Another Mass Effect Fanfic
"Commander, you've got a new message at your private terminal," the Comm. Specialist told her as she got out of the elevator.
"Thanks, Specialist Traynor," she answered, absentmindedly.
She moved slowly toward the terminal. She wondered who might have written something to her. She wasn't that worried as she usually got nice messages from people thanking her for things she had done, or giving her news. It seemed the Normandy's anti-spam software was quite efficient, as she never got any unwanted messages. She sometimes wondered if it was EDI's doing, or if Samantha Traynor was screening her messages. And she also wondered which would be worse.
She wondered again when she noticed that the message was from her fellow Spectre, Major Kaidan Alenko. She opened it, trying to act as natural as she could. While reading, she smiled faintly, and then began to type her answer:
"I'm up for it whenever you want. Funnily enough, we're heading to the Citadel right now. I'll let you know once I get an ETA from Joker...
P.S.: Needless to say, I hope this comes with benefits."
She closed her terminal and turned to face the Comm. Specialist's inquiring glance.
"You don't usually answer written messages..." said Traynor, trying to justify her behavior. "Do you need me to set a holo com with someone?"
The Commander shook her head. "No need, thanks. I'll go check how things are going in the cockpit, if you need me for anything."
Traynor nodded. "Yes, Commander, I'll let you know as soon as you receive a new message."
Shepard made no comment and went slowly to the cockpit, saluting every soldier she met with a slight nod. She opened the door to the cockpit. The pilot turned his chair towards her. "Commander, need anything?"
She looked down at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "What? No joke about our current whereabouts today?"
He snorted. "I'm only speaking my mind, I'm not responsible for how humorous you might find me."
She smiled. "Yeah, right. Anyway, how's it coming? How long till we reach the Citadel?"
He turned his chair back to a few dozen screens and touched three or so before answering, "We'll be there shortly. In two hours precisely."
She answered slowly, thinking it through, "Okay... good..."
"Anything particular you want to do once we get there? Should I book a cab for the human embassies as usual?"
She nodded. "Would be nice. Thanks, Joker."
He touched a few more screens. "Aye aye, Commander."
She glanced at EDI. "Everything alright on the ship?"
EDI turned her metallic head towards Shepard, "Everything is fine, Shepard. Lieutenant Cortez is currently checking our stocks, Doctor T'soni is arguing with her VI drone, Garrus is calibrating and... hum...Comm. specialist Traynor is frantically checking your messages. This behavior is most unlike her. Should I warn Doctor Chakwas?"
Shepard tried not to smile. "It's quite fine, EDI, don't worry about that." She opened the door behind her to leave, "Keep up the good work..." She crossed the bridge back to the elevator.
When she walked past Traynor, the Comm. Specialist felt the urge to say, "No new messages so far, Commander."
She smiled at the young lady. "It's fine, Traynor, relax." Shepard got into the elevator and went down to the hangar.
"Hey, Lola!" James Vega greeted her as she came out of the elevator.
"Lieutenant. Is Cortez around?"
Vega looked at her. "You mean you didn't come down here to check me out while I was working out?"
She smiled and looked him up and down. "I did, but obviously I must have come down at the wrong time, 'cause I don't see you sweating or anything."
He laughed. "Yeah, I've been done and showered for more than half an hour, Lola! Get on it next time!"
They both turned as Cortez came out of the elevator. "Is Mister Vega bothering you again, Ma'am?"
Vega answered, "Nonsense, no one bothers Shepard unless she wants them to!"
She smiled broadly. "True. Anyway... Everything going fine, Cortez?"
He nodded. "Just fine, Ma'am. Do we have an ETA at the Citadel? There's a few things we need to restock while we're here."
She answered, "We should be there in two hours and we'll probably hang around for a few days, so no need to hurry..." Cortez nodded. "I'm gonna head up to the crew deck now," Shepard added. "Make sure to message me next time, James, at least before the shower."
Vega smiled. "I will, if only to see Traynor jumping you to tell you you've got a new message."
The elevator doors opened on the crew deck, revealing the memorial wall displayed in front of her. She couldn't resist the urge to pause and stare at it. Staring at all of the names brought up a bittersweet feeling in her gut that she found hard to shake sometimes. She lost herself for a moment when Garrus almost bumped into her.
"Ah, Shepard. Sorry, didn't see you standing there."
She took her eyes off of the wall and glanced up at the being beside her. "Shouldn't you be busy calibrating?"
He smiled. "Bathroom break, Shepard."
She smirked, "and here you had me believing Turians never relieved themselves."
He laughed, "we may be an indestructible species, Shepard, but we still need to go on occasion."
He looked at the memorial wall, then back at her. She noticed his glance and said at once, "We'll be at the Citadel in two hours if you need to go practice your sniper skills."
He shrugged. "Have you already forgotten my previous demonstration of my superior gifts the last time we were there?"
She teased him, "Only because I let you win, Garrus."
He snarled, "No way I'm gonna believe that..."
He hesitated for a moment while contemplating what she'd just said. "You're a heartless shrew, Shepard."
She covered her heart with her hands in an attempt to convey hurt, "you're notoriously mean when you're not calibrating, Garrus. You should go back at once. Chop-chop!" He left, waving at her to show he was not fooled by her acting.
She stepped into the observation deck and looked around. The room was empty. She walked towards the huge glass and looked at the stars shining on the other side. Space was so still, so cold. Well, if you excluded dying supernovas, that is... and Reapers running around killing every living thing. She didn't turn around even though she heard the door opening.
"Hey," Kaidan said. She heard his deep, raspy voice and suddenly felt as if something had warmed up her insides.
"Hey. We'll be at the Citadel in two hours, if you're still planning to share some steaks."
He smiled. "Sure thing. I'll book reservations for tonight if that's fine with you."
She turned around and came closer. "That's fine, so long as I can check my Spectre terminal before we go."
"That's alright, I should do that too. Let's meet in the Spectres' office then."
She nodded in agreement. "Okay, I'll make sure to meet you there."
He took the opportunity to reach out and stroke her cheek before leaning forward, gently pressing his lips to hers."I can't wait." She smiled as she pulled back, walking away from him and opened the door.
"Oh, and, Shepard?"
He caught her mid-stride as she stopped, turning her gaze back to him. "Yeah?"
He wasted no time in responding, "it's kind of a fancy restaurant, actually. I don't think the Alliance uniform will do."
The door closed on a suddenly livid Shepard.
The elevator ride had never felt so long. Shepard feverishly opened her cabin's door and went straight for her locker. She threw all her uniform pieces out of the way, glad she decided to keep all her armor downstairs in the hangar. She sure had a lot of armor. And uniforms. She finally found some clothing that had not been provided by the Alliance and took it out of the locker. "Oh, right..." she muttered, her eyes narrowing. How could she forget that dress? She had bought it for a few dinners she had had to attend as an Alliance officer. It was kinda old-fashioned, with a cheap leathery look. She sighed. She never thought she would need a nice dress while on the biggest mission of her lifetime. She desperately needed to go shopping but knew she couldn't do that and make it in time for their date. She had to find another way to find something fitting to wear. Only two hours...
"Hey," Shepard said as she entered the room.
"Hey, Shepard," answered the Asari, glancing at her, then looking back to the screen in front of her. The Commander hesitated, then moved toward the VI drone, which saluted her too.
"Welcome, Commander Shepard. Do you need assistance with the upgrades?"
Shepard muttered, "Can't say I do."
The VI seemed puzzled with her unenthusiastic response.. "I don't understand, Commander Shepard. Please rephrase your sentence."
Shepard ignored the drone and stepped toward the Asari. Liara looked at her, and she felt her resolve melt. She went straight for the terminal and pretended to be very interested in its updates. After a while, she gave up and sighed. Getting no response from Liara who was still engrossed on her monitors she tried again, sighing much louder.
"Is something wrong with my Shadow Broker's intel, Shepard?"
"No, not really."
Liara took her eyes off of her screens. "Then, what's wrong?"
Shepard felt like she was being questioned by her mother. "I've... got sort of... a situation."
The Asari stared at her. "What do you mean by that? Is it the Reapers?"
Shepard hesitated, suddenly feeling like her problem was miniscule compared to what the universe was currently facing. "Well no, nothing like that. You see, well, I... how should I put this? I sort of... have something going on... with hu... Kaidan."
Liara smiled. "I know, come on: I'm the Shadow Broker! Of course I know! I probably knew before you did, for that matter." Shepard felt even less confident about discussing her matters with Liara. The Asari perceived the change in her friend's behavior and tried to make her feel more comfortable. "Honestly, I'm glad you two patched things up already. You certainly took your time."
Shepard smiled slightly. "Thanks... I guess..."
"So, what seems to be the matter?"
Shepard fidgeted in place before divulging her incredibly girly-for-Commander-Shepard problem. Liara nodded. "I see. Well you don't have much information about that restaurant, do you? I think the best way to make sure you don't feel overdressed or underdressed is to go for the little black dress. A classy simple black dress. I've got just what you need, come over here."
She followed the Asari to her locker, which once opened revealed a bunch of suits, dresses and fancy outfits. "How did you manage to get all that on board?" Shepard asked.
Liara winked at her. "Let's not go there, Commander." She began to scan through her clothing. "Let's see. Yes, this one would be perfect for you!" she said, getting a short black dress out of her locker. "What do you think?"
Shepard inspected the dress cautiously. "Do you think that will be all right? Isn't it a bit too short?"
Liara smiled at her friend's inexperience, "no, it will be just fine. You've got nice legs, Shepard, no reason to hide them away. In fact I've got just what you need to emphasize the length of your legs." She turned to another drawer and presented her next asset to Shepard.
The Commander shook her head slowly. "No. No, no, no. No! No way, Liara, you hear me? Never!"
Shepard had always thought of herself as being naturally talented. She remembered N7 training, always being one of the best at whatever they needed her to do. Running, shooting, negotiating, you name it. But now, it was one of the few times in her life where she felt completely useless. She stumbled and grabbed the first thing that she could r reach, definitely not expecting the thing to answer.
"Eh, watch your hands, Shepard. I'm not that kind of Turian," said Garrus, half jokingly. His face changed as he turned and actually looked at the Commander.
"Sorry, I... um..." stuttered Shepard.
"Y-you let your hair down," noted Garrus, looking at her from head to toe. "And you're wearing heels."
Shepard turned bright red, and answered sharply, "No, I'm not!" And she leaned on him to keep her balance while reaching for her shoes, itching to take them off. . He smiled.
"Come on, don't take it the wrong way. You're stunning! Unusually stunning, I might say." She refrained from punching him and made her way to the elevator. "Say, are you... planning to walk through the bridge dressed like that?"
She froze. "Dammit."
Traynor was still checking if Shepard had received any new messages, when suddenly the whole bridge blacked out.
"What the..." she muttered. She tried to figure out what was happening, but she couldn't see a thing. Even the emergency lights were off.
The crew instantly erupted in multiple questioning conversations before Traynor shushed them.
"Come on, people, keep quiet. EDI, what's the matter?"
EDI answered quickly, "A minor electrical incident, Specialist Traynor. I'm rebooting our systems as we speak. Shouldn't take long. I suggest everyone stand still in the meantime, to avoid careless injuries. The power will be back on shortly."
Traynor had a strange feeling about the incident, but acquiesced, "well, ok, then. People, keep your station."
Joker, who had always had a lot of trouble with blindly following orders, turned to EDI. "Could you turn my chair around, sweetie?"
"I'm sorry, Jeff, I can't do that. As I told you, the power is out."
He had a weird feeling about that one so he cautiously stood from his chair and made his way to the door.
"Jeff, where are you going? Do you want to trip and break your bones?"
He made his way out of the cockpit, answering, "Something's not right. Like... what's that shiny thing walking around? Garrus?" The blue visor was steadily making its way toward him.
EDI shouted, "Don't move, Jeff!" Joker thought the situation was incredibly weird, but he still trusted EDI, so he did exactly what she said. He heard the door near him, that led to the outside, closing. Seconds later, the lights went back on and he caught a glimpse of a strange silhouette in black dress, holding high heels in one hand and wearing Garrus' visor.
He turned to EDI and asked slowly, "What the... hell... was that?"
EDI turned his chair for him to sit back and answered, "Some things are better left unknown, Jeff. Trust me."
Shepard shut the taxi's door as fast as she could. "Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit," she muttered to herself. That was close. She took off Garrus' visor and put it into her purse. She'd have to thank both EDI and Garrus on that one. She looked at the shoes in her hand. She had to put them back on... She couldn't exactly walk around the Citadel barefoot. She sighed. She'd never thought steaks would lead her to where she was now. She thanked the taxi driver, paid him, and made her way to the Spectres' office. She felt better as soon as she got inside and the door swished closed behind her. At least here no one could see her; she knew the other Spectres rarely came in this late. She went to the terminals, checked her messages. A few matters were awaiting her decisions. She began to read a few dossiers.
She was so busy reading that she didn't hear the door open. Kaidan's voice startled her, "Good evening."
She stuttered, troubled by his casual tone, "Yeah... I mean, good evening."
