For Brok3nKistuneD0lly – Renoxanyone (which is a *very* dangerous thing to say to me….)
"Tseng! Tell your damned boyfriend to knock it off!" Tseng looked up surprised as his second-in-command came rushing into his office, drops of oil splattering all around him.
"Reeve?" Tseng frowned, protecting his precious folders from stains. "*Reeve* is getting on *your* nerves?" It was usually the other way around.
"He was gonna help me with a few strange noises on my chopper – and you know I love that chopper, right?" Reno flapped his arms agitated. "And well, fuck, he did!"
"Yes? So?" Tseng didn't get why this should be a problem. Reno loved the helicopter in a way that outside of the Turks would have been considered unhealthy. Inside the Turks, however, it was just one of those charming quirks everyone had.
"He brought the Gods-damned chopper to *life*!" Reno pulled his hair in despair. "It's talking! It has a personality! My chopper! My baby!"
Tseng's eyebrows rose.
"I can see some serious advantages to having a sentient chopper…." He started.
"Then you are an idiot, yo!" Reno growled. "My baby – she hates me."
"What?!"
"Yeah, that's right! All the time and love I've given her – all the waxing and fine tuning – all the caring and the new leather upholstery – the cool new flames on the side - and is she grateful? No! She wants flowers! And perfume! And to be painted pink! Pink! What the fuck!"
"I…see." Tseng tried not to laugh as Reno looked completely heartbroken.
"I thought she was a cool girl. Turns out she's a bubble-headed bimbo." He sulked.
"If you talk to her you'll sort things out."
"Nu-uh. I ain't goin' back there." He leaned forward, pale faced. "You have no idea the things she says. I can never…touch her buttons again. I feel dirty just thinking about it."
Tseng couldn't help it. He looked at the oil splattered on Reno. The red-head blushed fiercely. Tseng burst out laughing.
For Abnormal2110 – Valenwind and poker!
"Straight flush." Vincent put down his card. "I suppose I win again."
"Fuckin' hell!" Cid stared at his measly two pairs. "I don't believe it!"
"I'll take…the goggles." Vincent smiled and gracefully accepted the not very gracefully handed goggles. Leaving Cid with nothing but his pants. Oh Vincent supposed he could have taken those straight away, but this prolonged torture was much more fun.
"Right, last time." Cid growled, shuffling the cards. "Double of nothing – the winner gets to top. Lady Luck has gotta smile at me sometime tonight!"
"Accepted." Vincent took up his cards and glanced over at Cid who did a fairly good job with his poker face. Vincent smiled wickedly as he studied his cards.
This ought to teach the pilot not to play strip poker with an ex-Turk – at least not when he sat with his back to a mirror.
***
For Mommy Silver: RufusxCissney!
Tseng sighed as he looked up when Cissney and Rufus came out of the office where they had been having 'discussions about the safety at Turk level, honestly'.
"A word of advice, sir?" He gave them a pointed look. "If you insist on trying to keep this office romance of yours a secret, make sure you remember to put on the right suit jacket afterward."
For Spoonerism - Sephiroth and breakfast
Sephiroth stared at the assortment of brightly and totally artificial articles – the word 'food'
didn't seem quite accurate – that Zack had put on the table and called breakfast. The General warily prodded some cereal that looked like pieces of candy and hastily pulled his finger back as they cracked, snapped and popped at him.
"Are you sure this even qualifies as nutrient for humans?" He asked suspiciously.
"Sure it does." Zack was already munching, putting another poptart in the toaster. "'Is good!"
"Yes, but…" Sephiroth didn't know what to say. All his life he'd been treated like some sort of highly expensive machine, and to make sure the machine ran smoothly, he'd only been treated the very best and most healthy foods – fruits, vegetables, whole grain bread, lean meat and the like. He took up the cup Zack handed him and sniffed. "This is coffee."
"Of course it is. You've never had coffee?"
"Sometimes they let me have a cup of herbal tea." It was the pity in Zack's eyes that did it, Sephiroth decided. He wasn't a machine, he was a human. And as a human he could damn well eat whatever he wanted.
One hour later, the Silver General had the first sugar-and-caffeine rush of his life, resulting in one demolished office, several traumatized office workers, high pitched giggling and a fine of 100 000 gils to anyone who fed the war hero sugar again.
**
For BackstageSin – sweet TsengxVincent
"Sit down. I'll help you." Vincent hesitated as Tseng put a hand on his shoulder. He still didn't know if he trusted the man, but…what could the Turk do? Kill him? He was thirty years too late for that.
"What a tangled mess." Tseng shook his head as Vincent sat down on the carpet in front of him, Tseng still on the couch. "You should take better care of yourself."
Vincent shrugged a little. It was a long time since he cared for his looks.
