Chapter 1

"Let the past die, kill it if you have to". Rey awoke with a shudder reacting to the whisper of those words spoken by a monster. She sat up and stretched pulling her boots on and opened the door to her room and made her way to the cockpit of the millennium falcon. Finn and Poe were already awake and dressed eating breakfast while chewie was flying the ship.

"Rey, you look like shit" Finn accused in between bites of his ration.

She gave him an annoyed look and ignored his accusation on her way to the co-pilot chair.

"Come on I didn't mean it like that,"

Rey had spaced for a second only hearing bits of the partial apology, "Really it's fine I'm not mad", Finn exhaled a sigh of relief as she said that, "I just haven't slept well. I haven't slept well since…. since…"

"Since Ren killed everyone in the resistance you mean". Rey looked down at that and let out a deep sigh. Yes, since he had killed the only mother figure she had in her life. First Han then Luke and now Leia. Every person she had ever allowed herself to look up to has been murdered…by him…she shuddered involuntarily again thinking about the bond they shared, well still share. She could feel him through the force bond, could really feel his emotions, anger, sadness, rage, a lot of rage, and even hurt. No that she shut him out she can't feel anything from him.

"Rey you couldn't have known." Finn's voice goes soft and pulls her into a friendly hug. "How could you have known that your connection with Ren could have given away our location".

Rey's eyes fill with tears, she knows it's her fault. She could have shut him out much sooner, she was so angry at him since the throne room. He told her she was nothing that she was nobody. Then he had the audacity to ask, no demand that she join him. He really thought that she would leave her friends behind and join him to rule the galaxy? Oh, she was angry, and he was relentless. After she and what remained of the Resistance escaped, he would come to her at night and he would be a tornado of emotions. Some nights he would beg her to reconsider, other nights he would scream and fight with her. She had been a fool, a silly little girl who thought that she could save this monster and save him from himself. It hadn't been clear to her then but it is now. He doesn't want to be saved. He is exactly who he wants to be.

"Rey?"

Why did she do that? This wasn't some small mistake, this was a big mistake. Her foolish, unrealistic expectations to find the real man behind the mask and bring him to the light, caused the Resistance to fall.

"Rey!"

She snapped out of her stupor and looked up to see Finn standing in front of her with worry in his eyes. She looked down to her hands resting on her stomach and started to cry harder.

"Rey are you…?"

"Pregnant!" she finished for him through tears.

Finn's face was a mess of confusion and disappointment. "How did that happen?"

This only mad Rey cry harder. Her emotions were out of control and she wasn't about to talk about what happened. No, she couldn't Finn wouldn't understand.

"Who's the father?" He demanded

"Kylo Ren" she whispered. There she finally said his name. "Kylo Ren is the father".