He stared at her, in shock. "Shepard?"
He regained his composure and laughed, "what am I saying? Of course it's you. I mean, you're the only other human Spectre, right? Silly me!"
She smiled faintly. "It's alright, Kaidan."
He shook his head. "No, come on, it's supposed to be a date, I'm just ruining the mood. Sorry about that. Let's start all over again, shall we?" She nodded, and he took a step towards her, lessening the gap . "Hey, Shepard. You look gorgeous tonight."
She couldn't help but smile, feeling better already about her outfit. "And you're handsome as always," she answered. He leaned in to kiss her gently on the cheek and she added in his ear, "I bet that outfit makes your ass look good."
He grinned and answered, "I thought you came for steaks."
She winked. "Yeah, that too."
He laughed. "Let's go then, I'm afraid we'll never get there if we keep on like this."
The restaurant was nice, and while sitting, Shepard felt less annoyed by her heels. They both ordered steaks, and Shepard was still amazed that they had been able to find beef in such circumstances.
"This sure takes me back," she said, "Who the hell told you about this place?" She finished her sentence in a slightly lower tone, realizing she'd better watch her language. Living amongst Alliance soldiers had ruined her manners.
He smiled faintly. "Liara, of course. There's nothing she can't find now. She's amazing, really has come a long way, don't you think?"
She nodded. "We all have, haven't we?"
He agreed. "Never thought I'd be a Spectre one day, or that I'd be eating steaks in such good company."
She put her hand on his. "You were always a promising recruit."
He laughed quietly. "It's easy for you to say that now, but I know I've made a habit of being sort of a pain in the... back." She looked at him, wondering where he was going with this. Before she could say anything he added, "Well, I heard people talking behind my back. And I know I have always been very... righteous. To put it mildly."
Now she got it. It was about Horizon. "And it was a good thing, Kaidan. I needed someone to be righteous. I needed someone to keep their head on straight when everything else was so chaotic. Sure, I would rather have been welcomed back with a kiss and a promise to follow me to the end of the universe but... let's just say you more than made up for that." She noticed that he still looked a bit sad and she didn't want to leave it until she'd made her point. "Come on, stop beating yourself up for that. It's done. You're here, now. That's all that matters."
She clasped his hand tighter in an attempt to reassure him.. He slowly shook his head.
"You're right, of course you're right. But still... because of this, because of me... you and Garrus..."
She felt taken aback. They had not mentioned Garrus since that day in the hospital. And quite frankly, she was more than fine with that. He sighed.
"I'm sorry to bring that up again, but... I don't know, I guess I need to know the whole story to really get over it."
She nodded slowly. "As you wish. What exactly do you want to know?"
He answered almost immediately, as if he had thought about this moment many times before. "Who started it?"
She already sensed she didn't like where this was going. But maybe that was necessary. "I did." She couldn't bear the feeling of lying to him, no matter how bad the truth might make her look.
He nodded slowly, silently, as if he needed time to process the information. He had obviously been hoping for another answer.
He said in a faint voice, "How?"
She gulped. "The way it always does. We were... joking... flirting a bit..."
She stopped, but he asked, "And?"
She looked at him, wondering why he wanted her to inflict this on him. "And well, we both did some research because well, that wasn't a very natural thing, of course. So we had that night before a big mission... We weren't sure we were going to make it, you see."
He nodded. "I know the feeling. But, if I may ask... why Garrus?"
She glanced away. "Well, it's... I always had a soft spot for nice guys. At that time, I guess we both needed someone to share our burdens with."
"I see. And what about now?"
She didn't answer and only repeated his question, "What about now?"
He pushed, "How does he feel towards you now? How did it end, even?"
She sighed, taking a deep breath before responding, "When we met on Palaven, many things had happened, changed... including you being injured on Mars. I guess that's when I realized what I really wanted. So when we got the chance to talk, he asked me where we stood and I told him we'd be better off being friends- which he agreed with."
Somehow, he seemed to be living everything as she was saying it. She was relieved to reach the end of it. He still had another question, though. "So... how are things between the two of you now?"
She took some time to think it through and said, "A little awkward at times, I guess. But we're both adults. And I know where I stand... And you, how do you feel around Garrus?"
He shrugged. "Our paths haven't crossed much since I went back on the ship. And to be honest, I'm kinda relieved. I don't really know how I should react. I mean... it's kinda hard to punch the guy right in the face, with his scar and all... plus I'd be afraid to cut myself or something."
She saw the slight smile on his face, and felt better already. "Yeah, you're too righteous to do that, aren't you? And I must admit I'd rather not have the two of you discuss me or my intimacy."
His smile widened. "I'm a gentleman, Shepard, I would never do that."
"Would a gentleman call his beloved lady by her last name?"
He laughed. "What can I say? Old habits die hard!"
"Sometimes I wonder if you even know my first name..."
"Of course I do!"
The waiter interrupted him, and she was under the impression he was feeling rather relieved. The steaks were here and they began to eat. She was pleasantly surprised by the taste. Unlike Kaidan, she had always been used to spaceships' food and had not had many chances to eat real beef. She saw how he was enjoying his meal but she couldn't let their previous topic slide.
"What is it, then?" He pretended not to understand and she added, "My first name."
He put down his cutlery and took his time to answer, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
She bit her lip to contain her smile, "Do you need the Shadow Broker's help on this one?"
He gave her a crooked grin, "I do know your first name, honey."
She shook her head. "Yeah, right... liar."
He ate another bite then said smoothly, "You're such a tease... Jane."
The night was still young when they came out of the restaurant. The air was comfortably warm and felt somehow like spring. He looked at her and broke their silence, "How would you feel about a small walk?"
She winced, looking down at her shoes. "Not that I wouldn't like that, but... how would you feel about me walking barefoot?"
He glanced down at her shoes and thought for a moment. "That wouldn't do. I mean, it sure looks nice on you, but I don't want you to get hurt. Take your shoes off."
She felt confused about what he really wanted so she stared at him silently, before he pushed, "Take them off, Shepard." She did as he ordered, holding the shoes in one hand. He put his hand under her shoulder.
"What are you doing?" she asked, puzzled. He smiled.
"Only repaying an old debt."
She didn't have time to figure out what he meant before he lifted her up and began walking. She was about to complain, but she was actually enjoying the ride.
"Is this payback for that time on Virmire?... now I'm beginning to feel kinda relieved you were unconscious on Mars."
He stopped and stared at her, "You didn't carry me on Mars, did you?"
She stuck her tongue out and teased, "Are you worried about your manhood, Mister Alenko?"
He gave a little smile before he started moving again, "You've got some insane upper body strength, woman! There's nothing I can do about that!" They both laughed. Then he said, "Here we are." And he let her down slowly.
She took a look at where he had taken her, wondering if she'd been here before. It was a quiet little square, one of many in the Citadel. It had a nice view, especially with t the "night" lights on. She smiled, "Nice spot." she said. She took a few steps and leaned on the banister, enjoying the view.
He came behind her and she could almost feel his breath on her neck, "I wanted to take you here for quite some time..." He put his hand around her waist.
She looked at him and smiled, "Really? You've known this place for long?"
He answered slowly, "Two years or so..."
She paused, thinking about what had happened about two years ago. "Two... years? You mean..." She couldn't finish her sentence but he knew what she was getting at.
"I came here to be alone, mostly. To think about you."
She put her arms around his neck and held him tightly. "I'm sorry, Kaidan."
"It's not your fault, Shepard. I'm just glad you're finally here with me."
He closed the small gap between them and shared a long, deeply needed kiss. "There's... somewhere else I would like to take you."
She smiled, hoping that she knew exactly where that was, "Yeah?"
He tried his best not to laugh. "Well, I mean other than your cabin on the Normandy." She looked at him, wondering what he was talking about. "I know you weren't born on Earth yourself, and well... now is obviously not the right time for that but still... have you ever considered where you would like to go when this is all over?"
She became serious at once. "I... haven't been giving it much thought, to be honest." he moved her hands to his chest and could feel his heart pounding.
"I was thinking about going back home and I was wondering... how do you feel about Canada?"
She looked into his eyes. "I was not born on Earth, it's true, and I've always lived on ships but... we're going to take back Earth, right? Might as well benefit from it ourselves." She wondered if she'd made it clear enough so she added, "I'd love that, Kaidan. I'd love to go with you when it's all over. To wherever you want to go." He wrapped her into a hug that felt as if he was afraid she might vanish any minute. She reached her right hand out and clasped his left, "Let's go back to the Normandy, shall we? I feel like it's time for me to benefit from your happiness..."
He smiled, "You sure know what you want, and how to get it..."
She scanned her eyes over his face as she slid her free hand down his chest, "I'm not being very secretive about what, or who I want, am I ?"
He kissed her again and said, "Alright, back to the Normandy it is."
She slid her hand down further before stopping at the hem of his pants. "Actually, can we make a stop at the Spectres' Office? Not that I want to work, but I hid a uniform there, might come in handy to make a discreet return to the Normandy."
He smiled. "You do love uniforms, don't you?"
The office was quiet as expected. She made her way to the terminal and pulled a bag from underneath. She unwrapped one of her uniforms. Just seeing it was making her feel more comfortable already before she reached back and undid the zipper of her dress.
The look on her face made him smile. "Do you need help with that, by any chance?" He came closer, putting his hands on her waist and kissed her slowly. She reciprocated the kiss, reaching her arms around his neck. A tingle went through her body as he lowered his hands to the top of her tights. She shivered when their skin touched, and he paused, pulling back. "Are you cold?" She shook her head slowly, eager to resume their previous venture. He slowly moved his hands up, lifting the dress as he did, wanting to get it out of the way. The pace of their kisses quickened before she stopped, allowing them to catch their breath. She let her hands wander down his chest, then around his waist to his lower back before pulling him in close.
"I guess we'd better go back to the Normandy asap..."
He shook his head, "I'm afraid it's gonna be hard for me to wait that long..."
She licked her lips, "Really? Then I guess you leave me no choice." She unfastened his belt and checked for herself, raising her brows. "Oh... we really need to do something about that."
Shepard made her way to the Normandy and was heading for the bridge, but Joker called her over. "Commander?"
She turned and went to the cockpit.
"You were out?" he asked. "I didn't see you leave."
She chose not to elaborate on that one. "Is something wrong, Joker?"
He smiled. "There was some kind of blackout earlier, were you there?"
She waited a bit then shook her head. "EDI, did you take care of that?"
The robotic voice answered, "I did Shepard, as I've told Jeff multiple times, but he seems very distrustful tonight."
Joker asked again, "Where were you, if I may ask?"
She crossed her arms and looked down at him, "You're awfully curious tonight... I was working in the Spectres' office, of course. Where else could I be?"
He stared at her. "Right... don't take it the wrong way, but... this is fishy."
She raised her eyebrows. "What? Am I not allowed to work late?"
He only rolled his eyes in response.
"Anything the matter, Commander?" Kaidan asked as he entered the cockpit. Joker looked at them both, obviously putting the pieces together. Shepard tried to act as casually as she could, while noting that next time, she'd be sure to ask him to wait ten minutes before coming in.
Jeff coughed, looking between the two. "So, working on Spectres' business that late?" Joker asked Kaidan.
Kaidan tried his best to come up with something good, "Well, no... actually... Went clubbing, you see."
Joker looked at Kaidan. "In that outfit? Weren't you a bit overdressed?"
The Major nodded. "Yeah, well, I hadn't been out in a while so... I realized that a bit too late." Everyone went silent, and Kaidan added, "Well, I'm going to bed now, if you're done snooping."
Joker mock-saluted, "Aye, aye, Major."
Kaidan turned and looked towards Shepard, "Commander."
She answered, "Major." He left and Shepard waited for Joker's witty comment. She didn't need to wait long.
"You guys really need to practice your cover-up stories."
Shepard turned to leave, answering on her way out, "Don't worry, you don't know the tenth of it."
He shouted his answer, "Please spare me the details!"
As Shepard walked through the bridge towards the elevator, Traynor looked up. "Doctor Chakwas wants to speak to you in the medical bay, Commander."
She nodded and went to the elevator, where Kaidan was already waiting. "I'll go see her first thing tomorrow," she answered.
"Traynor shifted her weight onto her other foot. "I don't want to be a bother, Commander, but it seems a bit urgent, something about receiving a medical device you've been waiting for."
Shepard replied, "Yup, first thing tomorrow." The doors opened and she stepped in, followed by Kaidan.
"Mind if we share the ride?" he asked casually. They smiled at each other as the doors slowly closed, reaching for each other's hands. She frowned to herself as instead of heading upward the doors re-opened, revealing the Quarian.
"Oh, hi, Shepard, Kaidan, where are you heading?"
Shepard answered first, "Commander's cabin."
Tali nodded and turned to Kaidan. "You?"
He answered quickly, "Crew quarters."
Tali nodded. "Oh good, so am I. But Shepard, you're first. You're the Commander, and all." She pushed the "up" button and took a step back, feeling the lurch of the elevator beneath her feet. She thought aloud, "Reminds me of our elevator rides on the Citadel. You must have gotten tired of our chats, Shepard, you never take us to the Citadel anymore."
