When All Was Lost
Chapter One: A Little Happiness
A/N: This is my first attempt at a Mass Effect fanfic, so please bare with me here. J I'm one of those people that really didn't give Shepard a first name, deciding to stick with the default "Jane" for a reason, which will be revealed later. I'll refer to her simply by title or last name (as in the general gameplay) Just a heads up for those who hoped for a little name creativity. Also, this will be a paragon Shepard with the "Earthborn" background and "Sole Survivor" profile. I like giving her a hard life. Makes for a great character.
Summary: With a galaxy at war, the Normandy is ordered in for dry dock, leaving its CO in personal turmoil. With the fall of Thessia still fresh on her mind, there is no hope of relaxation while on the Citadel. Things aren't as cut and dry as they seem, making for a rocky start to the crew's shore leave. Can it improve, or will Shepard be pushed to the brink of self-destruction?
Disclaimer: It ain't mine.
Pairings: I'm one to explore different non-canon pairings, so his one will hopefully have the following: FemShep/Tevos (primary) FemShep/Samara (Past), possibly Javik/Liara (Not sure yet) Joker/EDI, and if I get around to it, Garrus/Tali.
Rating/Warnings: This is rated T for now. May go up later. Mostly for language and implications of violence or otherwise. Nothing too graphic… yet XD
Every move made, every step taken, there was always a reaction; people were dying with every advance. Races felt their morale shaken, their foundations crumble, and all that could be said was "Buy us a little more time". Worlds were falling, civilization paralyzed, all in the name of survival. This was a war for existence; everyone knew that, but the price was climbing.
One hand limp by her side, the other supporting her as it clung to the wall. This was the position that she tended to favor as of late. Exhaustion evident, wounds still fresh, but she was standing; ready for the next hit. It was a grim way of thinking, but the idea crossed her mind, on more than one occasion, that maybe the next blow would be enough to knock her down, enough for someone else to take the reins. Unfortunately, that never seemed to happen. Seeing the console flashing ahead, a call was waiting to be answered. Just like last time… This was a bitter way to analyze the situation, but it was true. Stepping forward to acknowledge the caller, she continued to lean forward, using the console for support, not caring who saw it.
"Shepard."
The almost commanding tone of Steven Hackett met her ears. Forcing herself to look up, she met his gaze. Looking tired himself, the admiral stood as straight-backed as ever, hands clasped behind him in true authoritarian fashion, he gave her a wary look.
"Sanctuary was a risk, Commander, but I'm thankful you took it. The Cerberus data you forwarded will go a long way in fully understanding what they're up to. I think it is pretty clear what you'll need to do next."
"The Illusive Man has to be stopped; Admiral there's no doubt about that." The contempt for the Cerberus leader evident in her voice, Shepard spat the name as if it were a foul taste. "The crew is prepared. Thoughts?"
"I'd say you're ready to take him out, but hold off for now. The crucible isn't finished yet. We'll need it ready when you hit Cerberus. I'm assuming you have the location of his base of operations."
"Yes sir."
"Good. Report to the Citadel and take some time off. We'll need you and your team at peak performance when we go after the bastard. We still have some work to do on the crucible and once that is done, we'll hit them head on."
"And Earth, Sir?" Her thoughts went to Anderson and the ground troops that were keeping their heads down, waiting on this super weapon's completion.
"One thing at a time, Commander. We'll hit Cerberus where it hurts and obliterate them from the picture. Then we can focus the galactic fleet on Earth. We can't be fighting each other and expect to take on the Reapers at the same time."
"Understood, Sir." Resignation flooded her, but in a way she understood. There couldn't be division among them if they had any hope of stopping the synthetic abominations. "…But shore leave? Now, when we could be preparing for-"
"Yes. I need you all rested and ready when this thing is finished. I don't need you in the state you are now." At this news, Shepard sighed, knowing there was no room for argument. "Report to Tiberius Towers on the Silversun Strip. I'll forward the address to your extranet address. Hackett out."
Looking at the place where the admiral had been standing, she clenched a fist tightly. Teeth gritted, thoughts came rushing through her head, causing a slight disorienting feeling. I don't have time for shore leave, not now! This war is almost over and he wants me to take a break? I could be doing many things right now instead of going to the Citadel. Sure my team needs it, and they're welcome to it, but I think I'll spend my time on this ship catching up on my reports and tactical plans… Joker's voice however, pulled her out of her inner rant.
