A Matter of Trust
Middle of the Night
Blackness. Senny blinked in confusion, but the darkness wouldn't clear. Why couldn't she see? She turned her head, confused, her heart feeling empty, more empty than it had ever felt before.
Kalas… He's gone. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, tears that no-one else could feel or see. Guardian Spirit tears. Not real, just like her. Did it all mean nothing at all to him? Still she saw nothing. It's because I'm not in Nekton… I'm not close enough to the link, and he forced me out… I need someone to bond with else I'll… I'll…She cut off her train of thought abruptly. She would find… Xelha, she could bond with Xelha, and then they would find Kalas, save him. Save him from his darkness.
"I will forget everything that has happened since my time on this earth as a Guardian Spirit," she said aloud, repeating the words of the spell that had stirred a faint memory in the back of her mind when Kalas had said it. A memory of Moonguile Forest, and a hurt deep inside her heart that must surely have resonated within his, too. He'd made her forget everything. Everything. Not just the things connected with Malpercio, everything. What was she to him, really? Her doubts weren't helped by the fact that she couldn't remember a thing. Well, that was a slight exaggeration. She had snatches of memory, brief teasers of things she should have known. Kalas laughing, Kalas smiling, Kalas sleeping, his face at peace… Kalas, Kalas, Kalas. That was all she could remember – all she needed to remember?
Light flickered. Confused and disorientated, Senny cast her eyes about for the source of the light. Another flicker, there was a light, in a room. She was in a room! So what had happened? Maybe she had latched on to Xelha after Kalas forced her out, had tagged after her even in her darkness, in her sadness? Just what was Xelha?
Don't think about that. Focus on staying in this world. On helping Kalas, she told herself. Slowly, hesitantly, she took a breath – a breath of what? Fake air? And started to sing. It was the only thing she could think of doing, something that she vaguely remembered doing when she wanted to get a grumpy Kalas' attention.
"Oh child, gentle child, close your eyes, with a smile, close your eyes… And all your tears will dry… Raven, sweet raven… Please don't cry, please don't leave… Your new white wings… Only tears will bring, you make her cry, tears of ocean waves… Tears of ocean waves… Tears of ocean waves, oh… Oh…" She hear Xelha's voice, muffled, calling out to her as though through water, even more distorted than she normally heard the other people.
"Senny? Is… Is that you?"
"Xelha… He's gone… He left me…" Senny replied, her voice thick with tears she struggled to hold back at the mention of Kalas. The room's light flickered, but Senny could make out more of it now, as though it was through water. Odd, that, how everything was always through water.
"Senny… I can barely hear you… Is it really you?" Xelha called out. Senny took a breath, tried to force back the tears that threatened to spill forth.
"I'm here, I'm… I'm right here!" She called out, louder. "I can barely see you, but…" Xelha stood up, casting her eyes about as though she would be able to see the Guardian Spirit somewhere.
"Kalas…" She whispered, making the breath catch in Senny's throat again. Why had he left her, why?! "Senny… Hold on… Just for a little longer, okay?" She opened her arms and closed her eyes, and Senny could feel waves in her heart.
"For Kalas, I will do anything," she murmured, the rose-tinted petals of light swirling around her vision and into Xelha. As the young sorceress fell to her knees at the force of a bonding the room jumped into focus around Senny, who let out a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding in. "This is for Kalas. We can bring him back. Can't we?" Senny asked; a hint of despair in her voice. Xelha smiled slightly.
"Of course," she responded. "That's what I intended all along."
Soul Poetry
As Xelha and Senny left the Interdimensional Crack in Moonguile Forest and it sealed shut, Senny sighed.
"What's wrong?" Xelha asked, turning to the sky to see the shimmer that was all she'd ever really been able to see of Senny. She got the feeling, sometimes, that Kalas had seen her better.
"It's just… This place…" Senny murmured. "He betrayed me… But… I can't think of him as betraying me… I don't want to think of him as hating me… He was always so… So…" She seemed lost for words. Sighing, Xelha sat by the spring.
"…Where we first met," she murmured. "Tell me, Senny… Now that you know you were forced to forget… What do you remember?" Senny closed her eyes and made a slight noise. Xelha felt her soul quiver with Senny's heart.