The Commander answered, "Well I figured you've got better things to do than tagging along just for the sake of it."
Tali laughed. "Maybe, yeah, but... I still remember those times fondly." The doors opened on the Commander's Cabin's door.
"Next time I'll take you for a tour, then," said Shepard as she exited the elevator.
Tali answered, "That's a date, Shepard!" She turned to Kaidan and said, "So how does it feel to be the second human Spectre?"
Kaidan blocked the door before it closed. "Actually, there's something I need to discuss with the Commander."
He exited the elevator and Tali muttered to herself, "Yeah, I thought so."
Shepard locked the door behind Kaidan. "Come on, does everyone aboard know or something? Has Liara been gossiping?" she asked.
He smiled. "Well, either we're not very good at keeping secrets or they've known us for too long."
She grinned. "Or maybe both."
He let out a small chuckle before reaching out and stroked her cheek. "Hey, Shepard, can I ask you something?"
She looked at him. "You need my authorization?"
"I'm used to it, you're my Commander, are you not?" She waited, wondering what it was about, and he suddenly added, "About what Traynor said... is something wrong?"
She needed a moment to understand what he was referring to. "Traynor? Oh, Doctor Chakwas, right?"
He felt like he needed to explain, "Not that I want to pry or anything, I mean... you're entitled to your privacy and everything, so if you don't want to share it with me, it's fine. It's just that, you know, it worried me a little. I hope those Cerberus bastards haven't done something to you, like a slow and lethal disease or something. Am I talking too much? I am, right? I'm just going to shut up now."
She laughed and kissed him. "You're just so cute, and that's the only thing killing me right now." She took a minute to find the best way to answer his question. "Well, you know, Cerberus did rebuild me from scratch, with biotics implants and all. And that was mostly experimental... So Doctor Chakwas had to make a few adjustments and... Cerberus had me implanted with some kind of hormone device, which fixed a few glitches. All that stuff's back to normal now. So the device is slowly disabling itself. But, well, it was also acting as a kind of birth-control device. That's why we decided to order an implant to do that now. Simple procedure, she told me. Just a quick shot. Shouldn't hurt. Might tingle a bit. Well, that's what she said, anyway. I'll let you know tomorrow."
He seemed surprised, he obviously wasn't expecting something like that. "Oh, um, and how long will that last?"
She gave it a thought. "I think Doctor Chakwas mentioned two years or so. Why?"
He bit his lip. "Two years, huh?"
She smiled. "What are you trying to say?"
He rolled his eyes. "Well, you know, I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do but..." They both looked at each other. He smiled, slowly shook his head and held her in his arms, whispering in her ear, "Never mind. We've been far too serious for one night already, right? Let's just... take our time and... we'll talk about that later, okay?"
She tightened her arms around him. "Later it is, then... and for now?"
He bent down and kissed her neck, sucking for a second, eliciting a moan from her before gently kissing towards her lips, planting one on her mouth. "For now... let's just... enjoy our time together..."
Shepard started awake. As her eyes fluttered she could still hear the voices echoing in her head; Mordin's and Thane's, mostly. She shivered, rubbing her hands up and down her arms as she turned to Kaidan, still sleeping next to her, and she remembered he mentioned having a hard time getting some rest, so she thought it would be better not to wake him up. She checked the alarm clock and noticed she was late by her usual schedule. Traynor might come in any minute now to tell her about her messages. She'd better hurry. She gently took his arm off of her waist, and sat on the edge of the bed, but not for long. There was a lot to do that day...
"Commander, I hope you're bringing me a bottle today!" said Doctor Chakwas as Shepard entered the medbay.
"Are we celebrating something in particular?" asked the Commander.
"Well I don't know, but I thought it would be appropriate to bribe the doctor who's going to inject you some weird medical device. I would even have shared some with you, you know, for the painkilling effect..."
Shepard laughed. "How very civil of you. Still... we might need to postpone that."
The doctor became serious. "I was just joking, Commander. I can do the procedure right now, you know."
Shepard nodded. "I figured. I was just thinking... The implant will be working for two years, and there's no way to get it out before that, so... I'd better make sure of what I want, right?" Doctor Chakwas grinned from ear to ear. Shepard added, "You know, just keeping my options open..."
But the grin remained on the doctor's face. "Anyway... it's up to you, Commander. Your old implant is still functioning, though not providing one hundred percent protection against unwanted pregnancy. Its efficiency will keep on decreasing slowly for... two, three months tops. So whatever you decide, you might want to make sure before the device stops completely."
Shepard nodded. "Yeah, I'll come to a decision in the meantime. Thanks."
"For what it's worth, Shepard, I think you'd make an excellent mother. I'm glad the both of you are getting there, you deserve to be happy."
Shepard scratched the back of her neck. "Well... I don't know about the whole mother thing yet... I never really thought about it. Never been around a lot of kids either. Not to mention my own experience with family."
Chakwas sighed with understanding. "That whole my-mother-raised-me-on-her-own-and-I-never-had-a-real-family business?"
Shepard winked. "You know me."
"That, I do. And that's why I'm not worried about you becoming a mother. It's all about taking care of another being, and you're doing quite fine with the Normandy's crew. Not that they're children or anything. Nor that you plan on having sixty children either, I guess."
Shepard smiled. "I'll let you know."
Shepard had been dealing with Spectre business for most of the day, and was feeling tired. She could use a nice massage or any other treat she could get from her lover. She made her way back to the Normandy and to her cabin, but to her dismay it was empty. She thought about going down to the observation deck but hesitated. She couldn't help but remember checking in on Kaidan earlier that day. He seemed quite happy, smiling with a hint of playfulness in the eye, telling her to wake him up next time. Maybe, indeed, waking up on his own hadn't been pleasant. She had not considered that when she'd left that morning. He had not mentioned the implant again, and she wondered if he had been giving it some more thought, and if she should ask about it or let it slide. She was feeling confused about what she should do altogether. Should she ask him to come up? Wouldn't he feel like she was abusing the situation? Or that maybe she had no interest in a serious relationship? She had the feeling it should not be that complicated, but somehow she was worried it might all go wrong again. "Well, I'm not going to die and come back in two years anytime soon, so I guess we should be fine..." she thought to herself, deciding to indulge herself with a good night sleep.
"And what do you call it?" asked Shepard, suspiciously inspecting what James had cooked.
"Cochinita pibil, Lola! It's sort of a pork stew. You'll see, it's excelente!"
Shepard could not deny it smelled good, but there was still something bothering her. "Pork, you say? Where did you find pork?"
James hesitated, "Well, I didn't precisely say this was pork. Just try it before you criticize." He grabbed her face with his hand and shoved a spoonful into her mouth. She tried to chew and swallow in a womanly way. Cortez, who was looking at them from the side, laughed. James was still very serious, awaiting Shepard's comment.
Cortez warned her, "Commander, you'll need all your diplomatic skills on that one! The Lieutenant is not kidding when it comes to cooking!"
James nodded. "No joking around when it comes to my abuela's recipes!"
She made hand signs to indicate she couldn't speak yet, but that it was good. James was glowing with joy.
"I told you so! Have a little faith, Lola!"
She was laughing too, now, and beginning to think organizing this dinner for the crew was a good idea. She'd have to thank Garrus for that. And James for the cooking, obviously.
She saw Liara approach out of the corner of her eye. "Hey, am I late? Do you need help with something?"
But James was blocking the way. "No way, nobody's helping in the kitchen! That recipe is a family secret, woman!"
Liara turned to Shepard. "Is he talking to me?"
Shepard smiled. "Don't take it the wrong way, he's just into cooking. Maybe a bit too much, even." James gave her a stern look.
Liara shook her head slowly, smiling. "Ok then, I'll round up the crew."
Shepard felt the need to make herself useful. "I'll go set the table then."
Cortez followed closely behind. "I'll give you a hand, Commander. I'm scared of what the Lieutenant might do to me if I stay alone with him another minute."
James shouted as they walked away, "Damn right, Esteban, I know you've been eyeing up my awesome cooking skills for too long. I was about to make my move."
They were almost done when Cortez asked Shepard, "Are you alright, Commander?"
She looked at him, realizing she had been lost in her thoughts for some time now. She nodded. "I'm fine, Cortez, you don't need to worry about me."
He smiled gently, trying to make her comfortable. "Well, I do, Commander. You've been through a lot recently. And you lost a friend. Sure, I didn't know him very well, and he was... a machine. But I noticed you were close."
She smiled too, thinking of Legion. "That's weird, isn't it?"
He shrugged. "Can't say it is, ma'am. He was your friend, no matter what. I respect that. And I know you've lost a few friends since we left Earth so... I can only guess how you must be feeling right now."
She thought about Cortez's own loss. He was probably thinking about it a lot now. She felt the urge to make a heroic speech. "It's hard on all of us," she said. "But now is not the time to mourn, nor the time to stand down. When this is all over, we'll take the time to think about those we've lost. For now, we fight. Mindlessly."
He stared at her. "You know, you don't need to do the whole prep speech for me. I'm not going to let you down, Ma'am, I'll fight at your side to the end. Maybe you should cut yourself some slack."
She wondered why her usual charismatic speech didn't work out as planned. Maybe she hadn't chosen the best words. She wished she could have done it a bit differently to see how it would have ended.
"Soup's on!" shouted James, bringing the big pot on the table.
Everyone had shared the meal, fondly discussing James's cooking skills, Rannoch and the peace between Quarians and Geth. Even Tali and Garrus had joined in, although they couldn't eat James's cooking and had to share some canned food Doctor Chakwas brought for them. There were a few moments of silence when one of them was remembering Legion, but most of the crewmen hadn't known him that well. At such times, Shepard felt a bit out of place. But the mood was overall very good, and everyone had a nice time. When it was over, James, who had been congratulated for his cooking all through dinner, stood up and said, "Thank you my friends, to make this a memorable day, I would like to make a request. I would like Commander Shepard to... wash the dishes!"
Everyone laughed and Shepard answered with a smile, "Your wish is my command, James."
James poured himself another glass. "I'll drink to that, Lola!"
Kaidan stood up too, beginning to clean up, saying, "I'll help."
Shepard made her way to the sink and dropped the dishes in it, asking to Kaidan, "I wash, you dry?"
He threw the towel at her. "Let's do it the other way around." She nodded. Waiting for the first dish to wipe, she stood next to him, looking at his face. He seemed slightly upset, but she couldn't think of a reason.
Liara came up silently behind her and whispered in her ear, "Tell me, Shepard, is something going on between Tali and Garrus?"
Shepard turned back towards the tables and looked at them and it was hard to miss how physically close they'd gotten. "I don't know a thing, Liara... maybe there was something in the Turian chocolates." Liara laughed quietly.
"Shepard?" She looked to Kaidan who was holding a dish out to her. She took it and began to wipe, noticing once again the look on his face. Liara looked at them both, then gave an inquiring look to Shepard. The Commander shrugged slightly, and Liara frowned.
"Is something wrong, Kaidan?" she asked.
"None of your business," he answered straight away.
Liara winced, shocked at his response, thinking she hadn't seen him so moody since, well... "Sorry I care."
He sighed and shut his eyes for a moment. "No, I'm sorry... I'm just a bit tired, I guess."
She nodded. "You shouldn't have volunteered to help Shepard, then. Your kindness will be your undoing. But I guess that's why she likes your company." She left as she finished her sentence, leaving them both alone.
"That I do," muttered Shepard.
Kaidan gave her another dish. "You know..." he said, then stopped.
She tried to encourage him. "Yeah?"
He shook his head. "No, never mind."
She came closer. "Come on, Kaidan. Liara's right. You've been gloomy almost all evening. What's on your mind?"
He handed her another dish, holding onto it, looking into her eyes. "Promise me you won't make fun of me." His seriousness worried her, and she agreed at once. He sighed. "It's quite ridiculous, I know, but... I don't like the way Lieutenant Vega talks to you. You're his commanding officer, he owes you some respect."
She frowned. "Now, now, Major, are you lecturing me about fraternization?"
He blushed slightly. "It's not... I just mentioned that I didn't like it, I didn't mean anything else..."
She smiled. "Well, you know how I behave with my crew. There's nothing personal about the way I act around James. He's just a player, and we're joking around. He's never gonna act on it, I can tell. And besides, you've got nothing to worry about. I'm perfectly happy with my current love life."
He seemed to feel a little relieved. He gave her another dish, and she wiped it in silence. Then he asked, "What did Liara want?"
"Doing her job as the shadow broker as usual, trying to get some intel."
He murmured, "About us?"
She laughed quietly. "No way... you and me, it's not intel anymore, it's public knowledge."
He handed her another dish, holding it between the two of them as he kissed her gently. Then he went back to washing, saying, "I hope you realize you're the reason I'm washing these dishes. You'd better be thinking about my reward right now."
She stared at his back, and lower back, muttering, "The reward is all I can think about, trust me."
