Harry stared down at scotch, twirling the amber liquid in the glass. The clubhouse moves around him, people talking, laughing, and carrying on, but he felt frozen. Like the world is moving around him and he was stuck in place.

He knew he had to hold back his own demons, his own guilt eating at him, he didn't deserve redemption.

Harry tilted his head back, remembering, playing the memories over and over in his head like an old movie.

Astoria gathered her clothes and dressed slowly.

Harry took in her every move.

Everything about her was sweet and gentle.

Beautiful.

What in the Merlin was Harry doing? Why did he keep her at the distance?

Hermione was right, Astoria was one kind and he shouldn't be fucking around on her. Even if she did know about it. Astoria never once tried to change him. She'd taken him as he was, his many faults and all.

How many women would do the same?

"Have a safe run, Potter" Astoria said softly, lifting her dark hair off her back and tying it up.

"Come here" Harry as demanded.

Astoria complied instantly. Astoria was good like that, always wanting to make him happy, but at the same time she wasn't weak, she was smart, sharp, and knew what she wanted in life.

He was lucky enough to be one of those things.

He wanted to tell her that he only wanted to be with her and that he was going to do right by her. He wanted to tell her he wanted her as his Old Lady.

"We need to talk when we get back," he spoke quietly, he needed time to gather the right words. Astoria nibbled on her bottom lip. "Is everything okay?"

"It will be," He said as he kissed her lips.

It will be okay the moment he told her how much he loved her.

Harry's eyes snapped open and shook his head laughing darkly, he never did get to tell her he loved her. She was dead because of him, she died thinking… What would she have been thinking?

That he didn't care for her?

That he should have been there to protect her?

To save her?

Maybe before her life faded away she wished that she'd never met him, to have not wasted her time on him.

She might have been right.

Harry lifted his glass of scotch to his lips and drank, the warm liquid sliding down his throat with ease. Since his getting out of Prison, he'd been doing nothing but spending time at the clubs strip club and getting everyone to think he was getting laid.

The truth was, he'd been going there to torture himself.

He'd drink, watch, and try to keep his mind busy.

He hadn't fucked anyone since Astoria. It'd been years, Five, to be precise.

Why should he get to move on when she never could again.

What Harry couldn't give her in life he would give her in death.

Moony walked in with a brunette women by his side followed by Hermione who was smiling widely and holding hands tightly with her.

Harry soon realized this was Hermione's little friend she loved, Pansy Parkinson.

Just the temptation he didn't need, her eyes dart to me and she gives me a small little smile.

Harry didn't return it.

Harry slowly pursued her body, tempting himself with something he could never have.

Harry felt his lower regions start to react and knew he had to leave now

Harry stood up and downed the rest of his drink and placed it on the table, Hermione was smiling and introducing her friend to everybody while Moony sat to the side with his phone out in hand. Harry thought he was probably texting Padfoot about how he needed to come and get his woman and calm her the fuck down.

Hermione smiled over at him and waved as she dragged along Pansy.

"Wizard, this is Pansy…" Hermione said proudly before turning to Pansy "Pansy, this is Wizard."

"Nice to meet you, Wizard" Harry watched as her lips curled around each word enticing him to kiss those damn lips of hers.

Harry nodded at her "You too…"

I look at Hermione, Padfoot's old lady, she definitely was special. "I'm going out, see you later, Mione"

I have no right to Hermione's little attractive friend. So what if he found her attractive and wanted to fuck her till she had no more voice left to scream.

Harry couldn't have her.

Hermione frowned a bit and let go of Pansy's hand as she stepped closer to me so only I could hear what she had to say "You can't stay awhile?"

Harry frowned and looked towards Pansy then the doorway, He didn't want to stay he needed to get out.

Hermione frowns and suddenly in her brilliant mind she realizes why I need to go and smiles sadly and nods her head "Don't worry, go ahead"

"Thanks, Mione"

He couldn't help himself but Harry looked at Hermione's friend one last time and Harry saw her watching him.

That wasn't good.

"See you around, Pansy"

She raises an eyebrow "You can count on it…"

Harry left the club feeling a heavy weight on his chest like something had changed. As if something was telling him life was never going to be the same.

Harry sighed heavily thinking of Astoria six feet in the ground where he should be.

Harry didn't need to drag anyone else down with him.

He needed to stay away from Pansy, even if she is the first woman in awhile to stir feelings inside of him. Harry got on his bike and drove away pushing aside thought of him and Pansy out of his mind.

~HA~HA~HA~HA

This does connect to my Maurader's MC, I wrote this long ago and a book series gave me the inspiration. . . I'm slowly writing this, so don't expect anything soon, I work up to 50 hours a week soooo I'm pretty busy that is until college starts back up. . . anyway. . . I hope you liked it. . .

Nevvy~