Red vs. Blue is one of the greatest series of all time, and I've always wondered what it would be like as a written story, so I decided to write a my own adaptation of the story. This is my first fanfic, so sorry if the writing isn't great, and try not to be too harsh on the criticisms.
red vs. blue
THE BLOOD GULCH CHRONICLES
Chapter 1- Why Are We Here?
In our galaxy, there once was an enormous, ring-like world of divine splendor. And on that world, there was a box canyon known as Blood Gulch. And in that canyon, there was a small structure that seemed to bathe in the color red. And on top of that structure, stood two solitary figures clad in advanced power armor, one orange, and one maroon. The two soldiers stared into the adjacent plains, ready for battle.
It was during this time that humanity was faced with a crisis of galactic importance. For it was in what many had called the twenty-sixth century that alien forces had first appeared and started annihilating the human colonies, quickly and mercilessly. The only thing standing in the way of mankind and total extinction was a small group of highly trained and high tech super soldiers sent on the most dangerous of assignments. Completing mission after mission, battle after battle, efficiently and flawlessly, these soldiers become the last, best hope for humanity.
Unfortunately, these were not those soldiers.
Not even close.
"Hey," the maroon one said.
"Yeah?" the orange one replied.
"You ever wonder why we're here?" the maroon one asked.
"That's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here?" the orange one began, "I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a God watching everything, you know, with a plan for us and stuff? I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night."
The two stared at each other in awkward silence for several seconds.
"What?" the maroon one finally said, "I mean why are we out here, in this canyon?"
"Oh! Uhhhh… Yeah." the orange one replied.
" What was all that stuff about God?"
"Uhhh… Hm? Nothing."
"You want to talk about it?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Seriously though, why are we out here?" the maroon one asked, "As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out."
"Mm-hm," the orange one agreed.
"The only reason that we set up a Red Base here is because they have a Blue Base over there." the maroon one said as he gestured to a similarly shaped structure at the opposite end of the canyon. "And the only reason they have a Blue Base over there is because we have a Red Base here."
"Yeah, that's because we're fighting each other." the orange one said.
"No no, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whupdy-fuckin-do," the maroon one sweared.
"What's up with that, anyway?" the orange one asked, "I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief is blowing up the whole Covenant armada, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere fighting a bunch of blue guys."
While the two Red soldiers continued their pointless conversation, another pair of power armored space marines stood on the high hanging cliffs not so far away. The cobalt one spied on the Reds through a the scope of his sniper rifle, while the teal one waited impatiently.
"What are they doing?" the teal one asked.
"What?" the cobalt one said.
"I said, what are they doing now?" the teal one repeated.
"Goddamn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!" the cobalt one said irritably.
"You have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit, don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick-"
"Okay, okay, look," the cobalt one interjected, "they're just standing there and talking, okay? That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So five minutes from now, when you ask me, 'what are they doing?'my answer's going to be, 'they're still just talking, and they're still just standing there!'"
The teal one looked at the ground, then back to the cobalt one, and said, "What are they talking about?"
"You know what? I fucking hate you."
"Talk about a waste of resources," the orange one said. "I mean, we should be out there, finding new and intelligent forms of life. You know, fight them."
"Yeah, no shit," the maroon one replied. "That's why they should put us in charge."
"LADIES," a gruff voice yelled, "FRONT AND CENTER ON THE DOUBLE!"
"Fuck…" the maroon one murmured.
"Yes, sir!" the orange one yelled back.
Thank you so much for giving the time of day to read this.
To be continued in Chapter 2- Red Gets a Delivery