Hey! EmceeSquare here!

This is the first Portal fic and the second stage play I've ever written! Portal has to be one of my favorite game franchises of all time, and I've been wanting to do a fic of it for quite some time. This one in particular is written around my own personal headcanon for the series, in which... wait... did you really think I would tell you, thus spoiling the surprise?

(shakes head) You have another thing comin'.

Also, if you're a first-time reader of my stories, welcome aboard! I've got fics for just about everything, covering Five Nights at Freddy's to My Little Pony to even CATS The Musical! After you're done with this, hop on over to my profile page and continue your journey.

As always, ratings and reviews are highly welcomed. Without further ado, on with the show!

Portal: Science From Scratch

An original stage play created by Patrick Lipps.

(Based loosely on the lore of the Portal game franchise by Valve)

Dramatis Personae:

Cave Johnson

Caroline (pronounced Carolynn)

Scientists

Act I, Scene I

(Lights are off. Voiceovers are heard. One of Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture, and one of his daughter, Caroline.)

Cave: "Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians-you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?"

Caroline: "I am!"

Cave: Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself. I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place. That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?

Caroline: Yes sir, Mr. Johnson!

Cave: She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science. There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure. Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will. Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: Fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.

(Lights up on Aperture Science Innovators, circa 1952. Enter Cave Johnson, followed by Caroline, who is carrying a clipboard.)

Caroline: So I don't get it. Why not just tell the people that I'm your daughter? Why do you have to tell them that I'm your assistant?

Cave: It keeps an air of professionalism. Besides, you don't want anyone to feel threatened, do you?

Caroline: Why would they be threatened?

Cave: They might be… discouraged.

Caroline: How so?

Cave: (as gently as could be) You being only my assistant keeps you available for any man, so they have something waiting for them on the other side of the chambers. They might meet you or ask for your hand in marriage. You being my daughter, on the other hand, makes them feel intimidated. They don't want to make a wrong move to the boss's daughter, do they?

Caroline: (aghast) So… you're using me for bait. Is that it? Is that all you feel for me?

Cave: (trying to placate her) No! Not at all. I still love you as the beautiful daughter you are. I wouldn't give you up for anything. Not money. Not fame. Nothing at all! All this is is a further test. (Very much like a teacher.) You see, honey, the human brain is a wonderful thing. All those lobes and pathways, neurons, synapses… it's a hell of a thing. It's like an organic supercomputer, except for the fact that a supercomputer's internal wiring doesn't squish and turn into a fine gelatin when you propel them at high speeds into a wall.

Caroline: (growing impatient) Get to the point, Dad!

Cave: I'm getting there, I'm getting there! The despair and loneliness that the test subjects suffer while going through empty test chamber after empty test chamber can be absolutely debilitating. Luckily, certain tests have, in fact, proven that hope could be the one thing that keeps a person going. Hope that there might be a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Or, in this case, a lovely and seemingly single girl at the end of the not-so-proverbial-but-actually-existent testing track!

Caroline: (beat) So you are using me.

Cave: For science!

Caroline: (giggling) You're crazy, dad.

Cave: I know. (remembering something) Speaking of hopeless cases, who's runnin' the old gauntlet now?

Caroline: (consulting the clipboard) Umm… that would be Stan Benham. It says here that he was a silver medal winner at this year's Olympics!

Cave: (intrigued) Oh, really? What event did he compete in?

Caroline: Umm… bobsleigh.

Cave: (spirits wrecked) Well, that's hardly impressive. (As he and Caroline walk off) In fact, that's laughable. "Hey everyone! Look at this medal I won for sitting down!"