Title: The Theory of Big Bangs
Author: Espiritu
Rating: T
Category: General/Humor
Spoilers: Minor for Trinity
Summary: Response to Nebbyjen's challenge on Jumperbay to create a story containing the following: something sticky or gooey, non-serious injury, purple, broken watch, telephone book, humor, paper airplanes, rubberband, dog food, and classic novel.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is the property of MGM, Sony, Gekko, Acme, and its creators. I am just borrowing them for fun not profit.
AN: Jen, this made my brain hurt, but here you go.
The Theory of Big Bangs
It wasn't the first time I had ever made the mistake of standing too close to an Ancient doodad when it decided to go ka-boom. Having Rodney McKay as a friend practically guaranteed such an event would happen on a fairly regular basis. In fact, being the cause of sudden explosions was a recurring theme for the one-man demolition squad that masqueraded as the chief scientist/astrophysicist extraordinaire of Atlantis. You'd think I'd learn NOT to touch every shiny object and glowing gizmo that Rodney handed me. You'd think. But here I was once again dealing with the consequences of ignoring the little nagging voice in the back of my head that had told me helping McKay was a bad idea. And this one literally blew up in my face. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
It all started when I had stopped by McKay's lab earlier this morning to see if he wanted to grab some breakfast. Already on what appeared to be his third cup of coffee and surrounded by a variety of items of Ancient origin, he was busy jotting notes on his electronic notepad, barely grunting in response to my greeting as I entered the room.
"Morning, Rodney. I was heading down to the mess hall and wondered if you had a bite to eat yet?" I asked trying not to appear too interested in the clutter of artifacts on his workbench. He always managed to find the most interesting stuff to dismantle.
"Hmm...what? Oh. Uh I'll pass for now. Got my coffee and my Power Bar, so I'm good. Busy man here. No time for idle chitchat. Go on. Go. Go. See ya later." He muttered absent-mindedly as he held up his mug without looking up from his data pad.
"Okay, but I hear they're serving omelets this morning. With real eggs, not that reconstituted stuff the military normally serves." I gave him my patented puppy-dog look, trying my best to entice him to grab a real meal. The look that never failed to sway Elizabeth over to my point of view was ineffective on our currently tunnel-visioned resident genius.
For McKay to pass up food meant he was totally engaged in his work. His rapid-fire brain could jump from topic to topic with the speed of a caffeine addict with ADD, but once a scientific problem reared its ugly head, you couldn't pry him away from his computer with a chocolate-dipped crowbar. It was the one and only time his mind became one-track. He currently had that intensely focused look that said not even the promise of a cafeteria full of blue Jell-O would entice him to leave his lab. So be it. Not wanting to hang around watching McKay think, I sighed before heading out of the lab intent on heeding the call of breakfast. I doubted Rodney had eaten yet, but if he was content with MREs and cold coffee, who was I to argue?
Our last round of trade negotiations with a farming community on K6B-783 had snagged us a supply of fresh eggs along with meat products from the Pegasus galaxy's idea of a pig. That is if the pig were purple and sprouted a horn over each eye. But if its meat tasted anything like real pork, I certainly wasn't going to complain. I was so looking forward to some crisp bacon and a side of ham to go with my eggs instead of the regular rations of processed meat substitutes that had the consistency, and I expect, the flavor of dog food. Nothing like a side of Alpo hash to complement the taste of powdered eggs. Mmm mmm good. Such is cuisine a la Uncle Sam.
Since McKay was once again nose deep into his computations and diagrams, I decided to leave him happily working on solving the mystery that is Atlantis. As I made my way to the mess hall, I happened to run into Teyla and Ronon heading the same way. From the looks of them, they had just finishing an early morning training session in the gym to work up an appetite before breakfast. Not that Ronon needed to be encouraged to eat. Far from it. That man could pack away enough food during the course of a meal to put a 300 lb NFL linebacker to shame. Secretly, I thought he had to have a tapeworm that depleted his body of all the calories he consumed on a daily basis. Even regular exercise and a high-metabolism similar to mine couldn't account for his amazing ability to eat such large quantities of food and never gain an ounce much to Beckett's unceasing wonder. I once off-handedly suggested to the doc that he might just want to scan Ronon for any parasitic infestations that might be lingering in his gastrointestinal tract, but all I got in response was a long-suffering look of exasperation. I know the tall Satedan warrior was as big as Chewbacca, but still...how much caloric intake did one human body need? At least I finally got him retrained to use his utensils, something seven years on the run as a part of the Wraith catch-and-release program had gotten him out of the habit of doing.
