Brick by brick
Bold are Lily's thoughts, Italics are Scotty's thoughts.
Little bit of bad language.
I died. I almost died.
What if she's dead? What do I do?
Lil walked slowly out of the house, trying to gather herself with every step. She was still so shaken, so cold, despite the heat. It wasn't the death that had shaken her, or the fact she had so very nearly died.
He knew. That bastard knew. How could he have known? I've never told anyone. Not a soul.
She's alive. I can breathe again. I guess God does hear the occasional prayer.
She walked slowly and steadily towards her team. Her men. The closet thing she had in the world to friends and lovers. No-one else cared for her like they did. If she ever doubted that, the last few hours had proved it. No-one else knew her like they did. But still…still they didn't know the worst part.
She looks so pale. Even paler than usual. My God, what happened in there?
I have to forget all over again. Push it down. Repress it. That story does not belong in my mind.
She didn't stop when she reached them. She kept walking, brushing past them. Each of the men ached to reach out to her, wanting to comfort her in their own way. Each of the men cared deeply about her, had come so very close to losing her, having her ripped out of their lives. But they knew better than to force her to accept their love and friendship and compassion. They were all too aware of the walls built around her, even if they didn't know why.
He shattered my walls. I spent so long building them up, forcing every brick into place. I won't let them fall so easily.
All I want to do is help. Why won't she let me? Why won't she let me in?
She walked into the garden, and paused for a moment, breathing deeply. Just a second. She just needed a second. Her men gathered behind her, watching her warily.
Brick by brick, I built my walls. I can build them again. Higher this time.
I know I did wrong. I hurt you so very badly.
No-one gets in to hurt me. Not Kite, not Christina.
I want to make it better, can't you see?
Not Scotty.
I would do anything for you. I'd save you if you needed saving. That's what I wanted to do tonight. Save you. Prove I loved you.
I don't want to be saved. I don't want to be a victim who needs rescuing!
You saved me, Lil. Don't you understand that?
I want to turn around. I want to turn to Scotty.
Please, let me behind your walls.
I want to tell him, and sob in his arms, and let him heal me.
I can heal you, like you healed me.
But I can't. My walls have been up so long, I can't live without them. How can I do my job, bring justice to all those people, if I am so weak? Helpless people need the strong to save them, not someone so fragile, so easily bruised.
Please, Lily, don't shut me out. Forgive me.
I have to shut him out.
I lost you, for only a second, and I know I can't lose you again. I'll give you anything you want from me.
Brick by brick, I build my walls again.
My walls all crumbled tonight. I'm alone and vulnerable, waiting for you.
I'm safe behind my walls.
Lily, I need you. Please, need me.
No-one has to know that all I want is for someone to hold me.
All I want to do is hold you.
Lily turned back to face the men watching her anxiously. Her heart almost melted at the concern in her faces, if she hadn't already firmly enclosed her heart within ice. It was much the best thing to do with such a fragile, damaged object. Shut it away and forget it forever.
For a moment, she saw Scotty's face, full of pain, vulnerable and open. For a moment, the ice almost melted. But then she built her walls a little higher, and shut him out. She couldn't afford to be so weak. Not when so many lives depended on her. Not when she was so easily hurt.
She took a deep breath, she lifted her chin, and walked out of the garden, her walls intact. The men followed her, slowly, Scotty last of all.
He should have known he'd never get through her walls.
THE END