Author's Note: Okay, guys... There's been a few hundred visitors to this fic and yet not a single review! I usually don't beg or anything, but what's up? Is it that bad? I put a lot of work into this and I'd love to know what some of you think, even if you hate it! Please, hit that little button at the bottom and let me know what you think, what you hated or loved, what I could work on, et anything you feel like I'd definitely appreciate it so it doesn't feel like shouting into the dark with no response. :)
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon in it's various forms is the intellectual property of Takeuchi Naoko while concepts and original writing belong to me. Illustrations provided by Sammee, which can be found by visiting My Picasa Album, at this URL: picasaweb(dot)google(dot)com/eossana (obviously replace (dot) with a period before you put that into your address bar). Here you can click on the Illustrations album and see in order the cover and subsequent designs that accompany this fic. They're ammmmazing.
Dedication: Again, this is for you, Mels... Happy Birthday!
Special Thanks: To you, Sammee, for being the best ever!
Glossary
Tamagoyaki – Breakfast egg roll, popular also in bento boxes.
nemaki kimono – Light, sleeping kimono. Pajamas.
Five Birthdays Hino Rei Wished She Could Forget
and
One She'll Remember Forever
1994
"Mama… when's Papa going to be here?" The small girl asked, reaching up to grasp at her mother's stripped shirt, tugging for her attention as she brushed her hair. Her mother smiled down at her, grabbing her hand and stilling it.
"Stop fussing, let me finish up," She murmured, running her fingers through the silky dark locks. The small girl couldn't stop fidgeting, though, pulling her head away before she could get it up in a ponytail and twisting to scowl up at her.
"But, Mama! It's my birthday, he said he was staying home today," She whined petulantly, huffing and crossing her arms.
"Hush, Rei-chan, I'm sure he'll be here later. He had a meeting this morning he couldn't reschedule," Risa replied, a small frown tugging at her lips. She would find her daughters angry pouting endearing if it weren't so heart breaking to know how sad she really was inside. Shaking her head, she twisted her daughters' hair up into two pigtails with a flourish, patting the girl on the back.
"Come now, I need to get breakfast started," She said, trying to inject as much cheer into her tone as possible, "Why don't you go wash your hands and get your things ready for class before breakfast, okay? I'm making tamagoyaki."
"Mmmm! Okay!" Rei smiled widely, turning to skip out of her bedroom, distracted from the bone she had been gnawing about her father since she woke up this morning. Risa sighed as she followed her daughter out, stopping at the doorway to pick up the discarded nemaki kimono Rei had tossed to the floor in excitement as she tore about her room, dressing for her special day. Shaking her head, she wished her husband had just stayed home for breakfast before he left for work; it would've saved her a lot of trouble with her unusually enthusiastic child. Such a serious child otherwise, she had been looking forward to this day for weeks due to the anticipation for the present her parents had drummed into her.
She walked into the kitchen, pulling on a simple beige apron before she set about pulling out the ingredients for their breakfast. She smiled at the cupcakes she had made the night before, pleased that they had turned out so well as she moved them aside to make room for her utensils, humming lightly. She popped open the lid on the plastic container holding the dainty white morsels, pulling one out while simultaneously opening a drawer with her other hand, pulling out a candle that she stuck in the middle, next to the small raspberry on top. She placed it on the small table in the adjacent dinning room before turning back to her task.
"Can I stir the bowl, Mama?" Rei asked from behind as she finished slipping eggs into the steel mixing bowl. She felt a small form lean on her and looked down to see Rei hugging her side, peering up at the counter.
"Ah! Cupcakes!" Rei squealed, clutching at her mothers waist, hugging her tighter with her small arms.
"Why don't we sneak in a desert for your birthday, hmm?" She asked as she corralled Rei into the dining room, where she swung her up onto the high stool before coming around to sit opposite the excited 4 year old. Feeling around in her apron's pocket, she withdrew a pack of matches that she used to light the singular candle in the cupcake. Rei's eyes followed the flame the moment she struck the match, fascinated by the tiny flickering fire.
It was something that had scared her immensely, when she had found out that her daughter had a particular love of fire—Even when she was a tottler, whenever they would visit Takashi's father at the Shrine, Rei would have eyes only for the numerous candles placed throughout and when she could walk, if Risa didn't hold onto her hand tightly enough, she would slip from her mothers grasp and head straight towards the nearest pedestal. She had come to realize, though, that Rei seemed well aware of the dangers, never once burning herself despite the many times she would put her hands up to the flame, as if caressing it's contour.
"Happy Birthday, my love," Risa said warmly. She had already sung the English happy birthday song earlier as she woke up the little girl, a ritual she had done from the time Rei was an infant. Standing, she walked around the table and kissed the girl on the forehead, knowing that Rei would sit and watch the candle burn to the very end, allowing her to finish breakfast. They were running slightly late due to one of Rei's tantrums in the bath and she didn't have the time to let Rei help her cook before she had to drive her to pre-school. Bustling into the kitchen, she quickly set about finishing the egg rolls.
