Pain. Why does a heart break whenever there's pain?
I already get the point that life is unfair but I never imagined it being this unfair and painful. Why did I have to love her? Why did my heart beat for her? Why am I still standing here if everything in my world is already crushing me?
I'm not always the hero. If I am, I'm not allowed to break down. I couldn't save the one I love; that one statement made me the sidekick rather than the hero. Then who was the Superman of her life? Edward?
I should've have had a chance. I could have proven myself to Bella if there were no barriers.
In the moonlight
Your face it glows
Like a thousand diamonds
I suppose
And your hair flows like
The ocean breeze
I missed her. That was the most undeniable fact that kept me alive.
Not a million fights
Could make me hate you
You're invincible
Yeah, It's true
"Stop!" She stood between me and her bloodsucker. "You can't hurt each other without hurting me!" She told me and Edward.
"You're such a hypocrite, Bella!" I screamed at her. "When I'm not the right kind of monster for you."
Bad memories flowed into my head. All those fights we had were nothing. I could never hate her. No matter how many we had.
It's in your eyes
Where I find peace
"Bella, breathe. Please, Bella. Breathe." I once told her as I forced her life back to her. I couldn't afford to lose her. What she thinking, jumping off a cliff?
Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
Let's light up the town, scream out loud!
My mind flashed back to the moments where Bella would always wrap her arms around herself. She was keeping herself together. I wanted so bad to take the pain away from her. Give it all to me, I thought. Give everything to me, just save Bella from all of the pain.
Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes
You're ready to break
Don't look away.
"Bella, look at me." I lifted her chin. Her eyes were filled with tears. They were ready to pour down her precious cheeks.
"What?" She said. She tried to break my grip on her but couldn't. She was forcing the tears back. There was so much pain in her that I might break down myself. I felt her pain; all that I wished right now was the death of her pain. I'd like to see her happy. Just this once.
So here we are now
In a place where
The sun blended
With the ocean thin.
So thin, we stand
Across from each other
"I'm Jacob Black." I held out my hand for her to shake. "You bought my dad's truck."
"Oh," she said, shaking my hand. "You're Billy's son. I probably should remember you."
Those were the times that I just wish I'd been like that to her. A mere companion, just acquaintances. Acquaintances that didn't call when they were worried about you, acquaintances that freaked out when they knew what you really were. I wished that it had been like that but I was also happy that I've felt the pain.
The pain was a significant part of my life. It told me that loving someone made all these good things come true. If pain was part of loving Bella, I'd gladly accept the fact that loving her is a better option that not to.
Together we'll wonder
If we will last these days
If I asked you to stay
Would you tell me
You would be mine?
"Bella," I told her as I looked into her eyes. "I will fight for you until your heart stops beating."
"You don't have to change for me, Bella. I want you to pick me instead of him." It pained me to see that she was making such a hard decision but yet, I had to try. I had to.
And time
Is all I ask for
Time
I just need one more day
"Let me prove myself to you. Just give me more time. We can work this out," I told her. Her eyes were full of moisture. It wanted to drop already. "Bella, I love you. There's nothing you can do to change that." Her tears fell and mine did too.
And time
You've been crying too long
Time
And your tears wrote this song
Stay
Ever since Bella started her new life everyday in La Push, it didn't help her forget everything that he did.
She wasn't aware that at night, I've seen her cry—crying everything out. I've seen her wake up in the middle of the night because of what she lost. I've seen her cry herself to sleep. I've seen her scream all the agony and sadness she felt.
In the moonlight
Your face it glows
I turned the radio off. I tuned everything in my world out but why is it that when Bella is there, my shield is gone? Her presence destroying the utter peace that I've built for myself.
I was already in pain because I chose to love her. What was the bad part in that? It was the realization that, yes, I will never be able to have her in my arms. She would never tell me that she loves me yet she did.
My effort was still useless after she had realized that I also had a space in her heart. She realized that she's in love with me too yet I don't have her here in my arms. Why was everything turning around when everything was perfect?
I curled myself into a ball until tears escaped from my eyes. Why was I crying? I shouldn't. . .
I couldn't prevent it. More tears streamed down my cheeks. I punched the frame of my bed, causing it to break. I ran out of my room and darted outside our house. I had to run away. I wanted to escape all of this pain. This wasn't bearable anymore. I had to build the shield around me again. I have to shield myself away from Bella now.
As I phased, I let my emotions roam around in my head. I felt sad, pained, useless and yet it seemed that those words weren't enough. I ignored the voices of my brothers in my head and just let the sound of my paws, as I ran away, be the last one I could ever hear.
AN: I was fighting the tears when I was writing this one. Try listening to the song while reading this. Secondhand Serenade or Rey and Kaye's version on Youtube. :)
Jacob's just really sad here. I can relate to his pain. I hope you can. Let me know what you think .