Perditus
Chapter one:
This pain in my head is horrible. Oh damn, it hurts. It hurts really, really bad. It feels like someone took a bat to my head or maybe rolled a car over it a few times. What the hell did I do? I can't even remember what happened. Everything feels like a thick fog in my mind.
I think maybe I should try opening my eyes. Ugg, or maybe it would be better if I just lay here for a little while.
Yes... laying here would be best. I need to clear my head.
Maybe I can will the pain away...
Uggg nope, that didn't help.
It's quiet at least, that's something. Where I am though? At home, maybe? This could be a problem, I'm not sure where home is or if I'm there or not. I guess looking would be helpful.
All I know is that I'm uncomfortable and something is poking me in the side, damn it, this bed is horrible. Who the hell could sleep on this?
Not me, that's for sure. And yet here I am all laying on it, not sleeping, with a head that feels like it's about to explode off my shoulders. This is crazy. What did I do to myself?
I think there was a sound just above me? Oh hell, what is it? I think my heart is going to pound out of my chest.
Did someone just sigh?
I swear... there was... Ah shit, I'm not alone in here. I should be alone, shouldn't I?...
Okay, this is a whole new level of creeping me out now. What should I do? Pretend to sleep? Maybe whoever it is will go away.
Okay, maybe I was just hearing things. It is quiet again.
Crap I just heard whoever it is move again.
Oh shit, now there's a hand on my forehead, I'm being touched by a creepy hand! But it feels nice and cool, hmmm... the pain isn't as bad now, I like this hand.
Wait... What am I thinking? Strange hands are bad, very bad. No strange hand on any parts of my body is good. No matter how much it reminds you of butterflies and fluffy kittens.
Gah, I swear I'm going to die of a heart attack if this keeps up.
Shoo, shoo, bad hands go away. Go touch yourself err... ewww, I did have to think of that didn't I? Dirty thoughts now stuck in my mind, and why can't I remember anything... ugh.
"Hawke, Can you hear me?"
Oh it's a man and he has a voice. Of course he does... I'm such an idiot sometimes.
Is he talking to me? Hawke? What kind of name is Hawke? Stupid name really, either my parents really hate me or they were a few cards short of a full deck. Either way I can't stay like this forever. He's going to catch on sooner or later. Would much rather it be later... much later.
"I know you're awake, Hawke. How are you feeling?"
How am I feeling, he asks. Gee, strange man how do you think I feel... I feel ...I... I don't know how I feel really. My thoughts are foggy, kind of thick like pea soup, I hate pea soup... it's really gross.
Maybe I should I try and open my eyes now, but they feel thick and crusty, like when you've slept too long and you get all that gunk in them. I should try anyways, it's not like I can stay here with him hovering like a creepy...creeper.
Wherever I am, it's dimly lit, thank God. Although everything is blurry and that sucks cause whoever this man is, hovering over me looks like a big dark blob, and I can't see hardly anything. Turn a bloody light on... man.
"Hawke?"
"Uggg." Well that didn't work very well, nice to know my voice is as good as the rest of me.
"I'll get you some water, stay here, don't get up."
Oh! The blob man is on the move, now to get my ass out of here and go... somewhere, anywhere but here.
Trying to stand is more challenging then I first expected, and not a very good idea it seems. Now everything is spinning and my stomach... I think I'm losing my balance, I can't really tell...
"AH!" Shit. Face, meet floor.
Not one of my more shining moments, and now my head hurts again, even worse.
"Hawke, damn it, I said stay still."
Well so much for that. Guess it looks like I'm not going anywhere. And blob man's arms are now wrapped around my waist, HEY, watch the boobs blobby man...
All I can manage is a pain filled groan. Great, I can't even protest properly. I think he's pulling me back up onto the bed no... Cot? Well no wonder it's so damn uncomfortable. Well at least I'm sitting up now, kind of.
Now if only I could get the room to stop spinning I would be set.
"Here, drink this, it will help clear your head."
Oh, yes please, good blobby man. I feel like I just swallowed an entire pack of razors. I'd love to take the cup, if my damn hands would stop shaking, this is getting fucking ridiculous.
Ewww... the liquid is warm and tastes awful, but I really want to drink it all, why won't he let me?
Great, now I'm whimpering, oh how dignified of me. He's got some fetish with touching, he's rubbing my back now. You know what, I'm too sore to really care right now, and the comfort feels so good, I really don't want him to stop.
