Epiphany, noun.
a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
setting: towards the end of Code Blue Season 2
"Do you think you can meet today?" I asked.
Her brows were slightly furrowed with worry but her eyes looked straight ahead.
"We still have a patient," Shiraishi said quietly.
She was supposed to meet her father for lunch, but it looks like it will be postponed yet again. Ever since her father revealed his condition, Shiraishi has been wishing to go home and spend time with him. However, when she learned of Tadokoro-sensei's operation, she immediately decided to cancel her trip home. Shiraishi made several more attempts to take a short break, but Lifesaving became busier than ever, and she decided to stay each time she was about to leave. The senior doctors did not require her to stay; on the contrary, they encouraged her to take a vacation leave so that she can take care of her father. But this is Shiraishi we are talking about; her passion for helping people will always come before her own self. She is silently carrying her own burdens, but she never fails to support others. Even a person like me.
When she knew of the pain and confusion I felt after seeing my father, Shiraishi made time to listen to me and checked on me every now and then. It did not matter to her that I have been distant and overbearing in the past. She supported me without any judgment or hesitation. In her own calm and rational way, she made me feel that I finally have a comrade. And this trait of hers is exactly why I started falling -
"No. Processing sentiments is unproductive right now," I thought. "Aizawa, focus on the patients."
We briskly walked down the hall, and I made a mental note to store away these unnecessary thoughts. But before I did, I silently made a wish that the person beside me will finally have the time to meet her father, because she truly deserves it.
The emergency room was chaotic as I came in. A major accident has occurred at the airport and the hospital was pooling as many health professionals as possible for deployment.
"An airline crash landed near Narita," Tachibana-sensei stated loudly over the frantic movement in the room.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Shiraishi make a sharp turn. She quickly asked, "May I know what airline?"
Tachibana-sensei gave her a questioning look. "Local flight headed to Aomori," he said. "Why?"
The blood drained from Shiraishi's face. "That's the flight my father is on," she said in disbelief.
As I packed my emergency gear, I glanced at Shiraishi who stood frozen in the middle of the organized chaos that is Lifesaving. She does not deserve this.
But I did not have the time to think of what to say to her. I packed my bag and told her matter-of-factly, "If you will just be anxious, don't go."
She looked up at me, her eyes glistening with tears. But within a split-second, the strong, determined look in her eyes came back.
"I'll go as a doctor," Shiraishi firmly said.
I gave her a small nod and ran out to the helipad. As always, Shiraishi will help people no matter what she is going through.
And as always, I will fall deeper and deeper in -
"LET'S GO!" Tachibana-sensei shouted over the noise of the helicopter. My focus snapped back to reality. No time for thinking about other things. These matters will have to take a back seat for now.
"I'm sorry, can you please direct the light over here?"
I have just finished stitching the wound of my patient when I heard her voice. I turned and saw Shiraishi struggling with intubation, a procedure she has done countless of times now. Her voice was riddled with frustration, and I am sure she was already mentally berating her own self.
I took a deep breath, quickly walked towards her patient, and took over the intubation. After checking that the patient was fine, I looked at her straight in the eyes.
"Shiraishi. Concentrate."
She still looked frustrated but showed relief that the procedure is done. She did not reply, but gave me a look that assertively said, "From now on, I will. Thank you."
We exchanged resolute glances. No words needed. She knows me enough to understand and appreciate that my matter-of-fact statement meant well.
I hurried back to my patient whom I needed to transport back to the hospital. As we wheeled the patient out of the gym, I saw an officer holding the forms for relatives of the passengers aboard the flight.
"Please take care of the patient," I said as I endorsed the patient to the ambulance staff. I went back to the officer, took a copy and rushed in to find Shiraishi who was busy examining the injury of a patient.
"Shiraishi. This is a form to write his traits and belongings," I calmly said as I knelt down beside her. I folded the paper and carefully tucked it in her pocket.
Shiraishi gave me a grateful look, but at the same time, she seemed to want to ask, "Why are you doing all these for me?"
I stared back, with what I hope was a blank and calculated face. I, too, am uncertain why.
The sun was setting over the helipad and the Lifesaving Center was winding down after a long day.
I leaned back on the railing and closed my eyes. Lifesaving has this tendency to make you forget to breath, because day in and day out, all that matters is saving our patients. That is why I savor these short moments of peace.
"Aizawa-sensei?"
I gave a start but briskly regained my composure.
Shiraishi was standing beside me, holding out a can of coffee with a small smile on her face.
"Ah. Thank you."
We leaned against the railing in comfortable silence. There is just something about her presence that calms me. She would never overwhelm me with emotions, nor make me feel distant. It's difficult to define exactly how she makes me feel. But there's just one thing I know.
I want this feeling.
"Aizawa-sensei, thank you. Not just for your help on location, but also for being a comrade whenever I needed one," Shiraishi said with a gentle look on her face.
I gave her a nod.
As much as I want to express myself more, I am still unsure of this feeling in my chest... And I hate acting on any matter of which I am uncertain.
But maybe someday, somehow, I can tell her that I honestly find her... Interesting.
For now, I will have to settle with just looking back at her, and taking in as much of her as I can. Her hair softly moving with the cool breeze, her lips curled in a small smile, her eyes looking directly at mine.
And in this moment, I had my epiphany.
A/N: There were a lot of subtle but touching moments between the two during S2, but I was only able to include a few in this fic. The show never elaborated why they had such moments, which is why I wanted to write about what Aizawa might have been thinking during that time. Also, I noticed that Aizawa became more open towards Shiraishi during S2, so I think he was becoming aware of his feelings. Lo and behold S03E01! That "You're interesting" comment, for me, could be Aizawa's revelation already given that he is a man of few words.
May the last two episodes let our ship sail! The mast and sail have been prepared for 9 years now, we are ready for it! And at least give us another SP haha.