Shepard was sitting on her bed. She couldn't remember what just happened, but she could feel the cold sweat all over her body. The mattress shifted behind her, Kaidan was staring at her anxiously. "Another nightmare?" he inquired.
She frowned. The voices were still echoing somewhere in her mind. "Did I wake you?" she asked. He moved on the bed towards her and touched his fingers to her back.
"You were screaming, and you're all wet."
"I know. I should go take a shower."
He grabbed her hand. "Wait. Don't you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head. "Not much to say..."
He kept his hand around hers, silently encouraging her to at least say something. "It was about Legion, mostly."
He moved and sat on the side of the bed beside her, placing his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. "You know you did the right thing, don't you? He made his choice, there was nothing you could do to prevent that from happening."
She nodded slowly. "I know."
He whispered, "You want me to join you in that shower?"
She smiled. "I like the idea, but I just need a quick wash. I'll be back very soon. Just don't go anywhere."
He smiled back. "Not a chance."
She made her way to the bathroom, closed the door and turned on the water. Boiling hot. She was freezing. And all she could think of was getting warmer. The sweat on her skin smelled like cold despair. She let the water wipe it away, but somehow she couldn't enjoy the moment. The voices were still echoing in her mind.
"Shepard-Commander." She wondered whether she was still sleeping. She tried to focus on the water dripping on her skin, on the feeling of warmth and pain she was experiencing. She could almost feel her flesh burning.
"Shepard!" Who was that, now? Ashley? She suddenly felt something pulling her away from the shower.
"Shepard?" It was Kaidan. She stared at him. "What were you thinking?"
She stuttered, "I-I needed something to wake me up."
He was yelling, "You almost burned yourself! You should have been more careful!"
He wrapped her in a towel, scrubbing her vigorously. She noticed the worried look on his face and put her arms around his neck.
"Hey, it's alright... I'm alright."
He hugged her. "I know it's hard on you... every sacrifice... every name on that wall downstairs... you didn't have time to process it all, I get that. "I wish there was something I could do, but I can't think of anything that will make it all go away."
She heard sorrow in his voice, so she reached for his face and kissed him. "But you are, you are making it all better, you are making it all bearable. It will be fine, don't worry. From now on, I won't let anything bad happen to any of us." She took his hand in hers, looked him in the eyes and said softly, "Let's go back to bed, shall we?"
Shepard was putting on her uniform jacket when Kaidan came out of the bathroom. He stepped in front of her, pushing her hands out of the way, buttoning it up for her. "You sure love your uniform."
She smiled. "Don't you?"
He winked. "Well to be fair, I enjoy it far more when I'm taking it off of you."
She kissed him quickly. "I'm sure you do."
He gazed at her, and she gave him an inquiring look. "Permission to speak as the annoying and righteous boyfriend?"
She answered at once, "Granted!" She wondered if he was going to talk about James again. But their previous talk must have cleared the air.
"Did you have the chance to speak with Doctor Chakwas? Concerning what we discussed last time..."
She felt the need to fidget so she placed her hands on his chest, fingering the seams on his shirt. "Yeah, I did. Didn't get the implant, though. She said the one I've got now can still last a few months, although it will not be fully functional. Enough to give me... us some time to think it through."
He seemed satisfied with her answer. "Time. Good. I like it."
She looked at him and smiled. "You like it? I feel terrified just considering this."
He slid his hands up into her hair, and he smirked, "you're more afraid of a bunch of kids than the Reapers?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Who said anything about a bunch of kids? How many exactly do you have in mind?"
He laughed, "nothing short of an army of little Alenkos."
She tilted her head, "I'm not sure the universe would be able to handle that."
"Not sure I can either. Let's start with just one and see where it gets us."
She nodded. "That's probably wiser."
He kissed her quickly. "You realize you just agreed to the whole thing?"
She kissed him back. "I know, but what can I say? You really know how to push my buttons."
Shepard walked into the lounge, her eyesight instantly shifting back to the bar. She stayed there silently for a while, just staring blankly at the shelves in front of her when the door opened and Tali walked in.
"Have you checked on Liara?"
Shepard nodded. "I did."
The Human watched absentmindedly as the Quarian took the seat next to her, drumming her fingers onto the surface. "How is she?"
The Human took some time before answering, "She's come a long way since we first met. She's much stronger now." She knew that didn't really answer Tali's question, but that was as much as she could give her. Tali didn't insist.
"I see. And how are you doing?"
She sighed and rubbed her temple with her fingers, "I let Kai Leng get away, messing up our chances of getting the Crucible working and I let the Asari home world get destroyed in the process... Let's just say I've had better days."
Tali turned to her. "So what now? Were you planning on getting drunk to forget it all?"
Shepard smiled. "It crossed my mind. Too bad you can't join me."
Tali seemed amused. "You've still got a few things to learn about Quarians, Shepard. Anyway, if you are planning on drinking, what are you waiting for? You want me to get you a drinking buddy? Just say the name." She got up, but Shepard held her wrist.
"Stay with me."
Tali sat down and started pouring a drink. "You know I kinda lack knowledge in cocktail mixing?"
The Human smiled. "Well, surprise me."
Shepard's head was throbbing when she woke up that morning. She couldn't remember having a nightmare that night, that was good... but she couldn't remember much. Tali sure was adventurous when it came to mixing different kinds of alcohol, especially since she was not the one drinking it. Shepard wasn't even sure how she made it to her cabin, least of all to her bed. She tried to get up, but couldn't. She crashed back on her bed, groaning.
"You awake?" Kaidan asked in a soft voice, and she thanked him mentally for that. He used to be prone to headaches, so he knew exactly how bad it felt. She nodded slowly.
"Can you talk?"
She nodded again then added, "Yeah..."
He seemed relieved. "Good, hang in there, you should feel better soon."
She groaned and muttered, "sorry. Needed to get wasted after trying to cheer Liara up. Needed something to cheer myself up too." She felt ashamed somehow. Especially towards Kaidan.
"Garrus was supposed to do that."
She frowned, trying to remember. "Garrus? Yeah, talked to him. You sent him?"
She felt the smile in his voice. "Not me. We. I think Hackett sent Joker, too."
She couldn't help but smile. "Yeah. Didn't work as planned."
"I heard that. That's why we sent Tali."
She shook her head. "You sent Tali, too?" She waited, but he didn't answer. To be honest, it wasn't really what she wanted to ask. So she asked the real question, "Why didn't you come?"
He sighed. "I was sort of the last resort option."
She laughed. "Yeah? You mean you were going to send Javik first?"
He laughed too. "Yup, but I would have been rushing right after him to prevent him from throwing you out the airlock." They both laughed for a while, then he said, "You feeling well enough to get up?"
She hesitated. "Well, there's only one way to find out..." He helped her sitting on the side of the bed, momentarily causing her to feel as if the ship was swaying, but knowing Joker's skills, she knew it was all on her.
"You're okay?" asked Kaidan. She opened her eyes, meeting his gaze. He immediately got it. He quickly wrapped her in his arms and carried her to the bathroom, just in time. The alcohol went back the way it got in, and when she was done, her stomach felt slightly better. But she was even more ashamed. She tried to avoid eye contact.
"Sorry about that."
Kaidan shook his head. "What are you apologizing for? You're only human."
She smiled. "I'm Commander Shepard..."
He finished her sentence, "And this is your favorite spot on the Normandy?"
She took a side look at the toilet bowl and attempted to smile. "No, not really."
He carried on, "Don't get me wrong, I like the fact that you're a bad-ass Alliance Commander. I really do. But the Shepard I love, that's the woman who cares so much about her crew that when one of them's down and out she feels it too."
She sighed. "You love the Shepard who's so hung over she puked in front of her boyfriend as a morning greeting?"
He smiled. "I love her more than the Shepard who would have puked on her boyfriend as a morning greeting. And I'm ready to show her how much I love her right now... well, once she's done brushing her teeth."
Shepard was lying down on her bed. It was quite unusual for her to relax like this in the middle of the day, but she definitely wasn't in the right mood to work. She thought about sleeping the day away, but was afraid she might have some more nightmares. So there she was, just staring at the stars out there.
She cursed herself for not remembering to lock it before... but she knew not many people would dare disturb her without warning.
"Is this a bad time?"
The voice surprised her. "Garrus? Don't tell me you're done calibrating?"
He laughed. "No one gets how important my work is, right? I bet you're all making fun of me and my calibrations..."
"Did Tali tell you this?"
"Not exactly. Although she made some wry comments about it. But I didn't come here to discuss Tali. Unless you want to talk about it some more..."
She shook her head as he approached the bed, "May I?"
She nodded. He laid down as gently as possible before looking up through the window, "Nice view you got here."
Silence encompassed them for a moment before she had a though, "Did the others send you?"
"Liara picked a longer straw."
She smiled. "That's nice."
"We're saving up to pay for your therapy."
"Even better." They remained silent a bit, then she said, "I'm not doing that bad, you know. Not that the nightmares are getting any better, but at least we didn't lose anyone in the past few days... I just... need a little time to myself. You know, to process it all."
He nodded, "I know. All of this on top of the Lazarus Project, right?"
She sighed. "I knew I was dead, right? Shouldn't make much of a difference..."
"It seems you're not done with Cerberus right now. No one really knows how they brought you back. You're probably up for a few more surprises."
"I guess so."
"Cerberus really did some shitty things, but at least they did that right. We're lucky to have you, Shepard, very lucky."
The door opened again, and they both looked towards it to see Kaidan coming in. Garrus jumped out of the bed as quickly as possible. "Hey Kaidan, nice to see you, we were just... chatting, you know... nothing more." But the human wasn't too happy.
"What are you doing here? Haven't you got some calibrations waiting downstairs?"
Shepard raised an eyebrow. Garrus tried to make his way to the door. "I'll leave at once if my presence here makes you feel uncomfortable."
"You bet you're leaving, the Commander is mine and I'm not sharing!"
Shepard burst out laughing. Garrus and Kaidan looked at her, dumbfounded. Then Garrus said, "Told you you were overdoing it with that calibrations joke."
"Well at least she's laughing."
Garrus nodded, holding his hand up. "She definitely looks happier now. I guess my job here is done."
Kaidan gave him a high five. "Thanks bro."
The Turian made his way out of the cabin. "Anytime, Elvis." Shepard collapsed into a fit of laughter.
Kaidan moved right in front of her. "Shepard. Look at us. This can't end well. Just... put it down."
She blinked. She couldn't help but have a bad feeling about what was going to happen. She heard herself answering, "Damn it, Kaidan."
He kept on staring into her eyes. But slowly, he said, "Councilor, get the door."
She felt the danger creeping up on them. Cerberus soldiers were right behind that door. She couldn't let Udina open it. The soldiers would kill the council. There would be anarchy, and no way to get other races to collaborate on the war effort. Earth would be doomed. She had to do something, and she had to do it now. There was no time to think, no alternative. No happy ending. Her fingers clenched on the trigger. The gun went off.
Kaidan was hit in the belly. He pressed his arms to his wound, unable to prevent the blood from flowing onto the ground.
He fell down, face to the floor.
She dropped her gun. "No. No. No, no, no." She went down on her knees, and turned him over. He was still breathing, his brown eyes staring at her. "I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean to..." Her throat wouldn't allow her to say another word. She couldn't even remember making the choice to pull the trigger. How could this have happened? She tried to stop the bleeding but it seemed hopeless.
"Shepard, I..." He tried to speak.
But he didn't manage to finish his sentence. He had stopped breathing. His skin was beginning to turn pale. His eyes were fixed.
She took him in her arms, hugging her with all her strength, kissing his face as much as she could, trying to keep him warm.
"Shepard?" That was Kaidan's voice, right behind her. She turned to look at him, but all she could see was light, light so intense it blinded her.
It took her a few minutes to get used to the light. The sounds slowly began to make sense too. She immediately wondered where she was. It looked like some kind of medical facility, but not one she'd ever been to. She tried to move her head to get a better look, but she could only feel pain, and her body hindered by so many things. Her hands were tied. Something warm was touching her left hand. Machines began to beep.
Everything hurt.
"Doctor, Doctor Chakwas? She opened her eyes!" The voice was familiar, but she couldn't recognize it.
Doctor Chakwas's face appeared right above her and she shone some light into her eyes, looking both surprised and hopeful.
"She's awake. I can't believe it. Commander, can you hear me? Don't try to breathe, the machines are doing this for you. Commander, you need to rest, I'll give you a sedative."
The distant voice seemed to disagree. "What? Why are you doing that? She's awake at last for god's sake! And you want to put her under again?"
Doctor Chakwas answered sharply, "She's in a lot of pain, you get that? If she awoke on her own, she will be able to do so again. Keeping her awake now would only cause her pain, and slow down her recovery. Get a hold of yourself, Major." Everything started to feel fuzzy. But she knew then she was not mistaken. Doctor Chakwas had called him Major.
Her fingers clenched on the trigger. She was feeling that urge again. The urge to do something immediately in order to save the day. The urge to shoot.
"The paths are open. But you have to choose."
