Very sad. One shot. Xena/Gabrielle. Alternate timeline, imagine if Gabrielle had never come back after sacrificing herself to save Xena. (in season 3) Xena's POV.

Icy winds blow. They sting my cheeks, bite at every inch of exposed skin. Burning cold rain falls, like daggers, on my shoulders. I fall to my knees. My sword is on the ground, my armor in the mud. I don't care. Can't care.

I've been to hell and back. Many times. Different hells, places of prolonged life and suffering for the wicked and the cursed. I went to find her, to save her. I promised her. I told her I would never leave her, that even death couldn't keep us apart. But she wasn't there. She wasn't anywhere. She is simply...gone. Snuffed out like a candle, my little light that once burned so bright.

I'm alone now. I still travel the world, seeking...something. Her, perhaps. I still fight for good, I know it's what she would have wanted. She instilled so much of that in me. My sense of good, of when to fight, when to walk away. How to care. She helped me be so much more than I am. Than I ever could have been, without her. Gabrielle.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her. As I kneel here, in the forest, at a river's edge, the rain mixing with my tears, I see her again. She follows me. I'm not sure if she's a ghost, a trick, or merely my own imagination. She never talks, she only looks at me, always from a distance, shaking her head. Her sad eyes accusing me.

And, in so many ways, I am guilty, deserving of her accusations. I failed her. I broke my promise. I feel the rush of blood, the painful beating of my heart, and I know that I failed her. I promised to save her, to always find her, yet I'm here. Alive. And she's...gone.

So what's the point, now? I no longer know. I've asked myself this. So many times, I've lost count. Why am I still here, still walking, still living? Still fighting. It's because of her. I know that much. Because of her, I am a force of good in this world. I do help people. I'm changing the world. She would hate me for leaving this place, driven by her absence, when I can still do so much good.

It was her. Everything I did, everyone I helped. It was because of her. And now she's gone. I keep seeing the figure in the shadow's, the figure that is so much a little girl, and so much a woman. Gabrielle. The specter follows me, accusing eyes burning into me, and I can't help but hope, every time I see it, that it'll be her. That somehow, she's come back, that she can throw her arms around me once again, and kiss me, and make all the fear, the pain, the guilt, go away. Like she used to. Now, though, that's all there is. Pain. Fear. Guilt. And doubt...the doubt is new.

I'm no longer sure of my own skills. I don't trust myself. I hate who I used to be, even who I am. I know, that every ounce of good I do in this world, no matter how much, won't ease my pain. Only she can. But she's gone. Forever.

So, I'll continue to walk this hell-on-earth. This nightmare that is living, wishing desperately that she were in my arms again, at my side. With me. Because, without her, all I can do is wait. Wait, for the sweet bliss of death, when I can finally find my Gabrielle again.

I arch my back, turn my face toward the sky, and I sob. Desperate. Tragic. Alone. I scream, hoping to ease the pain. It only hurts more. Crying her name, again and again. I crouch there, shouting until my voice is hoarse, until the rain has stopped, and the sun has gone down, and still I scream. Until I have nothing left to scream with, and all I can do is cower there, under the trees. I can't move. But the tears keep coming, and I fall to the ground, every scrap of energy in me completely exhausted. And still, there is pain. Still, she is gone, and still, I am alone.