"Um Commander… Just got an order from Admiral Hackett to report to bay D24 for Dry Dock. They are going to do some general maintenance on the Normandy, and we're all being ordered off for shore leave aside from those people that did the retrofits."
Or not… The thought was more or less the final confirmation that they weren't getting out of this. Relaxing her hand, Shepard spun on her heel and left the comm room. With a brisk pace, paying no mind to her injuries as they protested, she made her way through the checkpoint and the CIC. The Bridge door opening revealed Joker and EDI speaking in low voices almost drowned out by the sound of the drive core. Crossing her arms, she eyed the two suspiciously. "So I assume we have no way of shoving this off and going on with our mission?"
"I'd say not. No need to make an enemy of Hackett now." Joker, having set the speed and course, turned his chair toward his commanding officer. "Besides, I don't need to remind you that you probably need this."
"To hell with what I need. There's an entire galaxy at war out there and suddenly I' just supposed to stop and enjoy the view on the Citadel?" Hearing her own tone, Shepard resisted throwing her hands up in frustration. "I'm sorry…"
"That's exactly why you need this, Commander. Your stress levels are through the roof. Liara, Garrus, Kaidan, Chakwas, Tali, EDI… All of us are worried about you."
"This isn't the time to worry about me. I'm fine. I'll handle it-"
"With all due respect, the hell you are, and you're not going to handle it long if you keep going like this." Joker turned toward the helm again, leaving her to face the back of his chair. "Headed for the Citadel now. We'll be there at 09:00 ship time." Seeing no point in arguing with Joker as she had before with Hackett, Shepard left the bridge. Upon hearing the door close behind her, Joker turned to EDI. "Well, that went better than I thought. Might be discharged in the morning, but I said what needed to be said."
Hearing that last bit through the door, Shepard sighed. It wasn't something he wanted or needed to hear at this point. Moving through the CIC again, she nodded slightly to Traynor's acknowledgement of her presence, stepping into the lift. Selecting deck three, Shepard thought of somewhere quiet that she could be alone. Sure the captain's cabin on deck one would have been ideal for that, but it was too small. Being up there earlier in the day, she had felt the walls closing in. Feeling the lift stop, she didn't think. Turning to the left, she went straight for starboard observation. Upon entering, she saw that Major Alenko wasn't there. Unusual though it was, it was a slight relief. Eyes traveling to the center of the room between the arced sitting areas, her thoughts went to the Justicar that had occupied this room a little over a year ago. Seeing her again on Lesuss was a pleasant but grim surprise.
This room had held many talks, both philosophical and casual, al leaving her with a sense of peace. Shepard missed that feeling and the asari that brought it out. Though bound by her code, Samara had been a source of strength during her year of working for Cerberus. Subconsciously stepping around where the asari had once meditated, Shepard made her way to the window, looking out at the "empty void" as Samara had put it. Stars were reduced to white streaks as the ship sped through them on approach to the Citadel. Standing just to the left of the center of the window, another memory found its way into the forefront of her mind.
"The galaxy won't end if you found a little happiness…" The words weren't simply an act of desperation; they were a fact, one that Samara couldn't deny.
"You are different from anyone I've met... I believe I could find more than happiness with you…" A step forward, no hesitation, but then… "But my self control is who I am. Don't pursue this, please…"
At the time it had seemed like a dismissal, but thinking about it now and considering the events of and after Lesuss, Shepard knew it was more like a plea. A ghostly presence, the Justicar's hands in her own, Shepard still felt that closeness.
"You've been strong through so much… Now it's your time."
A moment of clarity, both stepping forward, Samara raising her left hand in a weak gesture of protest; easily staved off by Shepard's advance. Placing her hands at the Justicar's shoulders, she felt the asari's at her waist briefly. Bodies nearly in contact, biotics flared, and a barrier prevented the inevitable. Only an inch apart, if that, five words cut through them both.
"In another time, another life…" Both stepping back, masking their pain, Samara faltered. She had reached up, stroking Shepard's face for only a second. Then she turned and left, presumably to bury what she had momentarily felt. Standing in that same place over a year later, the emotions were still there.
