Miyuki Hamasaki: -_- My friend Jesse gets into his Dark moos very easily.. It scares me! Dark moods are scary...!! Lookit the bright side!! *shines lightbuld in face*
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, this ain't mine, that ain't mine, anything from Digimon ain't mine!
"....." Talk
'.....' Thoughts
~*~*~*~*~ Change Scene
*.....* Actions
~..... POV~ Someone's POV
~......~ Place
~~~~~~~~~~ After.. you know what I mean..
(A/N ........) Author's Note which means I'm talking
(......) Whoever's POV it is, the person is either fixing something or WHATEVER!!! I forget what it's called at this moment...
^On the last chapter^ I hope you know what THAT means
°On the next chapter° *~NEW~* You probably know what this means too..
-.....- Time (I don't use it much but it appears sometimes...)
................................... *~NEW~* It's just used to part the '^On the last chapter^' thing from the actual story...
Title: Drowning in Darkness
Author: Miyuki Hamasaki
Chapter 1
I walked into my room, banging the door shut as I dropped my school bag to the ground. I made sure the door was locked - just incase my parents came home early. I dropped my coat onto the ground too, not even noticing the mess in my room. I dropped next to my bed without any energy - I felt so drained even though I haven't done anything that would have made me so tired.
I felt so alone. So empty.. It almost made me want to cry. Almost.
Everybody just assumed I was one of those cry-baby, snobby, whin-if-you-don't-get-your-way types. They overlooked my personality, judging me by my looks and the way I dressed.
Of course, that wasn't all that bad.
People saw me as the cool, pretty, popular and smart Mimi. That was alright. I guess.
What they didn't see was a problem though. Everybody had expectations of me. And because they did, I couldn't act like someone else.
I couldn't act like the person I really was inside.
Which, was okay it some ways. It was almost as if.. as if I was designed to be the kind of person everybody expected me to be.
It sometimes drove me nuts. Who were all these people to just expect what I was supposed to be? I could go and turn into some psycho chick for all I cared!
Except.. I didn't care.
I was the cheerful, happy, loving Mimi that everybody knew. Except way deep inside, I was filled with darkness.
It scared me at first. But then I got used to thinking about such things as what if would be like if the world was filled with darkness.
Sounds insane, doesn't it?
At school, I didn't show a sign of it. I acted as if being cheerful was my life. I laughed, smiled, giggled and such. Me with groups of friends. That was the scene. That's how it was supposed to be.
And that's how it was.
My friends and I talked, giggled, laughed, smiled. We talked about boys, homework, school, hanging out and etc. We giggled and laughed at each other, things that happened around the school, others. We smiled at others, our smiles dazzling others. That's how it was at school.
At home? It wasn't the same. When I was at school, I felt loved. I felt important. I felt.. I felt as if loneliness was just something that was in people imaginations.
How could I feel so different just because of the places?
At home, I felt alone. I felt as if I was the only person on Earth, or as if nobody else knew I existed.
It felt as if I didn't have any close friends that would be there for me at times when I felt lonely.
But I did. I had friends who would risk their lives for me.. But most weren't like that.
But.. Maybe it wasn't friends that made me feel so lonely.. It was.. It probably was him...
I had loved him ever since I could remember.. It made me feel so lonely when I saw him with Sora.. When I saw the love of my life with my best friend...
I wished there was a pill.. medication.. anything to make me fall in love with the right one.. the one.. Or at least somebody who would love me back. Maybe things wouldn't be as painful that way.
But it is. Because I do love him.
Oh-so unforunate of me...
I thought of how he looked with her... So happy, cheerful.. Everything positive.. And.. so... in love with Sora.
It hurt me to even think about him and her.. But they are so perfect for each other. Everybody knows that.
Friendship and Love... Love and Friendship... Everything fits together, just like that. It could never be Friendship and Sincerity.. Sincerity and Friendship...
But I know I'm not the only one hurting... Which makes me feel less alone when I think about it. Ever since that announcement of him and Sora being together, Tai and I have been much closer. We'd call each other, go to a cafe and hang out.. But most of the time, we end up talking about them. It hurt to talk about them.. but it also made us feel better.. To realize that we were going through the same thing.
Maybe if Tai and I could just fall in love, everything would be easy. We wouldn't have to watch Sora and him in pain that way. But we can not choose who we love.
I began to sniffle as I thought him and Sora together... Under a cherry blossom tree on a sunny day.. I shook my head and tried to think of something else but it got worse. Now I could imagine them together, holding hands, kissing...
"GOD!" I screamed, throwing my pillow off the bed. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how messy I looked already - my mascara was running which made me look like I had a sleeping problem, my make-up looked horrible, my hair was a messy - all in all, I looked terrible. I sighed and pushed my hair back with my hand, grabbed a scrunchie and tied my hair in a pony-tail. I bottom lip trembled as I looked at my reflection. What had I become? I had become this.. this.. miserable girl who used to be popular, who had everything. And all this because of...
I sobbed at the thought of his name. It had become so painful.. So painful that it hurt when I even thought about his name.. Maybe it was time.. Maybe it was..
I jumped up, re-did my make-up and got ready. It was definitely time. Maybe it would hurt me less when I told him.
'Maybe.. when I confront in front of him, face-to-face, that I love him.' I thought. Yes, that was definitely it. Maybe if I got his reaction, if I got it through my head that he didn't like me, if I didn't have that small ball of hope hopping around in my heart, I would get over him. Yes, this was exactly what I needed to do. Why didn't I think of it earlier?
I grabbed my pink coat and ran out the door. I needed to tell him now - yes, sooner the better. It would easily get rid of my pain, get rid of my hope of him liking me, and then, and then I could move on. And maybe if I did, I wouldn't feel so miserable, so.. so.. lonely. So.. unloved.
'Yes, yes, yes!' I rejoiced inside me. 'Why couldn't I have thought of this earlier?!!' I stopped running. I was right in front of his house. This was the first time that I had ever looked at his house so closely, looking at everything from his mailbox to his door. I took a deep breath.
'This could be it!' I yelled happily in my head. 'This could be the one and only move that may change my whole life!' I rang the doorbell and waited.
'This could be it...' I thought once more for the millionth time. Just the thought of me being myself once more made me feel so happy..
I rang the doorbell once more and I heard a muffled voice shout, "Just a sec!!!"
I smiled sadly at his voice. Even his voice made me melt. But, as soon as I got this news out to him, he would know, and would tell me that he didn't love me, and well, that would be the end of that.
I tapped my foot impatiently making clicking noises. I heard somebody unlock the door. I saw his face, shining as he saw my face and I smiled back at him.
"Hi Mimi!" He greeted me cheerfully. I smiled at him.
"Hi Yamato."
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Miyuki Hamasaki: Lalala~ Lol.. That didn't make much sense, did it? Sorry if I confused anybody.. Actually, I probably confused everybody but anywayz... I'm not planning on posting the next chapter any time now.. But.. :P Maybe if I get enough reviews, I'll be convinced that people actually read my ficcie! Lol~ ^_^;; I'm just kidding!!! @.@ Anywayz, I'll write the next chapter soon.. Hopefully.. If I get enough time.. Anywayz, bye!! Dinner's waiting for moi~
P.S. I know this is really short and all but I was planning on making this a short ficcie but as I went along, I changed my mind. So that's why this chapter is really short and why this chapter doesn't have a name, title er.. whatever!