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Monokuma: alright, you bastards! No one has died for a week and I'm getting bored here!
(dead silence)
monokuma: oh? So that's how it's gonna be! Luckily I planned ahead and I got someone to set you bastards straight!
Togami: and what pray tell will that accomplish?
Monkuma: this guys a professional motivational speaker! Now he's been in the laundry room drinking coffee for the last four hours, so I'll call him over. (Pokes head out door) Hey Matt! We're ready for you!
Matt Foley: (comes into room) How's everybody doing today?
(dead silence)
Matt: good, good. Now before we get started, let me give you a little background about what my life is all about! First off, I am 35 years old, I am thrice divorced, and I live in a van down by the river! Now you're probably all thinking to your selves, hey I'm go out there, and I'm gonna, GET THE WORLD BY THE TAIL, AND WRAP IT AROUND, AND PULL IT DOWN AND PUT IT IN MY POCKET! Well I'm here to tell you, that your gonna find as you get out there, that you're not gonna amount, to JACK SQUAT! You're gonna be eating a steady diet of government cheese and and LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
Fukawa: As if!
Togami: yeah... I KINDA already own more than one company, so I'm pretty sure I won't be living in a van. No matter if it is near a river or not.
Naegi: this guy sounds vaguely familiar...
Matt: (asks Naegi) Now young man, what do you wanna do with your life?
Naegi: Um... I don't now.
matt: I don't know. well that and a nickel will get you a nice hot cup of JACK SQUAT!
Naegi: okaaaaaay...
matt: Your seance of humor is not welcome here unless you wanna livein aCAN DOWN BY THE RIVER! (Turns to Kirigiri) Now young lady, what do you wanna do with your life?
Kirigiri: ...Um... I'm a detective.
Matt: WELL, LA DE FRICKIN' DA! We got ourselves a detective here! Hey Monokuma, I can't see real good, is that old Sherlock Holmes over there?!
Monokuma: No, but I was hoping maybe she would DIE SOON!
Matt: Monokuma, I wish you'd just shut your damn YAPPER! Now (looks at name tag) Kirigiri, I hear you haven't been using your detective skills for murdering people, but for solving murder cases! Wait a minute... That doesn't make any seance...
Hagakure: my crystal ball tells me that I am hungry.
Matt: Well, look who's hungry! A fortune teller right?
Hagakure: Yep! And I'm right 20% of the time, dude!
Matt: tell me son, what do you see in the future?
hagakure: I seem fat man falling into a wall and a van down by the river.
Matt: Well you know what that means? IT MEAN THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE LIVIN IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
Hagakure: Woah. Cool.
Matt: Now as I see it, there is only one possible way for you guys to get back on the right track (pumps arms furiously) And it is for me to move into this school and to get some fancy book learnin'
Togami: I don't see why that would get us to murder each other.
Matt: Well old Matt's gonna be in you guys shadow! Here's you, here's Matt! There's you there's (Jumps into wall making it fall to the ground revealing the outside world? All of the students rush out of the building) C'MON! I GOT A PLACE WHERE THEY'LL NVER FIND US! IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
end.