This is a one-shot I decided to write just to waste my time, and because I needed a break from my Danny Phantom story Reversed Hero...I decided to write this from Zuko's POV, and so I hope you charming peoples enjoy it! And please, no flames...I hate flamers, though I do enjoy some constructive criticism.
Disclaimer: do you guys honestly think I own Avatar: the Last Airbender?? If I did, then there would be no doubt about the Zutara relationship...it sooooo needs to happen (quoted by AnUnoriginalAlias)!
I could never miss the ice that shrouded her beautiful blue eyes, the utter coldness that entered those orbs every time she looked at me. I knew it was my fault, and the fault of my nation, that she had become so cold towards me, and I blame myself every day. But, I guess Agni had a specific plan for me, and betraying her like I did was part of it. I can still remember that day a mere few months ago, the day that I realized many things about myself and Katara...the day I realized just how much damage she had suffered, both by my hand, and others...
(Flashback)
I had caught Katara bending near one of the countless fountains on the air temple, and I couldn't help but watch her graceful movements from the shadows I was shielded in. She moved like a dancer; her grace and poise breathtaking to watch, and her long dark hair flowed around her loose and free as a cloud. The water swirled and moved with her every step, the normally clear liquid gleaming bluish-silver in the full moon's light.
"I know you're there Zuko." I heard her voice, hard as ice, and just as dangerous, call out to me. I flinched when she turned around to glare at me, her body surrounded by an ethereal glow that made her look like a water spirit...a water spirit with a vengeful wrath. "What do you want?"
"Oh...sorry Katara, I didn't"
"You didn't realize that I knew you were watching," she frowned, the water hanging around her and just waiting for her word to strike.
"Well...yeah." I felt my cheeks heat up from embarrassment, and I dropped my gaze to the floor to avoid her burning stare. "Listen Katara, I...we need to talk."
The silence wrapped around us like a cloak, a stifling emptiness that sent a slight shiver up my spine. I could hear her footsteps echoing like mighty drums as she walked towards me, her boot heels clicking against the stone floor growing louder with each passing second, until finally she stopped. She was standing so close that I could reach out and touch her, and I did reach up with my hand, but Katara immediately slapped it away.
"What could we possibly have to talk about..." she whispered, her voice so soft and deadly that it surpassed even Azula's. "I believe I already made myself clear."
Great. She was staring at me with the murderous light in her eyes, the very same as when she pretty much threatened my life. "Katara, I wanted to...to apologize." Agni must hate me; now she's looking at me like I'm crazy!
"Apologize? For what? Betraying me...and the others? Trying to kill us? Helping Azula nearly succeed in killing Aang? Do I need to go on," Katara snapped at me, a sneer unfurling on her lips. Oh gods, what did I get myself into?
"Look, I know you don't believe me, but I really have changed!"
"Yeah, uhuh. You said it yourself, I don't believe you."
"Aughh! What can I do to prove myself to you?!" Oh man, I need to calm down, I don't want to get her mad. She already seems to be pretty pissed, and yelling at her's not going to help anything. Carefully, I took in a slow and calming breath, a wisp of steam escaping my lips as I brought my gaze up; her azure eyes peered into mine, the fire in her blue orbs burning with a wrath I'd never seen before, not even from a firebender...I should probably be careful. "Please Katara, I'm so sorry...I never meant to hurt you, I...I just wanted to go home," I murmured, the truth of those words hitting me with a burning passion.
"You just wanted to go home," she repeated. Now she doesn't look as pissed, but there's something off about her...
"Yes..." I took a step towards her, my gaze never faltering from hers.
"Now, that's what I can't understand. From what I know, your life at home was pretty miserable. I know you were banished by your father, and your sister obviously hates your guts, so I'm dying to know why you'd want to go home." Katara's face shifted so that it was stoic. The only emotion she showed was in her eyes, and they were a blur of so many different ones that they were impossible to discern. But, the one that stood out was anger, though there was something else hidden in those impossibly blue pools...sadness?
"I...I thought that my father would accept me if he thought I'd killed the Avatar," I whispered sadly. Suprisingly, I could feel tears pooling in my gold eyes. I never cried, not even when my father scarred me! What was it about Katara that did this to me? What about her brought out my emotions, usually so carefully locked away from prying eyes? "But, that wasn't the real me. He wouldn't accept me if he knew the truth, and I couldn't deal with all the lies, the lie that I was living."
