Kenny and Kyle's hopeless journey
One day the four boys were walking through the small town of South Park. It was Good Friday, which meant a day off school but nothing to do because everything is closed. As the boys walked a strange thought came over Stan "should Kyle even get this day off? Why would Jewish people need to celebrate Good Friday?" he said. "They have lots to celebrate" argued Cartman "why Kyle's family is probably at home right now chanting 'we nailed him up! We nailed him up!' " "Shut up Cartman!" Kyle was quick to defend his religion. Just then the boys came to a small wooden bridge over a duck pond, Kenny decided to lean over and look at the ducks and the other boys did the same. But unfortunately Kenny leaned too far and started to fall over the railing, he quickly tried to grab something to keep him from falling so he reached out and grabbed Kyle's hand. This surprised Kyle but he still tried to help, and then too Cartman and Stan's surprise Kenny tumbled over the railing and pulled Kyle down too. The two boys landed in the pond. The pond was deeper then they expected and though they tried to swim both boys drown. As Kyle gasped for air he vaguely heard Stan say "oh my god they killed Kyle and Kenny!" followed by Cartman shouting "you bastards!" Kyle's last thought was he stole my catchphrase.
Kyle slowly opened his eyes. "Where am I?" he asked, "We died," replied his friend Kenny. "Were in heaven". Sure enough Kenny and Kyle were standing at the pearly gates. A saint was letting people in but Kyle, not being familiar with Christianity couldn't identify him. Kyle and Kenny walked up to him and he looked over a large book. "Alright" he said "Kenny McCormick, as usual you will be sent back down to earth shortly as you yet again died before your time." "What about me?" Kyle asked eagerly "you" replied the saint "will be sent to hell". "Hell?" asked Kenny "isn't that a little harsh?" "ya" agreed Kyle "I didn't mean to be Jewish" "it's not because your Jewish" said the saint "it's because you committed acts of homosexuality towards your friend Eric Cartman". "What!?" asked Kyle "but he made me do that stuff!" "I know" said the saint "and he will be sent to hell when he dies for it too". "Wait!" shouted Kenny "can't we speak to God about this?" "well I suppose" said the saint
So the boys made there way across heaven to find God. Kyle had a lot to think about, thoughts raced threw his mind. So that's how Kenny keeps coming back. Stupid Carman getting me sent to hell. I sure hope God will forgive me and let me stay in heaven. Maybe God will send me back to earth with Kenny, I don't think I'm ready to die yet. Wow I can't believe Kenny is risking going to hell for all eternity just to help me, he must really care. And to think I never really showed how much I cared about him.
Meanwhile back on earth Stan and Cartman pondered over the loss of Kenny and Kyle. Stan had told Cartman that writing down his thoughts would help him deal with his emotions. When Stan had suggested this Cartman had instantly replied "what like some sissy girl and I diary? I don't think so!" yet now the idea didn't seem so stupid after all so Cartman ripped a paper from a notebook and began to write. He decided the best way to go would be by writing a letter specifically to Kyle and then one to Kenny. He began.
Dear Kyle
I know I was never very nice to you over the years that we have been friends and for that I'm sorry. But the truth is I'm just not that tolerant of a person. But in all honesty I never really had anything much against you, I guess I should have acted more like it. But how I really feel about you I have never been able to express before but I'm going to try. When I used to look at you on the outside there would be a scowl but on the inside I'd be beaming because I knew that I was looking at an amazing person. I was looking at someone who was genres and kind and smart and always cared about his friends. I just always wished you would consider me a friend. But I knew you never would. But I just want you to know I think I might love you, but I could never tell you that because I knew it was wrong. A wrong sort of love that felt perfect yet just so wrong.
Eric Cartman.
Cartman knew he could never let anyone see this letter so as soon as he was finished writing it he burned it. Never to be read by anyone.
Meanwhile up in heaven Kenny and Kyle had finally made it to God. "please" Kenny begged "my friend Kyle is a good person who dose not deserve to go to hell, please don't send him there." "Do not worry" answered God "I will not send Kyle to hell because I know that deep down he is a good person capable of loving. Kyle my child do you know why your friend Eric dose the things he dose?" Kyle thought for a moment, he wanted to say because he's an asshole but some how he knew that wasn't the answer so Kyle simply shook his head. "It is because" God began "when I created Eric I gave him a gift, a gift that turned out to be a life long curse, for you see your friend Eric is doomed to forever be in love with you but never be with you. And no matter how hard he tries he will always love you and he will always feel attracted to you". Kyle didn't know what to say. Cartman was in love with him, the more Kyle thought about this the more he felt stupid for not realizing it before. Cartman is for real and actually in love with me. That explains so much especially the ball sucking contract but what should I do? Should I… should I try and love him back, if even as only a friend? "You do whatever your heart tells you, now Kenny I'm going to send you back to earth, Kyle now that you know the truth do you really want to go back with Kenny?" "yes" Kyle said proudly "yes I do". And with that god sent them back, back to earth. But Kyle didn't know how to treat Cartman now that he knew the truth, and as Kyle and Kenny slowly flouted down towards earth Kyle said something he thought he would never ever say. "poor Cartman" "ya, how could God put one little boy threw so much, to never have a father and to be cursed with intolerance and friends who don't appreciate him, obesity and of coarse the curse to be in love with someone who he not only can never be with but…" Kyle thought this might be the most profound speech Kenny ever has made. Kenny continued "that makes him a total fag". Normally Kyle would laugh when people said Cartman was a fag but this time he just couldn't.