This is a parody story for the Pokémon anime. For the record, I do like the Pokémon series and I don't mean any disrespect by my ludicrous characterizations of the characters. But at the same time, I love poking fun at the show. I hope that the antics in this story aren't too insane to follow. To forewarn you, this story contains some violence, a lot of puking, and one instance of swearing (albeit, it is asterisked out aside from the first letter, just as it was in the original story). I don't generally approve of putting swearing in a story, particularly a Pokémon one, but after a great deal of consideration, I decided to leave it in because it was one of the funnier moments to me.
The Amazing Science Scuffle at Team Rocket Base
In a dark room filled with cardboard boxes, two young boys with purpose in their eyes crept through the shadows. They stopped when they came to a big metal door that had a terminal embedded in the wall beside it.
"I thought we would encounter a situation precisely like this one! Clemontic Gear on!" Clemont said as he pulled out his custom Pokétch Watch and used a cable to connect it to the terminal.
"Science is so amazing!" declared Ash.
"I haven't told you what I'm doing yet!" Clemont said irritably.
"Well, I just figured it would be some amazing science thing!" Ash bounced up and down, unable to contain his excitement.
Clemont sighed. "Well, it's not so much science as computer programming. You see I'm going to-"
"Computer science is so amazing!"
"Shut up, Ash!" Clemont cried out, angry at being interrupted. "Ahem! As I was saying, the big name software company left all kinds of backdoors in their operating system because of governmental payouts and such (which is why I always use my own custom operating system), so we should be able to hack this computer using an exploit-"
"Hacking is so amazing!" Ash said.
"-and we can create a new root user and then use the terminal to activate the door panel trapping our friends here in Team Rocket's base," finished Clemont. "Understand, Ash?"
"You bet! Now, Roggenrola, use rock smash on the computer!" Ash threw out a Pokéball, and out came a sentient boulder with no face. It cried out, "Roggenrola!" and then made a beeline for the computer.
"No, Ash!" Clemont cried out. He leapt in front of the computer terminal just in time to block the attack, but Roggenrola's body crashed into his arms and smashed his hands. "Ahhh!" Clemont screamed as he writhed on the ground. When at last he found the strength to get back up, he raised his hands and tried to move his fingers, but couldn't. "Ash, you broke my typing hands!"
"No need to worry!" said a mysterious voice. Out from the shadows stepped Dawn.
"Dawn? What are you doing here?" Ash asked.
"Thank goodness! Somebody sane to help us save our friends!" Clemont said.
"No need to worry!" Dawn repeated, confidently pointing her thumb back at herself.
"Okay, Ash broke my hand, so I'm going to need you to type for me," Clemont explained to Dawn.
"No need to worry!" Dawn said reassuringly as she stepped up to the terminal. She typed while Clemont dictated.
When Clemont had finished speaking out the code for the malware, he wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. "Alright, that should just about do it."
Dawn slammed her finger down on the enter key, and two seconds later a bunch of sirens and red lights started going off.
"Wait! Oh, no, I was going to check your work before you hit enter! You must have made a mistake!" Clemont rushed to the terminal to check Dawn's code, but all he saw on the screen was "No need to worry!" written over and over again.
"No need to worry!" Dawn said in response to the sirens.
"Those sirens are very worrisome!" said a frightened Clemont as he shook an unperturbed Dawn by her shoulders. "The guards are going to be here any second and then we'll be in big trouble!"
"Science is so amazing!" Ash reminded them all.
"Shut up, Ash! Science hasn't helped us here, so why are you saying that? Are you mocking me and science?"
Footsteps resounded, and a figure stood in the doorway. "Hmph! It's just you guys," said a familiar condescending voice.
"Hey, it's Paul!" Ash said happily. "How is it going, buddy?"
"I would never be buddies with a weak trainer like you," Paul said derisively.
"Oh, wait a minute! I forgot, but I hate this guy!" Ash said, shaking his fist and growling angrily.
"Well, it has been two series since you last saw him, so it's forgivable this time," Dawn said, clapping Ash on the back. When she saw Clemont glaring at her suspiciously, she said,"Er, I mean, no need to worry!"
"Anyway, our friends are in trouble, so are you going to help us or what, Paul?" Ash asked.
"I can't let you do that," Paul replied, pulling out a Pokéball.
"You work for Team Rocket now, Paul?" Ash cried out in shock.
"Yeah, right. I'm just using them to nab strong Pokémon," Paul said, acting as though this explained everything.
"No need to worry!" Dawn yelled as she rushed Paul and shoved him backwards two feet.
"Aaaah!" Paul screamed as he was shot backwards by a pad on the ground with an arrow painted on it. He hit another pad and went flying left, spinning in circles and screaming the whole time.
"Science is so amazing!" Ash said, amused, as he watched Paul flying all over the room.
When Paul was finally deposited in a corner of the room, he was severely dizzy and woozy, and he threw up. The sight of the vomit made everyone else start feeling sick.
"No-need-to-worry!" Dawn said between gags.
"No need to worry," Ash agreed weakly, holding his hand over his mouth and trying not to hurl.
Clemnont was barely holding his lunch down and couldn't say anything.
"What's going on in here?" asked a member of Team Rocket, as two of them entered the room. They started to do their motto, but when they saw Paul in the corner next to a pile of vomit, they got sick, too. This gave Ash time to recognize them.
"It's Cassidy! And Botch!"
"That's not my name!" Botch cried out.
"He's right, Ash," said Dawn. "His name is Butch."
"How do you know that?" Botch asked. "We've never even met!"
