Title: Bird watching
Author: Enide Dear
Pairing: Valenwind. And a duck.
Rating: cute…ish
Summary: Nothing says love like a duck
Dedicated to: Way2thedawn, for her birthday! Congratulations, dear!
"Aaaaahhhh, yeah!" Cid groaned in pleasure pain as he slipped down the muddy bank of the river and into the cool waters. "This is the stuff!"
Splashing around a bit got him out deeper, not that the river was very deep in the midst of a Junon high summer. He managed to find a spot where the water at least reached his chest if he sat cross- legged in the midst of the happily gurgling little water stream
"Heroes, my ass," he muttered to himself as he started to splash water over himself, rubbing off sweat and grime and assorted monster blood. "Avalanche ain't nothing but a band of pansies." Unhygienic pansies at that; not one of them had taken him up on the offer of a swim. The girls blamed it on not bringing swimsuits, Nanaki and Cait on being quite able to wash themselves without the use of nasty waters, Barret on it being to friggin' cold and Cloud had been off somewhere in lala- land, probably moping about either Zack or Sephiroth, who knew. And Vincent…Cid sighed a bit. He would have given quite a lot to get the gunman down naked in the waters, but lady Luck wasn't with him today, it seemed.
"Nor any other damn day," he mumbled, dipping his head into the waters to rinse his hair. He couldn't remember what kind of monster had managed to die right above him, but he was glad to get rid of the blood. A Highwind was blonde, damn it. Yep, he though cheerfully as he soaped up lower, a genuine blonde.
A small shadow drew his attention, and he spun around. A brightly coloured duck was paddling slowly towards him.
"Oh." He chuckled a bit as the bird paddled a slow circle around him. "Gave me a scare, ya little bastard. Have ya come ta be my bath duck?"
The bird stared at him for a second with a bleary eye. Then it dived.
The roar of pain made all of Avalanche jump high, clutching for their weapons.
"That was Cid!" Tifa was on her feet, hands fisted and up. "Something has attacked him!"
"A monster? A Turk? Sephiroth?" Yuffie was jumping up and down.
"Hurry up, but stay together!" Cloud held his huge sword at the ready. "We have to stay…where is Vincent?"
A red shadow between the trees showed that Vincent was already sprinting for the river. Swearing, the rest of Avalanche followed.
"Never do that again, Vincent!" Cloud hissed as they caught up with Vincent, who was waiting between some willows. "You don't know what it might have been that attacked Cid! It could turn on you! It could be a monster – even a Weapon! – to make Cid scream like that!"
"So, where is that gods-damned fiend?" Barret rumbled, rising his gun arm.
"We'll kick it's ass for hurting our team mate!" Yuffie piped in, the others adding their own battle cries.
Vincent turned slowly to stare at them, blinking solemnly. Then he lifted one hand and pointed.
Seven jaws were dropped all at once.
In the clear summer light, Avalanche was treated to the sight of a bare-butt naked Cid, running around half bent over in hot pursuit of a wildly quacking duck, his only curtsey to modesty the battered fedora he held over his groin. The poor bird was dragging one wing, running for its life and all the while making an awful noise, although by no means near as much noise as the pilot. Some of the swear words coming out of Cid's mouth ought to have scorched the bird into a pile of charcoal, but instead it swerved wildly, causing Cid to slip in the mud. With a new roar, he came to his feet, panting and throwing himself after the bird once more.
"Um, Cid?" Cloud's voice quavered, just a bit.
"What?!" Cid yelled back, not even looking up from his pursuit of the duck.
"What are you doing?"
"That fucking bird! It bit me! Right in the family jewels!" Cid pointed at the bird, highly pissed and pained.
"Uh…well…I'm sure it didn't mean any harm. Maybe…maybe it mistook it for some plant?"
That actually made Cid stop for a second, staring up at the maybe-ex-Soldier.
"If yer dick looks like a plant, Cloudy-head," he said slowly, "then I say all that mako had some seriously bad side effects."
"Oh Gods, is he's naked?" Tifa groaned and slapped a hand over her eyes. "Yuffie, stop staring!"
"How do you know what I'm doing, you have your eyes closed!" Yuffie protested. "Anyway, he's got the hat covering all the funny parts."
"Because I *know* you!" Grabbing the ninja with one hand and keeping the other firmly over her eyes, Tifa started to stagger back to camp. "I trust you guys can handle this, because that was a little more of Cid than I wanted to see ."
"Not so little either," Yuffie giggled as she was dragged away.
"Um, Vincent? I'll let you handle this, alright?" Cloud started to back away, the rest of Avalanche's male members following in his heels.
Vincent waited until they were gone until he gently snorted with amusement. Carefully sliding down the slope towards the river, he managed to get between the pilot and the duck.
The duck, sensing a safe haven, huddled under his cloak which stroke it a bit confused.
"Outa the way," Cid growled, trying to dodge around the gunman. "I'm gonna have roast bird fer supper tonight!"
Vincent crossed his arms, making no move to budge even when faced with a full-frontal almost naked and angry Highwind.
"Did you hurt the poor bird, Chief?" He asked accusingly.
"That ain't a bird, it's a demon in feather disguise!"
"No, it's a mallard. You can take my word as a demon expert."
"Oh yeh, well yer demons have never tried ta rip off my dick" Seeing Vincent's harsh face, Cid relented a bit. "The damn wing was broken before I got ta it, alright."
"Probably why it…attacked you. Now, are you going to let it go?"
"Why should I?" Cid grumbled. "It hurt me!"
"It couldn't have been *that* bad, chief." Vincent rolled his eyes.
"Oh yeah? Look fer yerself!" Putting his fedora back on his head and his hands on his hips, Cid stood naked.
Vincent blinked for a second, the duck temporarily forgotten.
"If you promise to let the duck go…."
"Yeah?"
"I can kiss it better for you."