Gentle hands ran through the tangles of his hair and he winced a bit as the fingers snagged and pulled.
"This won't do." Tseng rose up. "No, please stay. I'll be right back."
Curious, Vincent leaned back against the couch again, wondering what the Turk was up to. Fumbling around on the couch behind him, he found a pillow to sit on, taking some weight of his scrawny hips.
"Here we go. Let's see." Tseng returned with a small basin with steaming water, a towel, a comb and a pair of scissors. Sitting back on the couch again, he gently gathered up Vincent's hair and leaned his head back, almost into Tseng's lap. "Relax." The Turk mumbled as Vincent startled; the water was warm against his cool skin and even warmer as Tseng started pouring it over his hair. Warm trickles ran down his forehead, his scalp, his ears. Vincent closed his eyes, a small smile tugging his lips as strong fingers massaged his head, rubbing shampoo into his long hair.
"This is nice." He mumbled, relaxing. He realized that his arms were hanging off Tseng's legs but he didn't care.
"You have lovely hair. You should take care of it." Tseng poured more water over his head, rinsing and repeating. "You should take care of *you*."
"There never seemed to be much of a point." Vincent shrugged.
"Well." Tseng's conditioner smelled like evergreens. "Will you let me do it for you, then?"
The towel rubbed his hair, drying it slightly. The comb scraped pleasantly against his scalp as Tseng's clever fingers loosened the knots and tangles. A few *snips* from the scissors as a few locks had to be sacrificed. Lips pressed against the crown of his head.
"Maybe I will."
**
For Elixile22 – TsengxReeve being caught in the act by Scarlet, Reeve wearing…no, I ain't gonna tell! It will be much more fun if you read it yourself!
A/N: I can not tell you how long I've been waiting for an excuse to try to make Reeve make ShinRa ecologically friendly….(and I must say, I love this ficlet!)
High heels *clicked* down the Turks corridor as Scarlet made her razor-straight line down it. Had she thought about it she would have noticed that the corridor seemed strangely deserted, the dreaded, tell-tale sound of stiletto high heels emptying even the Turks' territories in a way that no Soldier, monster or even scientist could ever hope to achieve.
She was not in a good mood, scowling as she ripped the memo she had recently got into tiny pieces, the sheer stupidity of it enough to boggle the mind. It was an employer proposal that had gone out to all of the executives from the Head of Urban Development, Reeve Tuesti, suggesting that with the recent vogue of environmental issues, ShinRa should take care to make sure it became more ecologically friendly. Followed by a neat and highly annoying list of 'all the small little things one can do to make a difference for the better in our daily lives.'
Ecologically friendly? *ShinRa?!* The man was clearly out of his mind.
"It's time to put that over-aged tree-hugger back in his place," she muttered to herself, spreading the confetti she'd made of his proposal. Hitching up her push up, she cast a quick glance in a mirror as she past, adjusting to make a few more centimeters of cleavage show. If you'd paid for it, you'd better show it, she firmly believed.
It had been easy – if icky – enough to make Palmer and Heidegger go along with her plan, but to make sure she had a majority for kicking Tuesti's flustered ass out of the board of Directors, she needed at least one more. And that one would be Tseng. With any luck, she though as she put on some more lipstick, her female charms might even convince the Turk to off Reeve for good. And that stupid cat doll of his.
Walking up to Tseng's office, she pushed the door open, battered her eyes and said huskily:
"I just *knew* you'd be working over, darling…" She gasped.
Annoyed black eyes glared at her over the desk – and more importantly, over a blushing Reeve Tuesti, whom appeared to be wearing a long flowing, batik patterned tunic, wide linen trousers and with a chain of daisies hanging around his neck. It was kind of hard to tell for sure, since the clothes were pushed all out of order and most of Reeve was covered with Tseng instead.
"Scarlet," Tseng said icily, "I would appreciate it you *knocked* next time."
Feeling all her plans crash down on her head, Scarlet stammered an excuse, then turned and ran.
Tseng watched her run down the corridor for a moment before turning his attention back to Reeve.
"I do hope she breaks an ankle in those ridiculous shoes of hers." He mumbled, kissing down Reeve's jaw. "Maybe she should just meet with an 'accident' one of these days."
"Tseng!" Reeve cuffed him playfully on the shoulder, but didn't seem that displeased with the idea. "What do you think she wanted anyway?"
"It's not important." Tseng's voice was slightly muffled as he kissed his way down Reeve's chest. "What is important is, how did you know I have a fetish for fucking hippies?"
"What do you mean? These are my normal casual clothes."