***
"Rei-chan, Rei-chan!" Rei turned at her name being called, smiling shyly at the two girls running up to her. She wasn't really familiar with one of the girls, though the slightly taller girl, Mika, also went to her grandfather's Shrine—they had played together often. Despite her earlier excitement, she didn't know what to say to their hurried questions about her birthday, ducking her head as her cheeks flushed in anxiety.
"Um, no, I'm just going to dinner wit h my mama and papa," She finally said, looking up through her bangs. A few other children had gathered, peering at the tin in her hands.
"Oh, can we have one now? Pleease, Rei-chan?" Mika asked, clasping her hands together and smiling eagerly. Rei looked at all the other children huddled around, frowning. She couldn't give any out; there were just enough for her primary class but she didn't know how to say no to the excited looks.
"Well—"
"Come on, share!" A little boy from behind said, pushing forward to grab at the container. She pulled it in closer to her body , shaking her head vehemently.
"No! My mama made them for my class!" But even as she said this, the boy had reached out and grasped a corner, attempting to tug it from her grip. She lost hold of it and awkwardly it clattered to the ground, the top popping off and scattering the small white puffs across the concrete. Snapping her eyes up, she glared at the boy who was staring wide eyed at the mess.
"Hey, I didn-" He wasn't able to finish as she launched herself at him, using her momentum to push him to the ground. He caught her by the arms and they struggled as she yelled angry gibberish at him, finally wrestling him to the ground as she sat on his chest, striking him with her small fists.
"Stupid! Why'd you do that for?" She yelled into his face as he wiggled beneath her, trying to push her off but she wouldn't budge, reaching down to grab one of the cupcakes and using it to smear frosting across his face. The children around her were chanting, having circled around them like a ring and they laughed as he sputtered, spitting out pieces of cake from his mouth as Rei pushed him one last time.
"What's going on here?" The voice of Sister Miyako cut through the crowd and before Rei knew it, all of the children had scattered except for the two of them on the ground, yellow cake pieces clinging to both of them. She was lifted off of the boy and she sneered, folding her arms across her chest as she pulled away from the nun.
"Akio-kun, Rei-chan; what's the meaning of this?" The Sister asked, standing between them with a hand on each of their shoulders, holding them tightly. They both launched into their version of the story in rapid tones but the nun raised a hand, shaking her head at the both of them.
"Into the office—We'll have to call your parents and we'll figure this out," She turned them both around, pushing them forward towards the administration building. Akio leaned over her and stuck his tongue out, where white and yellow froth still clung to his lips.
"Thanks! Those were good!" He said jovially, smacking his lips loudly. Huffing, she turned her eyes from him and stared straight ahead, ignoring his antics as they were led into the main office. The receptionist quirked a curious eyebrow at the two of them but Rei just collapsed into one of the chairs lining the back wall, sitting quietly until her mother came to collect her.
"Your mother is here, Rei-chan," The receptionist called out after many long, excruciatingly quiet minutes, looking at her over her cateye reading glasses with sympathy, "Sister Miyako would like to speak to both of you in her office, just behind you."
Rei stood up, unable to look her mother in the eyes as she shuffled her feet, nervous about meeting with the Deputy Headmistress. Looking up, she saw her mother as well as a tall man approaching, a large scowl coming over his face as he came up to Akio. The little boy shrank back in his seat, grimacing as his father reprimanded him for fighting again on school grounds. Shaking her head, Risa came up behind her and put a hand on her back, giving her a slight push in the direction of the door.
"Let's get this over with so we can head to the park, mmkay?" She said quietly. Rei looked up at the conspiratorial whisper, suddenly relieved that her mother wasn't mad at her. Nodding happily, she practically skipped into the office, turning back to make a face at Akio, who still sat slumped in his chair, grimacing as his father lectured him.
***
The park had managed to distract Rei for a few hours, but as they walked back to their house, she was fixated once again on whether her father was going to make it or not. Risa kept a smile on her face but was beginning to feel frayed at the edges as she answered the same questions over and over. She knew very well that her husband wasn't going to make it, but didn't have the heart to tell her daughter quite yet, especially after the commotion at school.
"What are you doing?" She asked after she turned to see Rei stopped, looking up with a confused expression on her face. She retraced her steps, coming to kneel before her daughter. There was a blank look on her face and she seemed to be staring right through Risa, not even blinking as she waved a hand in front of her face. Perplexed, she put her arms around the little girl and lifted her up to settle her on her hip, quickly walking the two blocks back to their house.
