The Loudest War

Written by Xulp

Chapter 1: A Spark

"Luan, really?!"

The comedian only responded with laughter. How could she not? In front of her, Lori stood covered head to toe in slime— yellow, sticky, gooey slime. It was certainly a sight to behold.

Luan had spent an entire week preparing for this prank. Creating a couple of metric pounds of slime, and without anyone in the family of thirteen noticing, was certainly no simple task. It took extensive planning, hard work, and dedication to accomplish such a feat.

Still, it was worth it. Luan knew this for certain as she bent over laughing, unable to speak. Lori was soaking wet in the comedian's favorite color, and it was hilarious.

"I have a date with Bobby in ten minutes! My day is literally ruined!"

Much to Lori's charging, Luan offered no reprise. The 14-year-old only continued to laugh. The situation was too funny to do anything else.

The eldest Loud sibling stomped her foot in anger before power walking to the base of the staircase. Before beginning to go upstairs, however, she slowly turned around.

"Luan, I'll get you back for this."

Luan's laughter did not cease, but it certainly did slow down and grow quietly. Lori looked pretty mad.

Did I go to far this time?, pondered the comedian.

Lori started to make her way up the stairs, no doubt heading to the bathroom to do her best to clean up before Bobby arrived. Three times, she almost slipped due to the slime that drenched her.

This inspired an all new wave of laughter from Luan. Even if she did go too far, it was totally worth it.

How could it not be?

Somehow, Lori had managed to clean up just in the nick of time. Fifteen minutes after the teen had run upstairs, Bobby rang the doorbell. Lori quickly scurried to the door before walking off into the night with him.

Gee, thought Luan. If you can clean up that quickly, why do you take half an hour every morning in the bathroom?

The comedian was watching a comedy special on the television, smiling the entire time, still thinking about how she had managed to get Lori to dump an entire tub of slime on herself, when Leni plopped herself down on the couch next to her.

"What's up?" asked Luan, not looking away from the TV.

There was a moment of silence. "Why did you make all that slime?"

"To dump on Lori."

Leni sighed. "I know that. But, why?"

"It was funny. Why not?"

"Maybe you should stop."

Luan grabbed the remote and turned off the television before turning her head to Leni.

"And why would I do that?"

"It was mean! You made her mad."

There was another pause, longer than the last.

Luan stood up and ran her hands down her skirt, smoothing it. "Lori's made me mad plenty of times. If she gets all angry over a harmless prank, I think that's her own fault."

Leni sighed as she watched Luan leave the room.

Hopeless, Lynn thought to herself. You're hopeless.

Nearly five minutes ago, football practice had ended. Nearly ten minutes ago, Lynn had been completely trampled by a teammate.

She had been running down the field, almost about to make her first touchdown of the night, when out of nowhere, Paige Bryce came from her left and tackled Lynn right to the ground.

It had hurt, sure, but Lynn was more saddened by the fact that she had been denied the opportunity to make her touchdown. If she was just a little bit stronger, than the athlete just knew that she'd have been able to stand her ground and continue her charge down the field.

If only, she thought. If only.

In the locker room, after changing, Lynn felt a hand slap down on her shoulder. Turning around on the bench, she saw none other than Paige herself.

"Good hustle out there, Loud." She laughed. "Still, I was able to catch up to you. Not good enough, I guess."

Lynn gritted her teeth. Paige was a friend of hers, sure, but nobody got the better of her.

"Yeah, give me a couple of weeks of conditioning, and your roadkill," Lynn said.

"Riiiight. Hey, Loud, when you think you can take me, let me know. We'll meet after school or something."

With another playful slap on the shoulder, Paige Bryce was gone.

Lynn hated defeat. She was the strongest of her family, sure, but that didn't mean much. Her 'brother' read comics and played video games all day and probably wasn't able to lift up a carton of milk. The rest of her siblings spent most of their time indoors. The only exception was Lana, but she was six.

Lynn had a new challenge laid out in front of her, and she loved challenges. Only when she was able to beat them, though.

Your roadkill, Bryce, thought Lynn. Roadkill!

Bang!

Lori's shoe banged down on her desk, signifying the beginning of yet another siblings meeting. Every Loud sister and Lincoln was present, with, of course, the expectation of Luan. She was taking Charles on a walk. Usually, this was Lincoln's job, but he had agreed to do the dishes alone for a week so long as Luan carried out his task for this one night.

"If you don't know why we're all here," began Lori, "Let me be the first to tell you. Right before my date with Bobby, Luan managed to have an entire tub of slime dumped on me."

Lincoln, learning about this for the first time, began to chuckle before quickly covering his mouth.

"Is there something funny, Lincoln?"

The white-haired boy quickly covered his mouth with his hands, shaking his head back and forth.

"Good. As I was saying, Luan has gone way too far this time!"

"Your point?" asked Lisa.

"I propose that we get back at her."

Lynn shook her head. "Why would we do that?"

"Well, if we don't teach her a lesson, this will just keep happening again and again. Next time, it could be one of you guys."

Lori had a point. The room fell silent.

After a while, Lana spoke up. "I'm in."

"Me too!", said Lola.

"Sounds fun." Luna smiled.

"Great!" Lori clapped. "That's three out of eight. What about the rest of you?"

"I'm trying to cure the flu, and you're asking me to assist in your inane game?" Lisa shook her head. "No thank you."

"Ouch. Lucy?"

"I'm going to be a bit busy with the school poetry contest. I'd love to be able to scare Luan, but I need to focus the next few days. Sorry, Lori."

"Leni?"

"What Luan did was pretty mean…" The blonde put a thoughtful finger to her chin. "But I don't think getting back at her will fix anything. Sorry, Lori. I can't help you with this."

"Fair enough. That leaves…" Lori looked around the room. "Oh, right. Lincoln. Are you on board?"

So far, three sisters had signed up to help Lori, and three had declined the offer. Lincoln originally had planned to go with the majority; after all, it would anger the least amount of siblings. Now that there was a tie, though, the white-haired boy wasn't sure what to do.

"I… I think I'm going to need a little more time to think about this."

"Okay," said Lori, sighing. "But you have a day. I don't want a repeat of the time you were deciding where we would go on vacation."

Lincoln chuckled at the memory of him milking the fact that his sisters had pampered him nearly all day the time he was the tie-breaker for where the Louds would take their family vacation.

"I think I learned my lesson from that. I'll tell you before bed."

"Good." Lori slammed her shoe on the desk. "This sibling meeting has been concluded."

Author's Note

I've been reading a lot of Loud House fics, but I've never decided to write one until now. I only started this now because I have a good idea. If I can entertain even just one person by writing this, I'll be happy. All feedback, especially negative, is welcome! I want to improve as much as possible.