Mind Over Matter
A Twilight FanFic
Edward's POV
I sat down on the hard chair in Bella's kitchen. She arrived in the kitchen shortly afterward—she did not posses the vampire speed that I did. When she walked into the room her beauty hit me like a concrete block. She lit up the kitchen like an angel—my angel. If my heart was still beating I could swear it would jump around erratically like hers did whenever she was around me. She stood and stared at me for a moment. A part of me, the part that wanted to protect her and shield her from everything wanted her to suddenly see the evil in me, and run away screaming to never come back. The other more selfish part that craved for her blood and body wanted her to stay forever.
She began to prepare her supper. She took out a square of lasagne, put it on a plate and placed it in the microwave. She stood back and leaned against the counter. As she watched her food revolve, I watched her. Her beauty was unbearable. It was the first time in the history of my existence had I ever lusted after something other than blood (although, at this point I don't know whether her blood or body tempted me the most). I admired her figure, which was much more modest than most teenage girls, and yet so much more attractive. How I longed to just hold onto her slim waist and breathe in her mouth-watering scent that reeked from her perfectly sculpted neck. I wanted to stroke her brown hair that lay straight and framed her pale face. It looked so silky and smooth—but rough in comparison to her pale cheeks. Ah, those beautiful cheeks that blushed a beautiful crimson whenever she was embarrassed. Oh how I loved her blush, her blush that matched those beautiful, pouty lips of hers. Her lips, how I longed to once again kiss those lips that taste so good…
"How often?" She asked, pulling me from my trance, snapping me back to reality.
"Hmmm?" I replied, still slightly dazed.
"How often did you come here?" She was still facing the microwave.
"I come here almost every night"
Suddenly she whirled around. Her hair flew in a fan about her face; her eyes grew wide in shock. I could hear her heart stuttering frantically. "Why?" She demanded.
What a stupid question. How could I not come here every night, to admire her beautiful body and to breathe in her luscious scent? "You're interesting when you sleep. You talk" It was true. She did talk…a lot.
"No!" She gasped. And then, much to my delight, her cheeks turned a deep crimson, but I became worried. Did she not want me to be there? Oh no, what if she thought I was a stalker? Did I just ruin everything?
"Are you very angry with me?" I asked timidly.
"That depends!" She yelled. I waited for her to continue, but she just continued to stare at the counter.
"On?"
"What you heard!" She yelled even louder this time.
I hated seeing her in so much distress. Using my vampire speed I immediately rushed to her side and took her hands carefully in mine. I had to be sure not to crush them. How easy it would be—just a slight flex of my muscles…No! I must not let myself think like that. But oh god, she smelled so good. Her hands were so soft, and smooth, and warm. They were trembling slightly as I took them. "Don't be upset!" I pleaded with her.
I stared into her beautiful eyes. I could get lost in them, they were so exquisite. I decided to tell her what I heard…Well at least most of what I heard. "You miss your mother," I whispered. "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said 'It's too green'". I laughed softly, letting her know that I did not want to upset her more.
"Anything else?" She demanded. Uh-oh. Busted. I could tell what she was getting at. Well, I might as well tell her now and get it over with.
"You did say my name" I admitted.
"A lot?" She sighed.
Yes, she did say it a lot. Five or six times a night even. I did not want to embarrass her, so I replied, "How much do you mean by 'a lot' exactly?"
"Oh no!" She exclaimed and then hung her head.
What silly, beautiful girl. Why was she ashamed of it? I am not ashamed of my love for her. Why was she, for me? I pulled her to my chest softly, being careful so as not to crush her fragile, delicate body. I inhaled deeply, filling my nostrils and my lungs with the (unnecessary) air that surrounded her. "Don't be self-conscious," I whispered into her ear. "If I could dream at all it would be about you, and I am not ashamed of it."
From a distance I could hear the sound of Charlie's cruiser approaching and soon enough, so could Bella. The headlights flashed inside the house. I could feel Bella stiffen in my arms. Not wanting to cause any trouble, I asked her, "Should your father know I'm here?"
