Title: vivid hearts
Summary: Everyone always thought that it would be Lily – feisty Lily, another hurricane heart with blazing hair that the inferno boy could hold in his arms but, instead, he's clutching Sirius' jagged silhouette against his chest / Sirius and James fall from the heavens and into each other's aureolin arms
Prompts: Black, nightmare and the Oscar Wilde quote below
Notes: This was written for the glorious Allie's Big Sis/Lil Sis Team Prompt Competition, and its companion piece, the Big Sis' fic is over on my darling Cassie's (our dancing days) profile. Our Round Two entry, to love tainted glory, which won first place, is over on our joint account, two sides one coin, so, if you're interested go and check it out!
"The very essence of romance is uncertainty," – Oscar Wilde
Sirius flicks his scarlet tipped cigarette and James watches as the ashes fall like the crumbling wings of the gods they once were – the bare, white-washed walls aren't strong enough to hold the vivid intensity of their dreams, nor the past of two fallen angels.
"Padfoot," James says, his words tinged with jade hopelessness, "you and I – we were supposed to be so much more than this – I was supposed to be Head Boy James Potter, with the Head Girl on my arm, living in amaranth towers and fighting dragons."
Sirius grunts in response, his jagged silhouette and the smoke he draws from his lips screaming broken mess, and James is hopelessly confronted with the grey image of this boy – the boy with the searing wit and charm and icy grey eyes that see everything – teetering on the edge of soaring and plummeting, and never quite making it.
"You were supposed to realise you were in love with Remus, and snog him whilst drunk, and live a life of trying to fix each other's sharp edges – we were never supposed to be like this."
James shakes his head in disbelief, almost as though he doesn't quite understand that he is here.
"Funny how fate played out, eh?" Sirius says, his voice hollow, picturing Remus' figure and Lily's entwining, in a canvas of purple betrayal and navy heartbreak, "I don't think anyone ever thought that it would be us, mate."
No one ever thought for a moment that they would exist the way they do – everyone always thought that it would be Lily – feisty Lily, another blazing heart with redred hair and a fiery temper, that James, the inferno boy would want to clutch her molten heart between sweating fingers. Everyone always thought that James and his hurricane heart and rampaging soul of amber would chase Lily to the ends of eternity, and that she would finally give in and sink into his arms, and everyone always assumes that he is still chasing, and she is still evading his grasp.
(No one ever imagines Lily dancing forwards and falling into the arms of Remus, and James sinking back into Sirius', no one can really see the truth)
No one ever thought that Sirius and James could be, because together they're like fire and ice – a mass of burning contradictions and souls singing with vivid red that combine to create something unexpected – they're Sirius-and-James, and they're clutching onto each other with all their might, and the aureolin shadows of the past they have come from eclipses anything they could ever be in the future. They're Sirius-and-James, and no one ever thought it would turn out this way.
They honestly have no idea whether they'll continue together – they're either going to fall or fly, and, tomorrow, they could wake up and flee back into the arms of their beloved, who might finally realise the truth – perhaps the fact that they do not know what tomorrow is going to bring and not knowing if they're going to last, the uncertainty, is the very essence of their romance.
"Funny's not the word I'd use, but I get your drift," James says, his molten hazel eyes straying to the thick glass window, and staring out into the night.
The night is blacker than James had ever before seen but, of course, he thinks with a wry laugh, they're the fallen gods now – of course no star would shine for them. James stares out into the blackened grounds, and he knows full well that somewhere out there, Lily and Remus are making love in a golden tower surrounded by an illicit haze of forbidden betrayal. The thought turns his blood to ice, and he instead turns his attention back to the scarlet room of Sirius and him, the domain of the fallen, which smells of crumbling kingdoms and falling ash.
"They're out there, you know," he whispers against the pane, his amber words slicing through the glass.
"I know," Sirius replies, his voice hollow once more, and James just knows that he is imagining the feel of the skin of another jagged, icy boy against his own, just as James is picturing the hurricane heart of another tempest girl beating against his.
Sirius throws his burnt out cigarette on the floor, and James watches as a few flakes of grey tumble to the ground, just like he and Sirius did – they were going to be the mighty, and he was going to have the crimson haired girl by his side, but, just as gravity dictates we all must, they fell, and now, they sit in crumbling crimson towers, wondering what colour their hearts would sing if they were still at the top.
James has never been one with words and so, he does what he does best, he lights Sirius another cigarette and tries to make him forget about the little boy who is lying with his princess who should've been him.
And, Sirius and James sink back into the sheets together, and James tries to pretend that it's the ghost of a flame-haired lying beneath him, and Sirius tries to imagine the broken eyes of a werewolf-boy lying inches from his.
But it never works, because the golden shadow of one another's kisses always shatters the forms of lovers they think they want – no matter how hard they try, all they can ever think of is each other and, all they ever are is simply James-and-Sirius.
Because, they're like fire and ice, and when they come together, it'll never be forgotten.
"Lily asked me to be with her," James blurts out, standing in the doorway of their palace, the crimson dorm they've called their home for the past seven years.
His scarlet words cut through Sirius like a knife, and he thinks that this is the end of the line for him and James.
"Oh?" he manages to stutter out, pretending that his heart isn't slowly crumbling in his chest.
"Yeah, Remus and her broke up, because they wanted different things, apparently." James replies, sensing that this moment will probably change his life forever.
Sirius nods numbly, knowing that he will have to ask the question eventually. The room is filled with an odd sort of silence – a kind of crushing lavender that seems to intensify the tension between them, and he opens his mouth.
"A-and, what did you say?"
Sirius lights another cigarette with trembling fingers and James contemplates how to tell Sirius the truth. He wants to tell him how it felt to fall from grace and how Sirius helped cushion the blow – how Sirius made the horrific era they spent falling and the days when the nights were black and nightmarish gradually lighter and better – how all the years he spent chasing Lily went to waste and how Sirius helped him get over her, he soothed his hurricane heart and he made him feel like life could get better. James wants to tell Sirius that, when they lie side by side, he feels his soul sing in cerulean and that this must be what it feels like to be happy
James wants to tell Sirius that he thinks that he is in love, but he's never been one with words and so, instead, he settles with the simple answer.
"I said no."
Sirius freezes and turns to James in disbelief. "You said… no?"
"I said no, I told her I didn't want to be with her, I said no, because I realised…"
James pauses and Sirius knows what he is about to say, and he feels his heart jumping in his chest, the same old amber rhythm of love that he feels whenever James is lying next to him, and he feels for a moment like the boy he was before they fell from heaven.
"I realised I was in love with somebody else."
James barely finishes his sentence because before he knows it, Sirius' lips crush against his, moving in the familiar, beautiful pattern that James has grown to adore. Their bodies press together and their hands entwine and their souls shine brighter that they ever have before.
Some night as they lie between sheets that cannot contain the vivid intensity of their love, painting each other like a saffron canvas, they realise that they don't need to be gods anymore – they have each other.
And, they wouldn't have it any other way.