WARNING:
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THIS IS SO SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAD.
Seriously, I tear up every time. I had to stop several times whilst writing this, because suddenly the screen was too blurry for me to read the words in it. Oh, it's so damn sad!
~picks up tissue and blows nose.
But you should go read it.
It was Halloween, 1981; quite a nice one, in fact, considering how the weather had been lately due to Voldemort's rise to power. But Sirius had a bad feeling in his heart. A very, very bad feeling, and he couldn't keep still. He needed to make sure Peter was fine. His being a decoy had been working so far. Still… something was wrong. He hadn't been chased as much as he had been expecting to be.
Not being able to take it any longer, Sirius grabbed his motorcycle and went to Peter's hiding place. Strange how he had been able to enter the magic boundary easily. If those protecting spells weren't working anymore, something was most definitely wrong. So he ran inside the wrecked house.
Nothing. Sirius took out his wand, whispered Lumos, and searched further. "Peter?" he called. There was no answer. His heart beat faster as he called out again, louder this time. Looking around carefully, he noticed no signs of violence or struggle, which lightened his worries a bit; his friend hadn't been dragged away by Death Eaters. However, he still should have been there, still hidden and protected, for his safety meant their friends' safety. And Harry's safety.
No, Peter wasn't there. Something cold ran down Sirius's spine as he came to stop in the middle of the room. The bad feeling came back, stronger than ever. His heart was almost going haywire thinking about all the things that could have gone wrong. He prayed he had trusted the right Marauder. Please, let Remus be the spy. But something in the back of his head chided at that thought. He shivered.
Frantically, Sirius left the place and flew to Godric's Hollow. He landed by the church and drove on the street towards the Potters' cottage, shaking in anticipation and hoping with all his strength that he wouldn't be able to see the house. He couldn't be able to see the house. Of course his three favourite people in the world were safe. They had to be.
He moved faster. And his heart went to his throat when he noticed that yes, he could indeed see the house. And it was destroyed.
"No," Sirius muttered as his legs moved on their own and he jumped from the motorbike, entering the wrecked cottage, which once had been so beautiful. "No, no, no," he breathed and went to push the door open, only to find it already ajar. "James?" Sirius didn't bother being careful or discrete, and walked over the broken furniture. "Shit, JAMES?"
No answer. The sound of his heart in his ears was loud enough for him to barely notice he was yelling for his best mate as he looked around. His eyes caught sight of something on the floor, near a chair that had been pushed over, and he made his way there. However, before he even reached it, he saw it was James, and everything about him screamed dead. Sirius's knees failed him and he crawled to where his best friend laid.
What came out of his mouth couldn't be understood as a human sound – something mixing the utter sadness and the irrational anger that filled Sirius as he confirmed that James had absolutely no pulse whatsoever. The deep hazel eyes framed by glasses were fixed on the ceiling. Sirius couldn't bring himself to close them. This couldn't be happening.
He furiously wiped a tear from his cheek and tried to breathe. His hand closed in a tight fist around his wand and he built up the nerve to close James's eyes. "I'm gonna fucking kill him for doing this to you." He was going to add some more, out of pure anger, when he thought he heard something upstairs. His head shot up immediately, "LILY?"
Sirius didn't wait for an answer this time and jumped to his feet, knocking over a few more things that were still standing. He kept calling for her desperately whilst skipping three steps at a time. He saw the door to Harry's room out of its hooks and his heart stopped for a moment. Sirius cursed and called Lily again, running to the nursery, only to have his heart broken into a million pieces again.
There she was, as beautiful as ever with her flaming hair spread around her like a halo, fallen in front of Harry's crib. Her gorgeous emerald eyes stared into nothing, her arm in an odd angle beside her. Almost all of Harry's furniture was in the opposite wall of the entrance under the door. Everything destroyed.
Sirius let himself fall beside Lily and he carefully turned her so she was lying on her back. He took the hair from her face and placed her arm next to her again. He closed his eyes, muttering thousands of apologies and letting the tears fall. He knew he should have been their secret keeper. At least he shouldn't have mistrusted Remus. Or better saying, he should never have trusted Pettigrew. Now the world had lost its sweetest, most passionate person. Merlin, her flame couldn't have been extinguished.
His wand slipped from his hand whilst the other went to his face. Sirius hated this. He hated that he was too late. He hated that his idea had gotten them killed. He hated the feeling that brought sobs up his throat before he could hold them back.
Then he heard it again: a small noise, much closer now. This sob wasn't his – it was much, much more sweet and innocent. Sirius didn't dare hope it, he couldn't have his heart ripped out again, but he looked up. And he didn't believe his eyes.
"You little bugger," Sirius laughed quietly through his tears as he stood and took Harry from his crib. "How in the world…?" But he didn't get to finish his sentence. At the moment he didn't care why or how his godson had survived; he had and it was all that mattered for the moment. Of course, Harry was scared and his green eyes were bloodshot and tearful, and there was a nasty, bloody cut on his forehead, but none of that was important. He recognized Sirius and it seemed to ease him a little bit.
Something else hit Sirius's heart when he looked into those baby eyes. They were so oblivious to what had just happened, oblivious to his parents' deaths. It yanked another sob from Sirius to know Harry had no idea of the gravity of the situation; his only confusion was to why his mom and dad hadn't come to answer to his cries yet, and why his mother was simply lying in front of him instead of taking him into her arms. Silly mom, it's no fun anymore.