"Damn, I came here to think and look what happens…" The bitterness in her voice didn't surprise her at all. Thinking of the last time she seemed happy was a real effort. The attack on Earth and the near loss of Palaven had been the beginning of the nightmare, aside from being relieved of duty and torn from her ship. Helping the Krogan and negotiating with the primarch hadn't been all that bad, especially with curing the genophage. Losing Mordin had been hard though. Seeing that lift rocketing upward into the shroud's tower, knowing that it would detonate soon after…
"Wherever you are, I hope you found peace, Mordin…" Stepping back, Shepard dropped onto the closest bench, letting her head fall back, so that she was looking up into the polished metal ceiling. That had been the black cloud over the whole thing. Mordin had been a good man, a little strange, hard to really get to know, but he was a brilliant man. Unfortunately, that was just the beginning of bad news. Getting a message from Councilor Valern regarding suspicions about Udina and his shifting money around, Shepard had returned to the Citadel finding Cerberus had taken over the station. Fighting Cerberus troops wasn't the hard part. It was getting to the council with Thane's injuries in mind.
Reaching the council had been difficult enough with phantoms in the lift shaft, but upon exiting it, she had found Udina and Kaidan along with Sporatus and Tevos, standing on the platform, desperation in their eyes. The latter two were more worried than the former. Though tense, the confrontation was blissfully short; Liara on her left and Garrus on her right, Shepard had no doubt that one of them would stop the human councilor before he made the biggest mistake of his short-lived career. With a little prompting, Kaidan seemed to trust her, or at least give her a chance to prove herself.
"Udina, step away from the console." A slow approach, Kaidan moving forward with Tevos, and eventually, Sporatus behind him; Udina seemed more and more frustrated, cornered.
"To Hell with this!" Moving to unlock the door, the fool had risked all of their lives. Udina may have been a waste of space, but Shepard, Liara, Garrus, Kaidan, and the councilors had to survive. The galaxy depended on them to keep the war strong and the people in a lesser state of panic. While Kaidan seemed to back down slightly, the asari councilor made a move to stop him but was shoved to the ground, a pistol to her head. Adrenaline surging, Shepard had moved to the left, waiting for Kaidan to move, and when Udina looked down at the fallen councilor, finger tightening on the trigger, she had fired. Udina fell back, a hand flying up to his chest but never making it to cover the wound.
During that moment when Udina had been prepared to shoot the councilor, her words had played back in Shepard's head. "We've distrusted Shepard before, and it did not help us…" Come to think of it, Tevos had been the more level-headed of the council in the past. During her race against Saren and the Geth, she had been the one to suggest Shepard become a Spectre. During her reports to the council, instead of reprimanding or disagreeing with her logic, Tevos had listened and offered encouragement. Even during her dealings with Cerberus, Tevos had offered her reinstatement as a Spectre. In that instance, Shepard pulled the trigger, protecting someone she had come to see as an ally in an impossible uphill battle.
With that done, Udina dead, and the council saved, Shepard was left with Thane's fatal injury. His death was hard on her, knowing how close they had gotten as friends on the Normandy during her previous mission. Being thee with Kolyat and hearing that the assassin's last prayer was for her had left Shepard reeling. It left her numb, knowing she had lost one more person to this war. The Citadel as a whole was almost a mockery, or it had been until today. Before, it looked like the war hadn't come to the Serpent nebula, as if the Citadel was untouched, unaffected, but now it showed its scars. Stores shot up, large places burned or blasted apart, corpses of numerous Atlas lying around, and the half man half husk abominations that the Illusive Man had sent after them. It was time to leave the station and concentrate on something else; gathering more troops for the war.
The Salarians were in, though the Dalatrass was still a grenade with a loose pin. The Krogan and Turians were working well defending Palaven, though the bomb on Tuchanka had stirred up an unwanted argument with Wrex and the Turian Hierarchy. Lesuss was an option, one that Shepard was thankful that she had explored. Aside from seeing Samara again and managing to rescue one of her daughters, Falere, Shepard had secured at least a ship's worth of asari commandoes who had been headed to the monastery for the war effort as well as a few other squads that were reserves. The Quarians had been absent until Hackett had informed her that they were ready to talk. Unfortunately, like all the others that came before, this talk came with a catch.
