Chapter 1 - Oh Hamburgers (And Pizza)

Butters had just said: If your shirt's worth $100,000…wouldn't you like to get those pants appraised, and find out how much they're worth?"

Kenny stared at him, jubilant. Butters had just invited him into his house (the house where his parents were going to be out of town until tomorrow night) to split a frozen pizza and whatever happened afterwards under the ridiculous pretext of getting his pants off so they could be appraised for use as collateral in a future game of Monopoly. He didn't care what the excuse was; he had wanted Butters for so long, and it was finally beginning to look like it was finally going to happen.

He smiled. "That sounds like a great idea, Butters."

Kenny liked this idea almost as much as the idea of having a hot meal for a change. Which is why, once they were standing just inside the front door, looking into Butters' living room where all of the lights were off and twilight was settling outside, that he wondered if he would be eating cold poptarts again tonight after all.

"Um, Butters? How are you going to warm up a pizza when the power's off?"

"You just let me worry about that Ken." Butters had scuffed his yellow Converse on the mat inside the door and now toed them off and walked across the living room in his stocking feet. He disappeared into the kitchen, returning a moment later with a box of long fireplace matches. His shirt had also disappeared during the three seconds he was gone.

Kenny grinned as Butters stepped onto his back porch and pulled his own shirt off as well, dropping it on the floor next to Butters' and his shoes. He walked over to the back door and leaned out, watching Butters light his dad's gas barbecue with one of the long matches.

"Barbecue pizza! I love it!"

Butters smiled at him, noticing that Kenny had taken off his shirt as well. "This has to preheat for a while." He walked past Kenny back into the kitchen, Kenny following two steps behind him.

Butters stopped in front of the refrigerator. "Let's see…I gotta do this all at once, so all the cold air doesn't get out…Kenny, there's a couple of hamburgers in there I was going to have for lunch tomorrow, but I can just make something else; do you want one of those too?"

"Pizza and hamburgers? Sounds awesome, dude."

Butters opened the freezer first and pulled out a frozen pizza and a package of hamburger patties wrapped in wax paper. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed a plastic bag of hamburger buns, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, an onion and tomato, two cans of soda, a bottle of Worchester Sauce, and a package of shredded mozzarella cheese, closing the refrigerator door with his knee since his hands were now full. He dumped everything onto the counter.

"Holy shit, Butters!" Kenny said laughing. The onion rolled across the countertop and would have fallen into the sink except he was there to grab it and set it down alongside the tomato.

Butters grinned. "You eat right when you eat here, mister!" He tore open the end of the pizza box, secretly thrilled at the opportunity to feed Kenny a good meal; Lord knows how long it's been since he's had one. He was determined to do something someday about the way Kenny's ribs stuck out.

"Kenny, I have to call my parents at exactly six o'clock." He looked at the wall clock; it was 5:55. "Or else I'll get grounded. And they can't know anyone else is here or I'll get in a lot of trouble, so you have to be quiet, okay?" He actually looked worried that Kenny might not cooperate.

"Sure, man. I won't get you in trouble."

Butters nodded. He started sprinkling mozzarella cheese on top of the pizza. "Wanna hand me a knife out of that drawer?"

Kenny opened the drawer Butters had indicated and handed him a knife. He watched, utterly fascinated as Butters started carving up the onion, cutting off the end to discard and making two thick slices for their burgers and chopping some up into smaller pieces to add to the pizza. "You like onions, right Kenny?"

Kenny nodded. "Sure do."

Just before six, Butters put down the knife and wiped his hands on a dish towel. He reached for the phone while Kenny went to sit down at the kitchen table. Butters punched ten numbers into the phone from memory and waited.

"Hi mom!" Butters said brightly. "I'm good…but the power's off! So if it doesn't come back on, I may not get the carpets vacuumed before you get back…oh, okay. Sure. Thanks, mom…um, can I talk to dad? I have to ask him something."

Butters looked over at Kenny, made a gun out of his thumb and index finger, pointed it at his head and 'fired.' Kenny grinned and shook his head.

"Hi dad. Yeah, I'm all right…yes, my homework's done—" Butters held up two crossed fingers and Kenny started laughing, muffling it with his hands. "I have to ask you something. I was just telling mom…the electricity's off, so would it be all right if I used your barbecue to heat up something for me to eat?"

Kenny's eyes narrowed as Butters fell silent, probably listening to a lecture from his dad. "Yes sir…" Butters finally said, sounded resigned. "Yes, you'll never be able to tell I used it sir." Butters closed his eyes. "Yes, with the wire brush, just like you showed me…" Butters suddenly looked crestfallen, and it was all Kenny could do not to get up from the kitchen table and go stand next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Being asked to clean the barbecue after he was finished using it was reasonable, but whatever speech Steven Stotch was giving his son about it appeared brutal.

That is, until Butters looked up again with the most comical expression Kenny had ever seen on his face. His eyes were crossed, and he was moving his lips in an exaggerated imitation of whatever his father was saying. Kenny barely got his hands over his mouth in time to stifle his laughter.