"Colonel, we were just going to get something to eat to break our morning fast. Would you care to join us?" Teyla asked when she saw I was headed in the same direction.
"I was just about to ask you two the same thing." I answered as we rounded the corner and arrived at the entrance to the mess hall.
"I heard a rumor there were pancakes this morning." Ronon's eyes fairly danced in anticipation of finding his newest favorite Earth delicacy on the breakfast menu. "Hope there's still some left."
"Patience young Skywalker. I'm sure the cook set some aside just for you." I chided him as we got in the cafeteria line behind some off-duty marine corporals.
"Thought you said I was like the wookie?" He muttered as he grabbed a tray and perused the food offerings behind the counter.
Once he had seen Star Wars during our weekly movie night, he seemed to enjoy being compared to the towering, furry sidekick. Now that we were getting a steady turnover of DVDs as a result of the Daedalus's regular supply runs, Ronon and Teyla were becoming hooked on the cinematic offerings from Earth. He might have first scoffed at the notion we looked at a box for entertainment in our home galaxy, but watching a few good action flicks seemed to have changed his tune fast. Now he couldn't get enough box office hits. He practically salivated whenever a new shipment of the latest movie releases came in the care packages from SGC, though that may have been the result of the boxes of microwave popcorn that arrived along with the DVDs. With Ronon, you never knew for sure.
"I did, Chewie." I grinned at him as I picked up some extra silverware and tossed it on his still empty tray.
He gave me a hooded look along with a grunt in reply as he watched the knife, spoon, and fork clatter together when they hit the plastic tray. "And you were Han Solo, Teyla was Leia, McKay was C3P0, and Zelenka was R2D2. So who is Darth Vader?" He continued.
"That would be Kavanaugh." I answered simply. Wasn't it obvious who the force of evil was around here?
As Ronon paused to consider this, Teyla finally decided to join the conversation after listening with an amused expression on her face.
"Somehow, Colonel, I do not think Dr. Kavanaugh would agree with your comparison. Though I must admit, I can see the similarities in Dr. McKay's and this C3P0's personalities. I, however, do not look anything like Princess Leia in the movie I saw."
"You have better hair than she does." Ronon conceded looking at his Athosian teammate.
Teyla simply raised one eyebrow as she looked at us before turning to make her breakfast selections as the chow line moved along. "Is Dr. McKay not joining us?"
Her inquiry smoothly changed the topic of conversation away from Jedi warriors before we could next debate the merits of using P-90's over light sabers. Teyla and Ronon had only seen the first Star Wars trilogy and not the more recent installments to the saga. I was looking forward to their reactions to the great special effects but horrible acting. Don't even get me started on that Jar Jar Binks character. The wookie should have shot him on the spot for being so annoying.
"Not this morning. Rodney is down in the lab, happily dismantling a shiny new toy. He'd rather have a breakfast of champions than join us." I answered as we finished getting our food and began to head for the nearest table.
"He'd rather have Wheaties over pancakes?" Ronon asked somewhat incredulously. Guess he read the cereal box one morning before he scarfed down a bowl or two.
"Nah, cold coffee. He said he'd make do with his Power Bars." I told them.
"Doesn't know what he is missing." He mumbled with a mouth already full of pancakes and syrup.
The stack on his plate contained eight pancakes dripping with melted butter and maple syrup. The cafeteria staff liked him on account of his hearty appetite, and they tended to heap his plate with larger portions than they served to any one else. As Ronon chewed, he wiped the sticky syrup residue from the side of his mouth using the back of his hand. I guess now that I got him reacquainted with silverware, my next task was to instruct him in the proper use of napkins. My work was never done.
"Hey, I told him what was on the menu. His loss." I said as I bit into a crisp bacon strip.
