By: 57channels
All the usual disclaimers apply - I'm not Aaron Sorkin and I'm not making
any money
This is a sequel to Sabine's adorable d/c slash - Euskadi six hour. I hope
that's okay with her.
Danny was trying to tell him something. He'd been acting squirrelly for almost a month now, and about a week into it Casey had determined that the odd behavior was Dan working his way up to telling him something. He'd seen Dan acting funny before - before he told Casey about Sam, for one. But never this odd, so he knew it had to be serious. Casey figured it was a job offer. Dan was leaving Sports Night, and he didn't know how to tell him. He had no idea what job Dan was leaving for, though - he'd tried to question Dana and Isaac, and they denied any knowledge that Dan might be leaving. He even had his agent put out some feelers, try to discover who might be recruiting Dan Rydell, but she hadn't heard anything either. That stood to reason, though. Danny would tell him first. Casey was thinking ESPN, Dan must have gotten an offer from ESPN, a good one.
Casey was happy for Dan, he really was, he was glad that Danny was getting a chance like this. He didn't think about him leaving, though, because when he did he was plagued by a sense of betrayal that he knew was completely unreasonable. And if he thought too hard about that, he ran into a whole set of feelings about Danny he knew didn't want to think about. So he did the show, did his best to compensate for the fact that he and Danny were a little off because he didn't want to queer Dan's job offer, and waited for Dan to tell him about it.
It was a Friday after the show, Casey was leaving in a hurry because Charlie was at his place that night, he had a sitter but Casey liked to get home as soon as possible in case Charlie woke up in the night. Casey was in their office, putting papers in his backpack, hadn't even bothered to turn on the lights because he was in a hurry. As soon as Dan looked at him, Casey knew Dan was going to tell him about the job. He sat down quickly on the couch to preempt any untoward signs of betrayal. He reminded himself that this was not something that men cried about. Then he reminded himself not to end sentences with prepositions.
"Casey"
"Yeah."
"Uh." There was a long pause. Casey could hear him breathing. He wished Dan would get on with it. He wanted to know how many more shows they had, how many more nights on the air and days writing scripts. He wanted to know what channel he was going to have to watch to see Danny. Dan was standing by the door, and Casey could see his face by the lights that glowed through their glass wall. He didn't know if Dan could see his face. He hoped not. He wasn't sure he wouldn't cry, even if men don't do that. He looked at the floor in front of him, hung his head like he was just tired.
"Casey," Dan stopped again.
"You've said my name twice now. Are you going somewhere with this?"
"Well, I don't really know how to say this."
"Say what?"
"Well, if I knew how to say it, I would, wouldn't I?" Dan had gotten very quiet, and had his lower lip tucked in like he always did when he was upset.
Suddenly, Casey was annoyed. Dan was going to leave and he didn't even have the guts to tell him. He stood up. "Dan, I don't have time for this. I've got Charlie tonight and -"
"And you like to get home right away to him." Dan smiled a dark smile that was somehow like a sigh. "Casey, I'm bisexual."
"Yeah, I know." What did this have to do with a job offer? What did this have to do with anything? Wait, maybe Dan was leaving sports. Maybe he'd a met a guy and he was leaving sports for some other TV job where a man could date a man in peace. Casey's mind was racing, and he waited for Dan to continue.
That's when he looked up. And realized that this was Dan's big news. There was no job. He'd spent a month trying to find the courage to tell Casey he was bisexual. There was nothing to do then, but laugh. Casey sat on the couch and laughed until his stomach hurt, maybe ever so slightly on the edge of hysteria, while Dan leaned in the doorway, watching him in utter perplexity.
He managed to choke it out between gusts of laughter. "Dan, you're coming out to me?" And then he started to laugh even harder. Casey knew there was explaining to do, but that was easy, compared to having Dan leave. He stood up, gave Dan a quick manly hug, complete with a fist pound, and told him he had to get home to Charlie.
Dan was still standing there, looking confused. "So we're okay?"
"We're fine. Really, we're fine."
