Disclaimer:i own nothing!!everything belongs to their rightful owners.

this is my first fanfiction, so please be nice:)

Chapter 1: Hole in My Heart

"Crap," I muttered while gazing down at the screen on my cell phone. It said 'Jacob' in small black letters and I openly cringed as an image of him the last time I saw him flashed through my head. After Edward, only person who I've ever really loved, left three years ago so he could protect me Jacob and I started becoming great friends. Friends. That's all I wanted but he always seemed to want more. We tried dating a few times but our relationship was just pale in comparison to the love between me and Edward.

I shook my head and scolded myself. "The love you had for Edward. He doesn't love you. He's over you now; maybe you should do the same." But I knew that wasn't possible. There was no way I could ever get over the way we used to be.

Jacob helped a lot, I have to admit that. He didn't exactly stop me from thinking about Edward but he made me a little happier. Except when he was trying to take the place of Edward, asking me out on dates and things like that. I felt bad, because he was the only thing that ever really made me smile, but I realized I just couldn't let him take that place.

It was almost like I couldn't let anyone completely fill the hole in my heart because then it might make me forget about Edward. And even though it hurt me to think about him, it hurt even more to think about ever forgetting him.

I cringed again, but this time at myself. I always got so cheesy and mushy whenever I thought about Edward, which was a lot. Hole in my heart? The only thing that made me smile? I rolled my eyes as I realized it usually got much worse than that.

Jacob left me an extremely long voicemail that I didn't bother to listen to. Instead, I took a deep breath and dialed his number. If I was going to hurt him, I might as well do it now.

"Bella!" he practically shouted. I could hear the happiness in his voice and it made me feel even worse.

"Hey, Jacob." I said weakly

"Look, I know the last time we talked you said we needed to have some space, and I was trying to give that to you but it's just that I really have to tell you something…" Instead of listening to him I thought back to the last time I talked to Jacob. I told him that I didn't think we should keep trying to date because it just didn't feel right to me. And he was really nice about it. Of course he was, I thought to myself. Jacob is just so nice. And funny, and sweet, and exciting, and a million other things. I felt so bad about hurting him over and over again and I just wanted him to find something better than me.

Because obviously I wasn't good enough to keep the person I really loved. 'Stop it!' I told myself. Your thoughts always seem to go back to Edward don't they?

Jacob was still talking about our relationship and I was doing a horrible job of listening even though I was trying to when something Jacob said made me snap out of my thoughts and into the conversation.

"I mean I met all these girls at that party last night!"

Wait, girls? Who are these girls he's talking about?

"You were completely right about meeting other people." he continued.

My mind went over what he had just said. He went to a party and met girls.

"That's great, Jacob!" I said happily. Finally, we can go back to being friends.

"Yeah but it also made me realize that we need to talk about some things."

I sunk even lower into the chair I was sitting in. "Jacob..." I started to say. I was not ready to talk.

"I know, Bella. We can have some space or whatever and then talk about this later. I'll call you later, okay?" he said.

"Bye, Jacob" I muttered.

I groaned loudly and then looked around at my room. College was alright, but even though I was twenty-one and had been here for two years I still didn't have many friends, which would explain the lack of pictures with friends that normal people had posted all over their dorm room walls. My side of the room matched me exactly: plain.

I took a deep breath and pulled out a suitcase from under my bed and grabbed a pile of folded clothes. On top of the clothes was an invitation to my cousin's wedding (who I barely knew), a plane ticket for tomorrow morning, and a brochure for a small town in Canada, the place where the wedding would be. I flipped open the brochure and the first thing I read was "Who needs the sun when you have artificial heating all year round?" I laughed quietly as I read more. Apparently, this town was proud of the fact that it never reached more than 55 degrees outside and if the sun shined it was practically a miracle. It reminded me a lot of Forks.

Even though it was nearly summer, the contents of my luggage were things you would normally wear in winter. Such as Jackets, sweaters, boots. The next few days I would spend shivering while I watched a couple in love get married. I sighed deeply and curled up into my bed.

please review and tell me what you think!!should i continue??

Sara