I loved Jack and Rachel together and how Rachel did love Jack but never told him, I always thought if only Rachel had told him before he died I think she loved him a lot too. There is also a scene with Helen in it, too as I would of loved her to say something to Rachel. A lot of the dialogue comes from the episode A day at the office but I have added bits and pieces to it. I would loved to have changed the ending and have Rachel not die but it happened.

It has been one of the hardest pieces of fanfiction I have written as I loved the character of Detective Rachel Goldstein and the episode where she died and the one after were the saddest of the show. I Hope you enjoy it and please review it If you like it, Thank you.

….

It all started with me answering Jack's phone that morning "Goldstein yeah" and hearing Helen's voice on the other end "Goldstein what do you mean Goldstein I just called Jack's mobile" then stupidly I tried to give the phone to Jack whilst mumbling shit, why did I answer his phone, Jack was lying in my bed again we had been having sex again for a short time now, finally I answered Helen again, I doubt she believed me I didn't tell her I was seeing/sleeping with Jack again as I know she didn't think it was wise but I can't help it, there is just something there and after the incident in the swamp I just had to take the risk again, so putting the phone back to my ear "yeah sorry I was just asleep, we were going at it late last night" which was true we were going at it late last night but definitely not at work "and we must of switched phones in the car and I've got Jack's righto we're on our way I mean I'm on my way and I'll call Jack" the conversation made all the more harder by Jack trying to stroke my neck whilst I was talking and me pushing him away with my one free hand, and of all people I suppose Helen was the better one to find out, but she keeps on telling me not to go there with Jack but did I listen no. I could just imagine Helen's face at work and goodness who else know.

After hanging up the phone I mumbled to myself "hopeless hopeless they're all going to know now" all Jack said was "maybe" did he even care that it was out, probably not as he had been after me for ages and I kept pushing him away so I don't think he really did mind or not, I had then made up my mind then "right I don't…., Jack this is crazy we should never ever ever do this again" hearing him say "I think your right" did I hear him right I thought he would disagree I'm sure he would be saying no Rach I want to continue but he didn't what was happening "Is that what you think" and then all he said was "Yep" whilst scratching his back he did look so adorable with no clothes on so I continued on my made mind up "That's it,, right that's it" then I got up and had a shower did I really mean what I said to him did it really matter that the whole world knew about Jack and I, know that they did, did I really not want to see him or have sex with him again, he was so great in bed, I said that to Helen previously why did I push him away.

…..

The jokes continued for most of the day, from everyone in the team, Tayler talking about seeing Jack Christey in the same shirt 2 days running, Tommy and Gavin about matching phones, the only one who said nothing was Helen, maybe she was disappointed I didn't tell her or the fact after I said nothing was going to happen between Jack and me all those weeks ago when she pulled me aside an I assured her nothing was going to happen between me and Jack Christey and at the time I was fighting my feelings for him but then being stuck in the swamp being chased thinking we could die, I realised life was too short so something did happen between us. We didn't have time to really think about it, it didn't take long to track down the guy who dumped the girl into the harbour but chasing him through the railyard first thing isn't the way to start the day, as Jack finally runs in, wondering how the guy was, hey what about me and my face.