"Uh?"
"We'll talk later, Danny."
"You're not freaked out or overwhelmed by homophobic disgust?"
"No, I am not freaked out or disgusted."
"Because that was a lot of laughter for someone who's not freaked out."
"I promise I'm not freaked out. We'll talk later."
And Casey walked out, almost jaunty. There would be explanations to make eventually, but for now all was right in his world. He spent the weekend with Charlie, and let the machine screen his calls, refusing to pick up when it was Dan. He only called twice, anyway. Explanations could wait until after the weekend.
On Monday, Casey was feeling a little less jaunty as he rode the elevator to the office. The immediate sense of relief had faded, and he knew Dan would have questions. He wasn't sure how he'd get through them honestly. He had barely managed to sit down when Dan started asking.
"You said, 'yeah, I know.'"
"I did say that."
"Why did you say that?"
"Because I knew."
A sigh. "How did you know, Casey?"
He started laughing again. He couldn't help it. There was no way this discussion was going to go well, and he knew he should take it seriously but it was also just so fucking funny. He managed to catch his breath as Dan glared at him.
"Sometime today?" Dan was beginning to snarl, and Casey knew he'd better say something quickly before Dan assumed Casey was laughing at his sexual orientation. Which he was, he supposed.
There was no easy way to explain this, so he tried for humor.
"Well, Dan, you slept with me in Spain and then afterward you never called."
"That is not funny. That is not funny at-" Dan stopped speaking when he saw the look on Casey's face.
"You're not joking."
"No."
"I slept with you in Spain?"
"Yes."
"And I never called?"
"Well, that part was a joke. I didn't expect you to call. What would we have said?"
"Yeah."
Dan walked out of their office. Casey didn't see him again for several hours. When he finally came back, he had sandwiches. Deli sandwiches, with actual provolone cheese on Casey's.
"You went and bought sandwiches? When we have free food here?"
"I needed to get out of the office. Besides, provolone cheese is the least I could do. After all, I never called."
Casey managed a brief laugh, and braced for the questions he knew were about to follow.
Dan looked at him. "I don't really know where to start."
"Start with the easy questions, and we'll work our way up."
"Yeah. Uh, when were we in Spain together?"
"We weren't together. I was in Spain in February 1993, covering the Euskadi six-hour. I don't really know why you were in Spain. You were in college - you had a bunch of people with you. You seemed to be under the impression that you were in France. I bumped into you at my hotel."
"And we?"
"Yes."
"What exactly did we?"
"That is not an easy question."
"You're right. Uh, did you happen to see Bobbi Bernstein around anywhere?" Dan paled. "Oh, God, she wasn't there, was she?"
"Don't you think she would have told you that?"
"You're right; she's not as reticent as you are."
"I suspect you ran into her later that same night. You were, uh, somewhat out of control."
"Apparently."
Dan took a bite of his sandwich, chewing thoughtfully.
'I think we're out of easy questions, Case."
"Yes."
Dan smiled. "Was I good?"
Casey came very close to choking on turkey and provolone. "You were 19. And drunk. I thought you were also stoned at the time, but late I realized that wasn't true, because you didn't do that any more."
"That does not answer my question."
"You were fine, Dan."
"Fine? I was fine? What kind of an answer is that?"
"That's the most important question you have to ask about this?"
"Okay, why did you have sex with me in Spain?"
He gave up on his sandwich. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
This time, it was Casey who left the office. He didn't go any farther than the editing room. Dan knew he was in there, but he left him alone anyway. He waited until after the show (which was, once again, surprisingly good), and lay in wait in their office.
"Casey, you were married in 1993."
"I see we've definitely moved on to the hard questions."
"Did Lisa know that we?"
"Lisa knows that I did, but not that it was you."
"Why?"
"I needed to be honest with her. It was the only time I've ever cheated on her, and I thought she should know, but I - didn't want to lose you." Casey stopped, before he could say too much. They were in risky territory here.
