The Seven Days of Jack Sparrow Creation
Warning: If you are big on your weekly religious liturgy, don't read further, because you may be offended by my blasphemy (which is too constant too stop now if you remember my Savvymandments and And the Lord Said, "Let there be Crane.")
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Before there was a world, there was a God. This God sought perfection, planning that one day there would be a faultless being, one so heavenly that he could say "savvy" and actually look cool while doing it. One named, "Jack Sparrow." But there was something wrong with this name… something wrong. The Lord pondered and pondered and finally came to a solution, "It shall be CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow," the Lord exclaimed.
The Lord came to his second predicament. How would he would bring about this perfect man? Through much thinking, the Lord finally decided to make the earth to entertain this captain before actually bringing him into creation.
Therefore, the Lord set out to create light so it would shine down on Jack's face and emphasize how hot he was, the waters for Jack to sail, dry ground for Jack to wander around swaggering on, the sun, the moon, and the stars to also shine down on Jack's glory, birds so Jack would have an animal, such as a sparrow, to be named after him, sea creatures for Jack to be king of, and land animals such as human beings for him to rob.
After these seven days, God decided to finally make Jack Sparrow.
The First Day of the Making of Captain Jack Sparrow
The Lord looked down on the empty seas. There was something missing. How was his Captain going to be a Captain without a ship? But he couldn't just make any ship. Therefore, he decided to create the Black Pearl for Jack's liking. The angels sang in Heaven.
The Second Day of the Making of Captain Jack Sparrow
The Lord looked to the Black Pearl. There was still something wrong, something missing. So the Lord created a pirate crew for the Black Pearl.
The Third Day of the Making of Captain Jack Sparrow
The Lord looked to this pirate crew and decided to create the Pirate's code.
The Fourth Day of the Making of Captain Jack Sparrow
The Lord was still not satisfied with his sea so he made the Dauntless for Jack to steal.
The Fifth Day of the Making of Captain Jack Sparrow
Now that his sea was completed, he looked to the earth and decided to make the Caribbean for Jack to reside. This land would soon be known as, "the Promised Land," in the eyes of the Lord and his cherubs.
The Sixth Day of the Making of Captain Jack Sparrow
Now that everything fell into place, the Lord exclaimed joyfully, "LET THERE BE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!"
The Seventh Day of the Making of Captain Jack Sparrow
There was still something missing even now that Jack was made. The Lord pondered to himself, "What could it be," he asked. And, finally it clicked. "Let there be rum," exclaimed the Lord. And Jack did much rejoicing.
The Lord was satisfied.