"…Kalas," she murmured eventually. "Just Kalas, and… Bits and pieces of what he showed me just after we bonded… I remember bonding with him… And then…" Xelha bit her lip. She wanted to know.
"Tell me about bonding with him," she requested. Senny laughed softly under her breath, then closed her eyes.
Soul Spring of the Blue Ocean
A glint of darkness.
Senny opened her eyes, glanced around. Nekton, still. Same place as she'd been since she closed herself off to the world around her, left Baelheit and come back here. What had woken her?
Stirring voices.
There were spirits clustered around her, but none of them cared about this strange intrusion into their little world. Their own little sacred place on the whole of the world. Their little link. What had woken her?
Tearing, soul-wrenching sorrow.
The white-haired woman who had disturbed her sleep before walked up to the trees at the edge of her vision, a blue-haired man… No, a blue-haired boy following.
Pain, such pain, and the echoes of her laughter.
Tilting her head to the side, Senny let herself be woken, she looked at the boy.
"Kalas?" She asked. Raven? The one her first partner had promised her, in that language long-dead, in that beautiful tongue. The boy looked up. He could hear her.
"That spirit seems to like you!" The white-haired woman remarked, in her lilting, sing-song voice.
Death, despair, destruction. White-winged darkness.
"If you could bond with it, something wonderful may happen to you," she continued. The boy, confused, but needing something, anything, to ease the pain in his soul and mend the tear in his heart, opened out his arms, looking her in the eyes, begging for her help. Rose-tinted petals of light gathered about her vision as she made herself real for him, as she poured her very being into his soul. She felt him collapse to his knees fro the force of it, felt his heart beating in perfect unison with hers, felt his soul react…
White, divine light, giving hope, a prayer to the world.
There were two souls inside him, it seemed like, only for a second, then it was him. He was her whole world now, practically, he was her and she was within him.
"Um… Hello," he greeted weakly, as though uncertain of what to say to this mysterious light that had enthralled him, totally and completely, that promised so much. "Can I… May I ask your name?" He seemed uncertain how polite he had to be, what he had to say, if perhaps he made a mistake he would drive her away.
A bright laugh, a scream of pain, a heart-wrenching betrayal.
"I'm Senny," she replied to him, as though it were the simplest thing in the world. She was a Spirit, a Guardian Spirit; she'd spent too long in this wood to count the years at all. The boy looked up at her with a slight smile showing through his pain, the tears on his face dried, but glistening in the eerie twilight that the light of souls generated in the wood.
"Senny? So, that's your name…" He murmured. He seemed more at peace all ready. Senny couldn't help but smile. She wanted to help him. He was so hurt, how could she possibly turn him away?
A feeling of regret, a stab of guilt, a crack in defences built of pure darkness.
"I'm… I'm Kalas," he continued. "Pleased to meet you, Senny." The white-haired woman had her half-dazed smile on her face, looking at Kalas with what could only be described as a watchful look, like an animal stalking its prey.
"Don't forget our promise, now, Kalas," she told him in her happy voice, before waltzing out of the Shrine. Kalas looked from her back up to Senny.
"What's wrong?" The Spirit asked him. "Why are you crying inside? What broke you?"
An endless keen for promises broken, a path that cannot be taken back.
In her soul, his memories resonated. Treasured, trusted memories, fragile, fleeting things he barely dared to share with her, this Spirit, this creature that was now a part of his soul.
Beautiful white wings.
Sitting in a house with a man and a smaller child, watching a man work on something.
Empty, lonely heart.
Spreading a mechanical wing, and one beautiful, shimmering black one.
Need for the one thing that gave meaning to life.
The same house, burning, choking, ash scattering all around.
A desperate want to turn back from the darkness.
Stumbling, crying and choking, into Nekton, weary and covered with blood.
A single tear down a Godling's cheek.
Watching a brother die, and collapsing into blackness.
Choking, choking regret.
Twisted Time and Distorted Sky
They were sat in a room in the palace in Anuénué, Xelha turning the Ocean Mirror over and over in her hands, looking at its bright, reflective surface, and sighing.