"You barely knew me in 1993. You were just some guy I hung out with at work. I mean, a guy I liked from work, but still."
"I know."
"Casey, can I have answers with a few more words? The show's over, Charlie's with Lisa and we have all night here if necessary."
He sighed. "What, exactly do you want to know?"
"Why didn't you ever say anything? Are you gay? Is that what happened to you and Lisa? And how did we end up having sex?" Dan's voice got a little breathy on the last one, like he wasn't sure he wanted to say it, or maybe he wanted to say it too much.
"I was lonely, and you were chewing on my jeans-"
"I was what?"
Casey just kept talking. "We were in Spain, or possibly France, and it just seemed like time out. Like a break from the world I knew, another world where things like this happened. A fever dream. And then, after, we were in the actual world again, in Boston, and what was there to say? And it seemed, at the time, like you wanted it - it was your idea, I mean, but then after, I wondered. You were so drunk. I didn't know if I took advantage of you. If you'd be angry. I didn't want you to be angry." He stopped, then, before he could explain about how he'd wanted to do it again, ever since. Taking a deep breath, he went on "And I was, obviously married, and it's not like it was going to be a good idea to leave my wife for a 19-year old kid who couldn't even keep track of what country he was in."
He knew, then, he'd gone too far. Danny didn't appear to be breathing.
"You thought about leaving Lisa?"
Casey just stared at the floor. Then he tried for distraction. "Well, being attracted to guys seemed like a thing that I needed to think about. Although, once I had thought about it, I didn't seem to be attracted to a whole lot of guys. So it wasn't anything it be worried about. I mean, I had never been to France. And-"
"Casey, were you in love with me?"
So there it was. The question he'd been avoiding this whole time. He discovered he'd run out of words, so he just lifted his head up, looked at Dan. Let Danny see his face. Said all he could think of to say. "Am, Danny. Not was. Am."
Now Dan is laughing, as long, as hard and almost hysterical as Casey was, sitting on the couch next to him and laughing. After a minute or so, when Casey is starting to feel confused or hurt or angry, or something, Danny turns his head to look at him.
Smiles. A very, very sweet smile. And leans over to kiss him on the lips.
Danny was trying to tell him something. He'd been acting squirrelly for almost a month now, and about a week into it Casey had determined that the odd behavior was Dan working his way up to telling him something. He'd seen Dan acting funny before - before he told Casey about Sam, for one. But never this odd, so he knew it had to be serious. Casey figured it was a job offer. Dan was leaving Sports Night, and he didn't know how to tell him. He had no idea what job Dan was leaving for, though - he'd tried to question Dana and Isaac, and they denied any knowledge that Dan might be leaving. He even had his agent put out some feelers, try to discover who might be recruiting Dan Rydell, but she hadn't heard anything either. That stood to reason, though. Danny would tell him first. Casey was thinking ESPN, Dan must have gotten an offer from ESPN, a good one.
Casey was happy for Dan, he really was, he was glad that Danny was getting a chance like this. He didn't think about him leaving, though, because when he did he was plagued by a sense of betrayal that he knew was completely unreasonable. And if he thought too hard about that, he ran into a whole set of feelings about Danny he knew didn't want to think about. So he did the show, did his best to compensate for the fact that he and Danny were a little off because he didn't want to queer Dan's job offer, and waited for Dan to tell him about it.
It was a Friday after the show, Casey was leaving in a hurry because Charlie was at his place that night, he had a sitter but Casey liked to get home as soon as possible in case Charlie woke up in the night. Casey was in their office, putting papers in his backpack, hadn't even bothered to turn on the lights because he was in a hurry. As soon as Dan looked at him, Casey knew Dan was going to tell him about the job. He sat down quickly on the couch to preempt any untoward signs of betrayal. He reminded himself that this was not something that men cried about. Then he reminded himself not to end sentences with prepositions.
"Casey"
"Yeah."
