Letter to Mum
Mum,
It's been three years since you went away, since you died.
I can still remember that day, still remember the shock when they told me. It's clear as anything, like it was yesterday, but it wasn't.
I was waiting for you in the restaurant, I had flowers and everything, it was your birthday, it was going to be really special, and then they told me and it felt like my world came crashing down.
Everything went wrong, after you died, it all went wrong and I still don't know what to do.
I can't get over it Mum, I don't know how, it's been so hard. You have no idea.
Three years have past, without hearing your voice, without having a cup of tea with you and I can't imagine the rest of my life that way, I don't want to live that way, I don't know how.
Three years Mum, that's one thousand and ninety five days, twenty-six thousand two hundred and eighty hours, too many seconds to comprehend.
I tried to keep on going Mum, I wanted to make you proud of me, I wanted to show you how well I could cope. But I can't, it didn't just feel like my world came crashing down. It did come crashing down.
Mum, the things that have happened since you've been gone, I can't begin to explain, I don't want to, I don't know how, wouldn't know the words. Mum I don't think even you would understand.
You'd be so ashamed of me, you'd be so embarrassed. So, so embarrassed. But Mum, there was nothing I could do, I tried, I tried to stop him. But he was so strong and there was nothing I could do. Nothing, nothing, he just kept on, and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
I hope you didn't suffer. They took away you future. Froze you in time. Made you a memory, made you the past. They froze me in time as well. I can't move on, I miss you to much. It feels like a half ton weight on my chest, Mum, it's crushing, there's a constant sick feeling in my gut.
If you were here, if I could just hug you, it would all go away, the sick feeling, the chest pain, it would all just go away.
Mum I would give anything to spend another day with you. I would give my life if it would bring back yours.
I love you Mum, I never said it enough, if I had known, I would have said it every time I saw you, every time I said good bye.
I love you, I will always love you , I know that one day I'll see you again, I hope that day is soon Mum, I really do.
I love you Mum, I love you with all my heart, you were always there for me, but when you needed me, I wasn't there for you. I wish I had been, I should have been. You shouldn't have been alone.
I love you Mum, for always and forever.
Good bye but not for long.
Love from,
Mickey
XXX