"Yes, sir!" It sounded like Butters was finishing his call…and having a difficult time keeping a straight face. "Then I'll see you tomorrow night. Okay…love you too, dad! Bye." Butters ended the call and immediately burst out laughing, which was Kenny's cue to unleash his own hysteria. That face Butters had made was priceless.

"Dad said I could use his barbecue!" he said happily, going back to finish sprinkling chopped onion onto the shredded cheese he'd already added to their frozen pizza.

"Good thing, huh…since you've already started preheating it."

"We can never speak of that," Butters replied and laughed again. He put their two hamburger patties onto a plate and poured Worchester sauce on top of them, and the two of them carried their dinner onto Butters' back porch. The sun had set a while ago and night was falling.

"We'll have to eat our pizza first, while these hamburgers thaw out," Butters said, setting the pizza onto the grill and the hamburger patties onto the warming rack above. "The pizza should be done in fifteen minutes."

They went back inside. "I'm glad you're staying here tonight Ken. I don't like being alone when it's dark." He wandered around the kitchen and living room, lighting some of his mother's candles with the long matches, and soon the two rooms were aglow with the light of a dozen candles. They sat down together on the couch in front of the silent television.

Kenny wanted to say something about staying here tonight Ken, but no matter what he thought of to say he knew it would sound perverted. Instead he settled contentedly against the couch, Butters leaning against him. His skin was warm against Kenny's shoulder.

They ate their pizza first while the hamburgers finished cooking. By the time Kenny was finished eating the hamburger Butters had made for him (it was so thick with the onion and tomato slices he had put on it that he could barely wrap his mouth around it, plus the seasoning was incredible), he was stuffed.

"Jesus, Butters," Kenny swiped his index finger across his plate, mopping up the last bit of grease and Worchester and sucking his finger clean. "That was awesome…thank you!"

"Aww, you're welcome, Kenny!" They carried their dishes into the kitchen and put them into the sink and sat back down on the couch together. This time, Kenny put his arm around Butters' shoulder and pulled him close.

Kenny thought about trying to kiss Butters, but he seemed content to just cuddle, and Kenny was determined not to rush him. They watched the shadows flickering across the walls and ceiling instead. Butters skin was almost hot beneath Kenny's fingers as he kneaded Butters' shoulder.

"You've never done anything like this before, have you?" Kenny finally asked. It was completely dark outside now, and the only light was the candles flickering around the room. Butters answered with an embarrassed shake of his head. Kenny pulled him closer.

"It's okay," Kenny said quietly. "I'm going to take good care of you, I promise. And you don't have to do anything you don't want to." Kenny knew about first sexual encounters, and how they can set the tone for all the ones that come afterward. He thought back to his own first time, and what a disaster it had been; he had come all over Bebe's hand the moment she had reached inside his briefs and wrapped her fingers around his cock. She had accepted his embarrassed apologies stoically, but was obviously disappointed. Kenny was still haunted by that experience, and was determined that Butters' first time would be completely different.

He leaned over and pecked his lips against the corner of Butters' mouth. He tasted like mustard and Worchester sauce, and behind that was something he knew to be Butters' own unique taste. Butters looked at him surprised, and then closed the gap again to return the gesture. They kissed for a few minutes, gentle chaste ones for now, Kenny caressing Butter's scalp and neck while he pressed kisses all over Butters' face. Things started heating up when he felt Butters' tongue flick out against his lips. Their kisses deepened.

Kenny pressed his lips against the side of Butters' jaw and whispered, "Want to go up to your room?"

Instead of an eager affirmative, he felt Butters stiffen in his arms. He leaned away from Kenny a moment later and looked at him with an expression that made Kenny's stomach suddenly tighten. "Kenny…I-I'm scared."

Kenny's eyes narrowed. "Oh…" The expression on Butters' face was heart wrenching. "Okay…c'mere." He held out his arms and drew Butters back against him. Butters was trembling. Fuck. Kenny knew he had to say something. "All right, look. Let's just take all the pressure off you right now, okay? We're not going to have sex tonight, not if you're this nervous about it. Just, please Butters, don't be afraid, okay? We can just cuddle like this."

As Kenny waited for a reply, he realized something that he'd suspected for a while and now was certain of: He was completely, hopelessly in love with Butters Stotch. As such, even though it was frustrating, he could wait as long as he had to.

"It isn't that, Ken," Butters replied, melting into his arms and sighing. "I mean…I—I want to do stuff with you. I think about it every day! I think about it every time I…you know…and what it would be like. I…I've never been with anyone before, but I know you'll be nice to me, and…" Butters choked up and suddenly was fighting tears.

"Oh, hey…"Kenny ran his fingertips up and down Butters' back. "Tell me what's wrong, okay? Please? Whatever it is, I want to help."

Butters hesitated. Kenny didn't know it, but the thing he was most afraid of right now was that this might be the last time Kenny ever held him. He wanted this moment to last as long as possible before he spoke and possibly ruined it, but could sense Kenny waiting for an answer. He sighed and plunged ahead. "Well, Kenny, y...you know I like you an awful lot, right?"