"You need to take it slow Hawke, that was a nasty fall you took. You're really lucky to be alive."
He sounds worried about me, well that's good. So I fell, huh... well that explains the headache then, and the feeling like every bone in my body is now made of mush.
Blobby is trying to gently push me back on the cot. Aww, Blobby I don't want to. But I'm really too tired to fight you on it. Hmm... I think there was something in that awful drink he gave me, you know what, still not caring, just too damn tired.
"You rest, I'll go let the others know you're alright. I'll send Carver in after you've gotten some sleep, he's been a mad man since he heard."
Mad man, that doesn't sound ominous at all.
All I can manage is a grunt and I feel the pull of sleep taking me over, sleep is good, sleep is my friend. Maybe I'll remember when I wake up, this confusion is too much.
Why is my body shivering, I'm not even cold, he's laying his hand on me again, on my shoulder this time.
"It's okay, Hawke, I'm here. I won't be far, if you need me just call and I'll come running."
His voice is light and sweet, I could get used to such a sweet, sweet voice. Hmm, I think I said something, but I'm not sure, everything is too dark...
***
Oh my god, who is yelling! Some of us are TRYING to sleep here. Someone was arguing and loudly. How dare they pull me out of my blissful sleep? Well at least my head isn't hurting as much now. This is a good thing, it's still too hard to think but...
Fuck, I still have no idea where I am or even who I am... You know, I think there was a movie about that once, too bad I can't remember what it was called...Shit!
Wow, they are really going at it out there. What in blue blazes...
"You can't go in there Carver, she needs to rest."
"I don't care what you say magey, she's my sister and I'm going to see her, now get out of my way."
"Carver, you don't understand..."
"You're right, I don't I don't understand is how my sister could have gotten flung off a cliff, while you were standing right beside her!"
Oh, someone sounds pissed. Are they fighting about me? Of course they are, who else would they be screaming about? It's not like there's another invalid on a very uncomfortable cot anywhere else around here, at least I don't think there is.
Did this guy not pay his electrical bill or something? What's with the darkness and the lanterns, geez.
What was that crash? Ah shit, the door slammed open.
Oh look, there's the light, ah damn, that's bright, and who the hell!
WOW, big man... and he looks very pissed. I think I need to move NOW! I... can't move, gah, what the hell, why is everything so painfully sore?
Ah fuck, I'm falling back again... stupid cot...Ah... oh look, I'm on the floor... again. This is just a wonderful time I'm having isn't it, and when did I get so horribly clumsy?
"Maddie, are you alright!"
Oh, ah! Big man is rushing at me, and touching me! Umm, big hands on my face! Touching of the face, he looks...
Freaked out? Worried? Umm... I should maybe say something? What do you say to someone you don't know, that seems to know you and looks like he's about to cry? Or devour you whole.
"Hey..." Well, that was brilliant wasn't it. Oh so articulate of me.
"Hey?... Hey? That's all you've got to say? Mother has worried herself sick, I had to practically lock her up just to keep her from coming down to this shit hole."
"I...wha...Mother?" Oh great, now I'll have a whole family flocking to me, freaking me out, but this man... my brother?
Shit he's handsome, I wouldn't mind... eww. Wha... Brother, brother he's my... Brother not handsome, not at all. Brothers have cooties and are slimy and gross... I just need to keep telling myself that.
"Maddie, what's wrong? I thought you said she was alright, MAGE!"
And we're back to the yelling, I'm not sure my heart or my head can take much more of all of this.
"She is... or was. Hawke, what's the last thing you remember?"
Oh, it's him...Blobby. I can see him now, and he's, oh shit. He's ...wah ... I'm staring aren't I?... Of course, he's looking at me like I'm nuts. I feel like I'm going to lose it, this is all just too much
Oh great, now I'm going to cry... typical.
"Maddie? Whats wrong?"
Oh don't look at me like that, rawh... now I'm crying even more, stupid brother...
"Carver, could you give me a minute with your sister, please?"
"No! Why should I? Look what you did to her, my sister doesn't cry for no reason."
"Carver please, just a few minutes, let me check her over. She was hurt really bad. Perhaps I missed something."
"Fine, but I'm coming right back in if you don't come out and get me as soon as you're finished."
"I will, don't worry."