Now the anger had all but faded from her eyes, but her lips were still set into a stern frown, her arms bent into a waterbending stance.
"So, is that the only reason you came to help us?"
"NO! I wanted to help you guys! I'm sick of this war, sick of all the pain and suffering its caused," I cried, holding my hands up in a pleading gesture. "Both you and I have personally experienced hardship because of this war...my father told me that my mother may still be alive, but that doesn't take away the pain and suffering I feel every time I think about her. For all I know, she might as well be dead," I added under my breath. "And your mother was killed, taken away from you when you were just a child."
Katara was staring at me, and I winced at the shift of emotions in her eyes, the coldness that still lingered in those captivating orbs. "Zuko..."
"Katara, I'm so sorry. I never should've betrayed you, but maybe it was for the better. I mean, what if I'd joined your group then? There would've been a strong chance that Azula might've gotten to me down the road, and what then? What if I'd betrayed you now?"
"...you're right." Now that startled me; I never thought I'd hear those words come out of Katara's mouth. "But...it doesn't take away the pain you put me through." Damn, I should've seen that one coming. Katara relaxed her arms and stepped closer to me, and then I realized that she was standing much closer than usual. At max, she might have been a foot away. "Zuko, I've been hurt so much in my past, and you were part of the cause...I'm not sure if I can trust you." She shook her head, her chocolate hair tumbling over her shoulders and shrouding her face. Hesitantly, I reached out a hand and tucked a strand behind her ear, letting out a low sigh of relief as she didn't pull away.
"Will you try?"
That was the golden question; she blinked, her lips parting into a faint reminder of her former smile.
"Katara, I know you try hard on anything and everything you do, no matter what it is. I mean, you're practically the mother around her, taking care of Aang and the others. Honestly, I'm suprised you can do it all," I flashed her a small grin, my hand lingering to brush across her cheek. "All I'm asking is for a second chance."
"That's a lot to ask for..." she gently pushed my hand away, but instead of letting go held onto it. I glanced down, suprised, as her fingers entwined with mine, her mocha skin silky soft against mine. "Zuko, you don't even know half of what I've been through because of you. I've learned the true meaning of suffering since we last saw each other in those caverns, and I've even learned just how powerful I really am." A scowl reappeared on her lips, her shoulders slumped, almost as if they were burdened by some large weight. "I even got to meet a few ghosts from my past."
"Yeah, Aang mentioned something about you guys running into a member of your tribe." I quickly took notice of the dark shadow that swept over her face at that, and I immediately felt guilty. "Sorry...touchy subject?" She didn't reply, though the answer was written all over her face. "Katara, I want you to trust me, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure it happens." I think we both were suprised at how soft my voice came out, and how warm and emotional it was. "We both have skeletons in our past, and I hope that someday we'll be able to share them," I gently tugged my hand from hers, and, with a smile, I quickly leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.
"I hope you know that could take a long time..." I heard her low whisper as I turned around, and I could only give her a slight grin as I felt her hand fall on my shoulder, her fingers digging into my soft red shirt.
"That's all I'm asking for."
"Did...did Aang ever tell you anything more about that member of our tribe..." she asked, and I slowly shook my head.
"No. Why, what happened?"
I winced as Katara's sharp nails dug into my skin, but I didn't murmur a word of complaint. "She betrayed me."
Now, that caught my attention. I whirled around, her hand flying off my arm and back down by her side.
"She betrayed you? Is that why you said you'd suffered more since the caverns?"
"Yeah...her name was Hama, and she was the greatest and worst thing to ever happen to me," Katara's voice grew cold at the mention of the name 'Hama', her eyes shadowing over and turning a dark shade of midnight blue. "She taught me more than I ever wanted to know, and gave me a gift that I didn't really want."
"Katara, what're you saying," I spoke soothingly, but the waterbender merely shook her head.
"No, I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's better that you don't know."
"But..." the pain was written across her face, and I almost felt tears coming to my eyes at the pitiful expression she wore, the obvious hurt that had been inflicted on her. "It looks like you need to talk about it. Come on Katara, will you just talk to me?"
"NO!" Ok, now I know that I'm talking to a very powerful bender here, but I was pretty shocked when I saw all the foliage and greenery around me explode in a sudden shower of water, ice, and broken bits of leaf.
"Wha...what the hell was that?!"
I glanced back at her, and the furious look on her face nearly made me cringe in fright; Katara looked absolutely scary, her arms frozen in a waterbending stance I'd never seen her use before. Her eyes narrowed as she eyed me coldly, her lips pressed tightly together into a malicious smile so out of place on her beautiful...hey, wait! When did I start thinking like that? Never mind, I need to focus!