"…Do you think it can save him?" She asked; her voice so soft that without being bonded to her Senny would never have heard it.
"It has to," the Spirit replied. "It's all we have. If it doesn't work, the only thing we can trust is that Kalas can find himself within his darkness…" Xelha put the Mirror down on the table beside her, then rested her head in her hands in despair.
"Why did he do this?" She murmured. "Can the pain of being different really be so hard that he had to betray us? I will save him. That's why I…" She trailed off.
"I always told him his wing was beautiful," Senny murmured. "I always thought it was. If you cannot be perfect the way you are… If you cannot see that you are always perfect, in your own way… That is when you let the darkness in. That is… No, I don't think that's why." She closed her eyes, struggling to recall memories that Kalas had erased from her mind. "He said to me… He said… He made a promise, and that was why Mélodia took him to meet me… A promise he couldn't break." She looked at Xelha. "Xelha…" She murmured. "If you had to choose between your memories, everything you've ever experienced on this earth, and Kalas, which would you choose?" Xelha looked at Senny with a slight smile on her face.
"Kalas," she replied. "Without a moment's hesitation."
Star-spangled Journey
Kalas was sat with Senny in a field on the outskirts of Anuénué, watching the stars above his head with a slight smile on his face.
"Say, Senny," he started, turning to look at his Guardian Spirit, who started to pay attention for the first time in quite a few minutes. "What do you think is out there? Beyond the stars?" Senny looked at him curiously, then up at the stars.
"…My home," she replied eventually. "Where I belong, I suppose." Kalas chuckled softly.
"You suppose?" He replied, leaning back onto the grass and resting the back of his head on his hands. "Don't you know where your home is?" Senny smiled slightly.
"It's out there," she responded simply. "It's been so long since I last went there." Kalas, smiling, closed his eyes.
"We're alike, us two," he remarked. "No home to go to, nothing at all to tie us to this world… Except each other." Senny smiled.
"You could go home," she told him.
"So could you," he returned. Senny felt his soul flicker. He was content.
"No… I'd have to be sent," she responded. Kalas opened one eye and looked at her. "Someone… True to me, who I trusted, who held enough power within them… Trust, power to rival that of a God… They could send me there." Kalas gave her a strange look, then closed his eyes again.
"Power to rival that of a God?" He repeated. "Is trust really that strong?" Senny nodded. Kalas didn't have to have his eyes open; he could feel her movement in his heart. "…I'll send you home, Sen," he offered. "When our journey together is over, when and wherever that may be… I promise I'll send you home." Senny looked at him with bewildered, stunned eyes.
"…You'd do that for me?" She murmured. "You'd set me free?" Kalas nodded; the peaceful smile still on his face.
"I owe you, don't I?" He reasoned. "You kept me alive after that night. I want to repay the favour. Don't let me forget, okay?" Senny laughed happily, looking at the smile on Kalas' face, a smile that would be etched in her memory forever, no matter what.
"…I won't," she responded, feeling truly happy herself.
Falling Hail
The Angel of Darkness sat on the platform that Xelha had taken off from, so long ago now, and stared out at the bloody, crimson sky.
What have I done? He wondered morosely. His white wings fluttered softly in the lingering breeze, reminding his of the reason why he'd given up everything. He was complete now, he was whole, he was perfect. So why did he feel so… Empty? Senny… I've only been with her a few years… But it feels like a lifetime already… I miss her; I miss her now she's gone! He buried his face in his hands, ran his fingers through his unkempt hair in despair. He had made Mélodia a promise, that much was true, he'd had no option to back out, not if he wanted Senny to stay with him. He felt bad for denying her the memory of their time spent together, but he'd had no other choice. And she had said, as the spell had formed in Mélodia's hands, whispered in his ear in a voice so low not even Mélodia could hear… "I'd choose you over my memories every time, my Raven."
Her Raven. She always called him that, some remnant of a language she had spoken in times long gone. Kalas was an old word for Raven, apparently. Mélodia always called him a 'white raven', too. Beautiful white wings. Perfect. Perfect, but lonely, so very, very, achingly lonely.