"I'm not sure…" She hesitated.
Not wanting to stress her out more by pressing the matter further, I whispered "Another time then", and then disappeared into the darkness.
"Edward!" Her soft voice hissed. I chuckled as I swiftly made my way upstairs to the familiar room using my vampire speed.
I opened the door to her room, being careful so as not to make any sound. As usual, her freesia-flavoured scent overwhelmed me and it took me a few extra seconds to calm myself down before I could advance any further. I crept silently to her desk, closing the door behind me and sat down on her chair in front of her computer. Frankly, it was the biggest piece of junk I had ever laid eyes upon…except for that lump of metal she called her truck of course. Maybe I could offer her a new computer and a truck. In due time, I thought to myself. But for now I just wanted to explore.
Like I told her, I had been here many times before, so the pale blue walls and wooden desks were nothing knew to my eyes. It was the first time I was here without Bella in the room, giving me a lot more freedom since I did not have to spend every second trying not to wake her up.
A picture frame suddenly caught my eye. It was of Bella and her mother, back in Phoenix I imagine, standing together in front of what I assume was her old house. The picture didn't look recent; Bella's cheeks were fuller and she had an overall younger appearance—fourteen, maybe fifteen? There was no doubt that she was still the most extraordinarily beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. Why she didn't feel the same way about herself was a mystery to me. She was even more beautiful than Rosalie, which is saying something.
Suddenly a segment of Charlie's thoughts (that I had currently been tuning out—they never made much sense) grabbed my attention.
She's not interested in Mike Newton. Shocking, really. Aren't teenage girls supposed to be into boys right now? Wait, what am I thinking? She's probably just using this to make me unsuspecting. I am a cop, I'll bet she's going to sneak out tonight…
I chuckled under my breath. Not if I can help it, I said to myself. But urgh! That vile Mike Newton. I couldn't even be near him at school anymore for risk of being nauseated by his vulgar mental images of Bella. How dare he think of her like that. Bella was mine now and in no way was I going to let him even come near her.
Suddenly I could hear Bella's soft footsteps as she made her way upstairs. I panicked—what should I do? I debated over hiding in her closet (which I was sure Alice would flip over if she saw how miniscule it was compared to her bedroom-sized closet) or under her bed. I settled on lying on top of her bed, so as not to startle her. I made my way to her bed (which was drenched in her scent I might add) and was overwhelmed for a split second, before I swiftly lay down on my back and paced my hands behind my head. Seconds later, I heard the door slowly open slowly, and then close louder than necessary. Even in the darkness I could still see her exquisite form against the pale blue walls. I smiled, waiting for the sudden frantic beating of her heart as she saw me. But it didn't come. I frowned slightly. Did she not like me anymore? Did I miss something in the conversation she was just having with Charlie? She quickly crossed the room to her window and threw it wide open. What on Earth was she doing…?
"Edward?" She whispered.
Oh. A huge wave of relief washed through me. She just hadn't seen me. Silly Bella. I chuckled slightly as I replied to her expectant voice, "Yes?"
She whirled around, clutching one hand to her throat in surprise, uttering a faint, "Oh!" before sinking to the floor. Her heat stopped beating for a second, and then restarted at a pace faster than a hummingbird's wings. She was so adorable when she got startled. It was surprisingly attractive.
"I'm sorry" I pressed my lips together, fighting back a smile.
"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."
She sat there for a second or two more, before I couldn't bear the distance between us anymore. I needed her close to me—and fast. I sat up slowly so that I would not startle her again, reached out and lifted her onto the bed beside me. "Why don't you sit with me?" I suggested, putting a hand on her warm one. "How's the heart?"
"You tell me—I'm sure you hear it better than I do"
I laughed silently and the bed shook slightly. She was right—I could hear her heart better than she could. It was gradually slowing down to a normal human pace; though it was never normal when she was around me. I watched her face as she stared down at the floor. You would think that it would get easier, not knowing what she was thinking, but it just kept getting worse and worse. Soon I was going to go mad. Suddenly she spoke, breaking the still silence that had just been surrounding us.