Surprisingly, it actually tasted better than the bacon at home even though the color was a little off. I guess the skin on the Pegasus pigs was not the only thing about them that was purple. The local eggs also were not the normal white and yellow I was used to. Call me Sam I am. But once I learned to look past the unusual colors on my plate and concentrate only on the delicious flavors, I began to eat with increased enthusiasm.
Teyla lifted a spoonful of diced fruit from the bowl in front of her and paused before taking a taste. "Colonel, since we are off duty today, would you perhaps be able to fly me over to the mainland later this afternoon?"
"Sure thing. Is anything wrong?" I asked as I reached for my cup of coffee.
"Not at all. I wish to visit with Halling and Jinto along with checking on how the spring crop planting is proceeding. I am interested in seeing how well the seedlings we received in trade from the Ouijians are faring in the mainland's soil and climate." She stated.
Oh, now that sounded exciting--watching crops grow. "Well, later today will be fine. I have some work I was planning on catching up on this morning, but it's nothing that can't wait a bit longer. When you want to leave, just give me a call. I'll have Jumper Two prepped and ready to go when you are." I answered before taking a sip from my cup.
"I have a few more training sessions after breakfast. I should be ready after lunchtime. Shall we meet in the jumper bay at 13:00 hours?" She asked. Even though the length of day on Atlantis was slightly longer than the Earth standard of 24 hours, we still used the military time designations in the city. Some habits not only die hard, but also get passed onto cultures in other galaxies.
"Sounds like a plan." I replied. That would give me several hours to clear up the paperwork and maybe squeeze in a jog around the east pier with Ronon.
"Thank you, Colonel. I shall look forward spending the afternoon with my people." Teyla smiled as she resumed eating her meal.
Checking the time on my watch, I decided to get a move on and tackle the forms waiting in my office. Gulping the last of my coffee, I stood up and excused myself from the table. "Well, there are reports needing my attention so I'll leave you two to finish your breakfast."
Ronon looked up from his half empty plate as he reached for his glass of orange juice. "Still on for our daily run, Sheppard?"
"Yep, same time, same place as usual. Hope all those pancakes don't slow you down though. You wouldn't want me to run rings around you would ya?" I teased the runner seeing how quickly he had made short work of that thick stack.
"That will never happen." He stated simply with a sly smirk on his face.
I grinned back at the big Satedan. "We'll see about that. Teyla, I'll see you after lunch." Taking my leave of them, I tossed my trash in the waste can, stashed my tray in the bin, and headed out of the mess hall.
On my way to my office, personnel who needed something signed or some requisition or schedule checked periodically stopped me. It made me already look forward to the next time I stepped through the gate and got away from the day-to-day hassles of keeping the city up and running. Elizabeth was so much more suited to handling the inner city politics than I was. Let her deal with the scientists' egos and the machinations of those mucky mucks at SGC. I don't know how she put up with all the petty scrabbles and annoyances that constantly cropped up when so many different personalities worked and lived together. But diplomacy was her forte, not mine. Give me a fast jumper, a loaded P-90, and an off-world mission gone wrong, and I was your man. Give me an endless supply of personal disputes that needed ironing out, and I was a fish out of water.
Hoping to dodge any more expedition members wanting to air their grievances, I decided to take the long about route to my office location. I took one of the transporters to an out-of-the-way corridor before doubling back around passageways not frequently used. Using this more covert method of reaching my destination, I was able to sneak into my office without any further delays or interruptions. Stealth, thy name is Sheppard.
Our team had no missions scheduled for today, so I planned on using the down time to catch up on the mountain of paperwork that was piling up on my desk. I kept the precise location of my so-called office a secret, moving it weekly to prevent people from knowing just where to track me down. At least, until they finally resorted to using the biometrics sensor to locate my ATA gene-enhanced life sign. Not that McKay ever needed to resort to such tactics. The man had an uncanny ability to find where I was holed up, no matter how far out of the way my current roving office was from the control room. I still haven't figured out just how he did it, but I would eventually. Just give me time.