I can barely hear them, I'm crying too hard, God, why can't I remember who these people are, and why am I in this place? If this is a dream, I just want to wake up now.
I need to stop crying!
My headache is coming back again, this is insane. Watching the man who claims to be my brother leave the room, but if he was my brother, then why can't I remember him? I swear I've never seen him before. He looks so upset.
Great, now he's staring at me, and I don't know him either... is there anyone I recognize in this God forsaken hell?
He shut the door, boy it's dim again. I'm not sure I like it so dark in here, but it makes the pounding it my head a little less, thankfully.
Things look clearer than before, not so blurry. Wow this room is small, just a cot, chest and table with the lamp. Wait, is that an oil lamp? Who uses an oil lamp now a days? I mean really.
At least I can see him a lot more clearly now, even with the light so dim. Hmm, he's coming closer and he looks really worried, great I must look a wreck.
Hell...o! He's kneeling in front of me and taking my hands. Oh... his hands are warm, and I'm gawking, I know it...and, wow he has very sexy eyes.
"Are you alright, Hawke?"
I'm starting to wonder if this Hawke is more a nickname sort of deal? I mean... Hawke? What am I, some evil bird of prey that swoops down on people when they aren't looking? My umm brother, yeah... he called me Maddie, maybe that's...umm.
He's staring at me, he's looking really, really good. I wonder if he's my brother too? Now that would suck, but he looks nothing like the other one. Carver... I need to remember that.
"Hawke... Are you alright? What's the last thing you remember?"
Oh shit, he asked me a question, a good one too. I shake my head, unsure on how to respond, what do I tell him?
"I... I don't know..." Okay, is it bad that my voice sounds strange to even me? I think it does... I'm so screwed.
"Do you remember the fight? Or the fall?"
"Fight?" Why the hell would I be fighting? And who the hell would I be fighting with?
"Yes, the bandits, they overwhelmed you and you fell."
"Bandits...I... fell?" He has to be bullshitting me, I mean really? But he looks... worried.
"I'm going to check you over, see if I missed anything, just lay back and relax."
Check me over? What is he, some kind of doctor? Ooh, a doctor, a very handsome doctor... who seems to have a feather fetish.
Ha, I've dated worse... wait... I've dated... Shit... there was something there, but it's gone now.
He's touching me again, his hands on my forehead they feel nice and warm and hmmm... he's frowning at me...he's...
"Holy shit!" Arehis hands glowing? They are, they're really glowing! I need to get out of here, NOW!
"Hawke, what's wrong? Hawke! Easy now, you're all right."
"Let go of me!" That came out screechier than I thought it would, buthe's got my wrists. I knew I shouldn't have let him touch me. Fuck, what the hell is going on? There's more crashing again, louder this time.
"Let go of my sister!"
OH! Brother, yes he'll help me... what was his name again? Oh right!
"Carver! Help."
"Carver no, stop! Somethings wrong with her."
"There's going to be something very wrong with you in about two seconds if you don't get your hands off her."
I realized when I'm scared can I ever move, and I may not know who Carver is, but right about now he feels safer than mister glowing fingers. I'm up and in his arms in a heart beat but my legs still aren't working too well. I'm wobbling, this could be a problem.
"Carver, there's something wrong, she shouldn't be moving around. She needs..."
"What she needs is to go home with her family, and we'll take care of her. If you EVER come near her again, I swear I will kill you."
"That's a little harsh don't you think? Shouldn't that be up to her, not you?"
"Shut up! Let's go Maddie, Mother's worried sick about you."
Geez, for someone who's worried about his sister, he's bloody rough. He's dragging me, staggering out of the room by my arm, that's going to bruise. I can hardly stand and the light, it's too bright. I can't focus and really it's not that bright in here at all, but my head feels strange and... This place is a dump, there's cots and sick people all over the place. What the hell or where the hell are we?
I have to stop. Everything is spinning, my so called Brother is huffing impatiently. Gee thanks for the concern, bro. Mister glowing hands is beside me, touching me again. What's with all the touching, I mean really... He looks so sad though, and hurt, puppy eyes... aww no puppy eyes please God, I can't handle this.
"Maddie please, you shouldn't go, not yet. Something is not right, let me help you. I would never hurt you. You know that."
"I SAID GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF MY SISTER!"
Oh great and now all hell is breaking loose, what do I do! I don't want my brother to kill him. He wasn't being pervy or anything, he was trying to help. Oh I can't let him hurt him! He's going beat him to a pulp if I don't do something now.