"Uh." There was a long pause. Casey could hear him breathing. He wished Dan would get on with it. He wanted to know how many more shows they had, how many more nights on the air and days writing scripts. He wanted to know what channel he was going to have to watch to see Danny. Dan was standing by the door, and Casey could see his face by the lights that glowed through their glass wall. He didn't know if Dan could see his face. He hoped not. He wasn't sure he wouldn't cry, even if men don't do that. He looked at the floor in front of him, hung his head like he was just tired.
"Casey," Dan stopped again.
"You've said my name twice now. Are you going somewhere with this?"
"Well, I don't really know how to say this."
"Say what?"
"Well, if I knew how to say it, I would, wouldn't I?" Dan had gotten very quiet, and had his lower lip tucked in like he always did when he was upset.
Suddenly, Casey was annoyed. Dan was going to leave and he didn't even have the guts to tell him. He stood up. "Dan, I don't have time for this. I've got Charlie tonight and -"
"And you like to get home right away to him." Dan smiled a dark smile that was somehow like a sigh. "Casey, I'm bisexual."
"Yeah, I know." What did this have to do with a job offer? What did this have to do with anything? Wait, maybe Dan was leaving sports. Maybe he'd a met a guy and he was leaving sports for some other TV job where a man could date a man in peace. Casey's mind was racing, and he waited for Dan to continue.
That's when he looked up. And realized that this was Dan's big news. There was no job. He'd spent a month trying to find the courage to tell Casey he was bisexual. There was nothing to do then, but laugh. Casey sat on the couch and laughed until his stomach hurt, maybe ever so slightly on the edge of hysteria, while Dan leaned in the doorway, watching him in utter perplexity.
He managed to choke it out between gusts of laughter. "Dan, you're coming out to me?" And then he started to laugh even harder. Casey knew there was explaining to do, but that was easy, compared to having Dan leave. He stood up, gave Dan a quick manly hug, complete with a fist pound, and told him he had to get home to Charlie.
Dan was still standing there, looking confused. "So we're okay?"
"We're fine. Really, we're fine."
"Uh?"
"We'll talk later, Danny."
"You're not freaked out or overwhelmed by homophobic disgust?"
"No, I am not freaked out or disgusted."
"Because that was a lot of laughter for someone who's not freaked out."
"I promise I'm not freaked out. We'll talk later."
And Casey walked out, almost jaunty. There would be explanations to make eventually, but for now all was right in his world. He spent the weekend with Charlie, and let the machine screen his calls, refusing to pick up when it was Dan. He only called twice, anyway. Explanations could wait until after the weekend.
On Monday, Casey was feeling a little less jaunty as he rode the elevator to the office. The immediate sense of relief had faded, and he knew Dan would have questions. He wasn't sure how he'd get through them honestly. He had barely managed to sit down when Dan started asking.
"You said, 'yeah, I know.'"
"I did say that."
"Why did you say that?"
"Because I knew."
A sigh. "How did you know, Casey?"
He started laughing again. He couldn't help it. There was no way this discussion was going to go well, and he knew he should take it seriously but it was also just so fucking funny. He managed to catch his breath as Dan glared at him.
"Sometime today?" Dan was beginning to snarl, and Casey knew he'd better say something quickly before Dan assumed Casey was laughing at his sexual orientation. Which he was, he supposed.
There was no easy way to explain this, so he tried for humor.
"Well, Dan, you slept with me in Spain and then afterward you never called."
"That is not funny. That is not funny at-" Dan stopped speaking when he saw the look on Casey's face.
"You're not joking."
"No."
"I slept with you in Spain?"
"Yes."
"And I never called?"
"Well, that part was a joke. I didn't expect you to call. What would we have said?"
"Yeah."
Dan walked out of their office. Casey didn't see him again for several hours. When he finally came back, he had sandwiches. Deli sandwiches, with actual provolone cheese on Casey's.
"You went and bought sandwiches? When we have free food here?"
"I needed to get out of the office. Besides, provolone cheese is the least I could do. After all, I never called."
Casey managed a brief laugh, and braced for the questions he knew were about to follow.
Dan looked at him. "I don't really know where to start."