This week, my office was a little used room just around the corner from the infirmary. Because of my past experiences in trying to escape from Doc Beckett's domain whenever I had the misfortune of requiring his services, I thought no one would ever think to look for me close to the place I so often whined about leaving. It was like hiding in plain sight. I settled down into the chair at my makeshift desk--this week made of overturned supply crates and a chair borrowed from the conference room--with every intention of tackling the pile of reports, team evaluations, and requisitions. One of the drawbacks to commanding the military contingent on Atlantis was the mound of electronic paperwork that seemed to follow the job. In the four days my team was recently off-world on our latest away mission, the mound had taken on a life of its own, had set up house, and raised the next generation of government-issue forms. Turning on my laptop, I opened up the first item in the pile and got to work on this less-than-thrilling aspect of my job.
It must have been about two hours later that my radio headset chirped in my ear, as I was making my third paper airplane design out of some pages ripped out of my now battered copy of War and Peace. I know, I know. I shouldn't have abused such a classic novel, especially since printed books were rare on Atlantis. But darn if that tome wasn't boring as hell and taking up too much shelf space to boot. It was as thick as a phone book and just as exciting to read. Since paper was just as rare in a city where most reports and files were done electronically, I thought I may as well recycle some of those still unread pages into something a tad bit more entertaining. Not to mention it gave my mind a break from the endless tedium of supply requisitions and other documents that needed the John Sheppard seal of approval. Besides, shooting rubber bands at a photo of Kavanaugh tacked to the wall was quickly losing its novelty.
Tapping my earpiece, I answered with a succinct "Sheppard here."
"Ah Colonel, I need you back down in my lab...oh like yesterday. Can you get down here right away?" McKay asked in one breath.
"What's the problem, McKay? Is it an emergency?" I inquired even as I was shutting my laptop's cover and grabbing my jacket off the back of my chair.
"Well, in the general scheme of things, no. It's not an emergency. But in the name of science, I dare say it is of the utmost urgency. Why? Do you have more important things to do than help me solve one of the many mysteries of our fair city?" I could picture Rodney's chin jutting forward and his arms crossed impatiently in response.
Normally, I would have made him wait a bit, but I was looking for any excuse to get away from my office duties. I answered his summons with a crisp "I'm on my way." After tapping my headset to disconnect the comm link, I snuck a peek out into the hallway, making sure the coast was clear before leaving my private hideaway and heading out to McKay's lab.
I arrived at the lab to find the physicist hunched over his workbench turning a small metal cube over in his hands. It was the same object I had spotted earlier in the pile of artifacts on his desk. It seemed fairly innocuous from the looks of it. It was about the size of a Rubik's Cube but instead of the colored squares, it was engraved all over its outer surface with Ancient symbols. Since Rodney was well-versed in reading Ancient text, I assumed he would have mentioned if the design contained a warning label of some sort.
"You did translate all the writing on this, didn't you?" I asked him as I tentatively leaned forward to peer intently at the cube as he held it out towards me.
"Oh for Christ's sake, Sheppard. Don't be a wuss. It's not going to bite you. Trust me." McKay impatiently thrush his hand out, shoving the object closer to me.
"You said the same thing on Doranda and look where that got us." I reminded him.
"Oh, are you ever going to let that go? I blow up five-sixths of a solar system, and you've never let me forget it. Please, there is no way you can equate the Arcturus weapons system on Doranda with this teenie weenie artifact." Rodney huffed back at me.
"Well, let's just say objects of Ancient origin tend to do surprising things around me. So call me paranoid if I'm just a bit cautious about fooling with technology we don't fully understand." I shrugged.
"Need I remind you that I am the foremost authority on Ancient technology in Atlantis, hmm? That I have more experience with Ancient artifacts and more in-depth knowledge of their database that any other member of this expedition?" If he wasn't still holding the cube out to me, I swear he would have crossed his arms and rocked back on his heels as he usually did when trying to get his point across.
"All I'm saying is that maybe we shouldn't go blindly activating every object we find. It could get us into a heap of trouble." I tried to warn him.
"Look who's talking, Mr. Trouble Magnet himself." McKay interjected before I could voice more concerns.