Have to choose? She glanced at the ghostly apparition. It looked like a child. Like a child she could have been holding in her arms, smiling. Like that child her and Kaidan would never be able to have. Her heart skipped a beat. Her eyes closed for a second. She felt like time had frozen. Her fingers clenched on the trigger again. She fired. Once, twice. She was already feeling better. She kept on firing. A dozen more times, until it all exploded.
She took a deep breath. She felt something being pulled from her throat. She opened her eyes.
"She's woken up. Untie her wrists," said Doctor Chakwas. She was smiling, and Shepard couldn't help but thinking she was home. Someone held her hand. She looked at the man standing at her side and found she couldn't say a word, her throat still aching, but her eyes filled with tears at once.
"Don't cry, my love," he said, gently stroking her hand and up to her arm. But she just couldn't help it. She had been so scared, had had so many nightmares where she ended up killing him. And now she just wanted to make sure that what she was experiencing now was all real, but she couldn't find a way to do that. She hurt all over, but she wasn't sure she could trust her own body. It felt weird, different.
"... happened?" she managed to say.
Kaidan answered, "When we found you, you were barely breathing, buried under a lot of rubble. We brought you back here, tried to wake you up but you wouldn't. They said it was no use, they wanted to pull the plug on you. But then Doctor Chakwas told me... told me that there was a part of you that wasn't dead. This part." He put her hands on her round belly. That was what felt weird.
"How?" she asked, bewildered.
Doctor Chakwas answered that one, "Apparently you were already pregnant during the final assault on Earth. To be honest, even I thought you were done for, Commander. We only kept you alive to provide the child with life support. But it seems like somehow the Cerberus implants in your body mistook the child's vitals for yours and rebooted, allowing you to recover. I don't even think they thought about this possibility when they designed those."
She was having difficulties focusing on Doctor Chakwas' speech. Her eyes closed. She could hear Kaidan's distant voice saying, "Doctor Chakwas, I think she passed out." She wanted to tell them she didn't, but she couldn't. The major was right.
When she next woke up, the pain was almost gone. She slowly opened her eyes and through slightly blurred vision she saw Kaidan was sleeping on a chair next to her bed, his head on the bed, their hands touching. She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair, accidently waking him up. He turned to her and said softly, "Welcome back. You've been asleep for a while. How are you feeling?"
She nodded slowly. "Better." Even her throat was not as painful as before. He smiled. She knew there were many things he needed to tell her, many serious things, but she didn't want that right now. So she fired first.
"I had a strange dream."
"Yeah?" He seemed to understand, or at least to agree to keep those things for later.
"The Normandy had crashed on a jungle planet somewhere, and the only survivors were Joker, James and you."
He laughed. "Really? Well if that's a fantasy of yours, Shepard, maybe I can try and convince them both."
She shook her head. "No, no, I wasn't there. Only the three of you."
He raised an eyebrow. "Now that's twisted. Even for you."
She smiled faintly. "I don't know why I had that dream. Plus that would make it hard for you guys to repopulate, right?"
He kept staring at her. "Dreams don't make much sense, it's nothing to worry about."
She touched his cheek and he came closer, kissing her forehead. He gave her a once over, checking for any sight of pain or discomfort. "I'm sorry. There are so many things I want to do but I don't want to hurt you. You seem so fragile right now. I'd hate to cause you more pain."
She smiled at him. "Don't worry. I'm fine. Well, as fine as I can be, anyway." They both remained silent. They knew the time had come for serious matters, and that they couldn't delay much longer. She needed to show him she was ready.
"So... did we save the universe?"
He smiled. "We did. We destroyed the Reapers."
"But I'm still alive, and my implants are still working so... I guess we didn't destroy all synthetic life. Or the mass relays."
He was a bit confused as to why she'd say that but he decided it was easier just to answer her for now. "Mass relays and everyone's implants are still working fine, Geth and AIs are alright too. The crucible only destroyed the Reapers." She felt better. She had been afraid what her choices might have implied. She kept on asking more questions, "We made a run for the conduit. You, me and James. What happened to both of you then?"
He sighed. "Things got pretty ugly. James and I were badly wounded, and had our share of time in this hospital, but we got better. He's finishing his N7 training as we speak. As for me... I'm still a Spectre, but I'm sort of... on a sick leave... at the moment."
She smiled. "I didn't know there was such a thing for a Spectre."
He smiled back. "Well there wasn't really... until now."
She couldn't help but ask, "Your injuries... how bad were they?"
He tried to remember all the things the doctor told him, but there was so many. He decided to make it simpler. "Not much worse than Mars, all things considered. A bunch of broken bones and some internal bleeding, nothing a good dose of medigel couldn't cure. The worst part was not knowing what happened to you. They didn't find you right away, and they wouldn't tell me anything. Joker was the one to finally say something. One week later they found your body. Hardly breathing."
He stopped. She could see how talking about it made him feel. She gently stroked his cheek. "It's alright, Kaidan. I'm here now." She needed to make him think about something else, so she kept talking. "You mentioned Joker, how is he? What about the rest of the crew?"
Kaidan seemed to be able to chase the bad memories away. "Joker's fine. Still serving the Alliance with the Normandy. And EDI. They both seemed pretty happy about it last time I saw them. And very busy too. The Normandy is running errands everywhere for the Council..." He stopped, trying to think about all the crew members. "Garrus and Tali went back to Rannoch to help the Quarians and the Geth rebuild. Liara is traveling with Javik, they're working on a new series of books on Protheans. Wrex is back on Tuchanka with Eve... and Grunt, although the latter is more focused on hunting Thresher Maws."
She smiled. "That's nice. I'm glad that everyone's doing just fine." She waited a bit before adding, "That's even a bit... let's just say, I'm sort of upset they're all doing so fine without me. They always seemed to need my help to solve their problems. Guess I wasn't as indispensable as I thought I was."
He kissed her gently, the feel of his lips on hers suddenly seemed overwhelming. "Well, you are indispensable to me. And I'm sure they'll come and ask for your help again as soon as I let them know you're awake... Just need to get the Alliance's authorization on that one... but Liara might be able to find another way to let all of them know."
She had noticed a slight change in his voice when he mentioned the Alliance, and she asked, "Have they been giving you a hard time?"
He seemed a bit upset just thinking about it. "Well, it was a difficult time for all of us. You were neither dead nor alive, and that had a lot of implications for many of us so... I don't want to call anyone out, especially now that you're alright... but I never gave up on you. A lot of people thought I was being crazy, but I'm glad Doctor Chakwas backed me up by insisting that I have a say in medical decisions..." He sighed. She could see how much the whole thing had strained him. She slid over to the side of the bed, still feeling rather stiff.
He looked at her, puzzled. "What are you doing?"
She tapped the empty side of the bed. "Come here, you're way too far away from me right now."
He smiled. "Not sure the medical staff would like that but... whatever." He got in, hugging her as gently as he could. She snuggled up to him, silently listening to his heartbeat. For the first time in a long time, she felt at peace, and slowly slid into a restful sleep.
Shepard was feeling a bit lonely since Kaidan had left. Spectre's business. It seemed the sick leave had expired the moment she came back from the dead. But she wasn't allowed to leave the hospital right now. They hadn't even made her recovery public, so she couldn't wander around freely. Besides, she suspected they were under the impression that the war had made her crazy. They had sent her half a dozen therapists to assess her psychological state, but they still seemed to be unsatisfied with what the therapists reported to them. So, she was kinda bored.
She took a look at the photo Kaidan had left her. It was taken on the Normandy, on the night that James had cooked for everyone. She was wiping dishes and James had declared that he wanted his picture taken with her. He had come close to her, staggering, and had put his arm around her shoulders. Tali had taken a picture, then had asked if she wanted a picture with Kaidan, making her realize that they'd never really had their picture taken together, at least, not a picture that wasn't taken by some kind of newspaper. Shepard had walked to him and Tali had taken another picture, but was not satisfied with it.
"Major Alenko," she had said, "would you mind looking a little less displeased with your company?"
Shepard had grabbed Kaidan by the waist to get him a little closer, and the two of them had exchanged a meaningful look. That was that picture that Kaidan near him while he was waiting for her to wake up. And now she was the one staring at it hoping for their reunion.
The door opened, and she felt her heartbeat speed up. But she had not expected the visitor she was facing. "Mom?"
The Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard came into the room. "They finally told me you were awake..."
The Commander tried to straighten up. She was slightly upset to notice that seeing her mother still triggered the same kind of behavior.
Hannah made her way to the bed, turning the photo around before sitting on the bed. The gesture didn't go unnoticed. At first, Jane didn't want to mention it, knowing it would not be a pleasant conversation. But considering her present state, she thought that now was as good a time as any. "What's wrong with you and Kaidan?"
Hannah seemed most displeased by her child's inquiry, and Jane felt her insides twisting. Her mother answered coldly, "I'm sure he must have told you what a bad mother I am."
Jane shivered. She certainly didn't want to go there, but she didn't have much choice now. "He told me nothing of the sort. I don't know what happened between the two of you but..."
Her mother interrupted her. "The decision was supposed to be mine. But I didn't trust him, or that doctor from your crew. I really thought they were being irrational. I didn't want the council to keep you on those machines for some political purpose..."
She stopped. Jane felt uneasy. She was used to telling people how it wasn't their fault when things got bad, but now... words failed her.
Her mother tried to catch her eye and said, "I know you understand, dear, I know you would have done the same if you were me."
Jane sighed. She wasn't expecting any apology from her mother, she knew her too well for that. And maybe it was better this way. She nodded. "It's fine, mother. I know you did whatever needed to be done. But again, so did Kaidan. There's no reason for you to hold it against him."
Hannah seemed slightly discontented to hear the name again. "The dispute got pretty passionate. We both had some harsh comments about one another. I may have mentioned that he was an obnoxious bastard who abused a lower rank officer… and was devoid of any sense of integrity."
Jane blinked. "You... what?" She had never heard her mother use any offensive word in her whole life.
Hannah coughed. "As I mentioned, it was rather passionate."
Jane sighed. Now she could understand why they were both acting so coldly towards one another. It was even rather surprising that they didn't go for each other's throat earlier. She actually said to Kaidan's face that he had no sense of integrity? She said, "He wasn't the one abusing his authority. I was his superior when we met. He just outranked me in the meantime."
Hannah winced. "Yeah, about that... the Alliance really could work on their promotion system. I mean, how many times do you need to save the galaxy to get some advancement?"
She grumbled, "But Mom, I was dead for two years, and working with a terrorist organization until the Reapers attacked Earth. You can't really blame them for that."
Hannah shrugged. "Just saying... You're still a Lieutenant Commander and you're not getting any younger, dear." Jane felt like they had had that conversation a thousand times already. And they probably had. Her mother hesitated but finally added, "Don't tell me... you plan on retiring because of... You know I only took a 24 hour maternity leave myself..."
Jane had heard the story a billion times already. And had thought just as many times that it was not something she wanted for herself. "I don't know yet, Mom. I have not thought about it."
Her mother's lips twitched, showing how much the thought was upsetting her. She got up and said, "Well you definitely have enough time to think it over right now, dear. Make sure you don't let him persuade you into something you don't want. You're the one who will be dealing with the consequences, not him." And with that, she left.
When Shepard next woke up, Anderson was sitting next to her. He seemed to be deep in thought, waiting for her to awaken. She rubbed her eyes and said, "Hey."
He looked at her. "Shepard. Glad to see you back amongst us. I heard you're getting better every day."
She smiled. She certainly enjoyed seeing the old man. "I can't wait to get back out there. I'm sure there still is a lot to be done."
He nodded. "There is..."
He seemed a little downcast, so she asked, "Is something wrong?"
He sighed. "I don't know what they told you..."
She suddenly had a weird feeling. "Kaidan told me everything was fine. The Reapers are gone. We saved the galaxy, right?"
He nodded slowly. "We saved the galaxy, alright but... as for the Reapers..."
Could Kaidan have lied to her to make her feel better? Everything felt fuzzy.
Anderson's voice butt in on her thoughts, "We're not sure, Shepard."
She felt her heart breaking. "What? Where? Have they been spotted somewhere? Have they attacked again?"
He shook his head. "No, nothing so straightforward, I'm afraid. That would make it much easier for us."
She insisted, "Then what is it?"
Anderson got up, and walked to the window, his back to Shepard. "Let's just say some of us don't want to take any chances. And there are some unsettling details... some weird coincidences..." He turned to face her. "Doctor Chakwas told me she didn't have all the details on your Cerberus implants. And we know now that the Illusive Man was indoctrinated. So what if he left something in you?"
She stuttered, "S-some... thing?"
He sighed. "I'm not implying you're with the Reapers, Shepard, I know you too well. But Doctor Chakwas mentioned that your Cerberus implants... included a reliable birth-control device. But still..."
Shepard's head began to hurt, as if Anderson had hit her with a club. "You can't mean..."
He smiled gently. "Shepard, I have no idea. Nobody does. You know you can't have any prenatal exam due to your condition so... I just... Just be careful, right? I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you."
