I only wanna talk to you
Title is from a song from The Maine that I listened to on loop while writing this instead of doing my essay (check it out if you don't know it)
English isn't my mother tongue and this is un-edited so probably full of typos and messy but I really wanted to post it today
Short one shot - Modern AU
« Broken, beaten
Used and mistreated
Tired, shattered
Bruised and battered »
You're not quite sure of how you ended up here. Only that everything started to feel a bit too much and you ran. Like always.
That's the only thing you know how to do, you run.
When your brother Aden was taken away from you after your parents died, you ran.
When your foster father beat you up for the first time, you ran. The second time too.
When Costia died, you ran.
When your bestfriend Anya tried to be here for you, you ran.
When your eyes crossed Clarke Griffin's deep blue ones for the first time, you ran.
And when she kissed you, you ran.
Running, running is all you do.
You met her on a busy Monday morning among the crowd of Polis U's students. The place is packed but the only person you see is her. For three months you keep on seeing her everywhere. Sometimes it's just a flash of golden hair. Sometimes she's alone, but you quickly learn that she's a social butterfly with a shit load of friends. You also learn that she had a boyfriend, Finn. And you're pretty sure you once saw her kiss that Niylah girl at one of these parties Anya and Lincoln always force you to go. It take you exactly 92 days and 7 minutes to gather the guts to go talk to her. To be honest, you got some help here as she'd drop her sketchbook and you so happened to be passing by. That's how you learn she's an art major. She asks you to lunch. With her friends she quickly adds. And in the school cafeteria. But she asks you to lunch nonetheless and when you retell the story to Anya that night, you realize she's not about to let this one die. "You talk about her 24/7" she reminds you. "I do not" you reply. She snorts. You know she's right.
You become friend with Clarke and slowly but surely, you start to feel like your head is coming out of the water. Even though you don't want to, because love is weakness, and your not about to let that shit happen to you again.
Everyone leaves.
One day she draws you and tells you you have the most beautiful eyes she's ever seen. Right after she adds that you also have a very pretty smile and you realize that you indeed just smiled. You blush. She gives you her drawing and you hang it on your otherwise bare dormroom wall. On Costia's birthday you tore it off but fish it out of the bin first thing the next morning.
One day she comes with you at the gym and then proceed to tell you about how you looked like a totally different person there, lifting weight and kicking punching bags. She tells you your strong. You've heard that one before but when she's the one to say it, it's different, because of that little thing in her eyes that lets you know she knows but will let you all the time you need before you talk about your battle scares. This day, she kiss you goodbye on the cheek.
If you were paying attention you'd noticed she started ditching her friends to hang out with you.
One night you found her crying on your doorstep. She's drunk. It's her father's death anniversary. Anya leaves the dorm to go sleep at one of Clarke's friend she started seeing. She tells you about her bestfriend Wells who's in coma and about the void in her chest and about her mother who remarried and how she resents her for that. She's half asleep in your arms (your heart is hammering in your ribcage but in a weirdly good kind of way) when you start telling her about Costia, Aden, your parents and Titus. She turns around to hold on you tighter, pressing her tears stained face in your neck. She smiles. You do to.
After that night, the two of you become even closer and Anya wont shut up about it. You also start hanging out with her friends more. The fact that Anya is dating Raven and that Lincoln is pinning after Octavia helps a lot. You met Anya in middle school and Lincoln in high school. Anya, you liked immediately, it took you a bit more time to warm up to Lincoln, but now is like a brother to you. They know about Aden, and were there when Costia passed away. They get you and you never thought you'd ever need anyone else. That was until Clarke, blue eyed, blond haired Clarke, laughing Clarke, smirking Clarke, drawing Clarke, crying Clarke. And shit. You're in love.
Somehow, you end up at another party, in the same place you think you once saw her kiss another girl (which turned out to be true (Anya might or might not have cornered Niylah to get the truth out of her)). You fixed Clarke and yourself a drink. That Monty boy provide with another, Raven with the next (you hesitate on this one but Anya's death glare is enough to convince you). You're slightly tipsy. And dancing. Dancing with Clarke. You're not the dancing kind, not since Costia anyway. But dancing with Clarke is, something else. At some point your eyes lock. And know she's kissing you.
For half a second it feels right. And then you feel a sharp pain shot through your body. You see Aden. You see Costia. You see Titus hitting you again and again. You see Clarke, lifeless. Next thing you know, you're running.
You end up in a park not far from school ground and you prop yourself on top of a bench. You notice you started crying. It felt right. Could have been right. But she's going to leave. Just like everyone.
Everyone leaves.
Soon enough. Anya comes sit next to you. You notice Raven's here to. You guess they're a package deal now. It could make you smile, if it weren't for your own broken heart. Anya's the first to break the silence. "You're an idiot, you know that ?" she says. You don't answer. "Lincoln and Octavia took her back to our dorm, she's waiting for you there. That's if you plan on going any time soon". You lock eyes with her and you know you don't need to say anything for in her eyes you see she understand. "She loves you", she says. "And before you dare to ask me how could it be true, everyone knows but you. I don't know if she's going to leave, if she's going to die sooner that expected, but I do know that you love her too and that she's exactly what you need". You'd like to tune her out, to run away as fact as you can, but Raven seems to catch what's going on before you even make a move and she's standing in front of you, preventing you from getting up. "She's been crying. Because she thinks you don't want her. So woman up, I don't care how messed up you are, my bestfriend is crying because of you so fixe it". It's harsh, and in other circumstances you would have punched her. But the moment you hear Clarke's been crying your pushing past her and making you're way to the dorm.
You found her lying on your bed with her head on Octavia's knees. After checking on you, Anya makes everyone retreat from the room. You know they won't be far when Octavia throws you a warning look scarier that Anya's. Once you're alone you manage to open your mouth to speak. "I'm sorry" you say "I didn't mean to make you cry". "It's okay" she says. "No it's not !" you shout. "I shouldn't have done that and I'm so so sorry but you scared me and I saw things and I don't want you to disappear like anyone else because I really like you you turned my life upside down and you're pretty but you're going to die or run away and leave me and I don't want you to leave me so you shouldn't have kissed me I'd rather we stay friend but I love you". You keep on rambling and you talk so fast and are so caught up in your words that it takes you a while to realize that Clarke is trying to get you to shut up. "I'm not going to leave" she says. "Everyone does" you reply. "I am not leaving" she says again. You could almost believe her. You'd believe her if the ghost of Costia wasn't hovering in the background, if the memory of baby Aden wasn't with you at every moment. You shake your head in disbelief. And she gets made. "My dad's dead !" she yell "Wells might as well be. Finn cheated on me ! But I'm trying to get over it because you me brave Lexa. You make me brave ! It will take you as long as it takes for you to be okay again but I want to be here every step of the way because I'm fucking in love with you and I'm going to kiss you again now". She seems to hesitate "but only if you want it to". You must have answered or at least nod because you feel her lips on yours. And this time, you don't run away. You kiss her back, and you know it's the right thing.
Later that night, she's asleep in your arms. Tears are long dried. You find out that she mumbles in her sleep and you laugh lightly. Earlier, when she was dozing off she said she loved you, but in a less angry way. And you said you loved her too, in a less desperate way. You hold on her a little tighter and for now, you chose to believe she's here to stay, because it feels right.