"I can't help it. Whenever it's us versus Ancient gizmos, the gizmos usually win." I said with a bit of apprehension. I had had plenty of firsthand experience over the past year and a half with what could happen when Rodney and I messed with another doohickey found stashed somewhere in the city. Playing with Ancient doodads always came back to bite you in the ass one way or another. Sometimes with explosive results.
"So not true. Other than that one unmentionable and unfortunate incident on Doranda, name one time when we didn't eventually triumph over wayward technology." He actually bristled with annoyance as he dared me to respond.
"The Aurora. I seem to remember we had to blow it up." I shot back.
"Ah, but we all got out without a scratch. Naturally, because yours truly figured out their virtual reality environment with my usual brilliance I might add." McKay replied smugly.
"Okay, the nano-virus incident." That one was a doozy of a problem all caused by a left-over Ancient lab experiment gone wrong.
"Again, we saved the day with one little nuclear explosion and lived to tell the tale." His look said nice try.
"What's this we? I seem to recall that particular solution was my idea. And a pretty good one too if I do say so myself."
"Yes, almost getting yourself killed is always such a good idea." McKay frowned when he realized he just backed up my own argument instead of his. "Okay, well I see your point. Nonetheless, I still say you have nothing to worry about with this little baby." He patted the top of the cube with his other hand as he spoke.
"So you're sure it's not going to transport me to another dimension? Or make my mind take up residence in your body, because that would just be my worst nightmare come to life." I shuddered to think.
"You watch way too much science fiction, Captain Kirk. Don't get me started on how absurd and totally ungrounded in scientific reality so many of those shows are. Besides the point, the thought of my genius brain trapped in your coiffure-challenged head is just too disturbing to contemplate." His response was followed by a dramatic eye-roll. He scoffed at most of my favorite episodes of the sci-fi classics, yet it was funny that he still knew so many of the plot lines from these same shows.
Losing his patience with my balking, he snapped at me again. "Come on, Sheppard. Touch it. Put that gene of yours to good use and activate the darn thing already." The physicist snipped impatiently. "Time's a' wasting here. Give it a touch of that old Sheppard mojo, so I can finish collecting data on it." He held it out to me again as I reluctantly took it with a sigh of resignation. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread or so goes the saying.
Touch it he told me. I need you to activate this to see what it does he impatiently demanded. I should've turned around right then and there and made tracks out of that lab as fast as my legs could carry me. But no. I had to let my curiosity get the better of me yet again. Besides, what harm could that little metal cube do? What possible harm? It was amazing how one little Ancient creation could wreak such havoc in such a short amount of time.
Just a minute before, I had been holding the innocent-looking object in my hand while McKay stood next to me waiting for his latest find to do its thing. Not that he had been able to tell me what that thing was. Not wanting to admit he hadn't a clue as to what we should expect, he instead complained in that snarky way of his that I wasn't concentrating enough on turning it on.
"Come on, Sheppard. Think it on will you? I haven't got all day. What are you waiting for? I have more important work to do than hanging around while you dillydally. What part of 'turn-on this gadget for me' are you finding difficult to comprehend?" His rapid-fire speech was punctuated by that annoyingly quick double snap of his fingers.
"I am thinking it ON, McKay. It must be broken, or the damn batteries have died. Even the Ancient equivalent of the Energizer Bunny must run out of steam after sitting around collecting dust for 10,000 years." I shot back in annoyance. I don't know what was giving me the worse headache, trying to force this widget on or having to listen to today's hundredth McKay rant.
"Oh it is so not broken, Sheppard. At least it wasn't before you got your klutzy military-issue mitts on it." He crossed his arms in exasperation while I turned the cube over looking for any hidden switches.
"I'm telling you, it's not working. Maybe it doesn't do anything. Maybe it's the Ancient version of a paperweight or knickknack." I shrugged when I couldn't see anything at first on its engraved surface that might magically turn it on.
Then I noticed it. In the corner hidden in the carved design appeared to be a recessed button. Now we were getting somewhere. Pushing my thumbnail against it, I felt it depress slightly. At first nothing happened. But isn't there always a split-second delay before all hell breaks loose? A calm before every storm? Sure enough just before McKay tried to snatch it back out of my hand, the cube started to emit a low-pitched hum.