He drew his wings around himself, hugging his knees, feeling the wind brush softly through his hair, like a gentle caress. It all felt so meaningless now. So many promises broken, trust lying shattered in the dust, friendships he would never have again, people he would have to watch dying at his feet, bleeding, bleeding, all for Malpercio, for Mélodia's twisted 'child'.
I'll never send you to your stars, Senny… Kalas thought, despondently plucking a white feather from his wings. I'll never find the Ocean, Fee… He opened out his wings and held the feather up to the sky, feeling the wing tug at it. I'm Mélodia's now. Her pawn. Her white raven, her Angel of Darkness. He let the feather go, watched it drift away from him, pulled along by the eddies of the wind, to come to rest somewhere far from him. He was letting go of himself, letting his soul be carried away on the breeze. I gave my soul away the day I met her. It's hers now, I have no right to try and keep it. Oh, what have I done, what have I done? The guilt was so strong, like a knife in his heart, twisting and making it bleed like he could have made her. He knew her pain. It was soul-tearing.
"Kalas… I understand," she had murmured, her voice so soft, her eyes so full of fear, of care, of loving, unwavering trust that refused to break even then. Back then, he had thought it was fear of what would happen to her, but now he understood fully… It was fear for him. For what would become of him.
"What's the matter, Kalas?" Mélodia's sing-song voice floated through the air to him. "Are you sad? Why are you sad, Kalas? You're perfect now." Kalas stood up, turning his blank, blue eyes on her. Blank eyes that spoke not a hint of the pain residing in his heart.
"I'm fine, Mélodia," he told her, the lie flowing so smoothly from his lips as all of those he had told his friends, had told Senny. "I just wanted to stand outside for a while. It's been a long time since I last saw a proper Alfard sunset." Mélodia giggled.
"Silly thing! You don't need the sunset," she told him, walking up and putting one hand on his arm, then changing her mind and running it along his new white wing. "This is all you need, now. You, I and Malpercio! We'll rid the world of everything. We'll rid ourselves of the world!" Kalas nodded, almost as easy a lie as those he'd said so hollowly to Xelha. To Senny. His betrayal cut so deep in all their hearts, even his own.
He followed her dancing form inside, his blue eyes showing nothing. They could show nothing. He was the white-winged darkness. He was perfect.
He was broken.
Deep Sea of Tears
"You know this place, Sen?" Kalas asked as they walked down the port. "Diadem, land of billowing clouds!" He spread his arms, a smile on his face. "Beautiful, isn't it? So much different from Mira. Well, Mira's beautiful too, in its own way, but look at this place!"
"Is that palace built of clouds?" Senny asked dubiously, vague memories of the place from a time she had suppressed coming back to her. Like she even wanted to remember.
"Sure looks like it, hey?" Kalas replied. "Shall we go and check it out?" He looked up at her, and she nodded enthusiastically. He smiled brightly at her, walking up into the castle. The guards were trusting enough, the castle was open to the public, and Kalas had to spend a while trying to have a conversation with Senny whilst making sure none of the other visitors could hear him.
"Is that a… A cloudfall, then?" Senny was wondering aloud. "A waterfall… Made of cloud?" Kalas smiled slightly.
"A cloudfall…" He repeated. "You could call it that." Senny was looking over at the jade sculpture of the dragon, murmuring things to herself about it that Kalas could only catch every other word of. The sunset was casting the clouds a deep, crimson red.
"I wonder if they have any decent inns in this town?" Kalas wondered aloud – or, more accurately, was asking Senny. The Spirit paused in her mumbling.
"Go ask the guards," she suggested, humming a happy little tune under her breath as they walked. Kalas couldn't help but smile. When she was happy, that happiness resonated in his soul; her heart beat with his… It healed his pain, if only for a while.
He lay back on the bed in the room he had managed to acquire with the funds he'd gained selling a few decent photos in the nearby shop. It was dark outside, the only thing illuminating the room being the light of the moon, and the soft glow of Senny, hovering just above his head, in sphere-of-light form.
"…Man, I just can't sleep tonight," he murmured absently. Senny looked down at him. He could see her standing, inside the sphere. It was somewhat disconcerting.