Admirals Xen and Gerel had gone off and engaged the Geth, leaving Koris and surprisingly, Tali, to protest. Raan was on the fence on the matter. It was good to take back Rannoch, but there was a possibility that the cost was going to be too high. In the end, they had feed Legion, secured some Geth allies, and went to find Koris, who had been shot down. Once he was recovered, the war for Rannoch began, leaving both sides victorious and a reaper disabled permanently. This, like all things, came at a price. Legion, uploading the reaper code, freed the Geth from the hive mind, but in the same act, sacrificed itself. In a moment of independence, he used the term "I" instead of "we", having fully understood what it meant to be a single being, rather than a species. Seeing him fall lifeless left Shepard cold. Legion had sacrificed himself for the freedom of his people and the Quarians. It was no less than what she would do for the freedom of the galaxy.
With that hollow victory, Shepard had received word that the asari councilor had information for her, too sensitive for an open comm link. This led her back to the Citadel where she was given the location of an "artifact" on Thessia.
"The situation is growing urgent for my people. We are aware that your crucible is missing a key component…"
"The Catalyst." It wasn't a guess, more of a confirmation. At the time, Shepard wasn't surprised. She knew that there was an entire team of asari scientists that were working with the rest of the races to assemble this super-weapon. "Do you know something?"
"Not exactly… But there is an artifact on our homeworld, Thessia, known only to highest levels of my government." Her hesitation had been something that puzzled Shepard. This "artifact" was apparently something that couldn't get out into the public, but it wasn't clear as to whether she really knew what it was.
"What is it?"
"With any luck, it is a means to help you locate the Catalyst. The artifact is located in a temple at these coordinates. I've ordered a scientific team to meet you there."
"If this artifact is so important, why keep it hidden?" Was it suspicion or anger? She didn't know. Either way, the statement was there. This *artifact* could have helped from the beginning… Tevos sensed this, turning to look out the windows at the presidium and the skycars and shuttles that were moving by.
"Every species in Citadel space has its secrets, Commander… but this one, in the wrong hands, could upset the balance of galactic power…" While she said this, Tevos bowed her head slightly, closing her eyes to avoid the brightness or maybe the truth of her own words. It had taken a lot for Shepard to restrain her reaction long enough to hear the end of the sentence.
"The Reapers are doing that right now…"
"Which is why I'm bringing this to you."
"I appreciate the help." Truth be told, her tone had been strained. She had felt frustration about the war, anger at the mere thought of the reapers, and it had all come out in that sentence. Apparently, the councilor picked up on that.
"It is you who will be helping us… The matriarchs are growing desperate. For the first time in our history, Thessia is vulnerable." This was apparently something she hadn't wanted to admit as Tevos turned, avoiding the commander's gaze. The tone of her next statement was almost grudging, and it surprised Shepard. This normally calm and collected asari was letting her serene mask crack. "For all our intellect, we are greatly outmatched by Reaper firepower."
"I'll do what I can…" Having never been to Thessia herself, Shepard had hoped to see the Asari homeworld, but not when it was torn apart by reapers. Unfortunately, it seemed that was the only option. The answer she had given was sincere, though. Having done what she could for the Turians, Krogan, Salarians, Quarians, Geth, Volus, and Elcor, she hoped to at least give the Asari hope; even if it was something that she was running in short supply of.
"Whether you know it or not, you've become the sole ray of hope in a very dark night…" Tevos had finally faced her, the strict composure that she had been famous for faltering slightly as she had stepped forward, placing a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "Goddess be with you."
It had been fleeting, but Shepard had reacted, closing her eyes at the councilor's touch. She placed a hand on the asari's right shoulder; her body tensing slightly under Shepard's hand and then it had relaxed. That moment had been one of the rare ones where there was a simple comfort in closeness and reassurance. Unfortunately, due to commotion outside the office, it was short to last. Having chosen to head straight to Thessia, Shepard found the reapers had already invaded and were tearing the asari homeworld apart. Liara had already stated that she was going down there, and Javik was a good second choice. The planet was ravaged; fires, bodies, husks, and screams.
