A/N: This is a little short story based on the characters from my Something Old, Something New series. Just a little bit of silliness with Alan and Tara.
Chapter One
"Now be a good girl," the Doctor said, bending over to look his thirteen year old daughter Tara in the eyes. "I don't wanna have to come bail you out of jail because you and your uncle went a bit too wild during your bonding time."
"We'll behave, Daddy."
The Doctor snorted.
"Believe that when I see it," he muttered.
He turned to his brother who was behind him, an innocent look on his face.
"And you, you miscreant, no destroying large structures and scaring people."
"Oui, mon Capitan," Alan said, saluting. "I shall do my upmost not to destroy things or frighten small children."
"Somehow, I have a feeling I'll have to come and break you two out of prison. But in the meantime, have fun."
He kissed Tara and patted her back before she walked over to Alan. Alan crooked his arm.
"Milady?" he said.
Tara threaded her arm through his and they walked through the living room into the garage where his TARDIS was waiting. The moment Alan closed the door, he lightly shoved Tara.
"Last one to Daisy is soddin' flippin' crazy!" he yelled.
Tara ran after him, laughing. Alan quickly unlocked his TARDIS and pushed her away when she tried to get inside after him.
"Pay the toll," he said, leaning his head out the door and looking at her as he held his hand out.
Tara mimed giving him money. Alan looked at the imaginary money in his hand.
"Sorry, don't accept Canadian money," he said.
"Let me in, you dork!" Tara said, laughing.
"Oh, if I must," Alan said with a mock sigh.
Giggling, he flounced over to his console while Tara came inside and slammed the door shut. Alan stared at her with bulging eyes.
"Did I say you could do that?"
"No, but I did it just the same!"
She laughed when Alan's mouth fell open.
"Upstaging me in my own TARDIS, forty lashes with a wet noodle for you, young lady."
Tara bent down and mooned him.
"Give it to me right here," she said, pointing.
She laughed when Alan sprinted over and mimed kicking her. He walked back to his console and adopted a haughty pose.
"Now…I know how to fly this, unlike you, so where you wanna go?"
"HELL!"
Tara laughed when Alan gave her a long, hard stare.
"Okay, go out the door and go across the street. Hell is over there and Satan has lizard skin and blonde hair!"
"Ooo, I'm gonna tell Rose you said that."
"Yeah? Well go ahead and do it, Poober Goober, I'm not afraid of Jackie "crusty skin" Tyler!"
"Yes, you are, you pee when you see her!"
"No, I'm afraid you're confusing me with my brother again. You must learn not to do that."
"Ooo, I'm gonna tell Daddy you said that."
"Yeah, well go ahead and do it, Mungly Dungly, I'm not afraid of The "I have no first name" Doctor! Now, Vanilla Spice Paddy Foot, where you wanna go?"
He grinned when Tara giggled insanely.
"I wanna go to the nicest place in the whoooooole universe!" she said when she recovered enough to speak.
"But…we're already in my TARDIS."
"Okay, take us to the creepiest insane asylum in the world, with lots of monsters and drooling crazy people."
"I just said, Jackie's house is across the street."
He snorted out laugher and ducked when she hit his head.
"I wanna go…see…Smurfs!" Tara said.
Alan's eyes bulged and he bent down and put his nose against Tara's while she giggled.
"Got a news flash for ya. They don't exist!" he said in a melodramatic hushed voice.
"Then take me to a place where I can get a bazillion foot high stuffed smurf that I can put in my room and show off to people."
"How are you going to fit the bazillion foot high stuffed smurf in your bedroom?"
"My bedroom's bigger on the inside!" Tara said.
"Uh…no, it's not," Alan said.
"Is too."
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"PANTYLINERS!"
Tara gave him an odd look.
"What?" she said.
"Ah, that's better, stopped that pointless back and forth dead in its tracks. And now, to fun time!"
He hummed the theme to Mission Impossible while he input some coordinates into the computer.
"Where are we going?" Tara asked.
"Somewhere where eventually you'll get in trouble and your dear old daddikins will have to save you!" he said, staring at her with bulging eyes.
"No, he'll have to save you!"
"Nonsense, I'm insavable."
He powered up and the rotor came to life. He stared at Tara with wide eyes while he pointed to the oscillating rotor.