Sirius pulled himself together – as much as he could. His eyes wanted to lower his gaze to the floor, but he knew he couldn't. If he saw Lily's body, he was sure he'd break down, and now Harry needed him. Sirius closed his eyes as he bended down to pick up his wand. It took all he had to walk out of the nursery, down the stairs, cross the living room (don't look down, don't look down, don't – shit – don't look down), and leave the house, with Harry still tight in his arms.
When he saw a huge figure waiting outside, he raised his wand, ready for a fight. Quickly, though, he noticed it was Hagrid, who was crying profusely. "Oh, Sirius!" the half-giant exclaimed, raising his arms in self-defence. "Dumbledore sent me! Don't… don't kill me."
Letting out a shaky breath, Sirius pocketed his wand again and walked into the circle of light the street lamp provided. He could see in the corner of his blurry vision Hagrid eyeing him hesitantly, afraid of taking a step forward or talking, which was probably sensible. Sirius felt like murdering somebody and knew he couldn't hold himself together for long. His whole body was shaking with grief and fury.
Sirius looked up. "Dumbledore sent you? He knew –"
"He only told me to pick up lil' Arry," Hagrid took a step back.
"I can take care of him myself, thank you very much," Sirius held his godson closer protectively. He didn't feel like letting go of Harry, even if he was too unstable to care for a baby. "Lily and James pointed me as his guardian in case t-they…" he stammered, feeling knives going through his chest. He took a deep breath to steady himself. "In case they d-died."
Hagrid's face fell. He was fiddling with his hands nervously, afraid of enraging Sirius and ending up being blasted into oblivion. He wouldn't meet Sirius's crazy eyes. "D-Dumbledore said he talked to Lily's s-sister t-to leave Arry with h-her."
Sirius had never met Petunia, but from what James had told him after he attended her marriage, she was only the most lovely person. He was obviously reluctant. Who would assure him that Petunia would take good care of Harry when she was so rude to Lily? He didn't trust her, and he made sure to express that with his body language.
"S-Sirius…" Hagrid started, sniffing loudly. "I-I'm s-s-sorry… but it's D-Dumbledore's…" He stopped when he met Sirius's glare, but swallowed his fear for a moment. "Dumbledore's o-orders."
Nobody moved. There was something very unnerving and unsettling in Sirius's eyes.
"A 'orrible night, huh?" Hagrid went on, hoping to calm the other bloke down by comforting him. "I c-can't imagine how it m-must be for you –"
"You don't wanna know," Sirius said in a dangerous voice.
"James and Lily… Oh! W-wonderful, t-those two… wonderful wizards… A-and now just… gone…" Hagrid had the nerve to look into Sirius's eyes again. "Arry has to be safe, ya know? N-no one would suspect Lily's sister."
A fire burnt in Sirius's chest, so hot it barely allowed him to breathe. His arms were still shaking a lot regardless of how tight he would hold Harry against himself. He wanted to kill. He needed to kill Pettigrew. He had to find that traitor he'd once called a friend and torture him to death.
With a defeated sigh and one last squeeze, he handed Harry over to Hagrid, however hesitantly. Immediately, his heart broke again, and a sob threatened to make its way out. He pushed it down and drew his wand. "Fine. Take him. You can use my motorcycle; won't be needing it, anyway."
Sirius was turning to leave when Hagrid's anxious voice stopped him. "You sure? I-I mean…" the half-giant struggled to keep his tone even under Sirius's intimidating eyes again. "Ya love the thing."
"Just take it," he said with a final voice before disapparating. He hadn't had a specific destination in mind; all he wanted to do was track Peter down, and he ended up in an empty street in a place he didn't recognize in the night-time. He couldn't think clearly. He heard himself calling for Peter, telling him to stop hiding.
Sirius lost track of time as he wandered and apparated from place to place, trying to keep a line of thought to find the man. He barely noticed it was morning already. He would go on until he found Pettigrew. He would avenge his friends. He would…
"You!" he heard from the end of the street, and the voice sounded disgustingly familiar. Sirius unconscious took note of muggles turning to the sound as well, but he was blinded by rage. Next thing he knew, he was marching up to Pettigrew with a crazy fury in his eyes.
"HOW COULD YOU?" he shouted as he advanced, but Pettigrew cast a shield spell around himself for a moment. He didn't look as useless and undefended as he had always seemed in their Hogwarts years. Sirius couldn't believe his eyes.
"How could YOU?!" Peter threw back at him. Now Sirius couldn't believe his ears. "WHAT HAVE THEY EVER DONE TO YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL PRAT? GOING AND BETRAYING THEM LIKE THAT!"
Sirius laughed – it was too much for him. He didn't recognize his own laugh; it wasn't its usual bark-like sound. No. It was insane and maniacal, and absolutely not of a man on his right mind. It echoed along the street, sending shivers down those muggles' spines.
"Oh, now I'M the ungrateful prat?!" Sirius shouted through his laughter.
"And you dare LAUGH, Sirius?" Pettigrew kept yelling. "YOU KILLED JAMES AND LILY. YOU SOLD THEM TO VOLDEMORT!"
Maybe if he hadn't been too busy laughing and just being mental, Sirius would have predicted Pettigrew's moves and maybe would have done something about it. He only felt something was wrong (again) a millisecond before the street exploded. The only conscious part of him mind made his wand move up and cast a shield, but even then he was pushed against the floor and backwards, skimming the asphalt.
Sirius didn't stop laughing maniacally. He had a vague feeling there were lots of people running and shouting around him, and just being scared of the mad man on the floor. Aurors circled him with their wands up. Two of them grabbed Sirius was started taking him somewhere, talking about some nonsense of how he'd betrayed their best friends and killed Pettigrew and twelve muggles.