"Gone

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Dark Angel are not mine, but Afterglow and Christine is. J

SPOILERS: AJBAC

RATING: PG-13 (also some subtext f/f)

"Gone"

     "Gone? What do you mean 'gone'?" I asked my cousin frantically.

     "I mean she is gone, Chris. Dead." Logan paused. "She died in my arms. Gunshot. Manticore-"

     "NOOOOO!!" I wailed, falling to my knees. Tears flooded my eyes. Max was dead? The one person with whom I connected, was gone? It just wasn't fair. Why wasn't I there to do something?

     Curling up into a ball, I sobbed for a few minutes. Logan placed his hand on my shoulder, comforting me. "Chris…"

     I shook my head, trying to force a smile, and left him to sit in my dark room. Max had stayed here with me a few nights. It was back when I was very ill; she stayed by my side 24/7 and took care of me. I remember how warm her embrace was then, and how I melted into her. She would deny this today, claiming that she doesn't have that ability. But I know better; we're connected. Tears flooded my eyes again. She couldn't be dead. She just couldn't. Not being able to withstand sitting around, I opened the window and climbed out to make a field trip to the "Needle."

~*~*~*~

     Looking down at the dark city below, I realize, again, how much I miss Max.  I have to do something, but what? Knowing the answer, I look up at the moon. One word escaped my lips.

     "Afterglow."

     Could I use the organization for my own personal gain? It wasn't just mine. Manticore had to be stopped somehow. Isn't this what my life was spent obsessing over? Now that this is personal, it seems almost selfish. But somehow, I know that Jade, Leah, Samantha, and Cassidy will help me.

     I sometimes sit here and ask myself, "What is it that drives you now to find Max? Why are you so drawn to her?" It's more than the fact that we met as children at the Manticore grounds. It's more than the fact that we are connected. Am I falling for her?

     No. That's not it. Perhaps it's the fact that I am scared now of my life without her. But that would prove that I might be falling for her. Whoa, Chris, don't go there. That's Logan's territory. Besides, max would never fall for you just because you are a girl, but also because she needs someone stronger. So don't even go there.

     But I can't deny that fact, although I will hide it. As of right now, the most important thing is getting her back. How do I know that she is alive? I just know, and that is all I need.

~*~*~*~

     Max opened her dark, brown eyes and gazed at the low moonlight from her cell. The way the moonlight fell on the bed reminded her of the nights she spent taking care of Chris when she was ill. The light fell the same way on Chris's small frame then, casting a soft shadow. As strange as it sounded, Max really did miss her friend. Is that was Chris was? Sure, they spent every day bickering and exchanging sarcastic remarks, but that was only because she thought of Chris as her equal. The day before she was captured, Max had found the small bracelet around Chris's wrist, the same one she had. At once, she knew that Chris was that same little girl she met the day before they escaped. Chris was the hope Max had when she had escaped. And now, that fact still holds true. Max would break out of this hell, like she did back then, and find Chris.

     There was no doubt in her mind that she and Chris were connected. But how strong was the connection and on what grounds? She cared deeply for Logan, but he didn't seem to want to take the relationship further. And she cared a lot about Chris, too, although she wasn't sure about that either. What Max did know was that when she got out of Manticore, she would tell Chris how she felt. And what was that anyway? How exactly did she feel about Chris? Could she even be capable of even uttering that 'l' word?

~*~*~*~

     "I don't see why we should help her, Chris, she hasn't really done the team thing with us, if you get my drift," Jade lectured me. She never liked Max, and felt that she threatened my role as a member of Afterglow. But it was more than that. Jade was a little jealous that she would lose my friendship to Max. That wouldn't happen, I assured her, but she didn't listen.

     "Jade, don't you remember that mission about the Heaven's gate movement?" I asked her. That was when Danielle was killed while getting info, and when Max followed me and eventually helped.

     "Yeah, Max did help us when…" Leah spoke up, her brown eyes watering at the thought of Danielle.

     Jade just shrugged. "Slipped my mind. Look, I'm saying this whole thing… this war against Manticore is a bad idea. Bringing Afterglow into this just risks lives at a lost cause."

     "A lost cause is only lost if you give up on it," I reply.

     "Says the optimist. Chris, it was only a few months ago that you and Max were at each other's throats. Why the sudden campaign to save her ass?" Samantha chimed in.

     "I…we understand each other, that's all. Besides, aren't we a human rights organization anyway? I think this qualifies as a human rights mission," I retort.

     "It does. If we wage war on these guys, think of all those innocent children who will no longer be trained to kill," Cassidy said.

     "Yeah, but we'd have to deprogram them so they wouldn't kill the innocent civilians," Jade replied.

     I couldn't believe this. They weren't going to help me.  "Fine…you leave me no choice," I said.

     Leah looked at me sadly; she knew what was coming.

     "I'm going it alone," I said.

     Jade sprang up, jumping at me, only inches from my face. "Are you fricken crazy? You could get killed!"

     "Yeah. I could," I said, apathetically.

     She shook me. "Why? Why would you risk your own life for this girl? What, are you in love with her or something? It seems pretty strange that you would risk your own ass for someone who wouldn't do the same for you." Jade was crying now.

     "Jade," I comforted her, running my fingers through her long, raven waves, "Max would do the same for me. In fact, she has and I owe her. I'm sorry." I let go of her, turn, and leave, letting the tears fall. I'm all I can depend on now. I'm waging war on Manticore- against many superhumans who have the ability to end my already short life. So why attempt? It's Max, and that's all the reason I need.

     Max sat again, alone in her cell. She was going crazy. They upped her training to make it even more unbearable. The only good thing about the training was that her body was now all muscle; and what she could do to Chris---no, no, don't think like that, Max. A few days ago, Max sat in deep though, pondering about her feelings for Chris. She did figure out that there was most definitely a chemistry between them, and that she felt some loyalty towards her.

     ~Fin~  (to be continued in "Rationale")