She put both her hands on her stomach, thoughtful. Somehow, her pregnancy had always caused her fear but now... Anderson had put words to that fear.
Shepard was standing at the window. The view of war-torn London was astonishing. It was not so different from what she had witnessed when she came to meet Anderson a few months ago. Minus the Reapers. People seemed to have started to rebuild here and there, but it would take some time.
The door of her room opened. She didn't turn around. Wasn't sure she wanted to see a nurse coming in to check on her, another therapist, or even worse... her mother.
But it was nothing like that. The door closed and Kaidan asked, "They allowed you to get out of bed?"
She smiled, turned to face him and answered, "Well they have special protocols for biotics who threaten to throw beds at them."
He laughed. "You're sure you feel good enough to use your biotics that way?"
She winked. "They didn't feel like taking that chance." He made his way to her side, and hugged her, keeping her close for quite some time.
She felt warmth all over her body that she realized she had been missing terribly. She grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him multiple times, "I missed you so much..."
He smiled. "I missed you too. Heard you've been quite bored."
She sighed. "Well someone came to visit, but..."
"Your mother, right? I heard about it. I guess she waited for me to leave before thinking of visiting."
She was finding it much funnier to discuss that matter with Kaidan than she had with her mother. "Yeah, she mentioned your... passionate dispute. And what she said to you..." He didn't answer, but the look on his face proved he remembered what Hannah had told him very well. She added, "But she didn't mention what you said to her."
He shrugged. "You know me, I'm not hot-tempered or anything..."
She answered, coughing to make the last word difficult to get, "Yeah right, Horizon."
He raised an eyebrow. "Well, I only stated the facts, and it certainly is a fact that your mother is a witch blinded by honor."
She smiled. "I'm surprised you didn't add anything more."
He shook his head. "I wouldn't feel comfortable repeating all the things I said in front of you. She's still your mother, regardless..."
She remained thoughtful for a while. It was true. She loved her mother for what she was, no matter what. And she knew her mother loved her, even though she was not keen on expressing it publicly. He must have felt that they could use a little something to lighten the mood, because he took a disk out of one of his pockets.
"Maybe this will cheer you up."
She looked at the disk, puzzled. "What is it?"
He put the disk into his omni-tool. "A gift from Liara. It seems to be a video log, an extensive one. I think we'd better get ourselves comfortable... if you can still stand your bed..."
She pretended to be hesitant. "Only if you lie down by me."
He smiled. "You bet I will. Let me just put the log on your room's screen." They both settled on the bed and waited for the video to play.
Liara appeared on the screen. She was smiling. "Shepard," she said, "I heard you were better but that they wouldn't let you out right now. I can only imagine how you must feel, stuck between four walls. So I decided to use my network as the Shadow Broker to make you what I hope will be a pleasant surprise. Enjoy, my friend."
The screen went black, then Wrex appeared. "Shepard."
She nodded, out of habit, answering, "Wrex." It was silly, of course, as he couldn't hear her, and Kaidan found it humorous.
"Are you recording now?" asked another voice.
"Yeah." answered Wrex, looking up at someone they couldn't see.
"Come around, she won't see you there. And bring Mordin."
Shepard tilted her head, "Mordin?"
Wrex moved to the side, allowing Bakara to sit down next to him, their son on her lap. Wrex was glowing with pride. "Meet Mordin, Shepard. I'd rather have a girl by that name, but well... Don't worry, I'm gonna be very careful with him! I don't plan on allowing him to learn how to read and write before I teach him how to gut a varren. Don't want him to turn too salarian, you know. He's an Urdnot!"
Bakara hit him on the plate, shutting him up, "Don't be stupid. If he turns out half as good as the Salarian we named him after, you'll be damn proud." She turned to the screen and added, "Oh and Shepard, I'm still working on getting the next one named after you."
Wrex moaned, "You're kidding me! No way, our children need real krogan names from now on!" They both looked at each other, then Wrex shrugged and turned back to the screen, "Anyway, we're rebuilding Tuchanka, waiting for the council to give us a few planets for our offspring. Things are definitely looking up for us. So... you're welcome to stop by anytime. I'll teach your kid to gut varren too!"
Bakara glared at him. "Or other, more child-suitable things. It would be nice to have you around. Let us know when they let you out."
The screen turned black again, then Grunt appeared. "Is it on? It is, right? Bah, I can never tell with all those things. Shepard, I hope you can hear me. I was told you had recovered, and I'm not surprised! I knew you wouldn't let them get you that way! I heard they were keeping you in a room until you're fully healed, a bit like when I was in my tank, somehow, right? Anyway, I'm back on Tuchanka right now, hunting thresher maws. You wouldn't believe how many breeding requests I receive a day. But that's just for fun. I'm still with the Aralakh Company, but we've got a lot less Rachni and Geth to kill, you really spoiled our fun there. So we only hunt a few criminals here and there. That's how I get time for threshers, you see. About the requests... I'm not really considering this right now. Maybe later, when I'm done having fun and decide to settle down. But I'll let you know. Get better soon, battlemaster. That would be nice to have a sidekick for one of my hunts. Just like old times, right?" Grunt looked blankly at the screen, then shouted, "Now how the hell do I turn that thing off? Damn Asari should have provided a manual... or an Asari slave to do the damn job."
The screen went black, and next were Jacob and Brynn, the latter with a very round belly. Jacob spoke, "Hey Shepard, we were so glad to hear you're fine! We're still on Earth, in Rio more precisely. I told you I knew a few good spots around here, so Brynn and I decided to get some well deserved holidays. We keep in touch with most of the scientists you rescued on Gellix. Most of them are still working with the Alliance to rebuild things here on Earth. I think we will stick around for a few more weeks. Wouldn't be wise to travel for Brynn right now. I guess baby Taylor will be born in Brazil! After that, I don't know, maybe we'll stay a little longer. So if you can get away from that medical facility they've jailed you in, come to Rio, we'll give you a tour!"
Brynn smiled and added, "Commander, thanks for everything you're done for us. Jacob told me you were not too keen on us calling the baby Shepard, but... it's a girl, so I thought, maybe Jane?"
Jacob stared at the screen, wide-eyed. "You know, Shepard really isn't fond of the whole personality cult thing... I'm sure you're embarrassing her, you should just drop it..."
The screen went dark again, and they could next see Miranda and Oriana. The two sisters were smiling, and Miranda spoke first, "Shepard, you must be getting a lot of messages right now, I hope we're not annoying you, we must all be giving you the same kind of praise."
Oriana interrupted and said, "She was so happy when she learned you were alright, she was jumping all over the place for half-an-hour or so."
Miranda pushed her sister slightly, blushing, and resumed talking. " Anyway… at first I was thinking about sticking with the Alliance but they weren't very comfortable with having me around, so... I went to get Ori and we've been spending our time traveling... she wanted to visit a few places in the galaxy. I sometimes lend Liara a hand, still got a few useful contacts here and there. Sometimes she gives me a few assignments to help the Alliance or people rebuilding somewhere. That's nice. Ori tags along, she's getting good at this. Imagine that, the two Lawson sisters hunting together... No one can measure up!"
They both laughed and Oriana added, "If you need us for anything, even grocery shopping, ask Liara to contact us, and we'll be here right away!"
Miranda shrugged. "Well, maybe not grocery shopping, but we definitely owe you one, or two. And I'd love to repay that debt. Oh, and no baby-sitting either. Get well soon, Shepard."
Again the screen turned dark, when the lights turned on Samara appeared. "Commander Shepard, I've been told you're in the process of recovering and I'm glad to hear you're doing well. I'm traveling around Asari-populated worlds right now, trying to recruit new Justicars. I must admit this is not an easy task, especially since so few are interested in learning and living by the Code. But it's an undertaking I find pleasant, much to my surprise. The order is running very low in numbers, so every new justicar is a blessing... and my quest will probably keep me busy till my last breath. Falere is still on Lesuss, by the way. I made sure we sent some people there to help rebuild the monastery... I thought that it would be nice for her to have some people around... It was the least I could do for her. Samara out."
The screen faded to another familiar yet scarred face: Zaeed. "Shepard, nothing can kill you, right? The Asari mentioned you required a status update on your old squad-mates, so here I am. As you can imagine, there is plenty of work for someone with my skills right now. But well... I try to stick with Alliance jobs for now. Not that they pay much, those cheap bastards, but I guess... I don't know, I thought you were dead and everything... Of course, now that I know you're alive," he laughed, "let's try not to cross each other's paths again, Shepard."
Next on was Kasumi. "Hey, Shepard. It's been a while since we last had a chat together, right? That's too bad, I used to enjoy that... Your Asari friend mentioned your injuries had healed but they wouldn't let you out yet. I hope you're fine. She also said something about a baby on the way. Major Alenko's, if I'm not mistaken? I remember meeting him on Horizon... briefly. It was obvious anyway that the two of you shared a... bond. I'm glad you managed to work it out. I guess the two of you are planning to settle down somewhere now, right? Let me know if you need anything like... a masterpiece to decorate your living room. I'm still in business. Although I must admit... hearing about you and the Major... and about Jacob and that scientist... I've been thinking... maybe it's time for me to move on, too... I'll... keep you posted on that, too."
The screen faded quickly, and Jack appeared. "Shepard! I can't believe you made it out of there! Way to go!" She laughed. "My students did good, too. Most of them came back, the Academy will reopen next fall. I need to get ready for a new bunch of undisciplined kids. Well, life goes on, right? By the way, I heard the great news. If baby Shepard shows any sign of biotic ability, I'd love to have her over for the holidays. Well, even if she's not a biotic... Auntie Jack could teach her a trick or two…"
Everything went black. Shepard looked at Kaidan. "Is it over?"
He frowned. "I don't think so..." He was about to go and check the screen, but Garrus appeared.
"Hey, lovebirds! You really gave me quite a fright there, you know, Shepard. Everyone said you were a goner. We were ready to give you a galactic funeral and everything... Guess we'll have to wait for the next time you die... again!"
They heard a familiar voice shouting, "Don't joke about that, bosh'tet!"
The new speaker appeared on the screen too, but it took Shepard and Kaidan a moment to realize who it was. They had recognized the voice, but they had only seen the face once before. On Rannoch.
"Tali?" muttered Shepard.
As if he could hear her the Quarian redirected her gaze to the camera. "Shepard, Kaidan. We're glad everything is fine on your end. And the baby... that's good news!"
Garrus interrupted, "Yeah, thanks, Shepard, now she wants us to adopt a baby Krogan!"
Tali raised an eyebrow. "Hey! I'm not the one that mentioned that!"
Garrus laughed. "Anyway, Shepard, we're on Rannoch, Tali wanted to build her dream house and we're almost there... well unless she keeps on changing her mind again... and again..."
Tali smiled. "Ah come on, Turian, what happened to 'whatever my lady wants'?"
He slowly shook his head. "Your wish is my command, my lady."
She kissed his forehead and turned back to the screen. "So, Shepard, I'd love to give you a tour of our new home. And of course if you come here with your kid, it would be nice to have a little Krogan for them to play together, right?" They both looked at each other and the screen turned black.
The image came back on, blurry at first, then more focused. Shepard almost jumped out of bed. "That's... the Normandy!"
Traynor appeared on the screen. "Okay, here we go... I'm going to give you... the Commander Shepard's exclusive Normandy tour!" She turned the screen back to the shuttle bay, and toward Cortez, who was repairing the Kodiak as usual. He turned to the screen.
"Hey Traynor, are you recording the video we mentioned?"
She answered, "Yes, Lieutenant, remember what I said earlier?"
Cortez nodded. "Yeah, right. Sorry about that. Well, Shepard, as you can see we're already back in business. But I must say, the mood is much better around here since we heard that you're recovering... we're working hard as usual, although I must admit, we still miss you... but forget I mentioned that. You earned some rest, maybe even an early retirement. Just saying. It's good to know that... life just goes on, you know. Take care of yourself. We'll try and visit you next time we've got some shore leave on Earth. That would be nice, right? Maybe James could cook us something again, what do you think?"
They could hear someone shouting, "Get me some beef, Lola!" The screen turned and moved toward Vega. He was smiling, clearly showing off with his new N7 hoodie. "Hey, hey Lola, check this out. We're twins!" He laughed, then added, "I just came back here. Must say it's weird not to see you running around harassing people into talking to you. Awfully quiet, truly. No one wants to dance with me anymore, not even Esteban! I'm so bored, Lola, of course I would cook for you. I might even hijack the Normandy to get to Earth right away!"
Kaidan turned to Shepard, inquiring, "Dance?"
She shook her head slowly, smiling, "He meant boxing."
Kaidan shrugged. "That's too bad, I'd love to dance with you."
She laughed. "Yeah right, everybody knows I can't dance!"
Traynor resumed, "Okay, I'm going up to the engineering deck." The door opened, revealing Engineer Adams.
He looked up at the screen, suddenly seemed to remember what Traynor told him earlier, and began his speech, "Commander! We were very happy to hear about you from Major Alenko. You gave us such a fright! The Normandy is doing good as you can see, we're taking good care of the girl. So, don't worry about that. Just get well!"