"Can I have a minute to be human?" She asked.
"Certainly." I replied. I gestured with my hand that she should proceed, though in no way did I want her to leave my side at this moment…or at any moment for that matter.
"Stay," She warned me.
Silly Bella. Did she actually think I wanted to be anywhere else then with her right now?
"Yes ma'am." I replied, and I closed me eyes and became a statue on the end of her bed. I could hear her rummaging around, before quietly exiting the room closing the door behind her. I heard her pad down the hall to the bathroom and shut the door. I decided to listen to Charlie's thoughts for a while. He was watching the game, but he was more distracted than usual.
I can hear her in the shower. Is she getting ready for a night out? I still find it hard to believe that she does not have a date with anyone yet. The other Dads I talked to today were all talking about how Bella has captured each of their son's attentions. Oh well, I'll just check on her later. Now for the game…
Charlie thoughts became completely focused on the game and I grew bored. I had seen thousands of baseball games in my life and they no longer interested me. I let my thoughts wonder, to the day Bella and I first met, to the time I took her to the Italian restaurant, to today in the meadow, tonight in her room, Bella in the shower…
No, no, no! I told myself. I couldn't think of her like that. Back in my day it would be considered a disgrace to think of a woman in that way. Boy have times changed. When I tuned into boys' mind at school, most of what I saw and heard were images and thoughts of other girls in the school that I did not need to know about. And now, it was happening to me. Never in my one hundred years did I think that I could experience such strong emotions such as love and lust. And here I was lusting not only after Bella's sweet, freesia-smelling blood, but her body…
The shower shut off, and I imagined her stepping out of the shower, with just her towel on...No! I resisted the urge to slap myself—if all the other boys thought the same things, it's not that bad is it? To think of one's love interest like that? I still refrained from going back to thinking those things and so I tuned into Charlie's thoughts once more and got lost into the world of baseball.
Suddenly Charlie hears footsteps thumping down the stairs. I almost laughed right out loud when shock wrapped tightly around his mind as he took in what I assume was Bella with wet hair in her pyjamas. Soon enough I heard a slightly-panting Bella rush up the stairs and almost flew into the room. Her smelled, magnified ten times by the shower, overwhelmed me for a split second before I regained my composure and took in her appearance. Even in a holey T-shirt and sweatpants, she still looked like a Goddess. I tried to think of something to say, but for the first time ever, I think, I was at a loss for words. The only thing I came up with was an unoriginal, "Nice."
She took it the wrong way and grimaced.
"No it looks good one you" I assured her.
"Thanks." She said, in a barely audible whisper—to human ears, that is.
She came and sat down beside me on the bed and stared down at the lines on the wooden floor. "What was all that for?" I asked.
"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out"
"Oh." I replied. "Why?" Though I knew very well why.
"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."
I carefully lifted her delicate chin, to take a close look at Bella's features. I could see and feel the blush creeping slowly across her cheeks. It was so difficult to just sit there and stare at the goddess before me. The conflict and confusion inside of me was indescribable. Part of me longed to bite Bella, to suck up the blood that had been tempting me since I met her. Another part longed to press my cold lips to her warm ones, to pull her close to me, to hold onto her and never let go.
I resisted both of these urges and stared into her eyes as I said, "You look very warm, actually."
And suddenly I couldn't resist any longer—I had to close this distance between us. I bent my face slowly down to hers, and pressed my cheek against her flaming hot skin, inhaling deeply. "Mmmmmm…," I breathed.
We stayed still like this for a minute or two. I could hear her heart sputtering and jumping about. I continued to inhale deeply, still fighting two completely different urges—one of them completely foreign. I reminded myself of the promise I had made to my beloved Bella this morning in the meadow—that I would never, ever hurt her. It was still extremely difficult to fight off the urge to bite her, but I was getting the hang of it.