"Carver stop! Leave him alone." Very bad idea...
I need to remember next time a man three times my size goes to punch someone, don't stand behind him and grab his arm, yanking it. All I know is there was blinding pain, and crunching feeling in my face and someone screaming. Oh, that would be me. Shit, my nose is broken. Oh that is a hell of a lot of blood. My stomach starting to flip. I was going to be sick.
"Maddie! Look what you did, you big idiot."
"Me! You're the one that did all of this, if it wasn't for you..."
Oh God, I have to close my eyes, everything is out of control. I'm on my knees, this is ridiculous. Blood is pouring from my nose and mister glowing hands is in front of me, pressing a cloth onto my nose. I can hardly breathe, there's blood in my mouth too and the tears streaking down my face are horrible. I'm going to be sick and I'm still dizzy. I don't want to pass out. Please lord, don't let me pass out...
"It's okay Maddie, just breathe slowly through your mouth, let me stop the bleeding."
"Is she alright?"
"What do you think, Carver? She just woke up from a life threatening head injury to have her brother break her nose!"
"Hey, I didn't do it on purpose."
I couldn't listen to it anymore, they sounded like a pair of old bittys. This was all too much. What am I suppose to be doing? What in the hell happened to me, and who are these crazy men?
"Will you both just shut the hell up!"
"Shh...It's okay Mad..."
"No... no, it's not okay, Mister glowing fingers... all the touching and... glowing... and you, Carver, is it? I don't know who you are but if you're really my brother, I think I would want to cash in on a new one cause you're fucking crazy!"
Oh great, now they are looking at me like I have two heads, of course, after everything that's happened I wouldn't be surprised if I do. Way to play it cool and calm.
"You don't know who we are?"
"No... I don't."
"What do you remember?"
"Waking up in there... that's all."
"Carver, help me get her back to bed... this isn't good."
"No shit, magey, is she going to be alright?"
"I don't know..."
Oh great, I'm going back in the dark room again. When Carver tries to lift me, my head starts hurting worse, I mean, a lot worse. I'm such a big baby. I'm whimpering, at least he's being gentle this time as he laid me on the cot, and sat beside me on the floor, gently brushing my hair from my face.
"Carver, I need you to step out for just a moment."
"I'm staying with her, Anders, she's my sister. I... can't leave her like this."
"Okay, but you need to move when I ask, okay?"
"Ya, I won't be in your way."
Well they can be civil when the chips are down it seems, good to know. I've never seen two people look so worried in my life. I would almost think I'm on death's door if I didn't know any better. He knelt beside me... what was the name Carver just called him?
"Anders, is it?"
"Yeah, that's right, you don't remember me at all?"
"No...sorry."
"It's not your fault, you have nothing to be sorry about. Now lay back and let me take a look at you, I won't hurt you, okay. I promise."
He sounds so sincere. Something deep down is telling me it's okay to trust him, so I guess I will for now. The glowing thing, that's not normal, I know it. I lay back but grab his hands. Mine are shaking, what do you say to someone whose hands glow? I mean really.
"It's okay, Maddie, I'm just going to check you over, then cast some minor healing magic to fix your nose, okay? It's nothing you can't do yourself, so don't worry."
Magic? What! Okay, now I think he's on drugs. There's not such thing as... wow... okay, just because his hands glow doesn't mean he's going to hurt you, right? But my body seems to think otherwise, and I swear I'm going to shake right off this cot.
"Maddie, Maddie, it's okay...relax. Would you rather be asleep for this? Maybe when you wake up, things will be more clear."
"You want to knock her out! Are you insane?"
"Carver, she's terrified. Normally I would be against it, but it will be easier for me to check her over."
Sleep sounds good, maybe, I don't know. I just want this nightmare to be over. All I am able to do is nod and he smiles at me. This warm reassuring smile that melts my heart. Anders, huh, I'll need to remember that. He lays his warms hands on my head, there's a tingle, it doesn't hurt but everything is hazy and...
A/N: Hello! This is the start of something I hope will be a weekly thing. I wrote this chapter over four months ago, and just now have had the nerve to post it with the plan on many more soon.
I want to thank Jinx1983 for the beta work on this starter chapter. You are amazingly awesome my friend, and I appreciate all the stuff you do for me.