Has everyone been having a great summer break?

Due to having nothing better to do (now that driver's ed is thankfully over), I've been reading *gasp* shoujo lately. It's so different from shounen... (well, duh)

Anyway, I have no idea where this letter came from. I was skipping stones at a nearby lake. After I picked up my fifth rock, I saw a piece of paper, and this was written on it:

Dear Sasuke,

I'm not sure how I'll send this letter to you. How exactly am I supposed to send something to someone who is no longer here?

Perhaps I'll bottle this letter and toss it into a nearby river (though my conscience wouldn't rest easily for polluting the water). Or I could let the wind carry it away (which would just be a fancy way of littering). Maybe I could burn it, letting the fire—your original chakra element that matched your fiery rage—consume it (but its smoke would pollute the fresh air).

Either way, all of these ideas end in pollution, destruction. This won't do. If I couldn't save you, Sasuke, then I can at least save this dying planet!

Perhaps the best way to send this to you would be to just leave this letter on your grave, along with some offerings of food and drink. No matter what I choose to do, I hope that this letter will somehow find its way to you. I will send it from my heart to yours no matter what.

Right now you'd be rolling your eyes at me for being too romantic. You used to say that it was my worst flaw—aside from that stuttering problem I had back during the Genin days. You'd say that I'd make the biggest deal out of everything, even something as simple as holding hands. Then you'd kiss me just to prove you were right.

Even the memory of it makes me blush. I remember one time we watched "Distant Hearts" together. Ino once told me that it was a great movie to watch while it was raining. One day, we received a break from our relentless ANBU missions. Since it was raining, I had suggested that we check it out.

"Why are you making me watch this?" you frowned during the scene where the guy confesses his love to the girl while they were sharing an umbrella. "These romance things never happen in real life."

"What about us? How… did we happen?" I asked quietly.

"I'm real, not some made-up guy who carries an umbrella with him everywhere," you stated.

"And…?"

"And what?" you said. "Do you want me to prove to you how real I am?"

All I could produce was a bunch of stutters as you leaned towards me. Our faces were so close that I couldn't see your signature smirk anymore, only your eyes. If only I could get lost in your ebony eyes again, Sasuke! Without any hesitation, you kissed me, and blood rushed up to my face.

I didn't know that it's possible to blush and cry at the same time, but it must be possible because I'm doing it right now. This memory together makes me so happy, but it's also tearing me apart right now. It's so hard to think of you not being here beside me, preparing for our next ANBU mission. Sometimes I convince myself that I'm just stuck in a horrible genjutsu, that once I release it, things will go back the way they were before you left me.

That's why I'm writing this letter; I'm tricking myself into thinking that you're still here. Even now, I'm still pathetic.

Sasuke, I'd like to say that I'm sorry for being this weak. I've never been able to handle death well. There, I admitted it. You're dead. Saying you're "in a better place" and "passed away" are just flowery ways of saying you're dead. Ah, I'm sorry for being so insensitive! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I better stop crying before the whole letter is soaked with tears.

I remember that I've only seen you cry once. You never did from the agony of nearly-fatal wounds after a mission. You didn't even shed a tear when you got diagnosed with that horrible disease and only had a few weeks left to live. It was only after your brother Itachi's funeral—the one held for him after we found out he wasn't evil after all—that I've seen you cry. We had just entered our apartment, and I could already tell you felt torn inside.

"I'm such an asshole," you murmured to yourself.

"You're not," I shook my head. "Please don't say that, Sasuke."

"I killed my own brother."

"You didn't know the circumstances," I laid my hand on your shoulder.

"I should have," you sneered.

You snatched both of my wrists, held them above my head, and slammed me into the nearest wall. Although I was trembling, I felt more concern for you than fear for myself. You always told me that I was too selfless and kind; it didn't suit the shinobi life. However, I understood what it was like to lose somebody precious to you. No matter how many people you've killed, death is never easy when it's somebody who matters to you. I knew that you always combated your grief with rage.

I saw the hurt behind the rage as you glared at me. When you kissed me, it was rough and needy.