"Start with the easy questions, and we'll work our way up."
"Yeah. Uh, when were we in Spain together?"
"We weren't together. I was in Spain in February 1993, covering the Euskadi six-hour. I don't really know why you were in Spain. You were in college - you had a bunch of people with you. You seemed to be under the impression that you were in France. I bumped into you at my hotel."
"And we?"
"Yes."
"What exactly did we?"
"That is not an easy question."
"You're right. Uh, did you happen to see Bobbi Bernstein around anywhere?" Dan paled. "Oh, God, she wasn't there, was she?"
"Don't you think she would have told you that?"
"You're right; she's not as reticent as you are."
"I suspect you ran into her later that same night. You were, uh, somewhat out of control."
"Apparently."
Dan took a bite of his sandwich, chewing thoughtfully.
'I think we're out of easy questions, Case."
"Yes."
Dan smiled. "Was I good?"
Casey came very close to choking on turkey and provolone. "You were 19. And drunk. I thought you were also stoned at the time, but late I realized that wasn't true, because you didn't do that any more."
"That does not answer my question."
"You were fine, Dan."
"Fine? I was fine? What kind of an answer is that?"
"That's the most important question you have to ask about this?"
"Okay, why did you have sex with me in Spain?"
He gave up on his sandwich. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
This time, it was Casey who left the office. He didn't go any farther than the editing room. Dan knew he was in there, but he left him alone anyway. He waited until after the show (which was, once again, surprisingly good), and lay in wait in their office.
"Casey, you were married in 1993."
"I see we've definitely moved on to the hard questions."
"Did Lisa know that we?"
"Lisa knows that I did, but not that it was you."
"Why?"
"I needed to be honest with her. It was the only time I've ever cheated on her, and I thought she should know, but I - didn't want to lose you." Casey stopped, before he could say too much. They were in risky territory here.
"You barely knew me in 1993. You were just some guy I hung out with at work. I mean, a guy I liked from work, but still."
"I know."
"Casey, can I have answers with a few more words? The show's over, Charlie's with Lisa and we have all night here if necessary."
He sighed. "What, exactly do you want to know?"
"Why didn't you ever say anything? Are you gay? Is that what happened to you and Lisa? And how did we end up having sex?" Dan's voice got a little breathy on the last one, like he wasn't sure he wanted to say it, or maybe he wanted to say it too much.
"I was lonely, and you were chewing on my jeans-"
"I was what?"
Casey just kept talking. "We were in Spain, or possibly France, and it just seemed like time out. Like a break from the world I knew, another world where things like this happened. A fever dream. And then, after, we were in the actual world again, in Boston, and what was there to say? And it seemed, at the time, like you wanted it - it was your idea, I mean, but then after, I wondered. You were so drunk. I didn't know if I took advantage of you. If you'd be angry. I didn't want you to be angry." He stopped, then, before he could explain about how he'd wanted to do it again, ever since. Taking a deep breath, he went on "And I was, obviously married, and it's not like it was going to be a good idea to leave my wife for a 19-year old kid who couldn't even keep track of what country he was in."
He knew, then, he'd gone too far. Danny didn't appear to be breathing.
"You thought about leaving Lisa?"
Casey just stared at the floor. Then he tried for distraction. "Well, being attracted to guys seemed like a thing that I needed to think about. Although, once I had thought about it, I didn't seem to be attracted to a whole lot of guys. So it wasn't anything it be worried about. I mean, I had never been to France. And-"
"Casey, were you in love with me?"
So there it was. The question he'd been avoiding this whole time. He discovered he'd run out of words, so he just lifted his head up, looked at Dan. Let Danny see his face. Said all he could think of to say. "Am, Danny. Not was. Am."
Now Dan is laughing, as long, as hard and almost hysterical as Casey was, sitting on the couch next to him and laughing. After a minute or so, when Casey is starting to feel confused or hurt or angry, or something, Danny turns his head to look at him.
Smiles. A very, very sweet smile. And leans over to kiss him on the lips.