It was never like this before. Everything between him and his brother was always so predictable, so scripted. Now everything seemed so awkward and wordless. It was like they had all the questions in the world for each other, but had nothing to say to one another. They wanted to do everything and anything to the other, but wanted nothing to do with one another. He missed his brother, but would he show it? Never. He was a lord and, as such, had at least some dignity in him. It was never like this before.
Inuyasha would smell his brother or sense his demonic aura drawing near and unconsciously lead his group closer to the intoxicating power. And Sesshomaru's feet would unwillingly bring him toward his brother's group. It was as if they belonged together. They were magnets, one of south and the other of north, and they would attract each other. It was hard on both of them at first.
Your love's a gathered storm I chased across the sky
A moment in your arms became the reason why…
But today was different. The wind blew by softly and brought Inuyasha's scent to the Lord of the West's nose. He instantly turned around to get more of the scent in his lungs. The breeze blew his bangs out of his face, revealing his blue crescent moon that adorned his forehead. He sighed as he took in the last bit of the smell. Sesshomaru stood for a moment, deciding on whether to continue on his journey back to the West or to follow his brother once again. The second seemed most pleasing to him.
He craned his neck to the side to look back at his former path that was lined with trees, leaves billowing in the dirt, before waking in the opposite direction to a new destination. Today would be different. Tonight would be different.
And you're still the only light that fills the emptiness
The only one I need until my dying breath…
'Promise me you're going to let yourself go at some point. That you're going to…let love in to your heart…someday.'
'I…promise.'
'With all my heart.' Sesshomaru continued his words in his mind. He glared at the ground, still thinking about his vow. Why would he say such a stupid thing? Love…what a childish idea. It was just a fantasy of some sort. A fleeting illusion that haunted his very being to no end. But his dreams really did have to stop somewhere. He couldn't keep hoping for something, and then be pushed not so graciously off his dream cloud. And his little brother was capable of doing just that if he wanted to.
And yet he was going to see him. Then again, it had to happen some time. It was unavoidable. But so was his being a lord. He had considered taking Inuyasha as a mate, but what would his followers think of a hanyou as the Lady of the West? And Inuyasha certainly couldn't give him an heir with his gender. And this Sesshomaru wasn't even supposed to have emotions to begin with. He didn't need any more weaknesses or distractions in his fighting.
And I would give you everything
Just to feel your open arms…
Who knows where having yet another person to worry about would lead him? Rin already caused him enough trouble. Jaken was just as useless as well. Maybe Inuyasha could protect himself, but Sesshomaru knew that somehow they would burden each other.
So where did that leave them? Were they just half brothers? Enemies once again? Allies or even friends? Forbidden lovers? It was hard to think about being any of those things. Being Inuyasha's enemy would only bring him pain whenever he slashed his claws across his cheek or used his poisons to overpower him. But being his ally in battle would probably mean seeing more of Inuyasha and therefore making him long for the hanyou more. And being a lover to Inuyasha…he couldn't imagine himself being compassionate to anyone. All the kisses, all the embraces…would they actually be real on his part? Could he learn to love someone else?
And I'm not sure I believe anything I feel
And now, now that you're near…
He stopped in his tracks to sniff for his brother once again. He could tell the scent was getting stronger. His brother must have stopped his cavalry and was probably waiting for him. He sighed in dismay. Did this mean he had to come to see him? He knew he would anyway. His steps began to move forward again. Just thinking that each step brought him closer to someone dear to him made his insides melt. It was a sickening feeling to endure for the first time.
Sesshomaru now knew that Inuyasha and company were just beyond the reeds that were crossed and tangled before him, leading to a small clearing. He took a deep breath to compose himself and put his thoughts at bay and get his normal icy demeanor in place. This really was taking a toll on his nerves.
There's nothing more without you
Without you here…
Then and there he decided he was only coming to see his brother to tell him this…this thing or whatever was between them had to stop. He wasn't attracted to his brother and he certainly wasn't in love, right? Being unsure of himself at such a crucial time wasn't helping either.
It seemed dark now and Sesshomaru knew he should wait before making his presence known to them. He wanted to wait until the humans and fox and cat demons were asleep so he could speak to Inuyasha without intrusions. He didn't want the young miko with black hair getting in his way and trying to shoot her sacred arrows at him. It's not like he was afraid of her, she just annoyed him. If she were ever to opposed him, he just might kill her at the risk of making Inuyasha unhappy.
And I'm trying to believe
In things that I don't know…
So the lord lingered until a darker hour, just behind the reeds, almost close enough to touch his brother who might be right on the other side. His whole body tensed when he heard voices rise from the silence that had been there for the past hour.
"Inuyasha! Sango, Shippou, and I are going to take a bath in the hot spring nearby before we go to bed, okay?" It was the young priestess.