"Uh, McKay? Are Ancient Rubik's Cubes supposed to hum?" I asked him.
"What? What are you talking about? What did you do?" He no sooner spoke when the cube next began to glow orange and the hum increased to a high-pitched whistle. He paled as the whine reached a crescendo. "Oh, that can't be good."
"McKay! Get out of the way! I think it's gonna blow!" I yelled in frustration as I looked around for a safe place to unload this thing and fast.
Crap! I knew something like this would happen. In my experience, things generally only began to glow and whine when they were about to detonate. Why in the hell did those Ancients just leave things like this lying around? Couldn't they have locked them up with scientist-proof padlocks before they abandoned Atlantis? For a technically advanced group of people, they sure didn't plan ahead for any contingency. They must have never counted on their future progeny from the Milky Way finding their way back to Atlantis and poking around their stuff. But wasn't it a universal truth that kids always do the darnedest things?
Frozen still in silent terror, McKay stood staring at the cube like it suddenly became evil incarnate. Roughly pushing him aside, I rushed to the door and heaved the cube as far down the empty corridor as I could before slamming my hand on the door controls and tackling McKay to the floor. The doors hadn't quite finished closing when the explosion tore through the hall, sending a raging fireball racing towards us. The room shook from the concussive effects of the blast as the acrid fumes filled our nostrils and the rolling black smoke burned our lungs and stung our eyes. Soot and debris rained down upon us while I shielded McKay's body with my own. Finally the smoke cleared and the quaking aftershocks stilled. I cautiously raised my head up from under my sheltering arms. Shoving a fallen chair out of my way, I pushed up from the floor and coughed hoarsely to clear my dry, parched throat.
"McKay? Are you all right?" I rasped out as I reached for the scientist lying still on the ground.
A noise that sounded part groan and part annoyance emanated from his direction as he slowly stirred and used his arms to lever himself off the floor. "Arghhh, just what the hell was in that thing?" He sat up, shaking his head, and rubbing his watering eyes in delayed shock.
Trying hard to ignore the ringing in my ears, I exhaled a sigh of relief that we both appeared okay except for minor cuts and bruises. "I was just going to ask you the same question. Are you sure you're okay?" I inquired in concern.
Instead of replying, McKay reached over and slapped his hands frantically against my jacket and patted the back of my head as he yelped. "You're on fire."
"Good one, McKay." I snorted in disbelief. The brazen lengths he'd go to in order to dodge responsibility for this latest near disaster were unbelievable.
"No, seriously, Sheppard. You were smoking." He gave my hair a few more pats to make sure any errant sparks were smothered.
"Jesus Christ! Are you kidding?" I started as I jumped up, tore my jacket off, tossed it to the ground, and stomped on it a few times when I noticed small wisps still drifting up from the shoulders. Damn it. That was my favorite jacket too I thought ruefully as I studied the scorch marks on the ruined fabric.
"I think your hair's finally out too. Though you may need a barber to even out the patchy areas. Hmm...while he's at it, you might want to have him try to tame those wild tresses of yours. On second thought, you might need a buzz cut to fully repair the damage. I hear Carson is experienced in shearing sheep. You could ask him for assistance." He reached out to examine my scalp more closely, but I slapped his hand away irritably.
"Can my day just get any better?" I growled in warning for him to leave my hair alone.
"Just because you are currently follicularly challenged, doesn't mean you can get your hackles up. Erm, at least what is left of them. I myself did not escape entirely unscathed from our little misadventure. I think I broke a nail." He added holding up the forefinger of his right hand.
Rolling my eyes at his unfortunate injury, I turned away and looked around the room to survey the damage caused by the sudden blast. The lab was a mess with tools and broken lab apparatus strewn haphazardly across the floor where it had been knocked over by the explosive shock wave. McKay's palm pilot lay in scattered pieces, and his intermittently sparking laptop sputtered and hissed out its death throes as it still sat on the workbench. It was sheer, dumb luck that neither of us had been seriously injured nor instantly killed.
