(A/N: Hey there. It's time for another No More Heroes story, based around my favorite assassin, Bad Girl. Beware of strong language, implied girlxgirl relationships, and complete randomness! Happy reading!)
No More Dares
One freakin' fantastic shining day, when the clouds were smiling and the sun was twinkling- No that's not right. Not right at all.
So tonight, many of our favorite assassins were drunk. Very drunk. The perfect way to unwind after another hard day of killing. Luckily, few remained sober.
Plastic cans and glass bottles containing of all sorts of unhealthy alcoholic substances were strewn all over the assassins' hangout, unbeknownst to them, of course.
"Oh shit! I'm laughing so hard! It hurts so good!" Destroyman was cackling with all sorts of zany laughter at a joke that said assassin normally wouldn't have found amusing if he were sober.
"That's what she said!" Letz Shake slapped his knee and joined in on the laughter.
"Wait…what?" Holly Summers wasn't following this stream of stupidity, as she was one of the few assassins who were still clean.
Margaret sighed. She didn't understand what was so amazing about getting drunk and making a complete fool of yourself in front of the whole crowd. It sure seemed like they're enjoying it though.
"You two are so dumb, you just laugh at everything don't you?" Bad Girl raised a brow.
"Oh c'mon! That was priceless and you know it, Bad Girl!" Letz Shake commented after settling down a bit.
"Whatever…I think you guys have had way too much to drink, more so than I. Soooo if you guys don't mind…" Bad Girl snatched both beverages from Destroyman and Letz Shake's hands.
"I'll just finish these babies off for ya and we'll say everything's cool, 'kay?"
"Margaret…" Alice called her name.
"Er…yes?" the gothic lolita asked.
"Please do me a favor, and NEVER turn out like these two men over there. Alright?"
Margaret wore a face filled with worry.
"You don't have to fret about that ever happening."
"Seriously. These dumbasses are laughing at how…according to their fucked up logic, that two plus two equals five. Where the hell do they come up with this shit?" Bad Girl put a palm to her face. Even she, of ALL people, had never been this buzzed.
Some of the assassins who had been keeping quiet, deciding to excuse themselves from the scene…
"Yo Peace! Mind tossin' me that can on your way out?" Letz Shake asked.
Doctor Peace stood for a moment and pondered this decision while Holly Summers mimed, ferociously waving her arms in a way that could be read as, 'don't do it!'
"Get it yourself." He said. And walked out.
"Ugh, damn it!" Letz Shake fell back on his…back, and sprawled himself out on the floor. The assassins stared at him for a few minutes before realizing that he'd fallen asleep.
"Ah…He must be in paradise." Death Metal sighed.
"He DIED?" Margaret's eyes went wide with disbelief.
"Um, that's not quite what he meant, Marg…" Alice sweatdropped.
With Letz Shake out of the picture, the assassins had run out of things to do.
"Fuck! I'm bored…" Bad Girl yawned.
"I know what we should do! Let's play truth or dare!" Destroyman suggested.
"What the...fuck? Destroy-dumbass, we're not twelve years old anymore! The hell is wrong with you!" Bad Girl took out her rage on the sad case of a man.
"Aw… I kind of like that game." Margaret giggled.
"No Margaret! Don't!" Bad Girl yelled.
"Yeah, it'd be just like old times! I'm game." Holly smiled.
"Holly! Not you too!" She screamed at her current girlfriend.
"Ah…Truth or dare…Definitely a youth's paradise!" Death Metal sighed.
"See! They all approve! What about the rest?" Destroyman wondered aloud.
"I…really don't care." Alice said, voice in monotone.
"It's fine with me!" The Skelter siblings called in unison.
"Dammit! I told you to stop doing that!" They both yelled at each other unison again.
"Okay great! It's settled then! We're all playing!" Destroyman grinned as Bad Girl rubbed her temples.
"This is so fucking dumb…" The not-so-sweet lolita grumbled.
"Hey, where's Cloe for this? It'd be interesting if she'd come join us." Destroyman said.
"Dunno. Probably in her room conducting some creepy-ass ritual or something." Skelter Helter shrugged.