"Sure I don't care, but take Miroku with you incase you're attacked or something. I'll finish setting up camp while you're gone." Inuyasha's gruff voice sailed to Sesshomaru's ears and said lord had to push his claws lightly into a tree to keep himself from making his presence known right then. "Oh, but I'll probably be asleep when you come back so make sure you're quiet."
The turning of the world
The color of your soul…
"Right. Then we're off. C'mon guys." Sesshomaru heard footsteps going in the opposite direction and didn't move a muscle until his superior hearing could no longer pick up their steps. He relaxed and then stood up straight. It was the perfect time.
He peered between the reeds just incase and to make sure. And to his pleasure he saw Inuyasha alone in the clearing. Inuyasha sat against a tree trunk with one leg tucked into his chest and the other lengthened out in front of him. He wore his regular attire and everything seemed to be normal until Sesshomaru caught the dog demons expression. The pup looked…sad. Not just an ordinary sad, a deep depression seemed to have fallen over the hanyou while he had been gone.
His genuine golden eyes were a murkier hue and his confident smirk turned into a heartbreaking frown. He no longer looked like the ignorant bratty child he was. He looked like a much older and mature demon caught up in more problems than he could handle. Sesshomaru watched as the half demon stared at the fire that was in the middle of the clearing, the flames dancing identically in his orbs. His hair flew by in wisps as the wind carried it into the air.
That love could kill the pain
Truth is never vain…
Suddenly Sesshomaru found Inuyasha's scent overwhelming. It called to him in a sense. It was pleading and desperate for him. The scent was filled with fear and so much grief. His heart wrenched behind his rib cage as he continued to sniff softly at the fascinating scent. There were so many unreadable emotions, but Sesshomaru went passed those. He was digging for something deeper. He could smell something different, but he wasn't exactly sure what it was. He was going to have to get closer to know.
The reeds swept by him as his body moved from it's covering. Inuyasha's head whipped upwards to meet his gaze. He didn't look startled at all. "Sesshomaru…?"
"Inuyasha…" It was like he forgot all rational thought. He couldn't even remember what his excuse was to come and see his brother. But then he realized he didn't need a reason.
It turns strangers into lovers
And enemies to brothers…
"You've come to see me, why?" Inuyasha's voice was softer now, not like the sand paper tone he gave the humans.
"Inuyasha…" Was that all he could say? Why couldn't he tell his brother the truth? 'Say it!' his mind told his mouth. "This has to stop."
At first he didn't think Inuyasha would know what he was talking about, but then he filled in the gaps on his own. "But…why?"
"We are not meant to be, brother. You belong to another, as do I." The look on Inuyasha's face told him he was either going to yell and scream or sob pathetically. He did neither.
Just say you understand
I never had this planned…
"No…Why can't you belong to me? Why can't you love me and only me?" Inuyasha was definitely not making this easy for him.
"Inuyasha…" How could he even begin to explain? He couldn't and that was the point. He reached out and grazed a palm over his brother's cheek. It was so warm, like Inuyasha's embrace.
Abruptly the scent he'd been looking for before slapped him in the face. It was so sweet and demanding of the lord. It yanked on his soul and he just couldn't remove his hand from the other's face. The scent…Inuyasha was aroused. This Sesshomaru stimulated Inuyasha.
And now, now that you're near
There's nothing more without you…
He growled as he pulled his hand away. Inuyasha only watched him with curious eyes, trying to read what he was thinking or something. "Sesshomaru? Why do you run from me?" Inuyasha pulled his one leg in and got up to his feet. "You don't have to." It was now very apparent to Sesshomaru that Inuyasha wanted him.
Inuyasha stepped toward Sesshomaru and that was all it took. The scent of arouse was all around them. Inuyasha wrapped his arms around Sesshomaru neck and pulled them together. There lips collided and something inside Sesshomaru keeping him from letting anything at all out just broke. His arms snaked around Inuyasha's waist and pulled their bodies completely up against each other. Grinding hips along with moans and groans ensued.
Without you here
Without you here…
Inuyasha took over the kiss as he pushed his tongue into Sesshomaru's mouth and mapped it out. Sesshomaru let him have the upper hand for a while, but when he decided he wanted to be dominant, he only needed to bite down on Inuyasha's bottom lip and make the other yelp.
Sesshomaru pushed Inuyasha up against the tree and began to remove his fire rat haori. His white undershirt soon followed. Sesshomaru kissed Inuyasha's junction between his neck and shoulder, foreshadowing things to come and then began to kiss down his chest. As Sesshomaru got lower, Inuyasha pushed the pelt off his brother's shoulder and somehow pried his armor away from Sesshomaru's body. But he soon lost his thoughts when he felt his fire rat pants pool at his ankles and hot breath over his erection.
