Disclaimer:I do not own Gundam Wing. "Cosmic Love" was written by Florence Welch and Isabella Summers. This is NOT a songfic. No copyright infringement intended.
Premise: A series of loosely interconnected vignettes that follow Heero as he struggles to find himself after the events of Endless Waltz. Inspired by the song "Cosmic Love" by Florence + The Machine. Each vignette will be titled and themed after a lyric from the song.
Pairings: 2 + 1
Cosmic Love: A Falling Star
He was drained.
He had been released from the hospital less than a week ago. The doctors and nurses had fussed, the media had clamoured for his story and the Preventers had begged him to join. He had left that all behind and did what he did best.
He disappeared.
From the shadows he had watched as people had thrown down their weapons, embraced the peace and looked to the future. From the shadows he had watched as families reunited, crying tears of happiness. From the shadows he watched as Relena triumphed once more, her message of absolute pacifism becoming the anthem of the people.
He was obsolete.
The Perfect Soldier was not needed in these times of peace, his presence would mar the serenity, stain the calm with the memory of violence and bloodshed. Yet as humanity continued its endless waltz, he knew the tides would shift and unrest would bubble to the surface. And when the tumultuous seas broke, he would once again re-emerge, a sacrifice for the people. But until then, he would not exist.
He was nameless.
He was prepared to vanish, to eliminate all traces of his assumed identity, to become a ghost with no ties or obligations. Yet the day he set out to fade from existence, a message had arrived. Somehow he always managed to find him.
01
Meet me at the Planetarium. URGENT
02
With heavy feet, he had dragged himself to the assigned location, wondering what could possibly have alarmed Shinigami. The threat had been eliminated, the Gundams destroyed and the five disbanded. He had confirmed it with his own two eyes; all discord had been wiped from the face of the Earth. He wouldn't be leaving otherwise.
He had no home.
Wearily he trudged into the darkened theatre, his tired eyes locating the tell-tale braided head sitting in the very centre of all the seats, exposed and vulnerable. After a moment of hesitation, he made his way towards his former comrade. When Duo made no move to look at him, he took the seat next to him, his worn body sinking into the cushions, a dead weight.
He hated wide open spaces.
"It's so easy to hide here isn't it?" Duo finally spoke after a great length of silence, his face upturned and his gaze fixed on the darkened dome above him.
"Where?" His voice sounded hollow, even to him.
"In the darkness." Duo's face was encased in shadows, only his faintly glinting eyes visible in the dim light.
"Why am I here?"
"To watch the show." Duo replied simply, his gaze never leaving the blackened dome.
"You said it was urgent."
"You wouldn't have come otherwise. I designed it myself, the show I mean. I wanted you to watch it with me."
"I'm leaving." He stood to leave but warm callused fingers wrapped around his cold, bony wrist.
He was so cold.
"Sit," Duo commanded sharply. "After that sucker punch on L3-X18999, you owe me that much."
"It was for your own good."
"I know," Duo replied easily. "But you were the one who asked for my help, and the least you could have done was given me a heads up on the change of plan."
He remained silent; he had no answers for Duo.
"Got nothing to say Heero?" Duo chuckled darkly. "No worries buddy, you'll learn how to apologize properly one day, and I don't mean offering to let people kill you."
He tensed, visions of innocents whose deaths he was responsible for flashing before his eyes, a smiling girl and her puppy at the forefront.
He was a murderer.
"Don't call me that, Heero Yuy is merely a codename."
"So?" Duo shrugged, finally turning his head to face him. "Duo Maxwell isn't my real name either but I think it suits me just fine. And Heero Yuy suits you just fine too. Besides, it's how I'll remember you. How we'll all remember you."
"What do you mean?"
"You're going to disappear again aren't you?" Duo's large eyes gazed at him intently, unblinking. "Hide underground until you're needed again."
"What I do from now on doesn't concern you."
"What you're about to do isn't living Heero, it's merely existing. Being an empty shell, I wouldn't call that a life." Duo's eyes remained fastened to his, their focus stern and unwavering.
He turned his head away, breaking eye contact. He didn't want or need Duo's sympathy. He knew where his path lay, what he needed to do.
His world was black and white.
"You deserve more Heero. You brought Wufei back from the brink, showed him a brighter future. Quatre believes you're the heart of space. And Trowa," Duo broke down and laughed. "Trowa said you told him to follow his emotions. So why are you so determined to shut yourself away?"
He remained mute, staring straight ahead. Next to him, he felt Duo sigh and turn his gaze heavenward once more.
"And is this what your emotions are telling you to do?" Duo asked, his voice low, barely a whisper.
"I have no emotions left to feel."
His soul was void.
Duo sighed again, deeper this time. "Whatever you say buddy, let's just watch the show shall we?" Leaning back against his chair, Duo clasped his hands behind his head and smiled faintly.