Suddenly she spoke, so softly I thought I imagined it. Her voice trembled slightly as she tried to form a coherent statement.
"It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me."
"Does it seem that way to you?" I murmured in response. I could feel myself falling under my Bella's spell, and I could tell I was beginning to lose the battle with one of the urges. My nose slowly glided to the corner of her jaw, and I brushed back the hair that covered her ear. I pressed my lips, so softly, to the hollow beneath her ear, feeling the heat from her flowing blood.
"Much, much easier" She said.
"Hmm" I said, more in response to her scent than to her statement.
"So I was wondering…" I began to glide the tips of my fingers along her collarbone, loving the warmth that radiated from her skin, and she faltered.
"Yes?" I breathed, waiting for her to continue.
Her voice shook in her reply, "Why is that, do you think?"
What a silly girl. Voice shaking. If only she could see the effect she had on me. I laughed aloud at the thought and replied, "Mind over matter".
Suddenly she pulled back, and we stared at each other cautiously for a while. Had I done something wrong? Did I insult her? Was I not doing this right? I had never felt this way about anyone before and therefore all my actions were new even to me, but I had watched enough Romance movies to know what usually happened in a situation like this. I was pretty sure I was doing this right…
"Did I do something wrong?" I asked cautiously.
"No—the opposite. You're driving me crazy."
I considered this briefly. I had heard that phrase used countless times in books, in movies, in plays. It meant…well what it meant was a good—no, wait, a great—thing. A slow smile managed to make its way across my face. "Really?" I asked.
"Would you like a round of applause?" She replied sarcastically. But the embarrassment wasn't completely covered up by the sarcasm. I grinned.
"I'm pleasantly surprised." I clarified. "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way then my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it…at being with you…" My voice trailed off.
"You're good at everything" She pointed out, and then we both laughed.
"But how can it be so easy now?" She pressed. "This afternoon…"
Ahh…silly Bella. How I wish I could just make her understand. How I wish I could understand for that matter. "It's not easy," I sighed. "But this afternoon, I was still…undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so."
I thought back to this afternoon when she had come so close, and then the smell of her neck, had nearly made me lose all control. I had almost reached out to ravish her blood…
"Not unforgivable" She disagreed. She had forgiven me. But I did not deserve it. Either she was the kindest and most understanding person on the planet, or she had no idea as to how close I came to slaughtering her. I smiled anyways, and looked down.
"Thank you. You see, I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" I picked up one of her hands and pressed it lightly to my cheek, enjoying the warmth. "And while there was still that possibility that I may be…overcome"—I breathed in the luscious scent of her wrist—"I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would…that I ever could…"
I was at such a loss for words. It was incredible, the spell my Bella placed on me.
"So there's no possibility now?"
"Mind over matter" I repeated, and I smiled.
"Wow that was easy" Bella said.
I threw back my head and laughed, trying very hard to keep it as low as a whisper.
"Easy for you!" I replied, touching her nose with my fingertip. My second theory was right. She had no idea how easy it would be for me to kill her. "I am trying," I continued. "If it gets to be…too much I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."
How I hated thinking about leaving. I was lying through my teeth when I said that I could leave. I did not want to leave Bella. How could I? She was so beautiful and yet so fragile and lovely—everything about her was so desirable and I loved every part of her, from the lovely blush of her cheeks to her frequent near-death situations. "And it will be harder tomorrow," I continued. "I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch though, I think."
"Don't go away, then." She responded. I could hear the longing in her voice. I smiled.
"That suits me," I replied. "Bring on the shackles—I'm your prisoner" I laughed as I formed manacles with my hands around Bella's delicate little wrists. I think I laughed more that night than I did throughout my whole existence. It was truly exhilarating.
"You seem more… optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before." Bella observed.
"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I smiled as I replied to her question. "The glory of first love and all that. It's incredible, isn't it. The difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"
"Very different," She agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined.