats, planes, palaces and places where we
dream of exploring it together.
We were so young then and we
kept on wondering what would be the feeling when we are up there in the vast
blue skies. Then you told me we could fly together if I'd like to. We promised
to each other that we would be the "bestest" best friends…
Forever…
I liked you more since then but
you didn't seem to notice.
Even now, I would make you
attend your classes though I know you hated it. I would help you with your
assignments. It seemed I was given too much patience when it comes to you.
There are times that I just
hate you. It really irritates me when you keep on flipping my skirt and
pointing out that my butt is getting bigger every minute.
But you don't know how worried
I am when you try to put up a fight with everyone who tries to aggravate me.
I remember how we used to spend
so much time talking while we were watching the rose-shaded petals drifting at
the park. Do you remember?
The last time we had our walk…
The rose-shaded petals are
drifting while you and I are walking side by side. You know that I like the
cherry blossoms and I was so glad that you invited me for a walk.
A nice day, isn't it? you asked
as those chestnut shaded eyes of yours glanced at me. The pathway was strewn
with sakura petals.
Such simple things like these
would have irritated you, but you were there with me, standing by my side and
watching me in disbelief and with amusement as I marveled at the scene before
us like a scene in a romantic movie which guys find boring.
More petals were drifting and
it looked so pretty.
Yes, it is.
You were telling me about how
annoyed you were about your math teacher. You kept on mumbling about your wrath
for math. I laughed while I was watching you with amusement when you were
trying to mimic and make fun of your math teacher.
I kinda missed it.
There was this moment that I
could not forget; you seemed to be so nice to me at that day. You stayed by my
side when a boy from the upper class broke my heart. Surprisingly, you were not
annoying me as you sat there in silence as I cried with your arms around me.
You were there comforting me with the tightest hug you could ever give…
You had always been there.
I just realized that my
affection for you went deeper when you asked me to dance and you held my hand.
It felt so different.
It was our valentine party.
I could still remember that
funny but cute look on your face when you came up to me. Then, you smiled at me
that I could feel myself slipping into your charms. You offered your hand and
asked me if I'd like to dance. I nodded as I could feel my heartbeat
racing.
You picked up my hand and lead
me to the dance floor where everybody is starting to sway with the rhythm. I
could still remember how warm and firm your hold was around mine.
The music was starting and my
heart was thumping. Your hand settled at the small of my back, just below the
waist. We were standing so close. So close that I could feel your heartbeat
against mine.
Keiko, I think you're not that
fat, you said as you gently squeezed my back. Intentionally, you stepped on my
foot.
Then, we started our usual
bickering. That time, our topic was if you intended to crush my little toes or
not. You had this annoying grin that made me want to slap you. Instead I glared
at you and gave you a tug instead.
You know what? Your eyes were
smiling. You looked cute when you're mad, you told me as you pinched my cheeks.
I was glad that it was a bit dark that you wouldn't notice me blushing.
You turned me, keeping your
arms around my waist so I wouldn't fall. And then you twirled me again then you
pulled me into your arms. Hey, you're good, I said then you smiled and turned
me again. Afterwards, we fell silent.
The night deepened and the
stars were bright. The mushy song was still playing as you held me closer.
I tried to look at your face.
You smiled at me, as tiny bubbles began to rise inside me. Your chestnut shaded
eyes bathed me with admiration. I couldn't tear away my gaze from yours. There
were motes of light dancing in your eyes…
That night, you looked so young
and sweet that reminds me all of my daydreams of you.
We swayed along with the slow
melody while a part of me is wishing that somehow you felt the same way I do…
But there are some things that
I just realized…
Memories are all left, and this
romantic feeling remains unreciprocated.
Yet, it grows profusely.
One day, I found myself
standing right before this violet-eyed girl. You were holding her hand…
I knew the tenderness in your
face wasn't a trick of light. There were motes of light dancing in your eyes as
your gaze met hers…
I could feel the immense hurt
in my chest when you introduced me as your best friend and this girl…
She's the one, you said. And
her name was Sakura.
I could feel that I'm breaking
but I smiled at her and I shook her hand.
Everything was coming back to
me.
I wished I could tell you how
sorry I am because I was not able to keep track of my feelings.
You have always been the
Yuusuke I know. Always true to his word.
I just realized now that there
is no forever.
Just this.
There I was.
Clearly, I remembered how heavy
sadness is when I just stood there--just merely watching you.
Seeing how forever ends while
this romantic feeling never goes…
Yet, that part of me is still
wishing…
Wishing that you would feel the
same way I do.
But you never did…
At this time, I'm here, sitting
alone while waiting for the sun to go down.
Like we used to do, I am
marveling how pretty those rose-shaded petals drifting from the cherry blossom
trees while reminiscing the times that we used to be together.
All of this time, the thoughts
about that day would recur in my mind. I would imagine you before me and now I
could never have you.
It is the Sakura Zensen. It is
one of my favorite seasons. The roseate petals are dancing with the late
afternoon breeze. The golden
rays of the sun spread across the sky, reflecting the shade of deep vermilion
to golden yellow.
Just like the days before, you
were sitting beside me … at this moment, it feels like there is something
missing…
With the empty space beside me,
I'm just thinking… Maybe the scene before me would have been lovelier if I was
watching it with you…
More roseate petals are
drifting in a leisurely pace.
~owari~
