A/N: Well this is my first Bleach fanfic. It's just a one shot, so don't expect it to blossom into anything major. I've actually had this idea for a while in fact. So for now, let's see how it goes. Remember R/R please. Or Beelzebub will come to your house and eat your heart.

It was a calm day in the Soul Society. The Gotei 13 were all preparing for their active duties. All the Captains, Lieutenants, and seated officers were ready to get to work. All of the Captains and Lieutenants had assembled in front of General Yamamoto to be briefed on their new assignments. Then out off nowhere Captain Hitsugaya came running towards everyone in a panic. He was sweating heavily and seemed extremely scared.

"And what's wrong with you, Captain Hisugaya?" Kenpachi Zaraki asked.

It took Captain Hitsugaya to catch his breath. Then in a panic he said "Rangiku's…(huff)…drunk!"

"Drunk you say? Well what has she done this time?" asked Byakuya Kuchiki.

"Well. You should look out…(giant crash)…side." said Toshiro

Everyone went outside to see what Rangiku had done. It was a massacre. There were civilian's strewn throughout the buildings. Empty liquor bottles were all over the floors. An injured soul reaper crawled up to Captain Kurostuchi.

"Oh God. It was terrible. She. She. She. Had horrible, horrible breath. My God, it made my eyes water. And she had terrible bed hair too."

"Yes well that's nice. Now let go of my kimono." replied Kurostuchi

"So now what?" asked Renji

"First off we have to find and subdue Lieutenant Matsumoto. Second, uh, well, er, make sure she can't get you into any kind of sexual position."

Everyone looked kind of skeptical at this remark. So Hitsugaya decided he had to elaborate on what he meant.

"Well you see, Rangiku got drunk this morning after Aizen had tampered with all of the drinks in the Soul Society. Well she became furiously drunk, angry, and a tad sexually bitter."

"How?" asked a shocked Captain Soifon

"Well she tried to rape me."

There was a long shocked pause at hearing this which was broken my Renji saying "Wow. That's a new one."

"Yeah so be careful. She's been going around hitting me in my head with empty sake bottles and saying—

But at that moment Hitsugaya was cut off by none other than Rangiku herself. She stood kind of slumped to one side in a drunken fashion. She held the empty bottle she hit Hitsugaya with in her right hand and her zanpakto in her left. Rangiku lifted her head to see the shocked scene in front of her. She walked slowly and drunkenly over to everyone. Her face became redder and redder with each step. In the process Rangiku became madder and madder at Hitsugaya. She then spoke drunkenly and heavily slurring.

"What? Y-y-y-you think you're too good to sleep with me? Huh?!"

"Oh my God you look terrible." said Hitsugaya

"What happened to your eyes, Lieutenant Iba?" asked Captain Kumomura

"They've melted because of Lieutenant Matsumoto's breath" said Lieutenant Iba

Indeed Rangiku's sloppy drunken appearance and bad alcohol breath was affecting everyone. Then Rangiku decided to take her frustration out on Hitsugaya like she always did.

"So-hic-what? You think because I'm drunk you can rape me? I should rape you."

"Come on now Rangiku, you don't want to rape me in front of all these people." Hitsugaya said desperately

"Yes I do. I should. I'm gonna. I'm going to do it right now."

Rangiku tired to jump on Hitsugaya but he managed to dodge it. He then began to chant a binding kido but Rangiku unsealed her zanpakto and attacked Hitsugaya with it. She managed to pin him down to the floor and began to lick his face like a cat, enjoying it jovially.

"Lieutenant Matsumoto, um your breasts are kind of hanging out of your kimono." said Captain Ukitake

"Oh you noticed? See Captain Hitsu-hic-Hitsu-hic-Hitsu-hic…Toshiro? He likes my breasts." slurred Rangiku

"Will you stop squeezing them, Lieutenant?" said Hitsugaya, clearly annoyed embarrassed and turned on. But of course he couldn't admit it.

"Fix your pants Lil'Shiro. Your—standing out, so to speak." said Lieutenant Hinomori

"No no no no no no. Don't fix your pants Captain. Come on let it out. I want to do things to you that I'm not allowed to—while people are watching. But I'd do it anyway. And I will."

"Come on Rangiku, this way." Lieutenant Kira said, leading Rangiku away

"We need to get you to the Squad 4 emergency room for treatment." Said Renji

"But I want to do naughty things to Captain Hitsugaya." moaned Rangiku as she was led away

"Make sure you straighten yourself up Lieutenant." Said Captain Unohana kindly

"No I want my breasts to bounce around freely."

"Well that was odd." said Captain Zaraki

"It sure was Kenny." piped Yachiru

"We'll need to clean up this mess. At least its over now." sighed Momo

As Momo turned around she saw something peculiar.

"Wh-? Toshiro what are you doing?!" asked Momo

"I'm fixing my pants!" exclaimed Hitsugaya

While everyone was talking about Hitsugaya's dress malfunction, Rangiku was able to escape and remove her clothes

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yay I'm naked! Hey get away from me!" yelled Rangiku, trying to escape and streak freely throughout the Soul Society.

"Should we stop her?" Momo asked Hitsugaya

"No. Just let her go. She'll tire herself out eventually. Then get drunk and try this whole thing all over again. Oh crap."

Well that's it. Hope you liked it. Please read and review.