"Ohhh!" Clemont said, still feeling woozy. "I always thought his name was B****."
"That's it! I'm gonna kill you kids!" Botch yelled. He ran right onto the arrow pad and started flying all over the room, and when Cassidy tried to help him, she accidentally stepped on an arrow pad and got spun around the room, too.
"Wait, I've got it!" Ash moved some of the pads around so that they formed a full circle.
"I'm gonna kill you, kid!" Botch yelled as he flew all over the room. Pretty soon, Cassidy and Botch were spraying vomiting all over the walls as they spun out of control on the arrow pads. The stench of bile was overwhelming.
"I can't hold it in anymore!" Clemont vomited on the control console. On the bright side, it stopped all the sirens and red lights. Clemont rubbed his mouth with his sleeve, then shot an angry look at Dawn and Ash. "Now, where were we? Oh, right, we were trying to save our friends and I was the only one taking it seriously!"
"Hang on a second," Ash said, holding a hand over his mouth."
"No… need… to worry," Dawn said as she retched.
"When you say that is when I worry the most!" Ash cried out.
They both threw up.
"No need to worry!" Dawn said weakly as she pointed at a monitor behind them. On the screen, Serena, Bonnie, and Fennekin were dancing whilst members of Team Rocket cheered.
"What's going on?" Clemont asked. He turned the volume up on the monitor with his Custom Pokétch Watch just in time for Elena's big arrival.
"Time to watch me glow!" she said while making a victory sign over her eye, her signature pose.
"Of course!" Looker declared, poking his head out from inside one of the cardboard boxes. "Serena is distracting Team Rocket with a Pokémon Showcase to buy you all the time to save her!"
Everyone stared at Looker. After an awkward silence, he threw a smoke pellet on the ground and yelled, "You'll never take me alive!" He ran away, but got caught in the spinning traps on the floor, and was soon in sync with Cassidy and Biff.
"Anyway, we have to figure out how to open that door before Serena's dance ends!" said Clemont.
There was a huge explosion and a hole opened up in the ceiling. Everyone scrambled to avoid being crushed to death by the falling rubble.
"Ta-da! Iris is here to save the day!"
"You almost killed us!" Ash cried out.
"You're such a little kid!" Iris said, annoyed that everyone wasn't more impressed at her big entrance. "Dragonite, keep blasting holes in the wall until you find Bonnie and Serena!"
"It's too dangerous!" Ash said.
"No need to worry!" Dawn reassured him.
"Oh, I guess you're right! No need to worry!" Ash said, turning his frown upside down.
Clemont noticed Ash's erratic behavior and wondered what could be wrong with him. He glanced at Dawn and then at Iris, and a realization came to him. "I see! It must be because he's confused about which season's Ash he's supposed to be!"
Suddenly, Ash turned his hat backwards one-hundred eighty degrees and threw a Pokéball at a wild Magnemite. "Yes!" he cheered. "I caught a Magnemite! Wait until I tell Brock!"
"Uh, are you done being a little kid? I rescued both your friends. You're welcome!" Iris said irritably as she appeared with Bonnie and Serena in her Dragonite's arms. After depositing the two next to Ash and Clemont, Iris proceeded to fly off on Dragonite to do more heroic things, such as annoying Burgundy and Georgia.
"So, Clemont," Ash said, smiling and rubbing his hands together.
"What, Ash?"
"Do I get a badge, or what?"
"You have to beat my gym to get a badge!" Clemont cried out. "What does destroying Team Rocket's hideout and saving Bonnie and Serena have to do with anything?"
"I know that!" Ash said indignantly. "But it never hurts to ask," he muttered.
Turning to Bonnie and Serena, Clemont strained his still-broken hand to point an accusing finger. "And you two! Don't you have anything to say for yourselves?"
Serena bowed her head. "I'm sorry for practicing for the Pokémon Showcase at Team Rocket's base," she muttered as she tapped her index fingers together.
"I'm not! It was a lot of fun!" said Bonnie jubilantly. Dedenne popped out of her bag and squeaked its agreement.
Clemont smacked his palm against his forehead, and was reminded that his hand was broken by the agonizing pain that shot through his arm.
"Shh! I'm trying to call my doctor," Ash said, holding up a cellphone. "Stop sending me to voicemail, Brock!"
"Where'd Dawn go?" Clemont asked, looking around.
"No need to worry!" shrieked Dawn as she held onto Iris's Dragonite's tail for dear life while it flew through the sky.
A few notes on the jokes in the story: The arrow tiles on the ground are the spin tiles from the first generation games and the FireRed and LeafGreen remakes (they probably appear in other places, too). They appear in Team Rocket's hideout and spin you around until you hit a stop tile. The catchphrases from the various anime series are repeated extensively in this story. For example, "Science is so amazing!", "You're such a little kid!" and "No need to worry!" are catchphrases from the X and Y series, the Black and White series, and the Diamond and Pearl series, respectively. The part where Paul appears is based on my perception of the Pokémon anime. In the Diamond and Pearl series, Ash would always act happy to see Paul, for no discernible reason as far as I could tell, only to be reminded a moment later by one of Paul's gruff comments that they both disliked each other. About Dawn's recognition of Butch's name: When we wrote the story, my brother and I couldn't recall whether Cassidy and Butch appeared in the Diamond and Pearl series and thought that they hadn't. But, in fact, they did appear in one episode. I guess that explains how Dawn knows his name, but it seems Butch has forgotten the incident here. As for why Butch is referred to as either Biff or Botch throughout the story, it seems that even the narrator can't get his name right.