A feminine voice in the background shouted, "And take care of Major Alenko as well!"
Traynor turned to face Kenneth and Gabriella. The first had turned to the latter with an accusing stare. "Wait a minute, what do you mean by that?"
Gabriella winked. "Nothing much, why? Major Alenko needs some love, right?"
Kenneth frowned. "Yeah, right, and I don't?"
She smiled. "Awww, poor little Kenny! Am I not taking good care of you?" Traynor coughed, signaling them to move from that topic of choice and they both turned to the screen. Gabriella laughed. "Sorry about that, Commander. Well, take care of yourself, and Major Alenko... and baby Shepard too! I'm taking care of the Normandy for you... and of Ken too, naturally, but it's more of a personal assignment!"
He shook his head. "Commander, she's making me miserable..." She pinched him and he jumped. "Ouch. See?" She shrugged and he sighed. "Well, we had a fun time under your command... So we just wanted to... thank you for everything... especially the pardons... not everyone treats ex-Cerberus the way you and the Normandy's crew do. And your... assistance with Gabby, so... thanks." She didn't add anything but kept on smiling.
Traynor interrupted: "Ok, now we're heading for the cockpit." She made her way through the bridge, and Joker turned his chair to welcome her.
"Ah, Traynor, you're recording that thing you're gonna send to Liara, right?"
EDI scolded him: "Jeff, she told you to act as if you were talking to Shepard. Please play along."
Traynor had sat next to him to get them both on the screen. Joker nodded. "Yeah, yeah, right. Commander! I didn't expect to see you around!"
EDI frowned: "You're overdoing it, Jeff. Don't forget you're doing this for Shepard."
He shrugged. "Fine... So, Commander, Kaidan told me you finally woke up. And that you're pregnant! You never go halfway, do you? It's kinda hard to imagine you as a housewife, you know? Won't you get bored not saving the galaxy? I guess you can always come back here, you know, your substitute is so uptight, we stopped looking for Garrus's broomstick..." There was an awkward silence and Joker asked, "He's right behind me, isn't he?"
The video turned black, and EDI appeared alone. "Shepard, I wanted to thank you again for the opportunities you gave me. You allowed my mind to be free, you allowed me to keep this body and... you allowed me to understand humans better... Your advice was extremely helpful with Jeff. Thanks to you, the Alliance let me serve on the Normandy, and stay with Jeff, which is all I want. Now I hope you can get that much yourself. Although I seemed to understand that Major Alenko was taking good care of that. And of you. I'll try to get Joker to leave you a better message when the Commander is done with him. You know him, you mean much more to him then he would ever admit. Especially with people around listening. But I'll get him to leave you a one-on-one message. Just wait."
The screen shifted to a scene in the lounge, Joker's face being way too close. "Shep-shep!"
She turned to Kaidan. "Is he... drunk?"
The Major laughed. "Absolutely wasted. This is going to be fun." She winced and looked back at the screen.
Joker was scratching his beard. "You know, when you first came to the Normandy as Anderson's XO... I remember thinking... you were rather taciturn. And when you became the Commanding officer... I remember you came to the cockpit and started asking about my condition... I really thought you were going to be a pain in the ass, Shep!" He laughed. "I really didn't like you back then. But now..." He suddenly became serious. "Now... you know I lost my whole family to the Reapers, right? Well at least I didn't lose you. You and me, we're like, you know, twins! Homozygi... Homogozy... from the same egg, right?" He paused, thoughtful. "No, wait, that was ridiculous. You're more like... a big sister to me. Is that fine? Yeah, that's much better. A big sister." He fell silent momentarily lapsing out of his drunken state. "Yeah, you're my only family now, Sis. So tell Alenko he'd better take care of you! 'Cause if he doesn't, I'm going to hunt him down and staple his..."
The screen suddenly went black. Kaidan turned to Shepard, blinking. "What the..."
She shrugged. "He was wasted. Don't give it too much thought..."
Javik appeared on the screen. "Commander. It has come to my attention that you had managed to escape the fate of my people. Good, I guess. You must be aware that I am currently traveling with the Asari known as Liara, as she asked me to help her write a history book about my people. Of course I first found the idea absolutely ludicrous. But now... given I'm the last Prothean alive... I have come to think about my comrades and friends, and about the fact that they now exist only in my memories. Therefore, I realized that they would cease to exist the minute I pass away. That's why I decided to use the Asari to tell their stories, so that they may live on when I am gone. I feel like maybe this might be the reason why I'm still here now that the Reapers have been destroyed. Maybe this is the way the Protheans will survive. And for that, I... wanted to thank you, Commander. I won't keep you much longer, Liara wants to speak with you."
Just as he said that, Liara showed up on the screen. She seemed rather proud of her work. "Shepard, I hope I have not forgotten anyone. Just know that they were all thrilled to hear about your recovery and to know they would be able to send you a message. I hope this will make you feel better already... As for me, Javik already told you what I was up to, we're both traveling a lot to several former Prothean settlement locations, and it is all incredibly interesting. I'm still working as the Shadow Broker too, and I must admit this is all getting slightly overwhelming... but very exciting. I'll keep on hearing from you, one way or another but... I'd love to spend some time with you. Maybe we could make the arrangements to take a long holiday together, what do you think? Well as soon as I'm done with my books, and I also need to find a substitute Shadow Broker and... let's block a date on our calendars, shall we? Anytime, Shepard." She winked and the screen turned black, this time for good.
Kaidan turned to Shepard, and saw she was moved. He hugged her, stroking her hair. "That was a very nice surprise..." he said softly.
She nodded, trying to suppress her tears, but unable to do so. She put her hand on Kaidan's, and slowly lowered it to her belly. He looked at her, surprised.
"Is it..." His eyes widened. "It is, isn't it?"
She nodded, and he put his ear on her belly. "He's moving. Daddy's right here, son, daddy's right here." He felt deeply stirred, witnessing his child's movement for the first time. She stroked his hair, and he kissed her belly and up to her lips. Her mind was at peace, as it had not been for a long time.
He said, "There is something I need to talk to you about."
She winced. "Dammit, I knew it was too good to be true."
He smiled. "Wait for it..." He paused, sighed, then added, "I've been asked to join the Council."
She blinked. "The Council-Council?"
He nodded. "Yeah, that Council. Ambassador Osoba was only a temporary substitute, and they've been looking for someone else to fill the position for quite some time now..."
She smiled. "And they want you?"
He sighed. "Yeah... well, I guess. It's weird, you know. I don't really get it myself."
She shrugged. "What's so hard to get? You're an Alliance Major, saved the galaxy at least twice, protected the Council during Udina's coup... and even gunned down the bastard yourself!"
He shook his head. "Not that I'm really proud of that one... I don't know if I've got what it takes, you know."
She stared into his eyes. "Kaidan, who's the righteous knight in shining armor?"
He hesitated. "Would that be me?"
She kissed him. "Of course that's you, the righteous knight in shining armor with a mighty fine ass! You're everything the Council needs. You're righteous, but still sweet, and you know how to cross the line when it's needed. Hell, you even called my mother a witch blinded by honor."
He added, "And a self-centered bitch, too."
She laughed. "That must have been quite a sight."
He smiled. "Yeah, that's true. I faced your mother, so I guess the Council and all the ambassadors would seem like a breeze now. Especially as long as you're by my side." He waited for a bit, then added: "Now that the Citadel is gone, the Council has settled on the Destiny Ascension. I guess it would be better this way for the three of us, I mean... I won't have to travel that much... And I made sure you'd be allowed to move to the Destiny Ascension yourself as soon as I take up the office... Maybe that would be the solution."
"No Canada, then?"
He seemed a bit sad about that. "I guess not. Would that be fine by you? I know you've grown up on ships yourself, how would you feel about baby Shepard going through the same thing?"
She frowned. "Baby Shepard? Are you questioning your paternity?"
He shook his head, amused. "Not at all, they just all kept saying that on the vids."
She shrugged. "Well it's not baby Shepard. It's baby Alenko."
He seemed thoughtful. "Baby Alenko? That sounds weird, too. Maybe... baby Shenko?"
She laughed. "That's brilliant, I love it. Baby Shenko it is... and going back to the initial topic, I wouldn't mind baby Shenko growing up on a ship, I think. I have never really thought about it, but my childhood aboard the Alliance's ships wasn't that bad, really."
He smiled. "Then it's settled. Baby Shenko will be born on the Destiny Ascension."
She smiled back. "You realize, of course, that Shenko will not be his real first name? Unless you want him to suffer through an awful childhood of getting teased and bullied."
He laughed. "Your mother is going to be mad, isn't she?"
She shrugged. "About you becoming the human Councilor? Well she'll probably spread the word that you only got the job by sleeping with me and that I should have gotten it instead."
He winced. "Well, on that one I kind of agree."
"I blew up the Batarian home world and have a terrorist organization listed on my resume. Not really council-material, right?"
He seemed thoughtful. "Yeah, sure, that didn't help either…"
She tried to cheer him up. "So my mother is going to be pissed at you, even more! What's not to like about it?"
He smiled. "That's kind of a win/win situation."
Shepard's head had been throbbing all day. She had tried to sleep it off, but it only caused more nightmares. Now she was sitting on the balcony adjacent to the master bedroom, looking down at the garden and the other side of the bridge across. The view reminded her of the Citadel.
"Shepard?"
She recognized the voice. "Come in, I'm just on the balcony."
Anderson made his way through the bedroom and sat down next to her. "Are you alright?" he asked. "You seem tired."
She shook her head, but answered, "You don't seem that good yourself."
Anderson paused before responding, "It's nothing. Too many worries, that's it."
She sighed. "Don't tell me it's the Reapers again? Have you found some evidence that they're not totally gone?"
He kept silent for a while, then spoke, "No. They're not that obvious. But I know for sure, Shepard, I can feel it in my guts."
She trusted him. He was as close to her as a father, had always taken care of her. He even was the one that visited her the most since she had been wounded on Earth. She felt like she would follow him to hell and back... and somehow she had already.
"I believe you," she said simply.
He seemed comforted. They heard the door open downstairs, and saw a little boy running into the garden, playing with a model ship. Shepard remembered collecting some in her cabin aboard the Normandy. Anderson asked, "How are Kaidan and your son?"
She focused her attention back on the Admiral. "Fine, fine."
He hesitated. "Things got better with Kaidan? Is he still upset about the fact that you can't get pregnant again?"
She bit her lip. She had forgotten she mentioned it to Anderson. "He's dealing with it. He needs some time."
He nodded slowly. "You should have known... Cerberus rebuilt you, but they didn't take the time to make all systems fully functional. You were never meant to be able to get pregnant in the first place."
She sighed. "I guess."
He stood up, leant on the balcony. "He really does look like you, your son. Blond, blue eyes. That must be why Kaidan wants another one so much."
She looked at her son, nodding silently.
"They shut down your biotics, didn't they?"
She clenched her fist without answering. They were gone, he was right. He added, "They're afraid of you, Shepard. That's why they won't let you out of here. They're afraid of what you might do to protect him. They think you're blind, and that you will refuse to see the truth."
She was unable to speak, mesmerized by his speech. He kept on talking.
"But I know you better, Shepard. I know you will do whatever is necessary to save the galaxy."
The more she watched her son playing with that model ship, the weirder she felt. She couldn't describe exactly why, but it was growing stronger and stronger.
"You see it now, Shepard, don't you?"
That hair, that face, those clothes... She stuttered: "The... Catalyst..."
Anderson nodded. "He's still here, Shepard, he escaped. You need to stop this now, now and for all. Listen to me, Shepard, there is a weapon under the table. Take it."
She let her hands wander under the table and felt the gun fastened with tape. She took it, slowly retrieving it from under the table.
"You brought that Reaper here, Shepard."
She glanced down at the gun. "It's true, I'm the one that brought it here." She took the safety off.
"Now you have to deal with it."
She aimed the gun at the child, his blue eyes in her crosshairs, glowing just like they did on the Crucible.
"I'm gonna deal with it She slowly clenched her fingers on the trigger.
"It is your responsibility."
The words refused to flow from her lips. "My... responsibility." She hastily let go of the trigger as she saw her son, dark-haired and brown-eyed, the spitting image of Kaidan through her scope. "You son of a bitch!" she shouted, clenching her fist and punching Anderson in the face.
The Admiral looked at her, dumbfounded. "What the hell are you doing, Shepard? Are you siding with the Reapers now?"
She aimed the gun at him. "You're the Reaper. You're the fucking Reaper! You've been in my head since Earth."
He shook his head. "What are you talking about? I'm Anderson, you remember? I'm like a father to you!"
She shouted, "Anderson is dead!"
He stared at her, sighed and asked, "Who told you so? Kaidan? You trust him over me? He's done nothing but lied to you."
She threatened to punch him again. "Kaidan never mentioned Anderson, and that's how I know Anderson is dead. He was with us when we dashed to the Conduit. And Kaidan never mentioned him. Because we both knew he had been with us, and we both knew he didn't make it. Because Kaidan knew how much Anderson meant to me, and he didn't want to get me down when I was recovering." Anderson burst out laughing but she just stared at him coldly. "You're the Reaper... and you're in my head. So... I'm getting rid of you."