The initial meeting with Lieutenant Kurin was as expected. She and her unit were almost wiped out. They were holding the husks off with a barrier, but even that was giving way as the asari commandoes were pushed to their limits. Javik had given them courage with his statement about the lieutenant, reading that she was a fighter and that she had the strength to get through this hardship. Passing that checkpoint though, was the beginning of a quick but brutal rush for the temple of the Goddess Athame. Reaching outpost Tykis, Shepard saw the reaper closest to them; it tore airborne asari out of the sky, sending half of talon squad crashing to the ground. Two gunships were still able to fly though, Talon 1 and 5. They provided assistance as Shepard, Liara, and Javik aided the remainder of the outpost's guard, one commando. Thankfully, they weren't alone for long. A crippled commando unit led by what appeared to be two justicars showed up, providing cover for the one asari that had to tend to a serious wound.
Pressing forward, they had taken down two harvesters, countless husks, and a banshee before reaching the temple's entrance, which was locked down with military encryption. While Liara worked to crack it, Shepard had seen the one identified as Talon 5 going down, the asari pilot managing to lower herself to the ground with her biotics. Turning away, she saw the barrier fall, leaving the temple vulnerable. Inside, many artifacts were displayed, but something was wrong. The science team that Tevos had ordered there was nowhere to be found. Walking through the center of the structure, they found the bodies of three asari. Throats slit and fear permanently imprinted on their faces, the three had been attacked, but not by reapers. Approaching the statue of the Goddess herself, Shepard was uneasy. Cold washed over her in waves, a dull aching manifested all over her body, and she heard faint whispers; the language was alien, dead, Prothean.
Finding the artifacts that triggered the beacon, she had little time to examine it. A VI called Vendetta appeared, explaining that the crucible hadn't been a prothean weapon, but it was one that had been modified and expanded through the cycles. Detecting an "indoctrinated presence", the VI went into security lockdown, revealing Kai Leng's approach. The Cerberus assassin distracted them by opening a comm link with the Illusive Man, who still insisted on controlling the reapers rather than killing them. When he ended communications, Shepard saw that the distraction had worked. A gunship was closing in on the temple.
The confrontation was short, the gunship easily keeping the squad occupied while Leng recharged. Though Shepard had kept taking shots at him, she was overwhelmed by gunfire. Hearing him order Cerberus to target the supports, Shepard found herself falling, searching for anything to keep her in this fight. Using ridges in the stone below, she had managed to get back up to the surface, only to nearly fall again. Thankfully Liara and Javik were close enough to stop that from happening. Though able to get back on solid ground, the damage was done. The temple was a shell of its former glory, the data from the beacon was gone, and Leng was getting away. In a last attempt, she had moved forward, firing at him, hoping to slow him down enough…
Through smoke, the gunship took flight, leaving Thessia in a state of ruin. Reapers descended, their tentacle like structure engulfing all that lay below them, burning paths across the surface of the asari homeworld with their angry red weapons systems. Screams were heard, both on the comm and in the air.
"…Is anyone on this frequency? This is Lieutenant Kurin… My squad is trapped!"
"This is Shepard, give us your location."
"I repeat, is anyone on this frequency!"
"We read you. Give us your-"
"…The lieutenant is down! The whole zone is collapsing! What happened to Shepard, did they make it to the temple? I saw them… Wait! I've got a reaper inbound!"
"Please, is anyone there…" Another asari's voice over the comm, and Shepard could only watch as two reapers loomed closer to their evac point and outpost Tykis. "Oh Goddess… No!"
"Cortez, get to that outpost and get them out of there, then meet back at the evac point! The lieutenant and her squad are getting massacred!"
"On it, Commander. You sure you can get back there?"
"Go! I'll get there one way or another!"
Liara had placed a hand on her shoulder, watching the grim expression set in on Shepard's face. Shaking it off had been hard, but knowing that this temple wasn't going to hold out was what kept her going. Nodding to the path they had taken to get here, Shepard moved forward, ignoring the husks, rachni, and turian and asari abominations. Seeing Systems Alliance emblem, she recognized the Kodiak as it moved away from outpost Tykis.
"How many were left, Cortez?"
"Five in all, Commander. Two justicars, a lieutenant, and two more commandoes. Headed back to the evac point now. Still getting comm chatter from Kurin's squad. Can't get through though. Must be reaper interference."
"Keep trying. They need something to keep themselves alive…"
Aye aye, Commander."