"I need to rebuild the Uchiha clan. For Itachi," you whispered in my ear.

When you tugged at the zipper of the black dress I wore for the funeral, I said, "Sasuke, n-no. You're not feeling well."

You were so hurt and confused with yourself that you released me. You clutched your head as if you suddenly had a migraine. A few tears ran down your cheeks. I gingerly patted your back and held you close.

We did have those rough times together. It seemed like our whole relationship was an uphill battle. We were so wrong for each other. You were known as the unstable avenger who had no feelings other than rage. I was the pathetically weak kunoichi who maintained innocence about life even though I knew numerous lethal attacks with my bare hands. When we got together, reality hit like a chakra-infused blow.

I've asked you this before, but how did we get together, Sasuke? I don't remember one instance where I suddenly realized I loved you. I think it happened slowly, and over time we realized that we were meant for each other.

Sorry, I'm being too romantic again.

I remember one of our early ANBU days that might have been part of the beginning of us. It was the second week we had been assigned as partners for joint-missions. We were on a mission somewhere in the rough terrain in the Earth Country. We were dangerously low on food supplies. In fact, we only had one ration packet of food left.

"Here," you muttered, shoving the packet into my hands.

"Wait… but this is yours," I said, trying to give it back to you.

"I don't want it," you stated.

Of course, the both of us knew that you were lying. We were stranded in the wilderness, no civilization anywhere near us. We were both hungry. In the back of my mind, I wondered if you gave it to me to fatten me up, just so you could eat me instead.

"Let's split it," I offered.

"No."

"Then… what will you eat?"

You pulled out a kunai and said, "I'll hunt."

As you walked away, I called out, "Why are you doing this, Sasuke?"

You continued to walk away and muttered, almost too low for me to hear, "I hate the face you make when you're hungry."

When I heard that, I was shocked. It was so unlike you to care about anything other than yourself or your ambitions. Maybe the solitude in prison—it amazed me how you survived two whole years in total confinement after Naruto brought you back to Konoha—made you appreciate the people around you more. Maybe you were just delusional from hunger. Whatever it was, I was grateful that you gave me the last food ration packet.

"What's this?" you questioned a week later.

We had successfully completed our mission. I wanted to show my thanks for your kindness that one day by giving you a present.

"It's… um… for you," I explained as I held it out for you. "It's a specially-made shuriken that can be used for your Katon: Hosenka no Jutsu."

"I don't want it."

"But I wanted to thank you," I insisted.

"I don't deserve to be thanked. I've chosen the path of darkness," you stated.

"No," I shook my head. "I can see that you still have some light in you."

You snorted, "I doubt it."

"You say that you're a sadist, but I think you're a masochist too. Don't do that to yourself. You deserve happiness too," I argued. "Everyone deserves it."

"You're like Naruto," you stated. "Your thoughts are too idealized."

"There's nothing wrong in being a good person and expecting others to do the same," I said quietly.

"Life isn't like that. Some people are going to be assholes like me."

"Sasuke… swearing isn't good," I chided.

"Shit," you smirked. "You're welcome, Hinata."

You took the shuriken from my hands and put it in your pouch. As you walked away, I felt confused and a tad unsettled, but there was also a feeling of happiness. After that, I looked forward to our joint-missions together. We eventually got together as a couple too. I won't bog you down with details anymore because you already know everything. I'm just indulging myself with these memories.

Now I'm going to have to do these ANBU missions alone, Sasuke. Either that or I'll get a new partner. I don't want either, but that would be selfish of me. I know you're not coming back. I just don't want to believe you're not coming back.

I'm such a mess. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to help you, Sasuke. I'm sorry that you died instead of me. You told me that it was just a disease, that you weren't afraid of dying. Up until the very last couple of days, you'd still go on ANBU missions with me. You were strong for the both of us during that time.

Now that you're not here anymore, it's my turn to be strong for the both of us. This letter will be my last weakness. After I'm done, I promise you that I'll keep on living, just like you told me to.

With love,

Hinata