Walking back into the office a while later, I saw Suzy walk out of the office she had been seeing Michael, he turns and looks at me "do you have a problem with me seeing Suzy Abromovich" looking at Mick "yeah I got a problem" Mick looks at me it is obvious he likes her "You don't even know her" then looking at Mick trying to get through to him I did know Suzy she had been around for ages "I know her, I know her, I know shes on the game and I know she's not worth it, Mick you know what's this job like undesirable associations does not look good on your resume right" before turning away from him thinking that would be it "No" as I continue "Nah it doesn't" then as I go to sit down Mick says "How about sleeping with you workmates what does that look like" standing at my desk wanting to sit down hoping he will not continue with this did the whole world know, shit who didn't know that Jack & I were sleeping together "That's got nothing to do with this" hoping Mick would drop it but not he doesn't "Why" it really had nothing to do with him and Suzy "That's a totally different thing right that's got nothing" then Mick interrupts me not letting go of the topic "Why's that" I walk over to him closer then "Why why because it's a one night stand alright it was a hiccup" seeing Mick look at me not really waiting for me to finish "I don't think it was a 1 night stand I think you slept with him more than once" then trying to walk away from him the truth was it wasn't a one night stand it wasn't the first time "I slept with him a couple of times that was it" hearing Michael ask "How many times" I shrugged I couldn't tell him the truth "A couple of times" he asks again "How many" I didn't want to tell him "What do you want to know for" he is persistent 'How many" spreading my arms out slightly "6 alright 6" seeing a smile on Mick's face "6 one night stands, you're kidding yourself Rachel" I don't want to talk about this anymore I didn't want to think about it was more or what was happening between Jack and me it had been on my mind a bit lately what I felt for Jack and I didn't want to discuss it especially with Mick "Lets drop this conversation ok" as I walk away to the white board wanting to get the conversation of Jack and me "You falling for Suzy" not even looking at Mick "Maybe" my face still to the whiteboard "maybe" then Mick asks "Have you forgotten about Frank Holloway" what about Frank, I never slept with him, not that he didn't want me to, but the one moment we had briefly wouldn't of worked out, unlike Jack and I would we work out. Then walking back to my desk "Hey shouldn't you be doing reports for Hawker or something" seeing Mick wave his hand "No done finished" then walking over to my desk "Alright Why don't you go get your nose checked or something" a cheeky look on his face "Or maybe go and see Suzy" looking at him as I go and sit down shaking my head at him "Oh your mad your mad I'm not going to fight you anymore you do what you like alright do what you like" then seeing Mick get up walking over to my desk "I don't know if I like you seeing Jack" looking up at Michael in disbelief "You don't like me seeing jack" seeing Mick look at me a smile on his face "I don't I like that" my mouth open slightly "Why" seeing Mick leaning on my desk a bigger smile on his face "Because you're going soft on me Rachel" looking up at Mick a smile on my face "I'm not going soft on you, Jack Christey isn't going to make me go soft on you" hitting him gently with my pen across the chin then Mick says "I think you're in love" the surprise on my face and voice and Michael is still in the same position his hands on my chest looking at my face was he serious me in love with Jack was he trying to tell me something, did I love Jack "What" as he repeats it "I think you're I love" keeping a smile on my face, was I in love with Jack, looking at Mick my head and heart churning before turning away "Get out of here" watching as Mick walks out of the room "I better get out of here" looking sideways then smiling but I didn't deny what he said "you better" before I glance at Jack's desk biting my lip I don't have time to think Helen walks into the room "that woman Louse she's too young to be Sophies mum" so I look up at Helen .

Then Helen goes on about passing dud cheques I listen but my mind isn't fully concentrating as she walks out I mumble "Michael Michael Michael" was my relationship with Jack more than what I was taking it for, deep down I did know that when I kissed Jack after being in the swamp he would want more and I did know that but what was it we had, was it serious what did I want. Being caught in the swamp with Jack as Davenport chased us it did make me realise that life was too short and when we came back I couldn't help myself I had to kiss Jack and I did want him why couldn't I just tell him that, he wasn't Knocker, nothing like John, is that what I am scared of?, even when he said the other day about a relationship, I still have to say "what relationship, who said we are in a relationship, why do I treat him so badly. As I stand up there is Jack walking down the hallway, all I can is look at him through the blinds I see he is looking at me as he waves his hand, and I smile there is truth in what Michael said why does it make me think do I love Jack, can I just not admit that I do "hey that was quick" seeing Jack look at me, I can't help but stare back at him as he says "I thought I would get this to celebrate a job well done" with us still looking at each other I find myself saying "Actually do you have time for lunch so we can talk things through" walking down the hallway with him to the car as we have to investigate these dud cheques.

….

Driving back from the marina, the job took longer than expected talking to Jack about the job on hand I glance at my watch "oh jeez, look at the time, there's lunch there's lunch" I see Jack look at me as my eyes are ahead on the road "weren't we going to talk" still looking ahead "yeah about us" then glancing at Jack "can we do it later, do it later" seeing Jack looking back "yeah tonight over the bottle of wine" not looking at Jack this time "sounds good, sounds good" and it did, it gave me a bit more time to think, but was that a good or bad thing "I just got to do one more thing before we get to the station, just one more thing just up here" as I drop in at the school to see David. As I walk back to the car, a huge smile on my face Jack says "he's a good kid" a huge smile on my face still looking at Jack "yeah the love of my life" seeing Jack nod at me I can't keep the smile off my face, seeing Jack look at me a look on his face did I want him the love of my life too.

…..

