Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling. No infringement is intended. To better understand this story I suggest that you read "The Sorting Hat Experience" and "The oh so sexy Basilisk" first. Fear not, they are short and humorous.

The Sorting Hat Revisited

Scene: After Harry gets out of the Chamber of Secrets he is talking to Dumbledore.
Harry: But professor, why can I speak Parseltongue??
Dumbledore: Well Harry, when Voldemort's curse back fired you got a little piece of him…
Sorting Hat: *cough* LIAR *cough*
Dumbledore: Excuse me Sorting Hat?
Sorting Hat: Harry did you not believe me when I sorted you? I told you that Voldemort is your father. Which explains why you can speak Parseltongue.
Harry: Huh? Voldemort is my father??
Dumbledore: Dammit Sorting Hat!! It took us three weeks to do the memory charms so no one would remember all the plot secrets you gave away the last time you saw Harry. You are completely useless!
Sorting Hat: Are you kidding? I got Harry the sword so he could defeat the Basilisk!
(Dumbledore gets teary eyed)
Dumbledore: The poor sexy Basilisk.