Just Lose Our Minds Together

"What's option three?"

"Sorry."

She put a hand on my shoulder, but it didn't work. Even knowing that she was there with me didn't help. I could only sit there frozen with my racing thoughts.

"C'mon. Let's get outta here." Riley stood up and held out her hand.

And usually, I would've followed her. I've always followed her. But I couldn't do it this time. "What's the point?" It was a genuine question. I wasn't being a whiny bitch. "Where would we go?"

She crossed her arms. "We gotta get away from all the Infected. They're all over the place."

"Then what?"

She shrugged. "I don't know." It was the worst thing she could say in this situation.

"Are we really going to wait it out?"

"Jeez, Ellie. Do you ever stop asking questions?" She said. "C'mon. Let's do something…"

"Riley, I'm freaking out about this! We're going to die and all you want to do is play games."

"At least I'm not spending my last few hours mourning over what'll never happen." She said. "Now, let's go." She held my hand and took me back to Wilson's tent. We didn't go the way we came, obviously. We had to be pretty strategic to get around the Infected. The whole time, we didn't speak.

"What if Wilson was one of them?" I asked.

She scoffed. "A strong man like him wouldn't go out like this."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe." I sat on his bed. It wasn't as firm as I expected. Riley sat down next to me. It wasn't the same as it was the first time we came here. We thought we were alone then. I could still hear the Infected groaning and grunting as if they were right outside. I thought we were safe on that bed, but that was such a long time ago.

"Hey, did you hear me?"

"No. What?"

She looked down. I could tell she was looking at her bite. "Are you okay?"

"No." I shook my head. "I'm so fucking scared."

"I know." She held me close. "It's scary. But you know what else is scary?"

"What?"

"Going back to everyone finding out you're infected. They'd probe and ask all these questions… They'd try to punish us but what's the point? They might even kill us."

"Riley…" I buried my face into my hands. I couldn't tell if she should stop talking or keep going because anything was better than the sounds of the Infected. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Fine. What do you want to do?" She was already looking around as if she didn't need my answer. "Let's try the carousel again."

I couldn't even move and they carousel was like a half mile away. "Or…" I pulled out my pun book, knowing that would make me happy. I flipped to a random page. "So, I heard they were making a film about clocks."

"Yeah?"

"It's about time!" We laughed. "My friend's bakery burned down last night. His business is toast." Her laughter kind of died down a little, so I tried to find one that was really funny. "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay. He woke up." I was the only one snickering at it. "Get it? Because the kid was napping…"

"Is this all we're going to do? Sit here and tell stupid jokes?" She asked.

"I'm trying to lighten the mood." I put it back in my backpack. "And besides, they may be stupid, but they're funny stupid."

"Ellie, I want to spend our last hours of consciousness together doing something that matters. Not…this."

"Okay. Sorry. Geez." I finally got off the bed. "Where are we going?"

"Look. I know we said that we shouldn't leave, but I can't stay here." She poked her head outside of the tent.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere." She said. "Let's go to Brazil."

"I'd rather go to Paris."

She turned around with a huge smile. "Oi oi! The city of love!" She said in her best French accent.

"Yeah, and wine."

She came over to me, holding my hands. "Would you meet me under the Eiffel Tower, mis amie?"

I hated how she made me giggle like an idiot. "Oi."

But we didn't go anywhere for a minute. It felt like longer. It was something about the way she stared at me that made me uneasy. It was like I could see the fungus behind her big dark eyes. Maybe it was knowing that one day it would happen and that the fungus would eventually cover her entire beautiful face. I had to touch to remind myself that it was still real. That it was still Riley.

"Man, this really hurts." Riley was holding her hand. She started breathing weirdly and I thought it was time, but it was only because she was in pain. "Yours doesn't?"

"Yeah." It just didn't as much as hers did apparently. "We need to cover it up."

"Why? So it doesn't get infected?" She grinned at her own joke, hoping that I would at least smile too. But it wasn't funny.

"Come on, Riley." I rolled my eyes and started looking through Wilson's stuff.

She watched me for a while before saying "Why aren't you having fun anymore?"

I didn't know what the right response was. Anything I said would've made her upset anyway. "I just…" I found a first aid kit. "I just wish we had more time. Give me your hand." There wasn't enough gauze for the both of us, but she needed it more. "How are you feeling?"

"Just fine, doctor." She said.

I heard the moaning and groaning again. It was so light I couldn't even tell if it was actually there or that I was finally losing my mind. This wasn't poetic. This was torture. I looked at Riley, hoping she was absolutely sure about the whole thing. But I could only see the fungus sprouting all over her face.

I knew that if we left, we'd be killed before we ever got the chance to turn, but I couldn't stand waiting. I held her hand longer than I should. The longer I touched the real Riley, the better I felt.

