Earth is a scary place to be.

Don't get me wrong- I've been on less hospitable planets, and that was just for training. I am an Irken soldier; a warrior of the empire. A superior killing machine. An elite of sorts. And elites don't get scared of anything, because they can take on anything. They are invincible.

Or so I thought.

But then came Earth.

Every other planet has a singular climate, typically housing only one species. This place? Different creatures can be seen everywhere, each area has its own climate, and many climates change. I have never been to a place where you melt at one point in the year and freeze at another.

And the moisture.

Water is unique to Earth. Other planets have something similar, but way less deadly. One drop stings, prolonged contact burns. It collects into death pits on the ground and conducts random aerial attacks from the sky. How the humans and other species of the planet can tolerate it, I have no idea. Even worse, they've grown dependent on the acid.

The humans. With as inferior as they are, it's questionable as to how they've survived this long. While they're more advanced than earth's other species, they're still centuries behind Irk. And in my town, millenniums.

Don't ask me how, but I've managed to land in the stupidest town on this planet. I believe this is because of the resident scientist. I've been in his labs; he's put something in the town's food. It appears to lower their intelligence and render them complacent and dependent on the Professor, like something of the filthy cows. I've only seen two humans immune to the pills, and that's his kids. Or should I say clones- another thing I learned in the labs.

So I've taken to eating human foods with caution. Because not only are most filled with pill residue, but they're also toxic, especially the meat. It's effects are similar to that of water's, causing me to believe there is a connection between the two. I plan on doing experiments in the future; the results would be valuable to the Empire. With such information we could take down other species faster, speeding up Impending Doom 2. And then my name would go down as the most valuable invader in the invasion. My fellow Irkens would finally give me the recognition I deserve; never again would I hear the word "defect" fall from their lips.

But all in due time. Right now I shall occupy my time learning the human's filthy ways. Their lives are short; I have time. And it's an advantage, being in this town- while my disguise is clearly amazing, it helps that they're too stupid to look any further. Plus, they easily spill all their secrets if asked- no torture needed! (But I still take a few specimens to torture for fun. It's one of the greatest perks to being an invader.)

I've been here for several years now. Still not found out, but still not conquering. I don't want to take the planet down until I understand it. And they mysteries it holds! Not only do the natives of the planet hold secrets, but the planet itself has information hidden away, ones that not even the humans have unlocked! And if I destroyed the world before figuring those out, then what would I have destroyed? No- the potential information is too valuable.

And… growing up is kind of interesting. The humans go through so many changes, ones that Irkens never get to. Their behaviors, looks, and their height! How tall they get, some even taller than the Tallests! (I'll never tell them that, though. They'd blow up the planet immediately. Again, I want the information first.)

Go beyond the humans and you find that the planet is at war with itself. The other species lack a ruler or system, and will kill one another. Over shelter, over food, over a mate- death! Fighting! How does this planet survive? How have they not died out by each other? It's so unlike Irk…

And yet, there is beauty in the battle. I can certainly appreciate the violence, and see some of the galaxies finest beasts in every victor. It makes me miss home, and the battles at the Emporium- the bloodshed that goes on there! Humans used to have entertainment like that, but they got soft and stopped. How I wish I could've conquered during that time! Even if only to compare the "circus" with the emporium. It would be inferior, of course, but it'd still be thrilling to see.

If I were a defect, I'd say that beauty exists beyond the cruelty of the planet. That the land in and of itself produces wonders that not even Irk has. How simple phenomena like rainbows create a feeling like no other. And that maybe the planet isn't so bad. But I am not a defect, and that will never be said by me.

I will admit, however, that there is more to here than just a floating mass of uselessness. Here exists science, and the potential for even us to advance as a race. Because if we could learn to adapt to such a place, we'd become unstoppable.

And… maybe we could even become allies with the humans, but with the stronger side of the relationship. Teach them some of our ways, have them teach us all of theirs. Keep the species alive, and put them to actual use to us. Not to say that they've grown on me! I'd still kill one without even blinking! Because while they are interesting, they're still filthy creatures. While they can make the greatest sweets ever, they're still stupid. While they have dominance over other species for their gain, they're still inferior. That will never change. Nothing they have done is better than us Irkens. They've never conquered a planet. They've never managed to filter out worthless things like mating or emotions. They've never managed to lengthen their life-span, or even destroy all diseases.

But they sure as hell show potential to.

This planet… it's a scary place to be. And yet, it is the most intriguing and promising place in the galaxy. The Tallests were wise to give this one to me. Only I care enough about the mission to not stop halfway.

Only I could fully conquer Earth.

I apologize for the OOCness. I didn't include his arrogance, his outbursts, or any of that major stuff. This was written like deep thoughts, or maybe an entry in his files or something.

I don't own IZ.