There's nothing more without you
Without you here…
"Ah!" Inuyasha screamed as he held onto the tree's branches for support. His legs were becoming more and more like jelly by the second. He began to sweat as Sesshomaru's tongue dripped over him. Sesshomaru licked and sucked at his tip all the while listening for appreciation from Inuyasha. Then when he had enough, he took Inuyasha's manhood fully into his mouth and sucked hard.
Inuyasha bit his lip but it didn't help a muffled yell from coming out of him. The hanyou was so hard it was beginning to hurt him. Sesshomaru smirked as he pulled away from Inuyasha and stood up again to kiss him and run his hands down his sides.
My head lies to my heart
And my heart it still believes…
Inuyasha breathed heavily and Sesshomaru began nibbling at his neck, allowing Inuyasha time to recuperate. When he thought he could move, he slid his hands into Sesshomaru's shirt to run his hands along his toned muscles in his chest. Inuyasha slipped the shirt off him completely and then untied Sesshomaru's obi and threw his swords aside. He hastily removed his pants as well after Sesshomaru pushed his boots off. Sesshomaru continued to attack the flesh of Inuyasha's now red neck as Inuyasha's hand slowly stroked his inner thy seductively. "Mmm" Sesshomaru moaned as Inuyasha's hand accidentally bumped his erection, causing flames to rise up in his stomach.
"Sesshomaru…" Inuyasha almost begged the older. "Take me, please." Inuyasha ran a claw up Sesshomaru's spine, making him shiver with delight. The half demon didn't need to ask him twice. They were already too far-gone to turn back now anyway.
It seems the ones who love us
Are the ones that we deceive…
The two practically fell to the ground, Sesshomaru on top. He hoisted Inuyasha's legs onto his shoulders and placed a finger at the other's entrance, but a hand stopped him. "There isn't enough time. I don't need to be prepared, just do it." Inuyasha leaned up and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I trust you."
Sesshomaru nodded and muzzled Inuyasha's neck as a pre-apology for the pain that would surely come. He thrusted his hips forward, sheathing himself entirely into Inuyasha. His brother screamed agonizingly and instantly Sesshomaru felt bad. He kissed Inuyasha's forehead and then his cheek and chest, basically anywhere he could. When he felt Inuyasha calm down and relax around him, he began to move.
At first it was slow and deliberate, but it soon became fast-paced and hard. Inuyasha screamed again and again as he saw stars every time Sesshomaru hit deep within him. Sesshomaru growled as he moved faster and faster, coming closer to his release as time went on.
But you're changing everything
You're changing everything in me…
"Sesshomaru" Inuyasha's voice was low and husky. "I love you." Those three words made the youkai go absolutely crazy. He went so fast, it was almost torture to be in so much pleasure for Inuyasha. The two howled as they came to their release. But it didn't stop there. Sesshomaru kept going and going. And Inuyasha had orgasm after orgasm. And the last orgasm Inuyasha had, Sesshomaru's poisons came to his fingertips and claws.
His vision blurred as he thought of what he was about to do. But he pushed his mind away and his claws shot through Inuyasha's body. Right through his heart. He bit down harshly on the junction he'd kissed before, making a mark only demons were familiar with as he heard Inuyasha yell out below him and squirm in his grip.
And now, now that you're near
There's nothing more without you…
Sesshomaru pulled out of Inuyasha and quickly dressed himself along with Inuyasha, who was too weak to move himself or protest. He could hear his brother's short ragged breath as he did so. By the time the miko and others came back, Inuyasha would be long gone and they would think he was sleeping like he said.
And even as he heard his brother's breath slow and relax, he heard him whisper. "I know you care. This only proves it." Sesshomaru leaned over his brother's limp body, studying him.
"I'm glad you understand, Inuyasha…" Sesshomaru's voice trailed off. And right before Inuyasha's breath cut off he managed to get in. "I kept my promise." Even then Inuyasha smiled. And that's how Sesshomaru left him. Smiling and confident in himself. It was who Inuyasha was anyway.
Without you here…
Sesshomaru made his way back to the path he was on before going to the Western Lands as soon as he could smell the humans drawing near. He tried not to think about any of the events that just took place. But the facts stood true. He had killed the only person he had ever cared for. Sesshomaru looked down and realized Inuyasha had known all along what he was getting into. He'd known this would happen. He'd known that no matter what, this Sesshomaru could not afford another weakness. And yet the pain remained.
But one day this would be a nightmare that would only haunt him in sleep, a memory forgotten. The blood in his claws would be washed away and Inuyasha would just be another person. This would all just fade away…
'I kept my promise…'
-PL
Goo Goo Dolls - Without You Here