For Albedosrequiem – RudexCissney with upset Reno
The Gods' damned mission had been too Gods' damned long! Reno was more than happy to be back home in dear old ShinRa's corridors, his combat boots squelching on the expensive carpeting. He missed the place when he was away, but what he *really* missed was the people here, his friends and partners and Turks…
And as soon as he got a shower and got the grease and dirt and blood of his hair, he'd jump the first one of them he saw, 'cause being away like that for *days* made him horny as hell.
Unless it was Tseng, of course. He was horny, not suicidal.
Flinging the door to the Turks' showerroom open he tossed his ruined clothes in a pile and stepped whistling into the hot water. And stopped, dropping his jaw.
The cubicle was already occupied, and by the look on Rude and Cissney's faces the had been *very* occupied indeed.
"Nononono!" Reno gasped, horrified. "My fuck-friends are cheatin' on me! With one another!"
"Um…" Rude started.
"It's not what you think!" Cissney protested. "Well, maybe it is, but…you were gone and…"
"You bastards!" Reno glared at them. "I can't be gone four days before you have to bump ugly with the first thing that comes your way?"
"Five days." Rude mumbled.
"Whatever. I'm seriously hurt, yo."
Cissney and Rude exchanged a glance.
"Maybe we can make it up to you?"
"You'd better. How?"
"You can be the filling in a CissneyxRude sandwich."
For CrimsonSun – TsengxReeve travel fic. Which turned into a vacation fic. Hope that is ok!
"I do appologice," Rufus ShinRa said. "But it was an emergency. It was vital that I had the Head of Turks at my side in this time of crisis."
"I understand," Reeve sighed. "It's just bad luck that it happened in the middle of our vacation, I suppose."
Tseng didn't say anything. He was sitting at the ShinRa employee's lounge, at a ShinRa coffee table, on a ShinRa chair and holding on to his ShinRa standard sized coffee mug as if his life depended on it. His hair was muzzled and dirty, there were twigs and dead flowers hanging from the tresses and his nails were dirty. For some reason, he smelled vaguely of goat.
"I will have to make it up to you later." Rufus nodded. "Did you have a good time before you were forced to return to civi…to Midgard?"
"Oh, yes!" Reeve shone up. "We hiked a few miles with back packs until we reached this lovely lake, just at sunset. There was a little farm there and they let us camp on their field if we helped them with the livestock, and even invited us for dinner. I took great photos. And then we decided to camp there for a few days, we took a swim in the lake, hiked in the woods, saw deer and birds…it was wonderful!" His face fell a little. "Too bad it was only a week. I could have stayed there all month."
"Some other time perhaps," Rufus smiled. "Now, if you excuse me, I need to talk to Tseng. Important business."
As Reeve walked away after a kiss on his pale boyfriend's cheek, the president turned to his Head of Intelligence gathering. He'd seen Tseng after assassinations, infiltrations, deadly gun fights, and Reno's pranks. Tseng had never looked this exhausted.
"Thank you, sir." He croaked, sipping coffee.
Rufus cocked his head.
"Well, it seemed Reeve had a good time. Care to share your version of all of this?"
"It was awful," Tseng confessed in a quiet little voice. "Just horrible. There were mosquitoes and ticks everywhere. I got chafes after one mile. The tent was cold and wet. The farm family…" he groaned. "I've never encountered such a bunch red-necked of hillbillies in my life and I never want to again! They made me move goats. And drink moonshine. Not even Reno would drink that…liquid."
"The deer? The birds? The swim in the lake?" Rufus couldn't help but smile; like all true predators, Tseng was superbly adapted to his environment – the city – and completely lost in all others.
"The deer *smelled* and the birds woke me up at four in the morning." Tseng pulled a hand through his hair and stared with disgust at the grease on it. "And the lake was cold and probably polluted. I had to call you, sir. I had to get away."
"Any time, Tseng." Rufus raised a hand as if to pat his friend on the back, but thought better of it. There might still be ticks on Tseng, after all.
"I'll make it up to you, sir."
"That's alright, I think the photos of you carrying goats will be more than enough."
For alphonseelric – Valenwind suprise
Vincent had had quite enough. Rising from the breakfast table like a shadow of doom, he loomed over Avalanche. The usually rowdy crowd immediately fell silent.
"I told you," he said through gritted teeth. "I would appreciate it if you didn't smoke those vile things when we are eating. It makes everything taste like ash."
"Oh, yeah?" the blonde pilot stared back, defiant in the face of enraged demon ex-Turk. "An *I* said I'd 'ppreciate a little less moping from ya, didn't I? Stop being so stuck up and serious once in a while wouldn't kill ya!"
Vincent pulled out his gun. Avalanche quickly slid their chairs back, not certain at all as to what their newest member was up to – it wasn't as if Vincent , found in a coffin and carrier of four demons, came of as the most stable person on Gaia.
Cid gritted his teeth around his beloved cig.