"Alrighty! I'll start! Bad Girl, I dare you to…" Destroyman began.
"Wait what!" Bad Girl's eyes lit up all of a sudden.
"…Go the rest of the night without cursing! Starting…NOW! And if you do curse, you owe me 10,000 LBs!" Destroyman nodded with satisfaction at his placed bid.
"What the f-" The lolita began, but quickly put a hand over her mouth.
"Ho, ho, ho! A fitting challenge for the young lady! So, you guys think she'll hold out?" Destroyman asked.
"I doubt it…" Margaret remarked.
"So do I. I mean…You're asking the impossible of her! Sorry sweetheart." Holly Summers smiled sadly at her girl.
"What a load of bull!" Bad Girl screamed.
"Does that one count?" Margaret asked.
"Unfortunately, no. If she added 'shit' to that last part it would've…" Destroyman stared blankly.
"Who's daring who next?" Alice asked.
"Well...I think one dare is good enough for right now. To be honest, I'm just curious to see how blondie will hold out over here." He smirked.
A growl emitted from glossy lips.
"Just out of randomness, but while Letz Shake is asleep, I think we should stick his hand in a bucket of water and see if he'll piss himself or not…" Helter Skelter suggested.
"Just leave him alone. It's bad enough he'll have a massive hangover when he wakes up." Holly said with a displeased look upon her face.
Destroyman suddenly got up, wobbled his way over to Bad Girl and draped his arms around her.
"Heyyyy…You look so good right now babe…I could just…"
"What the hell!" Summers face became enraged at what was happening to her girlfriend.
"What the! DESTROYMAN!" Bad Girl desperately tried to shake him off her, but he wouldn't budge.
While Bad Girl was squirming underneath him, Destroyman began touching her in ways that…left both Bad Girl and Holly Summers more than just uncomfortable.
Alice sighed and shook her head. Margaret did the same.
Alice knew that this was only Destroyman's attempt of provoking the sweet lolita to burst out in a rampage of profanities. The assassins knew very well that Destroyman took no real interest in the sadistic lolita.
Holly Summers knew this as well, and tried her utmost to contain herself from unleashing hell upon Destroyman's ass…
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU FREAK!" Bad Girl screamed and grabbed at the nearest 'weapon' she could find, which ended up being a pillow covered in Letz Shake's saliva, and began beating him with it feverishly.
Both Skelter brothers cried, "PILLOW FIGHT!" and everyone grabbed the nearest pillow-like object they could find and began beating each other senseless with it.
After a good ten minutes of pure insanity…the assassins seemed to pull themselves together.
"Fuck! I lost!" Bad Girl yelled in fury. "No! I can't lose! I NEVER lose!"
"Well that didn't take very long." Death Metal replied.
"Ha, ha, ha! Guess what, bitch? You owe me 10,000 LBs now! So suck on that!" Destroyman hopped in the air and did something of a 'victory-dance', which really was a bunch of stumbles and him tripping over his feet.
"Whoa! Aw man…My head is killing me! I think I'm gonna throw up…Shit, I'm gonna have one hell of a hangover by tomorrow morning. I think I'm gonna call it a night. Remember Bad Girl, you owe me!" He pointed at her and stumbled his way into his room, tripping over Letz Shake's lifeless body on the way.
"This sure has been…An awkward night." Holly stared at her fellow assassins.
"Yeah…" Alice began. "Let's never do this again…"
"I agree. If anybody else was seeing this, I'm sure they'd probably have been really creeped out." Margaret murmured.
"Or they'd start laughing their ass off." Alice said.
"Or both." Death Metal finished.
"Hey Bad Girl, will you really pay Destroyman the 10,000 LBs?" Margaret questioned.
"Like hell I will! So what if I lost? I'll hit him so hard, he'll forget it all by morning." Bad Girl said.
And with that last statement said, the sweet lolita got up, grabbed a baseball bat, and headed down the hallway into Destroyman's room…
(A/N: Err…Yeah. Obviously, you shouldn't take this story seriously whatsoever. This was just something that resulted out of more of my boredom. Hope you..uh..enjoyed?)