Bypassing Tykis altogether, Shepard, Javik, and Liara moved through the newly formed trenches where the reapers had attacked, finding them useful though hard to escape fire from. Though they were a direct path, they were exposed to everything. Husks came from both sides surrounding them, but Shepard found it similar to the collector base; so long as they kept moving forward, there wasn't much the skeletal creatures could do.
As the bridge loomed closer, they saw the barrier collapse as the asari were ordered into the shuttle. Shepard recognized Kurin limping behind, having been the one to tell them to move ahead of her. Pulling Liara out of the trench, the trio approached. She saw the oddly bent left leg of the asari lieutenant and moved quickly, pulling Kurin's left arm over her shoulder, keeping the pressure off of what looked to be a crippling injury.
"Shepard… Did you…" The hopeful look in the lieutenant's eyes was quickly snuffed out. Dread easily replaced it. "Goddess no…"
"We got there, but Cerberus…"
"Thessia has fallen…"
They had reached he shuttle, Shepard being the last to enter it. The commandoes, jusicars, and her squad took their last looks at the ruined homeworld as she had pulled the door closed. The quick flight back to the Normandy had been silent. No one said a word in regard to the burning world below them. Upon reaching the ship, the passengers of the shuttle went their separate ways; Javik headed for the starboard cargo bay, leaving the bulk of the group to leave on the crew deck. Liara went to her quarters, while the other asari from Thessia headed for the med bay at Shepard's request. Though most of them looked fine, it never hurt to have Chakwas look over them. Better to be safe than die from an internal injury. She herself headed for deck one, ready to rid herself of her armor.
Reaching her quarters, Shepard immediately loosened the bindings keeping her armor plating on. Now that she was alone, the frustration from what had just happened came crashing down on her. Removing the chestplate, shoulder guards, and gauntlets, she tossed them haphazardly onto the sofa, deciding to polish and buffer them later. Doing the same with the lower armor, she eyed the dress uniform that lay on the edge of the bed. Picking it up, along with a charcoal undershirt, Shepard headed for the shower, placing the uniform and other clothing on a shelf away from the range of the shower head. Upon removing the under-armor clothing she had been wearing, Shepard tossed it into that same alcove, not caring about where it landed at the moment.
The shower was brief but it did what it was intended to do, relieve a fraction of the pain she felt. Knowing that most of that pain wouldn't go away with pulsing hot water, she resigned herself to take what little comfort she could from this now rare opportunity. With the water and soap running down her body, Shepard grimaced. Her hand had brushed one of the scars that marked her body from Akuze. It was a long burn scar where a thresher maw had succeeded in penetrating her armor with its acidic spray. Skin still a bit rough, Shepard had to marvel at Miranda's detail in the Lazarus project. They had wanted to bring her back exactly as she had been, and they meant it. Shaking her head to remove the last bits of soap from her hair, Shepard's time alone with her thoughts had ended. The time had come to face what had happened on Thessia, and worse, report it back to Tevos herself. Shepard had no doubt that the councilor was awaiting any news possible. Donning the dress uniform and making sure her hair was over three fourths dry, Shepard headed back down to the CIC where Specialist Traynor reported that shouts had been heard in the starboard cargo bay.
"There seems to be an argument brewing in the cargo bay, Commander. Glyff reported that Dr. T'Soni went to see Javik down there a few moments ago…"
"Really, now?" The question had been directed more at herself than Samantha, who picked up on that immediately, simply shrugging in return. Turning abruptly, the commander had made her way down to the engineering deck, heading straight for Javik's quarters; she walked in on that argument that Traynor had mentioned.
"That's not true! We earned our place in the galaxy!"
"Stop denying the truth, Asari. YOUR people took the knowledge of MY people from the beacon."
"I have a name; it's Liara T'Soni, and I'd appreciate it if you'd use it once in a while!"
"Hey, settle down… Both of you." Gripping Liara's shoulder, Shepard had pulled her back, the asari maiden's biotics still flaring.
"My home was just destroyed, and all he can do is gloat!" The venom in Liara's tone was something Shepard had only heard one other time; Spectre Tela Vasir had been on the receiving end of it then. Grimacing at the inevitable, Shepard had chosen her words carefully.