"We can't stay here." She told me. "Are you ready to go now?"

I didn't know what I wanted. If we stayed, we were doomed, and if we left, we were doomed. But I nodded anyway. We walked towards the sunlight that came from the whole in the ceiling. I already knew I was late for my drills. They were probably raiding my stuff for clues to where I was.

"Ellie, I'm talking to you!"

"What?"

She sighed. "God, if I wanted to talk to a brick wall, I would've stayed with the Fireflies."

"What is your problem?" I asked.

"Oh, you suddenly care?"

"I've always cared. Where is this coming from?"

She stopped and looked at her hands. "I don't know." I saw how scared she was then. I knew she was scared the whole time, but I really saw it then.

"Alright. Let's go. This place is way too depressing." I said already headed to the crumbled wall. I didn't even wait for her to start climbing. The fresh air was too inviting. Riley followed me all the way outside but had to stop.

"Where am I even supposed to go? I can't go back…" She was saying.

"Come back to school with me." I said. She wasn't even supposed to leave in the first place. Her dorm room was still empty.

"That prison?"

"What choice do you have? I'm going."

"You'll infect everybody!"

"Shh! Keep it down. Nobody knows yet." I told her.

She pointed to my arm. "Yet."

"Shit…" There was no way I could cover it up with just a tank top. Even then, everyone will see me coming in covered in blood.

"We still have time, right? We need to find a way to clean up." I was going to go find a space, but she didn't move from her spot in the alley. She actually sat down, her palms facing out. "Can we just…hold on for a second?"

"What's the matter?"

"I don't…" She took a deep breath. "I'm not feeling too hot."

I wasn't ready. I froze for the longest. "What?"

She threw up. I don't even remember that being a symptom. But at the time, I forgot everything except the twitching. I knew that for sure. But then I remembered that she probably had been bleeding for a while. Maybe her hand was infected. Maybe she was…

"Come on. We can't stay here." I tried to pick her up.

"Why?" She pushed me. "Why do we need to go so soon? I said I'm not feeling good."

"Because we need to get you some help." I held my hand out again, but she slapped it away and got up herself. "Riley…"

"What?! J…Just leave me alone! I mean, I'm not going back there." She took a step back and she did something weird with her hands. That's when I saw that it was already swollen and red around the gauze, trying to heal itself.

I still wasn't ready. Even though she snapped at me for random reasons, I still wanted her next to me. I still wanted her to be Riley. So I tried to change the mood again. "You remind me of Ms. Folley. You remember her? She was all angry for random reasons too and she got mad that you called her out on it."

"Oh yeah…" She said. "I remember that."

"And when we got out of classes for the day we tried to tell everyone that she was infected." I tried to laugh away the thought that we were next.

"Yeah… She was such a bitch." She chuckled. Good.

"Right? Such a bitch!"

She sighed. It was heavy and full of despair. "This sucks." The way she scratched away at the gauze made me so uncomfortable. "This is too tight."

"No, it's not. Just keep it on." I told her.

"What about you?"

"Don't worry about me."

We heard a truck drive by. Both of our hearts dropped, thinking that they were going to take us away from each other. No, we had to fight for our time together.

I tried to pick her up again. "Come on, we need to go."

"No, get against the wall. They won't see us."

Of course I listened to her. I always did. She just seems to always know about what to do and how to get through it. So even when there was an end in sight, whatever she said felt right. Even when this sounded ridiculous, I did it. And, as I thought, she was right. The truck drove by not noticing two girls there.

"What now?"

"What?" She asked, not listening to me.

"What do you want to do?"

She finally got up. "Why the rush? You're so quick to die?" She snapped again.

"You know what? I'm just as scared as you are, okay? So stop bringing it up that we're going to turn!"

"Well, we are! No matter how you look at it, it's the same. We're infected!"

"Yeah, and I thought we'd wait it out and lose our minds together doing what we want." I said. "So what do you want to do?"

She looked at me for a while. Her eyes kind of sunk. More specifically, they looked like two brown balls slowly sinking in unison in thick milk. "I'm sorry." She said. "I'm… You shouldn't… I shouldn't have brought you here."

"You didn't know this would happen."

"But what did we expect? This area was locked off for a reason." We both looked back at the mall. "I should have been honest. I should've never left…" Her hands were shaking.

"Riley, none of that matters now." I told her. "I'm glad you came back to see me."

She smiled a little. "And I'm glad you came too."

"And I'm glad you're staying." I held her hands. But as soon as we were about to kiss again, she jerked away. Her head tilted to the side for only a second. "Are you okay?"

She held my hands harder. "I don't want to say goodbye…"

"You're not."