She pointed the gun to her head. She felt like she could hear a voice far away: "Mum? Mum!" Tears began to fill her eyes.
"Jadan, Kaidan, I'm sorry." she said softly.
She felt a sudden push, and the gun flew from her grip. She heard the door downstairs open, and it brought her back to reality. She flung back to her feet, rushed to the balcony. Jadan was lying down, face to the ground, in the grass. She felt her breath taken away. Had she been unable to resist Anderson's speech? Had she only thought she had the strength to face him?
She sprinted down the stairs, to the garden, shouting, "Jadan!"
But the Turian guard who had let himself in caught her and held her away from her son. "Let me go!" she screamed, struggling. "That's my son right here and he needs me." But the Turian didn't seem to care.
"You heard the lady!" Kaidan's voice was strong, and the Turian complied at once. Freed from his grasp, Shepard fell to her knees and crawled to her son, turning him to see his face. He was unconscious, but was breathing slowly and steadily. There was no sign of a gunshot wound. She took him into her arms, started hugging him.
"He's fine, he's fine... right?"
An Asari came in. "You requested a medical team?" Kaidan showed her the child. She came closer and started examining him but Shepard wouldn't let go. "Ma'am," she said, "I need to take him to the medbay."
Kaidan had to assist the Asari, holding Shepard for her to let go. They left, and the distraught parents were suddenly alone. Shepard was trying her best to hold back her tears, but couldn't help sniffling. Kaidan tried his best to calm her down, stroking her arms gently, and when he felt like she was able to speak again, he asked softly: "What happened?"
She couldn't find the strength to answer, so he took a guess, "Was it Anderson again?"
She nodded slowly. He knew, of course he knew. He sighed, held her tightly, kissed her forehead.
"What did he want from you this time?"
She knew how bad it was. But she couldn't lie to Kaidan. "It wanted me to hurt Jadan."
She felt that her words had taken him aback. He needed a moment to process the news but needed to understand. "So, what did you do?"
She was shocked by his composure. Was he really asking whether she had complied? She got worked up. "No, Kaidan, I didn't shoot our son!"
He winced. "I know, I didn't mean to upset you. What happened?"
She shook her head slowly. "I don't really know."
She tried to think about it some more. She had been holding the gun to her head, then it suddenly had been pushed away and she had fallen to the floor. When she stood up, Jadan was already on the ground. She remembered hearing his voice right before. Nothing made sense but she tried to explain.
"You did what?" he shouted, pushing her away to look into her eyes.
She held his gaze. "Could we please focus on Jadan right now?"
He raised his voice. "No we can't! Do you hear what you just said? You tried to hurt yourself... no, to kill yourself! Can't you understand why that upsets me?"
She closed her eyes. "Kaidan, please..."
He shouted, "Don't you dare!" He spun around, repeating more slowly, "Don't you fucking dare."
She wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry... I just... I almost hurt Jadan because of that thing in my head, so I thought... I thought it would solve everything."
He said coldly, "You thought dying would solve everything? That leaving me would solve everything? That leaving Jadan would?"
She tightened her grip. "I never said anything about it being rational... Even the things Anderson said, they didn't make sense but I still believed everything... It's in my head!"
They stayed silent for a while, then he whispered, "I'm going to check on my son." She let go of him and watched him walk away.
As he was about to exit their home, she called him. "Kaidan?" He turned around, glancing at her.
Renegade ending ("This thing in my head makes me dangerous.")
She added, "I only meant to protect you both."
He left without answering. She realized he didn't want to hear what she had to say. But she couldn't blame him for it. She had had the opportunity to discuss the threat she posed with her mother, and Hannah had smuggled in the gun for her. She made her way to the bedroom. The gun was gone, of course. The display case where she kept her dog tags was lying on the floor, no doubt smashed by the weapon when it slipped out of her hands. She knelt and began to gather the shattered glass, accidentally cutting herself on one of the shards. A drop of blood appeared on her finger.
"You're fine?" asked Anderson.
She didn't even turn around. "Don't bother. I know you're in my head."
He smiled. "You do, don't you? And what else do you know, then?"
She sighed. "That you're a Reaper... or something they left inside of me, anyway."
He tilted his head to the side. "Really, and why would they do that? What would they want from you?"
She shook her head. "I don't really know. Harbinger certainly seemed to have an unhealthy interest in my body before Cerberus got its hands on it. I wouldn't be surprised if some Reapers were still hiding somewhere between galaxies and trying to get me to come to them."
Anderson kept on smiling. "And how would they achieve that? You're trapped in this gilded cage, remember? No biotics, no weapon, under constant surveillance... The Council will never trust you enough to let you out of here. Not to mention Kaidan."
She bit her lip. "You're right, I don't understand your plan. You want me to kill Jadan, why? You think it might drive me crazy, allowing me to escape somehow? Or that it might get me killed and that you might be able to retrieve my corpse afterwards? I have no idea what twisted thoughts can sprout in your mind. All I see is that your plan involves making me miserable. But you're overlooking the fact that I may not agree to let you toy with me eternally."
She turned her attention to the room's door as she heard the front door opening downstairs. Kaidan was back with Jadan, and she could hear the two of them talking.
"Can I go and see mummy now?" asked the little boy.
His father answered, "Not now, mummy needs some rest."
The little voice added, "Is she going to be alright?"
Kaidan reluctantly answered, "You know she's very sick, Jadan, we talked about it earlier. That's why she needs so much rest, and that's why she must always stay at home..."
It didn't seem to be enough to please the young boy, so Kaidan added, "We'll see how she feels in the morning, alright? We'll try and have a family breakfast, would you like that?"
There was no answer, but she knew deep inside that they needed more than one good morning together to fix this. She wanted something normal. She turned her back to the display case and let herself slide to the floor.
Anderson was standing still in front of her. She stared at him, muttering, "You're in my head, right?"
He didn't answer.
She added, "I get why it's you. I always looked up to you, you were like a father to me. Sit down by me."
He did as she asked. She looked at him sideways. "You're in my head, right? You can control me, but maybe I can control you as well, somehow."
Anderson didn't seem upset. He spoke slowly. "You did good, child, you did good... I'm proud of you..."
She smiled faintly. "And that was important to me... because I grew up without a father..." He lowered his head. She added: "But that was fine... I made it anyway... That's how I know... He's going to be fine."
Her hand clenched on a glass shard, and she quickly stabbed it into her throat. As she took it out, blood gushed out of her wound, and her vision faded. She felt like she could hear someone far away calling her, holding her, but it was too late. Nothing could bring her back now. Her story was coming to an end, and she was fine with it.
Paragon ending ("I care about our son too.")
Shepard added, "Tell Jadan his mommy loves him." Kaidan nodded and left.
When the door had closed, she let herself fall into a chair and closed her eyes, laying her head in her hands. She sighed. She didn't like fighting with Kaidan, even less when Jadan was involved. She still couldn't wrap her head about what happened earlier. She tried to replay the whole scene in her mind a few times, but it didn't lead anywhere. So she got up and made her way to the bedroom. The gun had already been removed but the display case where she kept all the vids and holos she received from Liara, Tali, Wrex and the Normandy crew was lying on the floor, no doubt smashed by the weapon when it slipped out of her hands. She suddenly felt it easier to breathe. She enjoyed the silence for a while, then she heard the downstairs door opening. She went back downstairs, calling, "Kaidan, is that you?"
She felt relieved to see that he came back with Jadan, but the feeling was spoiled when she found out Doctor Chakwas was there with them. She knew too well that her friend was taking care of her condition, and her presence could only mean one thing: she had something to discuss with her, and that was seldom pleasant.
"Commander," the doctor greeted her. She nodded, then glanced at Kaidan. Karin noticed and said, "I was waiting to see you both..."
Jadan had made his way to his mother and was hugging her legs, shouting, "Mum!" She knelt and took him in her arms.
"Hey, champion, are you feeling better?"
He nodded vigorously. "Yeah, they said I'm a biotic just like you and daddy!" She glanced at Kaidan, astonished. He shrugged.
"They're not sure about it, but it looked like a biotic blast earlier, and Jadan said he wanted to throw the gun away from you..."
She looked at her son, feeling both proud and moved. She hugged him, whispering in his ear, "I'm sorry about that, baby. Mummy was being silly, she won't do that again. You don't need to worry about her anymore, right?"
Kaidan added, "Doctors said his potential is very promising, and that he should get an implant when he turns thirteen or something. Providing he plans on getting some training, of course."
Jadan shouted, "I want to! I want to be a biotic like mum and dad!"
She smiled gently. "So he's alright?" Kaidan nodded. She glanced at the doctor. "Then he's not what brought you here."
Doctor Chakwas answered, "Indeed."
Kaidan tried to get his son's attention. "Have you done your homework yet? 'Cause there's no way you're going to be a biotic if you don't work hard in school." The child winced, but agreed to leave his mother's arms and to go to his room.
Shepard proposed that they sit down, and the three of them took places around the table. Doctor Chakwas began, "I ran a few tests after you came to me about the relapse of your hallucinations. I had a hunch this might be a reaction from your implants to an hormonal upsurge..."
Kaidan glanced at them both. "Does that mean..."
Doctor Chakwas nodded. "Indeed, Shepard. You're pregnant."
Kaidan took Shepard's hand in his own. "Another Shenko..."
She smiled. A lot of thoughts collided in her mind. Didn't Anderson mention that she couldn't physically get pregnant? The Reaper had been lying, of course... She was overwhelmed with joy, and so was Kaidan. But she still had questions. "You mentioned the hallucinations had something to do with hormones, does that mean..."
Doctor Chakwas nodded. "Indeed, it's basically the same as when you were pregnant with Jadan. The hallucinations will be stronger and more frequent during your pregnancy, but you should regain full sanity when the baby will be born. Meaning you should be allowed to go back to a normal life with your family in six to seven months."
She sighed. No more gilded cage. That would be a relief, especially for Jadan. Doctor Chakwas added, "In the meantime, I've been thinking about a few ways to keep the voices in your head at bay." She searched her pockets and got out a disk that she handed to Shepard.
Shepard took it, looking puzzled. "What is it?"
Doctor Chakwas explained, "You mentioned that the voices were stronger when you were on your own, and that being around your friends and family made it easier for you to spot that the hallucinations were not real. I remember we let you have a message from your former crew last time that seemed to help, so I asked Liara and Tali to conceive some kind of friendly reminder... Use it with your omnitool."
She did as she was asked then reverted to looking at Doctor Chakwas with an inquisitive stare. The physician smiled. "Now, it was programmed to detect whenever you're hallucinating and automatically play some recorded voices then."
Shepard was intrigued. "What kind of recorded voices?"
Kaidan smiled warmly. "You can it set off anytime, try it now." She looked down at her omnitool, hesitating, then pushed a few buttons.
The deep voice of Wrex rang in her ears. "Shepard! Focus!" She straightened, glancing around, half expecting the Krogan to be hiding under the table. She stared at Doctor Chakwas.
"Is it…"
The physician smiled. "Try it again." Shepard pushed the button again.
The next thing she heard was Miranda's sharp voice. "Shepard, hold it together."
Shepard grinned. "Well, they're not exactly cheerful, are they?"
Kaidan nodded. "It's just bad luck, do it again."
She did, and heard Jadan's voice, "Mummy I love you!"
Her smile widened. "This one I like!"
Kaidan smirked. "Wait till you get mine."
She giggled. "Right, now I wish I was hallucinating!"
Doctor Chakwas raised an eyebrow. "Well, it feels like it's time for me to leave. Especially since mine is probably not as appealing as Kaidan's. But I did my best." She got up, and so did both Kaidan and Shepard.
The Commander shook hands with her doctor, saying, "Thank you, Karin, for this and... for everything else you've done for us since Earth."
The physician smiled. "Only doing my job, Commander. And I must admit there are days like this one when it feels really good! I'll keep monitoring your pregnancy and your condition so feel free to contact me if you have any questions."
Kaidan thanked the physician too before seeing her out. When he came back to Shepard, she was still playing with her omnitool, and he could hear Garrus's voice saying: "Shepard, you look like you might need some calibrations... Come on, Tali, this one is really lame!"
And Tali's voice answered, "Just record it, boshtet, I'm sure Shepard will love it!"
Shepard giggled and Kaidan put his arms around her shoulders. "So, another baby Shenko?"
She smiled. "Not his or her actual first name, remember?"
He thought about it for a moment. "Kaine? Would Kaine be fine for a girl too?"
She rolled her eyes. "Really, Kaine? What if there is a third baby Shenko afterwards? Will you be out of ideas?"
He smiled. "We'll find something else... Jaidan with an i, Kane without an i..."
She laughed. "Well, we can ask Jadan for his input..."
He answered, "As long as you're fine with having a child named BioticSuperSoldier2..."
They laughed together for a while, then spent the next few hours kissing and planning their future family life.