"Ya wouldn't dare." He growled, but his blue eyes were big with fear. "Yer just…"
Vincent fired the gun.
Cid yelped rather unmanly with fear and pushed himself backwards, but was far too slow. The small jet of water hit him straight in the face, killing the cig and turning it into a soggy piece of nicotine, ash and papers that ran down the pilot's chest.
"You were right," Vincent smiled as Cid started swearing, "It didn't kill me."
For Tarisalone - GenesisxAngeal
In despair, Angeal prodded the pile of lacy cloth.
"Tell me again why I have to do this?" He sighed at Genesis, who shrugged.
"Orders, darling. It's a fund raising thing of ShinRa – some silly charity thing."
"And we need to dress out as women because…"
"Because apparently it appeals to the common public perverts. And the high-up perverts who will pay good money to see Soldiers in dresses." Genesis handed him something. "Here, put this on your legs."
"What's this?" Angela sniffed suspiciously at the bowl. "Smells like wax."
"It is wax. Pour it on your legs and then we'll rip of those annoying hairs of yours…." Genesis smiled a little as Angeal dropped his jaw.
"You are kidding me! It sounds like some kind of Turk torture method!"
"It is, although they don't pour it on their client's legs…oh, don't be such a baby, Angeal! You are a Solider! Show some balls!"
"In these panties, I will! At least tell me the Turks have to do this to?"
"Yes, although I do think Tseng cheated. He still has a suit, he just claims it's a Turk woman's suit. Party pooper." Seeing Angeal's shoulder slump a little, Genesis stepped up behind him and hung himself over the broad shoulders, rubbing his face against that quite delicious stubble that would, alas, also have to go. "Come on, honey….it's not that bad." He purred. "Did I tell you what I am wearing?"
"No." Angeal was still frowning over the thought of hot wax and private parts.
"I found this *gorgeous* little thing, all satin and silk…." He smiled a bit as he saw the tiny light in Angeal's eyes. "M-hm…hugs my body like a second skin, the slinky thing. With little ribbons and, oh, that emerald green *really* shows of my hair…"
"Alright, alright…" Angeal was suddenly feeling a bit warm. "Maybe I'll…"
But Genesis didn't stop.
"And did you see Sephiroth's dress?" He purred, kissing along Angeal's jaw. Lowering his voice to a husky whisper, he mumbled. "It's….made of leather."
"Gen!" Angeal almost whimpered as blood flowed far too fast to his face. He managed to pinch his nose before he ruined the dress.
"Lots of buckles and straps, and Goddess knows where he got it." Genesis voice was an almost sadistic purr. "Thigh-high boots of leather and a little choker…I don't think anyone told him just how kinky it is."
"Yu are ad evil bastard, Ged." Angeal complained, pinching his nose harder.
"And Zack! He found a dress shop in Wall Market, and a wig and lingerie and sexy cologne…"
"Damn it, Gen! Now I got noseblood all over the dress!"
**
And *just* because it's Way2theDawn – Valenwind and sticky icecream luv!
Vincent stared at the seemingly endless row of ice cream flavours with something akin to despair. Jelly beans. Zabayone. Cactuar. Coffee latte. *Cookie dough?* Was this ice cream or a grocery store? When he'd been put in the coffin, you'd be lucky if there were vanilla, strawberry and chocolate to choose from. He barely dared to glance at the one that was violently mako-green.
Raising his eyes hesitantly, he opened his mouth to place his order, but was cut off by the short blond by his side.
"I jest know yer gonna choose some boring-ass taste, ain't ya?" Cid sighed. "Well, since I'm buying it fer ya, let me tell ya I ain't paying money fer vanilla, and that's it. Choose something else! Live a little!"
"I'm quite content dead, thank you." Vincent said stiffly. "And I'm old enough to eat whatever flavor I want." He nodded at the woman behind the counter, but made a mental change. Vanilla would have to wait for another day. "Chocolate, please."
"And…" Cid pressed.
"And what?"
"That's jest one flavor! Ya gotta choose more!"
"I'm not used to that kind of…indulgence. One will be quite enough."
"Right, then ya don't get ta choose." Snapping his fingers in front of Vincent's eyes which made them glace over, Cid called sweetly. "Oh, Chaos! Get our here, ya big bat. What ya want?"
"Apart from world domination, the destruction of mankind and some decent new clothes?" Yellow eyes scanned the counter, making the woman behind it dive for cover. "Chunky peanut butter fudge."
"Good. Gigas?"
"Sour jelly bean."
"Hellmasker?"
"Tonberry tornado."
"Galian?"
"Crushed skittle and caramel."
When Vincent woke up again he looked down on the biggest, most violently coloured ice cream he'd even seen.
"Highwind!"
"What? Ya need ta get some meat and yer bones anyway."