"Look, you two can resolve these issues later. Now is definitely not the time. I get that Thessia is still fresh on both of your minds right now. It is still in mine. I need both of you focused and ready to work with each other to end this, not against each other. I can't handle two wars at once, and I can't afford to lose either one of you. Figure this out later."
Without another word, she had turned and exited the cargo bay, leaving the two remaining speechless. It had been hard enough without having to play diplomat on her own ship. Entering the lift, she heard footsteps. Looking away from the controls, she saw Liara entering and standing beside her. Selecting deck two, Shepard stood with her back against the side of the lift, eyeing Liara with a curious look.
"You're right, Shepard. We can't fight a war if we're too busy fighting each other. I don't know what has been going through my head… I had this thought of what all protheans were like from my research, and it turns out some of them can be more stubborn than Wrex…"
"I know. He wasn't what I expected either, but he is who he is…"
"Very true… and there's nothing to do for it. He is a soldier, not one of the brilliant scientists of his time."
The lift stopped, revealing the galaxy map ahead. Instead of looking over it, Shepard made a quick right and headed for the war room, knowing that she had a call to make. Bypassing the conference room, she saw the commandoes and justicars looking over displays in the war room, some of Thessia, and others of the galaxy as a whole. Nodding to them as she passed, Shepard saw Liara join Kurin and her squad as she entered the comm room. Leaning against the wall, she found it hard to cross the room and make the call to the Citadel. Knowing what she would have to say and the councilor's predicted reaction, it made Shepard almost want to leave and completely ignore what had just happened. Seeing the indicator flashing and hearing the repeated notification of a call coming through, she felt her heart sink, carving an icy path through her body as it went. Liara had happened to be passing by the doorway as this happened.
"You know you'll eventually have to answer that…"
"Yeah." Pushing herself off from the wall, Shepard placed a hand against the flashing panel on the console, accepting the call as it came through. The grainy form of the councilor appeared, her voice warped by interference.
"Commander Shepard, is that you?" Shepard barely made out what was being said due to the issues with the comm network. It cleared up secondarily though. "Commander?"
"Councilor... The mission-"
"We've lost all contact with Thessia. The entire planet has gone dark…" The distortion was back, and during this, Shepard thought of just how she was going to break the news to the woman before her, knowing what her next question was going to be. "How soon will the crucible be ready to deploy?"
"Councilor I…" This had been the hard part. Words stayed somewhere caught between her brain and her throat; they were unable to be formed. With her mind in a fog, she pressed on blindly. "I wish the news was better… We didn't get the information."
"What happened?"
"Cerberus was there. We… were defeated. We don't know how to finish the crucible…" There, she had said it. The words had been blunt but true. In her mind, the thought that she had personally failed kept repeating itself, making it all worse. The councilor had raised her right arm, using her hand to massage her forehead momentarily while propping it up with her left hand. Stress was apparently in abundance right now, and Shepard could do nothing to relieve it.
"I… I don't know what to say…" She had paused, deep in thought for a moment, and then her eyes widened. "What was the situation on Thessia?"
"Deteriorating fast… The reapers are there in strength…"
"Then if you'll excuse me... There are preparations to make, continuity of civilization to consider-" Tevos' voice had cracked at that point, leaving Shepard feeling worse, if possible. "…I never thought this day would come…" The councilor was shaking slightly. Shepard knew it wasn't the vid-comm glitching. That happened enough during her talks with Anderson to know the difference. Tevos lowered her head, closing her eyes, and Shepard could have sworn she saw a solitary tear escape…
"None of us did. Councilor, I'm-" Tevos' image faded before she could finish her statement, the last word hanging in the air as it was whispered. "-sorry…"
From then on, it was a blur. The anger, self-loathing, and all around bitterness that seemed to be manifesting, got worse. She went through Sanctuary in a fog; Feeling more like a drone than anything. Managing to get Miranda's sister, Oriana, out of there in one piece, she had returned to the ship only to be confronted by Steven Hackett. Now, she sat here in starboard observation, still searching for that happiness that she had mentioned more than a year ago.
A/N 2: I'm open to feedback of all kinds, but keep the flames to a minimum if you will. First attempt, so don't go too hard on me. XD Thanks for reading. I'll try to have the next update posted in a few days. Also, for those who haven't picked up on it, there will be spoilers for the Citadel DLC in this fic, so keep that in mind when reading.