She started to worry when Rei still hadn't made a sound or reacted by the time she sat her down on their couch. As soon as she pulled away, though, Rei instantly grasped her arms, a panicked look in her eyes.
"Mama, no, don't leave me!" She wailed, throwing herself into Risa's arms once again, almost knocking the woman to the ground. Confused, she gathered the suddenly sobbing girl into her arms, sitting back on her haunches as Rei clung to her.
"What's the matter, baby? I'm not going anywhere," She assured, trying to pull the little girl back so she could look into her eyes but she would not budge, her arms locked around Risa's neck.
"Don't leave me, Mama!" She said again, shaking her head and burrowing her face further into Risa's neck.
"Honey, I told you, I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here," She said again, shifting the girl as much as she could as she manoeuvred herself onto the couch, leaning back with Rei in her arms.
Nothing seemed to calm her as she cried hysterically; though Risa tried everything she could think of to no avail. She tried to assure her she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon; she tried coaxing her to sit back with pieces of her favourite liquorice candies; she attempted to get her excited about her unopened birthday gifts; she had even tried reading to her but Rei continued to gasp against her shoulder, leaving her shirt wet with warm tears.
As the day wore on, her sobs started loose their fervor, finally stopping as Rei nodded off, fighting a loosing battle to keep her eyes open. Risa breathed a sigh of relief as she tiptoed to the couch against the wall and gently laid the girl down. She bit her lip as Rei shifted but smiled when it seemed the girl was truly asleep. Quickly, she made her way to the bathroom, having felt the pressure in her bladder for over an hour.
She was drying her hands when a strangled cry caught her off guard, startling her into dropping the towel she had been holding. Rushing back into the living room, she found Rei sitting up on the couch, rubbing her eyes as she began crying once again. Risa quickly gathered her in her arms, quickly wiping her tears and kissing each sodden cheek tenderly.
"Shush, my darling, please; why are you so upset? Tell mama," She said soothingly, though the tears continued to fall across those small, porcelain cheeks. Rei sniffled, trying to speak through her erratic gasps. Risa shhhed her again, smoothing the hair from her hot forehead.
"Deep breaths, my darling, breathe with me," She said calmly, slowly inhaling and then exhaling, encouraging Rei to center herself. Rei followed lead, but each time she would come close to even breathing she would hiccough and start crying again. She shook her head, finally, throwing her arms around Risa once again and burying her face into her bosom. Risa gave up, pulling her daughter closer as she continued to rock her, terribly concerned.
Rei had always displayed a keen sense of observation and intelligence that bordered on the uncanny, but there were times that Risa wondered if it went beyond that. She remembered once when she and Rei had been playing before dinner when the toddler had suddenly stopped, informing her mother in a broken sentence that Papa wasn't coming. Not ten seconds later, the phone was shrilly ringing throughout the house and when she answered it, it indeed was Takashi calling to say his flight was cancelled and he wouldn't be arriving until the morning. She had first written it off, but as the "coincidences" seemed to add up, Risa had accepted that her daughter was special.
Frowning, she looked down at her near-hysterical child, holding her tightly as Rei clutched her torso. Could it be possible that this was another of those circumstances? Could she have… Risa suddenly felt lightheaded as a realization came over her.
She had been diagnosed with a progressive degenerative heart disease recently and was currently waiting on the results of a first battery of tests she had undergone to determine if treatment was possible and what course to take. The Doctor's had informed her, though, that beyond transplant whatever option would still only be buying her time, due to how far it had progressed by the time they caught it. Feeling tears come to her own eyes as she thought of the grim reality that she could very well be leaving her daughter sometime soon, she nestled her face into Rei's hair, at a loss of what to say or do.
She shifted them, pulling Rei onto her chest as she stretched out along the length of the couch, propping herself up slightly with one of her throw pillows. She held her daughter gently, yet so close she could feel every shutter and sigh in the little frame as she inhaled the baby fresh smell of her scalp. Closing her eyes, she began humming a quiet melody, using it to segue into a lullaby that she sang softly into her daughters' small ear. Eventually, Rei nodded off once again and Risa decided to stay where she was, content to hold onto her small daughter, disregarding birthday presents and dinner alike.
When Takashi unlocked the door to his home many hours later, he expected to find a dark household that he would navigate through to his bedroom, collapsing next to his wife after a long day at work. A low glow in the living room attracted his attention, though, and he walked in to find her reclined against the arm of the couch, clutching their daughter sprawled across her chest, both fast asleep with dried tear tracks along their cheeks. He didn't have the heart to wake them, grabbing a blanket from the linen closet in the hallway before snapping it open and letting it float down around their curled up frames. He tucked the sides in and bit his lips as he brushed his hand across Risa's face, before he straightened quickly and made his way to the staircase, noticing the unopened gifts on the table.