"This means we're in motion," he whispered conspiratorially.
"Noooooo, really? I never would have guessed that, Dork Butt!"
Alan stared at her while she giggled.
"You know, I don't know if you know this, but your eyes cross when you say mean things," he said.
Tara stuck her tongue out at him and laughed when Alan tried to grab it.
"Your auntie does the same thing and I keep trying to push it back in her mouth, but with you, I'll pull it right out and cook it up and serve it to your daddikins."
"Then he'll kill you!" Tara said.
"Eh, I'm tired of looking like him anyway!" he said shrugging.
The TARDIS stopped and powered down. Alan looked at Tara with wide eyes.
"Hear that, means we're not moving anymore," he whispered melodramatically.
"Nooooooooo, really, I didn't know that!"
"There they go again, your eyes just crossed," he said as Tara giggled.
He flounced over to the door with Tara following behind. He spun around and blocked the door as she ran up.
"Be vewy vewy quite, we're hunting monsters, eeeeeeeeeeh," he said, imitating Elmer Fudd.
"Just open the door and go out, Dumb Butt."
Alan stared at her for a moment and then with a flourish, threw open the doors and sprinted out.
"I'M…NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!" he yelled in a sing-song voice.
Tara bent over laughing when a couple of passerby stopped short and peered into the alley the TARDIS was resting in. Alan waved at them.
"Hooooowdy," he said.
They shook their heads and went on.
"Oi, don't shake your heads at me! I'm most likely superior to you!"
He heard a door slam and spun around in a cartoonish manner. His eyes goggled as he stared at Tara who had slammed the TARDIS door.
"Boo," Tara said.
"Hoo?" Alan replied. "Which is what you're gonna be saying when I spank your rear end appendage for slamming Daisy's doors."
"Yeah, try and catch…"
She yelled when Alan sprinted over before she could finish her sentence.
"Whatzat?" he said, tickling her armpits while she struggled to get away. "Whazat you say? Sounds like you were challenging me to a race and I won, huh, is that it? Huh? Huh?"
He jumped back when Tara tried to step on his foot. By now there were a few more people peering in the alley, giving them odd looks. Alan smacked his hands onto his hips and gave them the same look until they left. He then turned around stiffly and stared at Tara the same way. Tara repeated the gesture and squealed with laughter as Alan gave chase.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" he yelled as he chased her down the alley.
Tara reached the pavement and stepped aside as Alan came out.
"ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-TAH!" he said, imitating squealing breaks.
He threw his arms open wide.
"HERE I AM, RANDOM PLACE, YOUR GOD, WORSHIP ME!"
Tara bent over laughing when a few people across the street gave him odd looks. Alan waved at them cheerfully.
"I bet you didn't know I was your god, huh?" he said to them.
"Uncle Alaaaan," Tara said running over as the people hurried away from them.
"Niece Taraaaaaa," Alan said, imitating her voice.
He grinned.
"Why do you have to act that way, Alan?" he said with Rose's voice. "You're embarrassing me, grow up and act your age."
"Well, she's right."
Alan put his nose against hers.
"Got news for Blondie Boo Boos, I'm two years old so I am acting my age!"
He leaned back up and imitated the Doctor.
"Now Tara," he said in a serious manner as he wagged his finger at her. "You must behave because you are a Time Lady-in-training and you need to be responsible. And by the way I am also brilliant and cute to boot, just had to add that. But anyway, no funny business, you are representing me when you're out and about."
He grinned when Tara giggled.
"But guess what, my little conspirator when it comes to mirth and fun? The Dour Sours aren't around today to rain on our parades! It's just you and me and a great big old world we can go wild in! Sound good?"
"Yeah," Tara said with an evil grin.
"I like your moxie, kid, you'll go places with that attitude," he said, pointing to her.
He let out an over exaggerated gasp and squeed.
"I know!" he said, putting his hands on Tara's shoulders. "I have that magic wallet that dispenses ready cash and tons of it. Let's go hire a car and go for a spin around this city, see what we can do to make ourselves public nuisances. How 'bout it?"
"Yeah!" Tara said eagerly.
Alan stared at her.
"I like your moxie, kid!" he said, pointing to her. "Right then, let's go find us a motor so we can let loose on this unsuspecting city!"