Runescape Journal Chuck Gates
Finding the Chicken: Memoirs of Gobeldygook
So there I was, traipsing through the fields on my way to what was sure to be a futile effort in smithing with the lovely and talented Doric the Dwarf when I came upon an even lovelier damsel named Veronica, seemingly in distress, so I stopped – my mistake.
At least smithing is a straight-forward accomplishment. Finding a "significant other" in a spooky house when he went to ask for directions – his first mistake – seemed a bit less common. At least that was how she described her plight and, when she asked for help, I, being the sap that I am, just had to say yes. So, through the door I went – through the trees that I was warned about, up to the door which was certain to lock behind me when I entered. Hasn't anyone ever heard the legends of "Scooby Doo?"
Of course I heeded no warnings about the trees and stopped to chop down a few before I knocked on the door that read "Adventurer Beware." When the trees gave no response, I knocked on the door and they opened – with no help from anyone. Yes I should have turned around but I walked in, the doors locked behind me as expected (IDIOT!), and I walked right up the stair with barely a glance around. I'm impulsive that way.
Upstairs was empty, I picked up a few trinkets here and there and accomplished some tasks just by opening doors or pulling levers to open them but found little beyond some tightlipped ghosts and a chair that wanted to follow me around the house – persistent little sucker. If I was smart, I'd assume there was something about it that had to do with my quest but I was struck with tunnel vision. All I wanted was to find lover-boy and get out of the "haunted Mansion." Back down the stair I went and found much the same. Down into the dungeons I crept and aside from rat things and barrels I couldn't open, it was much the same…well there was the coffin…but I'll get back to that. I went outside, came back in and, yep you guessed it, much the same. It wasn't until frustration set in that I went back upstairs and found the ladder. Now how did I miss that the first time?
It was at the top of the ladder I found the Scientist – weird hair and coat, everything you'd expect in a scientist. His main concern was his equipment, which he continually asked me to be careful of. I was. Who knows what weird equipment will do? Between equipment warnings, I asked, "Where is Ernest?" – Which, incidentally was the name of the fellow for whom I was seeking. Several queries later, I got my answer. There was Ernest wandering about the room - Ernest the Chicken.
Of course, it's exactly what you'd expect. Ernest had found his way to a spooky house and inadvertently wandered into a scientific experiment that turned him into poultry. A pouletmorph machine it was called – a chicken changer – hah! It was supposed to be a transmutation machine, which is far more common but who's counting?
"Change him back this instant," I said.
"I can't," came the reply.
Parts were needed repairs were needed – and there were no specialty shops nearby for transmutation machines so I was charged with yet another quest. Find the parts: a rubber tire. A pressure gauge and oil can. Where? - Somewhere on the grounds and under the house. Now, I'd been outside and there were no entrances to "under-the-house." It was just before I left for the parts that I was told about the coffin. No one goes near the coffin and I should avoid it. As I've said before. I don't really listen to that kind of thing.
I did search for an entrance outside. I did try the house and the dungeons – the ones that didn't have the coffin. But, it was always in the back of my mind. Why would the coffin be there and not be used. It had to be the entrance. Down I went, across the very regal, red rug, along the nicely mortared walls and there it was – my entryway. It looked heavy but I was confident and pushed the top-stone from its hollow pedestal. That's when it became apparent that I didn't listen to enough legends myself.
He rose slowly, as if he had been asleep for a very long time. He wore a cape that waved as he stretched into a yawn and shook the sleep from his head and what a head it was. Dark strips of close-cut hair striped his bald noggin from front to back it was quite the do. I'm surprised that I remember it so well because it only took a moment for him to notice me and head my way. I spoke to ask a question or explain my situation but he had no answer but to attack me. I suppose I should have run away more quickly but, by the time I'd realized that he had too much power and was far my superior in striking power, I was done. And, by done I mean dead.
So here I am sitting with the Mr. Reaper – actually a pretty fair gentleman – who is informing me of all the things I need to know about death in the Runescape. And, he's made me an offer. He can send me back – minus a few odds and ends. And, he's giving me a choice – allowing me to choose where I return – back to my quest? I suppose that would be the noble thing – choices, choices. I wonder if he'll transport me to a nice spa? I need a mud bath.