It's hot, white, and burning. Anger. Jealousy. Rage. Sadness.
Carmilla throws another empty bottle off the roof. She hears the glass shatter on the sidewalk below. She clumsily sits down as she reaches for another bottle. Flipping the cap off, she takes a long sip before roughly laying down to stare at the night sky. The stars were particularly intolerably bright.
"You're such a pathetic idiot Karnstein." She gruffed out.
She closed her eyes and her minds drifts to the events of earlier. Laura being by her side at the Zeta party. Losing Laura in the midst of the drunken party goers. Finally finding her, only to have Carmilla's heart crushed by the scene in front of her. Danny kissing Laura. Her Laura.
After that, Carmilla did the only thing she could physically do. Run. Any longer and the Zeta's would've had a close-to-death ginger on their hands. Carmilla soon found herself on the roof of the Lustig with a pack of whatever she could get her hands on. She usually found herself here in the dead of the night when she couldn't sleep. So, naturally her body lead her here.
Swallowing hard, Carmilla sat back up, drowning herself in alcohol. Only after her fifth bottle could she finally began to feel the effects. Everything around her seemed to sway. Unfortunately, her feelings just kept intensifying. No matter what she did, she couldn't seem the shake the blonde from her mind.
Growling, the brunette stumbled to her legs finishing yet another drink. Carmilla smashed the bottle against the roof hoping it would help her anger. It didn't. Somehow, instead, it seemed to just make her more frustrated at her current state.
I can't believe I fell for her. To think someone like her, could love someone like me. I'm disgusting, self-absorbed, snarky, and just everything she's not.
Just as Carmilla opened another drink, she heard the door to the roof open.
"Carm?" Laura's small voice came from behind her. Carmilla's heart wrenched at the softness in her voice. But just as quickly, dread washed over her.
"Nod now Creampuff. Can't you see I'm er liddle busy herre?" the brunette slurred out, taking another swig. Carmilla stayed where she was, slightly swaying.
"Busy with what? Drinking yourself silly? Ignoring my calls, my texts? I've been out looking for you for half of the night!" Laura started to raise her voice slightly.
Turning around, Carmilla stared at the sky; she couldn't bring herself to meet Laura's gaze. One look at the big golden eyes, and Carmilla would fall to ruins.
"Ef I didn't know any bedder, I would say you cared about me Cupcake." Carmilla took a long breath to try and control the anger boiling inside of her. She took another drink from the bottle trying to calm herself.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Carmilla could sense Laura crossing her arms. She always crossed her arms when she got upset.
Blowing her bangs out of her face, Carmilla stumbled to the other side of the roof ignoring Laura's question. Putting all of her emotions into her action, Carmilla threw another bottle to the sidewalk below. She found comfort in the crashing; it reminded her that her heart wasn't the only thing that could shatter into a million pieces.
"Carmilla stop it! You're going to get the campus police called on you! Or even worse, you could hurt somebody!" Laura shouted at her. Carmilla could hear how frustrated the small blonde was.
Carmilla turned and faced Laura. Her rage was rising now-dangerously high. "I bet you know aaaalll about that." Carmilla spat out.
"Well maybe if you just talked to me like an adult, then maybe I would know." Laura took a few steps towards the brunette.
Just then, Laura saw a flame go up in Carmilla's eyes. She was practically shaking with rage. That's when she broke.
"Don't you dare and fucking pretend you have no clue what I'm talking about Laura." Hearing her real name said aloud than the usual nicknames stung. There was something bitter in it, something harsh and cold. She knew when Carmilla didn't use any of the sugary nicknames for her that it was serious.
"I saw you with that.. that… ginger giant!" Carmilla growled.
Laura's shoulders dropped, the realization hitting her. Laura mentally kicked herself. Of course that why she's upset. She saw.
"Carm… it's not what you think. She-"
"No. You don't get to Carm me. I don't want to hear your sorry excuses." Carmilla shook her head.
"But, you don't understand…" Laura's voice was breaking. She was on the verge of tears. She could feel Carmilla slipping away from her.
"No, Laura, I do understand. I understand that you lead me to believe you actually liked me. That you actually fucking liked me!" Carmilla was shaking with rage, fighting the tears in her eyes. She had to get away from Laura. Her body physically hurt to be anywhere near her right now. She slowly took steps backward away from the blonde, trying to put more distance between them.
"And after everything I told you about Ell. You go around and pull this shit! Maman was right. No one could love me." Carmilla's voice was giving out. She felt like collapsing. Everything around her was closing in on her and she couldn't breathe. She felt like Laura just kept getting closer and closer; she had to get away.
"Carmilla please calm down." Laura's eyes were wide and pleading. Her hands were out, begging Carmilla to come back down from whatever alcoholic induced rage she put herself in. But Carmilla just kept stepping back. Farther and farther from Laura.
"Don't tell me what to do Laura! You can't tell me what to fucking do! Just get away from me." Carmilla kept shaking her head, her voice cracking.
"Carmilla, please. Just calm down okay? Just stop. Just come over here and we can talk this out." Now Laura's voice was shaking. Her arms were outstretched, begging Carmilla to come back to her.
Carmilla was an inch away from the edge of the roof.
"I can't calm down Laura. You don't understand. I love you dammit. And I can't calm down I-"
Carmilla hit the edge. The world turned upside down on her; and suddenly, she was weightless.
"CARM!"
Carmilla looked up at the stars. They were so intolerably bright in the sky.