Title : The better worse day of her life
Author : DiBee
Summary : Answer to the second Penguins' challenge, based on the quote "Do you ever feel like you've become the worst version of yourself? From You've got Mail. Drama/Romance, SamJack
Disclaimer : Nothing is mine, don't get anything from it (but reviews, (one can hope!^^)) …
Spoilers : None, set somewhere between the beginning of the series and the season Jack leaves SG1. Oh, and Daniel is alive (which already makes it more difficult to set^^)
Rating : T
N/A : was very depressed, then had to fight against all the fluff... First 'part' of it is really, really dark, but don'"t worry, there's an happy end. Or as much as an happy end as can be, considering who we're talking about.^^
Oh, and English still isn't my mother tongue, but I'm trying my best here.
Challenge n°2
Quote : Do you ever feel like you've become the worst version of yourself?
You've got Mail
It was hard. Hard to think, hard to breathe, hard to look at people worrying about her, and lying when telling them she would be all right. Damn not, she wouldn't be all right! Ever!
She threw a punch in the air and let out a tear, a single one, reflection of hundreds if not thousands of its sisters ready to run down her cheeks. But she had promised she wouldn't cry, she had promised. Did a promise still count when the one you had made it to was gone?
She had, when her dad was gone, she had kept her promise and been happy. Or at least tried her best to, until two days ago, since when her life had been nothing but desperation.
More than sadness, or the fear of living without the man she loved that had caught her breath in her throat earlier on, it was now the fury and anger of the loss that moved her. Her feet had naturally led her where she knew she could express that anger, and she sighed at the sight of the room, empty at such an hour of the night, where she would give anything she could to that punching ball, not worrying about people seeing her cry, seeing her fall down and not being able to even want to get back on her feet.
It hurt so much!
She soon couldn't distinguish her surrounding as her tears blurred her immediate sight, but she resumed kicking and punching after a short intake of breath, even more painful than the previous one.
Why? Why was she still alive when he wasn't, how come she could still breath, live, and hate herself so much when he couldn't?
She remembered his fall. He was just one step behind her when they had stepped through the Stargate, and that simple step had made the difference. The difference between the end of her life, or the beginning of one full of darkness and misery. She remembered his last look, for her. Pleading for her to help, to be there for him as he breathed her name one last time, asked her not to cry, because it made him feel bad, before shutting his eyes for good.
And she had run to him, shouted his name, totally oblivious to the medical team trying to restrain her from hurting them, and herself. Drowning in her own sorrow, she had sunken to the floor and stared at the ceiling for as long as it had taken the tranquilizer to take effect. Seconds, to her had been like years when it had been in a world where he was no more. And she had know. Had known that it had only been a preview of how bad it would hurt.
But she couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't, and wouldn't, it was too much to take, even for her. Especially for her. She never thought of death before. Never thought anything was worth dying for when it wasn't for the greater's good. But for a split second, she actually contemplated it.
She didn't knew how the gun got in her hand, nor how the bandage got off her hands along with the gloves. All the could feel was the metal pressed against her temple, cold against her skin, and she gulped down the sobs coming to her throat as she let herself fall to her knees. She was half of a second away from pulling the trigger when a shout stopped her.
His shout.
What was left of her heart shattered into the tiniest pieces as she closed her eyes, unable to face her own reality.
"Carter, please, don't!"
His voice, again. So close, yet so far away.
"Carter, I'm begging you, whatever that snake is doing to your mind, get to the other damn end of that gun!" There was desperation in his voice. So much desperation. And somehow, that helped. He would have wanted her to live, no matter what she would have had to go through, as much as she would have sacrificed herself for him to stay alive.
She opened her eyes, and her arms where suddenly in front of her, efficiently pointing her gun at the legs she was facing. Two very familiar legs. Goaulds'.
Then, she got it. Their arrival on that planet, their capture, the local 'Lord' willing to test his newly acquired torture device on the 'sweet Tau'ri woman.'
She gulped, and took a shot before he had time to realize she had broken from his grasp on her mind. He was dead within a split second, and so were all the other Jaffa in the room as she emptied her gun on them.
She hadn't registered getting up, nor throwing the gun aside. She didn't have a clue on how she had ended in her CO's arms, arms looped around his neck, kissing him senseless. God did that feel good. No, god wasn't the good reference in the current situation. Hell was.
But a sweet hell, where his lips responded to her pressure, opening up to her tongue as they dueled for the control of the kiss, oblivious to one very suspicious Jaffa eyebrow, and one very speechless archeologist.
It took her a few more minutes, and very hungry lips on her neck, to take in the sight of her surroundings, and realize where exactly she was, and why they had to runaway. But she didn't want to. Ever. She wanted to enjoy his presence as long as he let her, wanted to be happy by his side for the rest of their life together. Hell, if one could be drunk from love, she was about to throw up.
And, most of all, she didn't want to go outside, risk both their lives, and risk losing him like she just had in her mind. Never again. Never in the first place. She knew it would haunt her for the rest of her life, however short it would be. Because the only solution she had to not think about that was to wake up every night by his side, and she damn well knew it wouldn't be like that. Not unless one of them made a real move.
She heard shouting, saw fireworks, and blamed it on the oxygen deprivation from the kiss. Then she just couldn't hear nor see anything. She could just feel his warmth next to her, and was more than fine with that. It was a sweet way to go out of hell together.
That day, she had been, and seen the worst and better part of her life, experienced the sharpest of pain, and the more breathtaking of joys. And it suddenly didn't matter anymore that he had seen her at the worst, because he had tasted her lips and hadn't pulled back. He had seen her ready to commit suicide before his own eyes, and pulled her closer to him, ready to protect her from the worst of dangers, even if it had to be herself. And she had only loved him more for that.
When SG-3 had broken into the main room of the temple, they had hurried toward the closest injured, Daniel and Teal'c, who had been sent to an unplanned meeting with the wall, and then had spotted the couple at the other end. SG-1's leader and his second in command, laying side by side, both smiling like idiots despite their obvious injuries and unconsciousness.
They had soon waved for the other two rescue team to come in and help everyone out, before gating home.
Just another routine mission for the SG-C, saving SG-1's asses for all the time they had saved their collective ones.
But, this time, for two of those people, it had changed something.
They hadn't said a word about what had happened in that room while being examined under Janet's careful glance, Sam being her usual friendly, Jack his usual grumpy, as after any mission where part of a pyramid had blown up to their faces. Routine.
But when they both headed out after having 'taken into account' Janet's worries for their health, they met in the elevator, not even having to take a look at the other to held out a hand. Jack squeezed Sam's in his, and everything was all right again. He was alive, she could live. She had survived, he could breathe.
And from now on, he would be her shield against bad dreams, and her his. Of that he had made sure once he had been able to walk, and had to the General's office. It had been too long since he hadn't asked for retirement.