He too leaned back in resignation, his gaze shifting upwards for the first time.
He was surrounded by darkness.
The soft strumming of the harp filtered into the air around him as tiny pinpricks of light appeared in the darkness. Constellations began to take shape as a soft soothing voice sang the opening lines of a poignant melody. The moon rose slowly from the east, radiating a deep amber as she rose above the horizon. A soft drumbeat joined the haunting melody, a living heartbeat thrumming under his feet.
The music amplified in volume as the moon rose higher in the sky and lost her colour, her appearance taking on a pale, spectral quality. The stars brightened and dimmed with the beating drums, small clusters of shooting stars sporadically flitting across the screen. The moon continued her arching trek across the sky, passing through patches of stardust, her shadows changing shape as she rose.
He glanced out of the corner of his eye at his companion, his cherub face tilted towards the sky. He watched as the dancing lights played across Duo's striking features. The pert nose, its bridge slightly crooked from where it had been broken. The rounded cheeks that dimpled when he smiled had lost some of their fullness since the first war. The supple lips that were so often curled into a wide grin were split from where Duo had bitten them during the last battle. And his eyes, his too wide eyes caught every glint of light, and glowed with an intensity brighter than any star. Heero felt himself being pulled towards the light in Duo's eyes, like a moth to the flame. And just like a flame, those eyes had the power to extinguish his meagre existence.
Suddenly he was flying towards the moon, her barren scars laid bare to his gaze. With a sharp twist he was veering away, he was rushing past her pockmarked surface, tumbling through the asteroids and past the planets. The soothing voice turned powerful, climbing and twirling above the pounding of the drums. The stars were no longer pinpricks of light but long glowing streaks as he shot headlong into oblivion. Leaving the solar system behind, he crashed headlong into a multi-coloured nebula. He fell and spun endlessly, surrounded by vivid hues and explosions of sound.
He was falling.
The powerful voice became an anguished cry and he plummeted. He plummeted into a void, blackness so deep that it pervaded his very being. Silence reigned and he was once again trapped in the darkness, his heartbeat ringing in his ears, even though the drumbeat had vanished.
He was suffocating.
The gentle voice returned once more, in the faintest of whispers. Far above him, a glowing red star materialized from the dark, bathing the sky in its crimson hue. A single heartbeat reverberated through the air, the star oscillating with its rhythm. A second heartbeat and the star shattered into five falling stars, each blazing its own path across the sky.
"This is where it all began." Duo's breath was hot in his ear. "This is where we were reborn, into falling stars. We fell with no one to catch us, we fell to crash and burn, to stumble and find our own way."
He wanted to turn and push Duo away, to escape his burning heat, to prevent the stirrings in his heart. He couldn't. He couldn't push him away, he couldn't stop his words from tearing his soul open and he couldn't tear his gaze away from the sky.
The falling stars faded from sight and he was falling again. The haunting melody was back, overwhelming his senses as drums and harps collided. He plunged through clouds of stardust, past jumbles of nebulae, colours spinning past his vision, time and space but a memory. Planets from other galaxies orbited around him as shooting stars chased him across the sky. The soaring voice was calling him, pulling him, pushing him through this endless journey.
He had lost control.
"I don't regret any of it, not a single moment." Duo's breath stirred his hair, sending shivers down his spine. "I would live it again, over and over, endlessly and without regret."
"Why?" he pushed past his constricting throat.
"Because I met you."
He tore his eyes away from the sky and flinched. Duo was much closer than he expected; his usually jovial features were serious and his eyes glowed luminously in the dark.
"I'll always be there for you Heero. I'll always be your friend, even more if want."
Duo's lips were hot against his, branding him with their caress. It was a fleeting kiss, barely more than a mere brush of lips yet it burned him to the core, igniting a spark deep within. He immediately tamped down on the emotion, banishing the feeling to the darkness. Even the darkness, although muted, it obstinately continued to burn.
He was burning alive.
"You'll always be Heero Yuy to me. And when you finally decide that you want to live life rather than merely exist, you know where to find me." Duo rose from his seat, taking his warmth with him.
He watched as Duo walked away from him, his back straight and braid waving like a pendulum to the beating of the drums.
"I'll be waiting Heero, for as long as it takes."
No farewells or blessings. With his open promise, Duo was gone.
He continued to freefall, the stars spinning around him as he flew through time and space. And through it all the drums continued to beat an endless heartbeat.
His heart beat alone.
AN: I've been listening to "Cosmic Love" on repeat and this vignette demanded to be written. I'm aiming for a different writing style than my usual. I promised myself that I wouldn't start anything else until I finished "Applesseds" but promises are so easily broken. I will still continue to update "Appleseeds" while this series will be updated at a less frequent pace.
Thanks for reading!
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