"And I'm so fucking scared." As soon as she said it, tears rolled down her cheeks and I couldn't help but to tear up too.

"Riley, we'll be okay."

"I have to take it off." She snatched off the gauze. Her bite was so much worse than when I put it on. Maybe it wasn't sterile. "It's only been a couple of hours…"

I looked at my arm, but it didn't really change from before. Why was hers so much worse? Was it my fault for trying to heal her? Did I cause all of this? And I think she noticed the difference between us, which made her freak out.

"Riley, I'm here with you. Nothing else could get in the way of that." I told her.

She nodded. Then she wiped her tears and shook the thoughts out of her head. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." For some reason.

"Why are you fine?" She raised her voice. "Why am I the only one feeling this way?"

"What way?"

She let go of my hands and started pacing. "Horrible. I feel horrible. I thought we got bit together. Why am I the only one…?"

"Stop. We're in this…" I stopped when she stood still. She was holding her head. "Riley?"

"My head hurts…"

I had to be ready. "I don't know what's going on, but you need to know this. Every moment we spent together was…the best. I wanted to tell you that you're my best friend and I can't imagine turning with anyone else but you."

She laughed a little. It was more of just a breath. "You're going mushy on me? I must be doomed."

"It's just me trying to tell you something before I lost my mind." Which, I imagined, would come soon.

She started moaning and I couldn't tell if she was crying. I tried to hold her like she did me, but she gave off this very forceful, very angry "Get away from me!"

"Sorry." I said.

I watched her twitch. I let her yell about her pains, her regrets. I was numb to it all. The whole time, I was wondering why I didn't feel anything. Why it was only happening to her and not me. She started breathing weirdly and her pacing slowed as she held her head.

"Riley?"

She completely lost it.

"Riley, it's me…"

She screamed so angrily and ran towards me. I let her grab my shoulders. Her face was snarled, but her eyes were lost. I could barely see Riley in them. But I knew she was there, somewhere, fighting hard for her life. I could tell by the way she slowly opened her mouth and leaned in towards my neck. It was so slow that it could've passed off as her trying to smell me or check me for any sprouts. The moment that her hot breath touched my skin, I pushed her off. It wasn't like a huge push but she fell to the ground.

That made her even angrier. She screamed and ran back towards me in blind fury. This time, I ran away as fast as I could. My hands were fighting back the military drills I learned when these things happened. When there was Infected after you. But it was Infected, it was Riley. And that was all I recited in my mind. It wasn't Infected, it was Riley.

But I couldn't help but to grab at my knife. I knew I wasn't going to use it, I didn't want to, but what choice did I have? I held it in my hand, but right before we went out into the streets…

Two gun shots.

I fell immediately and covered my ears, my eyes closed. That's when I heard a few people talking, probably asking questions. "Who is this?" One person asked.

"She's with me."

I looked up and saw that they were all Firefly soldiers. I could tell because I recognized Marlene. She held out her hand to help me on my feet. Riley was still gargling on the ground. One bullet wound in her chest. Blood oozed from it and the corners of her mouth.

"Hey, are you okay?" Marlene asked me. I must've been staring for a long time.

"I… She… Oh my God…" I could only say.

"That might look like Riley, but that girl is not there anymore."

I nodded. That seemed right. Maybe she did lose the fight a long time ago. I'll never get the chance to ask her.

"Are you hurt?" She started looking around my body.

"What's that?" One guy pointed to my arm. The others had their guns raised already.

I should've shouted "Don't do it! Nothing happened! I feel fine!" But there were too many images of me being shot up and joining Riley.

"Wait." Marlene said. "Did she bite you?"

"N…no. I was bitten the same time she was. I swear."

They looked at each other. "And how long were you down there?"

I shrugged. I couldn't tell since we've been in the dark or running for so long.

"Get her in the car."

"But she'll infect us all." One person said.

"Look at it." She held up my arm. "If she's telling the truth, this would've at least been ten times worse by now. Do as I say and get her in the car."

We rode off. Riley's body was left behind. The last thing I should've told her was that I was sorry. If I just managed to get myself to jump farther, we'd be okay. We would've gotten yelled at by our superiors, Riley would've snuck into my dorm, and we would be living some sort of fantasy.

The Fireflies held me for so long that I ran out of scenarios to make up about the military academy finding out that I got bitten. I even thought of scenarios of what I should've done, could've done, or at least would've done. But those depressed me. Riley was right. There were a million ways I should've died before today, and a million ways I could die before tomorrow. But I was given a second chance.

His name was Joel. And the last thing I want to do is to let him die after doing so much for me. I even made a promise that whatever he says goes. I owe him at least that. So I keep my mouth shut as he takes me to Jackson. I keep my mouth shut when he lies to my face. Because there's always something worth fighting for.