"Katara, what was that?!"
"I lost my temper..." she snarled, her gaze falling to the ground. "That was one of the things Hama taught me, how to bend the water in plants. She told me that anywhere there is life, there is water."
"Wait, but doesn't that mean you could..." I couldn't force the words out of my mouth; the look on her face was heart-wrenching, and it easily made me feel guilty for ever bringing it up.
"Yes. I can bend the blood in a human body. I can make any living human being my slave...I could take away your free will with a flick of my wrist." The speech was cold and unfeeling, but the tears trickling down her face weren't lost to me. "You don't know how it feels to hold that kind of power...no one does, except myself and Hama. And what's worst is that she forced me to use it. Now I'm stuck with this curse for the rest of my life, and with the memory of her..."
"Oh Katara..." I gently grabbed her chin and tilted her face up, my breath hitching as I saw the sadness that was beaten into her features, "I'm so sorry." I could tell she believed me, but the hurt was still there when she pulled away.
"It doesn't matter. I did what I had to do to save my friends, just as you did what you thought you had to do. We've both suffered, just as you said, and now we have to live with the consequences of our actions. Because of what happened to me, I'll probably never trust anyone I meet like I used to," she added. "Maybe that's a blessing in disguise."
"Katara, no, don't think like that!" I couldn't take it...all of this was because of me. If I hadn't betrayed her, then none of this would've happened!
"Zuko, I know what you're thinking, and stop it." I stared at her, startled, but Katara kept her face impassive, hiding her emotions behind a cold facade. "You yourself said that your betraying me was for the better, and I honestly have to agree with you. I may not be the same girl I was when we first met, all naieve and childish, but now I have experienced for myself the true horrors that life can throw at you...now I'm stronger, both in mind and spirit, and I won't be hurt so easily ever again."
I could only watch as the waterbender started walking away, her form nearly disappearing into the shadows lingering in the temple before she turned back around, a bright and true smile on her face. It was the smile I'd seen her wearing so often in the past, the smile that awoke a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"I can't trust like I used to, but that doesn't mean I can't try. I've been through so much Zuko...don't disappoint me again."
(end flashback)
I still blame myself for what happened to her. It was because of me that Katara was put through all that suffering...and yet, it was a blessing in disguise, just like she said. If I hadn't betrayed her in those crystal caverns, then there always would've been a chance that I would've later on. Katara understands this, and she forgave me for that day, though her ease at doing so still makes me somewhat suspicious. She did say she would try to trust me, and so far it's been going really well, though she hasn't told me the whole story between her and Hama...but that's okay. I know she'll confide to me in time, and I'll be here when she's ready.
"Zuko!" I glanced away from the burning fire I was sitting beside, my frown fading as I saw Katara running towards me, her blue dress flapping in the slight breeze. I grinned and jumped up from my spot, letting out a chuckle at the pretty smile that she wore. She looked so beautiful when she smiled, I'm glad she does it more often now. "Come on, I need your help gathering some herbs for the soup tonight," Katara grabbed my hand and started pulling me away, and I couldn't help but smile at the eager way she pulled me away.
"You that anxious for my company?"
"Yeah, you wish!"
We have both been through so much, and sometimes I wonder how we managed to survive. Every once in a while I catch a icy glint in her eyes, and I know she's remembering her past...I can't say I blame her. I know better than to bother her during these times; instead, I let her come to me. Katara has a personal strength I admire, and am jealous of, but there are times that she needs support. That's when she comes to me. There won't be a day that passes that I won't feel sorry for what I did. Hell, the guilty feelings somtime feel like they're going to eat me alive! But, I always feel better when I remember that if she can forgive me, then one day I'll be able to forgive myself. I realize that our pasts' were meant to be entertwined; I was meant to betray her that day. Sometimes I half-heartedly wish that I hadn't, but then I look at her and see all that we have gained, both good and bad. But hey, that's the bitter truth, and I've accepted it.
I hope you guys enjoyed that! Sorry if it seemed a little OOC, but I wanted to show a new side of Zuko: his mind. Sometimes I wonder what's going on in that thick skull of his, and that was part of the inspiration for this. Anway, I hope you guys'll click the tiny purple button in the left corner, 'cause I love hearing your thoughts.
Later peeps, I'll catch ya on the flip side!!