AUTHORS NOTE: CONTAINS SELF HARM AND MAY BE TRIGGERING.
well hey guys this is my first one shot. Like i said up there this story contains self harm so may be triggering. So yeah apart from that enjoy. And i apologise to people with very srong feels D: xD Scrump10 xx
Confessions- A Phan one shot
Dan slid to the bathroom floor. His hands were shaking violently and his eyes were focused on the sharp blade hanging teasingly off the shelf. Droplets of blood hit the pearly white tiles with the occasional spit, spot... spit, spot. Dan watched silently as if in a trance...
The tears he had been holding back suddenly burst out in a sea of emotion and pain beyond words. He was broken and out of ideas. This wasn't just something he could sit and discuss with Phil... because.. well...Phil wouldn't understand... Nobody understood.
With a long sigh Dan wiped his tears away fighting back more, he stood up and checked himself over in the mirror. He looked dreadful. There were black rings under his eyes, his hair was greasy and hung lifelessly in clumps and his lips were dry and split. He looked thinner than normal and his usually glowing face was pale and expressionless...
Next he looked at his wrists, the blood still poured from the gashes and he had a network of old scars now just pale lines on his skin. Dan gently mopped up the blood, wincing everytime he went over a fresh cut and then bandaged his arm zipping up his jacket quickly before leaving the bathroom.
"Phil!" he yelled, "yeah" he heard as a response coming from Phils room, " I'm just popping to the shop." Phil didnt reply. " Fine" Dan yelled loudly "no sweets for Phil."
At the mention of the words no sweets Phil came running out of his room, he held his xbox remote in the air waving it over his head in an obviously fake frantic panic. "Dannnnnnn" he whined pouting slightly "Please can i have some sweeties" He said in a babyish voice while looking sadly down at his shoes and fiddling with his hands. Although this was obviously a joke Phil had no idea how much this got to Dan, damn Phil looked cute. "S u u re" Dan managed to stutter out before turning quickly and walking straight out of the apartment without a single glance back at the extremely confused Phil...
When Dan got outside he was extremely grateful for the cool breeze whipping his warm, flustered face . Why did Phil affect him like this? Sweet, innocent and lovable Philip Lester... He wasn't allowed to be thinking the thoughts he was. Phil was just... to innocent for these thoughts it didn't seem right.
He walked into the shop and bought the essentials, milk, butter, bread and a few more things and lastly a bag of haribo each for him and Phil. He took it to the counter and payed then headed home.
The walk seemed to short and in a matter of minutes he was back at the front door of his apartment, composing himself he knocked on the door, no answer, Another knock, still no answer... This happened every time. Phil didnt hear anything when games were involved, it was a kind of selctive deafness. The sort that says, no im not listening im to busy doing something else. Now go away... After about 5 minutes of knocking the door Dan gave up and put the shopping bags down reaching for his keys. He fitted them into the lock and walked inside, the room was deadly quiet.
"Phil?" Dan yelled slightly panicking. No reply. He stood still listening for any sound at all. and then he heard it, a tiny whimper coming from the bathroom...
He edged closer to the room trying not to make a single noise, he stood outside the door listening to Phils rapid breathing. what is he doing? Dan wandered while gently pushing open the door, the sight he saw infront of him broke him, tore his insides up. The helpless look on Phils face the tears streaming down his cheeks, this was a side of Phil that Dan had never seen and he hated it...
"Phil?" he asked kneeling down in front of the broken boy. Phil looked up and met his eyes directly, the pain in them hurt Dan more than anything had ever hurt in his life. There were no words needed, it was an understanding... Silence was sometimes more powerful than words and this was definately one of those moments.
Silently Dan lifted up his sleeve to reveal his fresh cuts from earlier that day and whispered hoarsley " I understand." Phil brought him into a tight embrace and broke down, tears drenching Dans shirt. "Why?" Phil asked looking up at him. "Truthfully" he added.
Dan took a deep breath and said. " For loving you." he bowed his head towards the ground expecting the worst, but nothing came. Just a complete silence filled the room, until at last Phil lifted Dans head looking him in the eyes.
After what felt like a week Phil leaned forward and planted a small kiss on Dans lips, " I love you Dan, you're not alone, you never have been"
They brought their foreheads together and listened to the sound of each others breathing. " I love you phil." Dan whispered with a small tired smile and a small blush back on his cheeks. " A lot" he finished.