Broken glass and plastic crunched under my boots as I made my way across the lab to the doorway. Hitting the control panel with the side of my fist, I peered out into the corridor as the door reluctantly slid open. Luckily, McKay preferred that his own private lab be located in a quiet, largely uninhabited sector so the nearby passageways and rooms dotting them had been deserted when the explosion occurred. Thankfully, no one had been in the proximity of the blast when it went off, and most of the destruction was contained by the hallway walls just outside the lab. The area struck by the mini-bomb, though, looked like a war zone. Two walls were blackened by the intense heat, and the frame around the door across the hall was buckled and warped. The cracked and loosened ceiling panels dangled precariously above our heads, and the lights flickered and dimmed as circuits overloaded. Fire-suppressing foam dripped from every visible surface, leaving a thick, gooey residue on everything it touched. The cleanup crews would have a field day with this one. I let out a low whistle as I contemplated the fallout from this incident once Elizabeth got wind of it. Oh, there would be hell to pay when she saw what havoc we wrought. This was one report I did not look forward to writing. I wondered absent-mindedly if she would dare put her second-in-command on permanent latrine duty. I don't think my hang-dog look would keep us out of trouble this time.
"God damn it, McKay. I thought you said it was harmless?" I tiredly rubbed my hand across my grim-streaked cheek, noticing as I brought it down that the crystal face on my watch was cracked. Shit. First my favorite jacket, and now my watch too? This just beat all.
"Um, well yes I did. But this is obviously one rare instance in which I was wrong." He sniffed the air indigently as he inspected the aftermath of the detonation.
"Two words...Arcturus Project." I muttered under my breath. Rodney McKay strikes again.
"Oh, drop it already, Colonel." The chief scientist snapped back, having heard the comment I made to myself and apparently not appreciating the humor in it.
It figured his ears weren't affected by the blast. Mine were still buzzing slightly. No, wait. That was static from my headset. Forcing my thoughts from their reverie, I decided we'd better radio the control room and let them know what happened. But before I could make the call, my headset peeped as someone beat me to the punch.
Tapping it, I answered and heard Elizabeth's worried voice on the line. "Colonel Sheppard, come in. Colonel, can you hear me?"
"Sheppard here. I was just about to call you, Elizabeth."
"John? Are you and Rodney all right? Sensors indicated an explosion in his lab. Dr. Zelenka thought you might have gone there since you weren't in your quarters or with Teyla and Ronon. We were quite concerned when we felt the shock, and the alarms went off in the control room."
"We're both fine, though his lab is a little worse for wear." I grimaced as I told her about the wrecked room.
"Thank god neither of you were hurt. What happened?" She asked, the relief evident in her tone.
"Ah, we ran into a bit of difficulty when examining an Ancient device." I answered shrugging at Rodney who had the good grace at the moment to look contrite.
"You can fill me in on the details after Carson checks you both out. I'll send a team down to inspect the damage. I'll meet you in the infirmary in ten minutes." She signed off after I confirmed we were on our way.
"Come on, Dr. Destruction. The doc is waiting for us. You might want to have him look at that nail of yours." I kicked some debris out of the way as we cleared a path through the doorway and headed out to face the music.
"Sure blame it on me, Sheppard. I wasn't the one who activated the countdown sequence. Did I not tell you to watch what you touched? Didn't I? We can't be too careful when dealing with 10,000-year old artifacts. There's no telling what we'll run into if we rush in before fully assessing the dangers. We could have been killed back there. And if that happened, well the repercussions to Atlantis, not to mention mankind, were my genius to be forever lost would be inconceivable..."
On the walk to the infirmary, I tried to drown out McKay's incessant chatter by thinking about the mathematical probabilities of ending up with a friend like Rodney. As I mentally calculated the equations, my mind took an unexpected turn. Great minds like Lemaitre, Hubble, Penzias, and Wilson believed the universe started from one big bang, an initial explosion of a primeval atom that begat planets, solar systems, and galaxies like the one we now occupied. But, I knew differently. My theory is that life is a series of bangs, both big and small. With just the right amount of explosive force, someone can enter your life and make living it more worthwhile. Sometimes just the right combination of heat and pressure could reveal diamonds in the rough. And when you took the time to shine a light on the many facets of a person's personality, you could undercover the true gems you would call your friends.
The End.