Disclaimer: I own none of J.R.R. Tolkien's world, objects, or characters. Heck, I feel so sad now. I think I'll go ruminate on this disclaimer. When I'm back, I'll have more.
I'm back and ready to start!
Pairings are often discussed by FanFiction readers and authors, and by now you've read and heard of many. This FanFiction will introduce a new pairing that I do believe has never been used before, or not much, in any case. Perhaps it has been used, but not to this extent. It is... Wait for it...
LEGOLAS / LEGOLAS' HAIR! Note: The hair is always the opposite gender of the person.
Here begins the Fic:
One day, Legolas was sitting in bed reading his new edition of the Oxford Elvish Dictionary. He was reading quite happily when he got to the entry entitled "hair". Legolas sighed and tears sprung into his eyes. As if he needed any reminding of her... All the memories he had of his hair were bitter ones. They had never gotten along, and would often end a wonderful conversation by fighting. Legolas decided that he was bored of the dictionary, and put it down. Instead, he took out his old Science textbook and plopped it on his bed. It opened to: "HAIROLOGY – A STUDY OF HAIR". Legolas wept unhappily. However much he hated his hair, he would always have a special place for her in his heart. He couldn't forget her, no matter how hard he tried. Legolas and his hair hadn't always been this bitter. Once, they had been very happy together. Their romance had been the talk of Mirkwood, but it had ended abruptly. Legolas resolved to try again.
The next day, Legolas rolled out of bed, chose his outfit, put it on, then ate a light meal. He went for a brisk walk into the forests of Mirkwood and found a quiet clearing. Nobody else was around except for him and his hair. He climbed a tree and hung upside down off a branch so that he could see his hair face to... er... hair.
He blushed, then began. "Um... O dear hair, I am very sorry for arguing with you. I see now that you were right the time you said the pink ribbon wouldn't look good on you. Argh! What I mean is... um... you were right, and I was wrong. I am very sorry."
His hair sighed. "You know it isn't just that, Legolas. You know it'll never work out; it never has! We just can't get along together. I'm sorry." His hair turned to go.
Legolas screamed as he was nearly yanked off the branch by his hair. "Please!" he gasped. "Don't go yet!"
"Too late. Au revoir, mon ami!" His hair turned to go once more.
"No! Please!" Legolas wept, then stopped suddenly. "Hey! When did you learn how to speak French?" He screamed as he was yanked off the branch, and fell to the ground with a thud.
"So sorry, dear! I keep on forgetting I'm attached to your scalp!" cried his stricken hair.
It was a sad parting for both Legolas and his hair that day. Indeed, the parting wasn't even straight or in the middle.
Legolas' hair refused to speak to him for a whole week. Legolas felt very lonely. He wouldn't even have minded if she just snapped at him; that would be better than being ignored by his love.
One day, Legolas decided to visit Lothlorien. He hadn't visited for a while, and decided that he missed it quite a bit. He packed a week's worth of hair-care items, arrows, and clothing, and set off early the next morning.
It was quite a trek to Lorien, but Legolas was determined to get there as soon as possible. He took a break mid-way to look up an insult in the Oxford Elvish Dictionary that a passing dwarf had hurled at him, ruminated on its meaning, and ate a carrot. Then he went on fearlessly as before. Soon, he reached Lorien and was greeted by Haldir, Rumil, Orophin, and Other Elves.
"Hello, Legolas," said Haldir in Common Speech, "and welcome to Lorien."
"Welcome, traveler, to our humble adobe." said Rumil, attempting the Common tongue.
"Don't you mean 'abode'?" asked Haldir in Elvish.
After a little chat between the two brothers on 'abode' and 'adobe', Orophin added, "We have not seen you for a while." This was spoken in Elvish, as by now they had given up Common Speech; 'abode' and 'adobe' had ticked them off quite a bit.
Legolas smiled. "I've been staying at home for a while, but I'm very glad to see you again. I've missed Lothlorien."
There was a silence as Legolas looked around him. He hadn't realized how much he loved Lothlorien, and how beautiful it was indeed.
"Pardon," spoke Other Elves, breaking the silence, "but is that a nibbled carrot I see sticking out of the Oxford Elvish Dictionary?"
"Yes," Legolas told him. "It makes a wonderful bookmark."
Dun dun dun! To be continued! I know it's a silly fic, but... Just to let you know, I have the second chapter already written, but I have no ideas for the third one. Once you have read the second chapter, I welcome ideas for the next. I am going to be very slow at updating, so bear with me. To all those Legolas Fangirls out there: my apologies.