"Yes, I do," he replied immediately. "And I love that you do! I like you a lot too, Butters. Please, tell me what's going on?"

"I'm afraid that…" Butters sighed, wanting desperately to find the right words. "What if we get closer, you know, that way…a-and then afterwards I'm not a good enough boyfriend, and you don't want to be with me anymore? I'm afraid that after…after being with you, I could never love anyone else ever again, because no one else could ever measure up." Butters looked at him and tears overflowed his eyelids and spilled down his cheeks. Butters felt as though every moment of his life until now had been leading up to this one.

"Hey…" Kenny knew he had to pick his words carefully; Butters was already damaged enough, and Kenny didn't want to cause any more harm than his asshole parents already had…but one thought was at the very front of his mind: I can fix this. "Look, Butters…your parents have really done a job on you man." He kissed Butters' cheek, then reached up to wipe away his tears with his fingertips. "No offense dude, but your self-esteem is kind of in the toilet. But you shouldn't think that way! I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You're a great guy, Butters! Don't you know that you brighten up an entire room just by walking into it?"

Butters leaned back to look at him. "I—"

"No, wait, let me finish okay? I mean, geez Butters, you're smart, you're funny…you care about people. You're the kind of guy that would give a complete stranger the shirt off your back if he was cold. If I had some sort of problem and needed someone's help, you'd be the first person I'd go to. You have the greatest laugh I've ever heard, and an amazing smile." He was running out of things to say off the top of his head, and added the first thing that came to mind: "You have the cutest shoulder blades I've ever seen—"

Butters chuckled against Kenny's chest. "Aww…no I don't!"

"Yeah…you do. My point though is…you're gonna make someone an awesome boyfriend someday, and I'd be the luckiest guy in the world if I was that someone."

Butters moved away to look at him wide eyed in the flickering candlelight. "Oh gosh, Ken…thank you!"

"You're welcome. Dude, look…I got one more thing to say and then I'm done." Butters looked at him as if he was watching a beautiful sunrise. "I've been pretty sure about this for a while, but as of about two minutes ago, I'm completely positive." He swallowed hard and continued. "I love you, Butters. I'm in love with you—"

That was as far as he got, because Butters' mouth dropped open as if his jaw had come unhinged, and he threw himself back into Kenny's arms, crushing him against himself in a fierce hug. Kenny hugged him back just as hard, and oh God this felt so right. Kenny's heart was about to burst with happiness.

They held each other, Butters making a warm spot against Kenny's neck with his breath.

"You love me," Butters whispered, muffled by Kenny's shoulder. It wasn't a question.

Kenny answered anyway. "Uh huh."

Butters wormed his way even closer to Kenny, pressing more of his weight against him. He sighed contentedly, his arms loosening around Kenny's shoulders to move down his back. "Kenny…I'm the happiest person in the whole world right now." He pressed his face even harder against Kenny's neck. "You really love me?"

Kenny's arms circled his back even tighter.

"Really really, Leopold."

Butters thought that if he died right now, he would be happy with how his life had turned out. Instead he sensed that his life was really just now about to begin.

Butters leaned away to look at him, running his fingertips across Kenny's cheek and down his jaw to his neck. He was testing the waters, making sure it was okay to do what he was doing. He stared at him worshipfully as he whispered, his fingers moving back up to caress Kenny's cheek again, "You're so beautiful, Kenny."

Kenny caught Butters' hand in his own and turned his head to press his lips against Butters' fingertips.

"Oh my God, Butters…oh my God…" Kenny moved one hand up to cup the top of Butters' head. His hair was so soft, and smelled of apple scented shampoo. Kenny looked at the blond hair under his hand and felt a surge of affection and protectiveness, stronger even than he'd ever felt for his sister.

No one, not his parents and none of their friends, was ever going to hurt Butters again. Not as long as Kenny had anything whatsoever to say about it.

Butters turned his head to look up into Kenny's eyes. He wasn't completely sure what was happening, but whatever it was, it meant that suddenly all of his dreams of someday living with Kenny, of helping him graduate high school next year, putting at least fifteen pounds on him, and going on vacations and balancing checkbooks with him, seemed very real. Kenny had said he loved him, and he could feel the truth in that in everything Kenny was doing to him. Things didn't often work out for Butters, but this one was, and it had been his greatest desire for years; Kenny loved him.

He loved him.

Butters was already wrapping his mind around this idea; It was both scary and exhilarating.

Butters began kissing him again, then moved down to brush his lips along his neck, slowly moving lower. When he got to Kenny's chest, he moved over to one of his nipples, kissing it and gently sucking on it. He was still testing the waters.

"Is this okay, Ken?" he whispered.

"Oh yeah…"

Butters moved to the other nipple, gently flicking his tongue against it and drawing a sharp hiss of breath from Kenny. He smiled, and moved back up to kiss his face again.

Butters leaned in to whisper against Kenny's ear, "Want to go up to my room?"