Walking back into the office I see Helen look at me, calling out "Rach, before you finish I need to see you for a minute" shit, I know what she wants to talk about well I'm pretty sure it is about Jack and me looking up at Helen I nod "Just have a few things to do, then I'll see you" walking into the office biting my lips shit shit shit what have I done answering the phone that morning and Michael too, sitting down at my desk I look up as Jack walks in smiling at him, I do like him and a lot, can I actually tell him that so why do I keep pushing him away and treating him like I do.

Rubbing my eyes later on, going through the phone book I need to find this Louise, to tell a mother the truth about what happened. I am slightly tired seeing Jack walk over and sit opposite me reaching out for my hand, I hold his feeling him stroking it "want me to take you home" looking at him the elbows on my desk I can't help but stare into his eyes and I can't help but nod "yeah that would be good" seeing a cheeky smile on his face "you ready for bed?" looking into his eyes still I see hope there and yes I am ready to go to bed with him I still hear myself saying "we have a bottle of wine to get through first" seeing him lean forward a cheeky grin on his face "we can drink that in bed Rach" nodding as I am about to get up "shit, I have to see Helen before I go" seeing slight disappointment on his face "do you have to, can't you see her tomorrow" shaking my head in a way I would love to but I am not going to put it off and in a way I want to speak to Helen "no I said I would see her before I leave" then reaching up to touch his face "give me a couple of hours, and meet me at my house" giving a sigh, I do just want to go home, getting up from the seat I can feel him watching me as I walk out as I walk down towards Helen's office knocking on the door I look up seeing Jack walking down the hallway, waving to me the smile on his face I can't help but smile back.

Walking into Helens office I see her get up "want to go and get some drinks" shaking my head maybe I can put this off "some other time" seeing Helen look at me, the motherly look on her face "one beer Rach, outside, I'm sure Jack won't mind and can wait" nodding biting my lip shit I knew this is what it is about and I can't get out of it so I agree. Sitting on the chair overlooking the harbour I know I should of told her but I couldn't I knew she would disagree "you and Jack, Rach how long has it been going on?" sipping on my beer not looking at her "not long ….. it's …. its just been a couple of times" seeing Helen look at me her eyes raised slightly I doubt she believed me either well I didn't say a one night stand this time "a couple of times ….. come on Rachel ….. how long?" nodding at the first "it… it just happened, I didn't plan to go there" seeing Helen look at me "you and Christey is dangerous waters Rach, you know your history. You and cops don't mix" looking straight ahead in a way it is what Helen and my friendship is straight to the point no bullshitting or anything and she had said that to me many a time "I know I know Helen, it just happened between us after spending the night together being chased by Davenport it got me thinking … its nothing serious" but even as I said those words I wondered if it was the truth was it anything serious or was it turning it into something serious seeing Helen look at me "you sure Jack knows that, you know how he feels about you" biting my lip I just want to finish my beer and finish this talk, even I can't admit what Jack means to me I don't know why I can't say it "Jack and me its …. I can't….. I ." I can't finish my sentence I can't stop seeing him seeing Helen look at me her eyes opened "you're in love with him aren't you Rach?" nodding my mouth open then quickly shaking my head turning it away from her my voice soft "No ….. I don't know Helen…. I really do like him this time and yeah I think I want a relationship" there it was out, I actually told someone, now I just need to tell Jack, tipping back the rest of the beer I get up, seeing Helen look at me a smile on her face "Have you told Jack that?" shaking my head "I want to ….. I just can't … I think there is something wrong with me the way I treat him" hearing Helen say "Maybe its your subconscious telling you something" looking at Helen is it but then I know she does then I hear Helen talk again "He's not Knocker Rachel, Jack loves you" looking out over the water, so did John is that what this is about "so did John Helen, we were engaged I thought I knew John and look what happened … I shot him" seeing Helen look at me her eyes staring into mine "Jack is nothing like John Rach, you know that, you need to tell him how you feel … just be careful alright" smiling at Helen despite it all I am glad I got to talk to her I need someone to kick some sense into me "I have to go Helen, I'll see you tomorrow" as I leave Helen there I can see her eyes watching me as I walk away can I tell Jack, can I actually tell Jack that I love him, I can say it to myself "I love you Jack" there that wasn't hard, why is it scaring me. Hearing my phone ring, maybe it is work, yeah maybe then I won't have to tell him for the time being.