"I'll read you a story," she offered teasingly. Kalas laughed softly, knowing to take her words in good spirit. She never meant to offend.
"…Sing me that song," he requested. "You know… That one from Nekton. The song the Spirits sang." Senny looked perplexed.
"You could… Hear us singing?" She asked. Kalas nodded wearily. Senny smiled. "Well, I don't see the harm," she murmured, closing her eyes.
"Oh child, gentle child, close your eyes, with a smile, close your eyes…"
Purging Light of the Sun
Kalas refused to turn around. Mélodia had told him he should, to see Fadroh walking in with the unconscious forms of his comrades, or to see them run in to their doom, she didn't care which, but Kalas refused. It meant so little with Senny gone. He couldn't bear to see their faces. To see the looks of hurt and betrayal. For the sadness he felt to not reflect in his dull, empty eyes.
"Kalas!" Xelha's voice. He had no choice but to turn then, else Mélodia would… Comment. He looked at nothing as Mélodia told them her plans. What did it mean, anyway? The light was playing tricks on him, too, that shining space that should have been Senny hovering above Xelha's head. Had he killed her? Had he condemned her? Or had she just gone back to Nekton, her trust of humans ever more scarred?
"Please, Kalas, come back to us!" Xelha begged. Kalas looked at her, no emotion in his eyes. Mélodia laughed.
"As if he would revert from the beautiful creature he is, back to that pathetic thing he was," she taunted in her flowing voice.
"Kalas… my Raven… You were perfect as you were…" He heard Senny say, that light above Xelha's head flicker. Was he imagining things? Was Senny… There?
"Senny… You're with them?" He spoke out, amazed. Xelha nodded; determination in her eyes.
"That's right, Senny is with me now!" She replied, the flicker of shock, the ripple of slight hope that ran through Kalas not showing outwardly.
"Please, Kalas, come back to us," Senny begged. Kalas hesitated, hand on his sword, but a word from Mélodia and a push of Malpercio's power on his mind and he was lost again, lost and attacking the one living person who cared… And the one Spirit.
She sang their song as they fought.
Addressing Stars
Pain. So much pain. He couldn't remember ever having hurt so much, even when Giacomo had tried to kill him. But… So many feelings. He could hear Senny, hear her begging pitifully for Xelha to stop, stop hurting him, please stop his pain, but… What choice did she have?
"Xelha… Use… The mirror…" He begged. Senny was still pleading, desperately seeking for a way to save him, totally lost. Her trust was not broken, she believed in him with all her heart. A heart they had shared.
He got up, he ran at Mélodia, she drew out his wings and she laughed. All the pain, all the hurt, the regret, all the guilt that Kalas had hidden so deep inside himself burst through as she laughed, and, with no regrets, he tore his new wing from his back, white feathers scattering all over, a scream erupting from his lips as he did. But he had no regrets, none at all.
When he came to, the first thing he noticed was Senny, hovering nervously above him, at the limits of where her bond allowed her to be. The fear and care in her eyes brought the guilt crashing down on him.
He got on his knees and he begged for forgiveness. He didn't care if they thought he didn't need it. His friends, they were far too trusting. The guilt, the regret, and the pain, everything that had been slowly tearing him apart when he had worn his white wings, he let it all out, on his knees, letting them know that he was really, truly, deeply sorry. He was such a fool.
Xelha let Senny go. Kalas saw the rose-tinted petals of light. He felt Senny bond with him, felt her happiness and relief flow into his soul, felt her heart beat with his. Why had he been so foolish? Why hadn't he listened to her, and turned back?
"Looks like we're a team again," he murmured sheepishly. He hadn't wanted to lose her, that was all. Mélodia's threats meant nothing until she mentioned Senny.
"You can count on me!" Senny replied, a smile on her face, a look of care and trust in her eyes all for him. He would have chosen her over the world. Mélodia had lied. He hadn't known he'd push her out until he was too far down the path to stop.
"Heh, I know… You're the boss," he replied, truly smiling for the first time since he'd got his wings.
Everything was all right again.
He closed his eyes and smiled.
Fin