Delirium is the only one who knows me. I have walked by her side many times. Together we have watched the mad, the great and the lesser ascend into blessed insanity. I have inhaled the aroma of cheap champagne that follows her, and tasted the cherry lipstick she smears awkwardly on her face. But over time I began to wonder if it was healthy being so close to Delirium, and indeed my own mind had begun to feel the strain of her presence.

So I left her side. I would not spend any longer in madness.

And my life became dull. My days were monotonous and uniform, each becoming a neverending cycle of repetition. And I missed Delirium.
I sought her out at our old places. The asylum, the back alleys... but she had gone. So that night I resolved to seek instead her family.

I firstly entered the Dreaming. That bleak and blasted world of illusion. Dreams of terror and happiness whipped past me as I flew alongside Dream's raven to the Heart of the Dreaming, where the Dream Lord resided.
"You seek Delirium? Why do you come here?"
I told him my reasons, that dreams were the only way to madness. That the illusions created by our mind were often the cause of insanity.
"Your logic is flawless. But dreams are but one path to Delirium, and I do not think it is yours." His black eyes twinkled like stars and my senses were robbed from me.

I found myself huddled beneath a low mist. Rats scurried past me and a small, ugly woman with breasts that sagged to her waist stood before me.
Her voice rasped as she asked, "Why have you come to my domain?"
I knew this to be Despair, whose home lies in that world which lies behind every mirror and mortals see all too often. I told her of my quest to find Delirium and she escorted me to the Heart of Despair.
Together we watched young lovers end their lives, perverts face their families and old widows crying alone. Then she showed me myself, weeping freely after I left Delirium.
"Despair is indeed a path to Delirium, as you have seen. But I do not think it is yours."
And with that she clenched her fist and plunged her hooked ring into my left eye. She tore through aqueous and vitreous humour and blood flowed freely.

And I awoke on a flesh coloured floor that beat in time with my heart. Standing above me was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Or was it a man? Then I knew it to be Desire, twin of Despair and neither male, female or anything else. Desire was Desire.
"What are you doing here mortal? None may enter the Heart of Desire."
And I told her/him of my quest to find Delirium, and Desire led me to its hips. We copulated fiercely for days, until my interest waned and I once more sought to be at Delirium's side.
"Desire is indeed a path to Delirium, as you have felt. But I do not think it is yours." And Desire kissed my cheek and my breath was stolen from me.

My ears were bombarded with music and my body was pressed in a thick crush of other people. Beside me danced a young woman with wild black hair, pale skin and wearing a torn black vest and tight black jeans. She turned to me, shouted something that was lost in the din, and took my hand.
The concert was no more. Instead we lay on a boat of diamond and drifted along a river of rushing jewels.
"Hey! So what can I do for you?"
I told the woman, who I knew was Death, that I sought her youngest sibling and of my difficulties finding her.
"I can't help you dude. Death is the end of the journey, not a part of the journey itself."
I argued with her, mentioning that Death in itself is a journey, and is a part of the greater journey. When we die do we just fade? No we go to Heaven or Hell, or go on to become angels or demons or dreams.
She thought for a moment and smiled at me. "You're right. I shouldn't do this 'cos I'll never hear the end of it if my brother finds out but..."

I was on a low grassy hill and beside me bearded man and black dog were kneeling by a marble sculpture. The man chiselled carefully, his face a knot of concentration, while the dog was very verbally criticising of the work.
"You call that chiselling? If I had thumbs I'd show you how to really chisel. You may as well chuck this one out too, before you embarrass yourself."
Then he caught my scent and turned to me with a low growl.
"Calm yourself Barnabas, this is a guest. Welcome friend. Sit you down and join me for a glass of sangria. Of all the things your race have created sangria is the most divine."
I complied and thanked him for the glass (which was exquisite) and we talked. As the sun sank beneath the sea and the air grew chill, Destruction smiled at me and asked me why I had come to him. I informed him of my quest, which grew more desperate with each visit to Delirium's family, and begged him to help me.
He was silent for a long time then, "I cannot help you, lad. Though I want to. Del is my favourite, though I shouldn't pick and choose among family eh? And I think you would make her happy. But I cannot help you. If she doesn't want to be found, she can't be found."

I left Destruction then, and walked down the path of the hill. I paid no attention to my road and my feet were guided by something other than my own will. After hours of walking hedges began to appear alongside me and I slowly became conscious of the labyrinth I had somehow entered. My feet continued on.
Turn. Right. Left. Left. Turn. The sky above was amber and the sun the colour of blood. Right. Left. Right again.
I emerged from the twisted maze and look back. Behind me is only a long, straight path stretching back to the horizon. Ahead, robed and hooded in grey, stands the oldest of the Endless. He carries a large book chained to his wrist and bids me approach with his free hand. His eyes are hidden in shadow and his voice is like the turning of pages. He opens the book and slowly settles its wildly flapping pages until they stop at some unknown paragraph. He reads.
"Yes. You arrive here now." Destiny, who knows all, turns to me. "I know why you have come here. But you alone among mortals have no ending that I can see."
I tremble and fear and long for the technicolour of Delirium instead of the drab, bleached Garden of Destiny. The oldest of the Endless straightens and turns his page. I peer over and see words forming on a formerly blank page. With a soft sigh of relief he points at a distant path.
"That is where one destiny lies, mortal. Another lies behind you. You must decide which is to be yours."
My mouth opens but I close it before any sound can emerge. I think on what Destiny has said, as well as the words of the other Endless and make my decision.
"My destiny... I do not care where it lies or what it entails so long as it involves my Heart's desire. I have passed through dream, despair and death to find it and now I long only for the arms of my beloved."
Destiny turns back to me with a small smile on his lips and points to a dark cave. "Then that is your path, and know that you have my blessing and through me the blessing of my siblings."
I thank him and enter the darkness before me. I walk on and on for days. My body aches and my stomach roars in hunger and, no longer able to go on, I collapse to the damp floor.

I cannot go on. Instead I think on Destiny's words. Does my fate lay here? Am I destined to have one last encounter with death, before travelling on to the sunless lands beyond?
Something crawls over my face and into my mouth and I almost gag. But it touches my tongue and... and I know that taste! That disgusting, maddening taste of chicken and telephone ice cream! Another joins it, this one tasting of week old plastic bags and lost dreams. A vortex of light raises me, revitalises me and I'm now standing on the head of a partially liquidising poodle-man. Beside me, short, beautiful and full of wide eyed innocence, stands Delirium. She looks at me with those mismatched eyes full of manic wisdom and smiles. She is bald, then ginger, then green, pink, purple, gold, black, spiked, blue.
She reaches for my face and pulls me close to her, giving me the kiss that I have waited my entire life for.
"uMm... I, erm, KinDa, y'KnoW.... MisssEd You. i ...i thinkIdId."
We kiss once more, my heart (and my mind) melts and I hold her 2meiN a desperately MAD embrace.
She now lays unclothed on a large sundial and waits for me. I approach, removing my clothes as I do, and as each garment disappears into a blaze of sunbeams and lollipops my mind goes with it.

And n0w I M stadngni ovA HUR AND Iiiim in L.O.V.E LUV w1D hur. AnD SH'eis smilING at me. TEEHEE IM NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKED! I cNA C hur sm1li1n5g at MEEEE and I cAnt'' hlelp bUT... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Beein mAd iznt s0000ooO bad!